starting again

bradp1979

So I got off the wagon about a year ago, and quickly gained back all the weight I lost. I started 2 years ago at about 225 lbs, managed to get down to about 190. Now I'm back at 225, and have been trying to get the motivation to start again. Unfortunately, this time I have a bit of a mill stone though. My live-in fiancee is also somewhat overweight (5'3, 190 lbs), and although I think she wants to lose some weight, she won't openly admit that she needs to. Since I have let my motivation lapse big time, any time I want to go do something active, and she doesn't, instead of making up my mind that I'm going to do it whether she goes with me or not, I instead allow myself to get lazy too.

Similar with eating right. I know from past experience exactly what my diet needs to be in order to eat right and lose weight. And when I try to enforce this again on myself, I find myself falling quickly into my fiancee's eating decisions. She doesn't want to eat a too-small, healthy meal, so we eat something large, filling, and fattening instead.

I have no idea how to gain back my motivation and get back on track! I desperately want both of us to get in shape and get healthy, but we've both been bitten rather severely by the lazy-bug, and instead of being her motivating factor, I keep letting her be my de-motivator (word?). I know the real answer is discipline, but I seem to be lacking there too, which I wasn't 2 years ago before I met my fiancee.

84wweber

I'm going to suggest you start working on yourself. Maybe once she sees your success she'll be inspired to do better. It is easier when your partner is working with you (instead of against you), but you're going to feel better when you get things back on track. Give yourself a little goal. Get through two weeks without backsliding... I guarantee that you'll be motivated to keep going and I bet you'll inspire her.

tawnywest

You've already taken the first step by thinking about making a positive change. Insight is important. Why don't you and your girl friend take up dancing together, like ball room dancing or some other kind. Or go out dancing. It would be fun and good exercise without seeming like work. You might be able to ease her into it that way. Either way start the process yourself for the health benefits and she's bound to benefit from the changes herself.

bradp1979

I've thought about that, and even tried it. I am an avid bowler, and I've tried getting her to go bowling with me. I don't mind going by myself, but she will whine that she doesn't want to go, but she doesn't want to be alone. So either I cave and we don't go, or we go and she sits there not bowling. Same for other activities I've tried. We just spent a weekend at North Lake Tahoe, which has tons of hiking and other activities, and instead we sat around for the majority of the weekend. I'm almost at my wits end. I would do so much better if she were as interested in getting fit as me, but that hasn't happened yet, so I keep allowing myself to do nothing too.

tawnywest

OK here's a great idea. Have you heard of Zumba? It is a really fun way to exercise. Super music and dance-like exercise moves. You ought to sign up for a class. Mostly women attend but many men love it and are always very welcome. It will give you the best start to your exercise program and you will enjoy it. When wifey sees how much fun you are having she may very well want to join you. I really think you'd be motivated to keep going after the first class because it is super energizing. You need something to balance her negativity or you'll end up depressed. Maybe suggest she go to a doctor because she may be clinically depressed. Good luck.