This Little Tattoo on My Wrist: Healing, Health, Hope

oedipa_maas

I have several tattoos, but right now the most meaningful--and the one that relates most to what I am trying to accomplish on MFP--is the small crane I recently got on my wrist.

The crane is a symbol of health and longevity--a long life. In Japan, there was a young girl who survived the nuclear bombings of World War II, but eventually developed cancer. There was a legend that said that if you folded a thousand cranes, you would be granted one wish. In Japan, the crane is a figure of great power, and the legend says that they live for a thousand years. So the girl began folding crane after crane to achieve her wish that she might heal.

It didn't work and she died young. But in my mind, it is still a story of hope and aspiration. None of us know how long we have on this earth, but living on our own terms, with hope, is still worth the effort. It might be everything. And doesn't that seem to relate strongly with what we are all trying to do here? The end goal is certainly important. But I think the trying, even when we don't quite end up where we wanted to, the never giving up, is what I value most. I know a lot of people are fond of the Star Wars phrase, "Do or do not. There is no try." I think that's inspirational--and of course crucial, as we must take action--but for me, never giving up, the trying, is the most important. Too many times have I taken some kind of failure or misstep as an excuse to give up trying. Life is so much about the process and the journey. Now, I value every step and I try to have faith that it's all important: the triumphs and the difficulties. Life teaches me. I teach me.

I also have a severe mental illness, one that can take me in its teeth and lies to me that killing myself is the only future I have. My brother committed suicide when he was 18. His life just beginning, he couldn't see anything ahead. He was in so much pain. I understand too well the horrible weight on his back, the weight pulling him down with every step. And for me, the weight is not only mental, but manifested in my body. My pain and struggle made visible. Well, I won't have it anymore. I had an eating disorder for decades, and I have fought for every bit of healing. Trying to lose weight and become physically healthy despite my chaotic relationship to food is where I'm at. It's fraught. But I'm navigating.

So this little crane holds a lot. I look at it many times a day. It says: I commit to a long life. I commit to my health and healing. I won't cut across it with a knife and give up. I turn my wrist up, and I have hope.

(Picture of the tattoo in my profile)

KikiBerry

What a nice story. Thanks for sharing.

oedipa_maas

What a nice story. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you so much for reading!