Friends not supportive?

PeachyKeen614

I'm on a journey to lose 20 pounds, and after hitting my halfway point at 10 pounds the weight isn't melting off as it was. This is fine, as I know that if I am persistent with my diet and exercise I will slowly but surely shed the pounds. The problem is, now that it is summer, I am hanging out with my friends more. They know I am losing weight and I try to deny any junk food they offer, but they are super pushy in getting me to eat "like them". For example, I went to the movies with my best friend a few days ago and I brought water to drink so that I would have something to sip on instead of snacking on popcorn or other unhealthy food. I had made up my mind at that point and knew that I could resist the urge. But when we approached the concession stand, and my friend was getting popcorn and a Slurpee, she said "Oh, come on. I KNOW you. You are going to want to take multiple sips of my Slurpee and keep eating my popcorn. Don't make me get a Slurpee by myself. You know you want one." All of this stuff that wavered my willpower. It sounds ridiculous, and it sort of is! And it happens to me all the time, with varying situations! Does anyone know WHY they are doing this, and how I can approach it? Thank you

Annesoucy1957

your friend is an enabler just ignore, it is your body only you can decide what you eat, dont let them sabotage your effort. They are not the one that will be disappointed it is only you. Your weight matters to you not them and beside she is practically telling you that you have no willpower.......I would tell her to mind her business.

edited to add this:

if you were to gain weight because you listened to them they would be the first to point out that they did not force you.

bv109

get new friends

TeaBea

your friend is an enabler just ignore, it is your body only you can decide what you eat, dont let them sabotage your effort. They are not the one that will be disappointed it is only you. Your weight matters to you not them and beside she is practically telling you ghat you have no willpower.......I would tell her to mind her business.

This!^

There will always be people who will try to sabotage your efforts.

Next time bring a (healthier) snack....that way you are "participating"......on your terms. A box of Cracker Jack is 130 calories.....Quakes rice cakes (the small ones) are low cal....air popped popcorn. You can much along side.

JCLondonUK

Don't think badly of your friend. She does think she knows you ... the you that gained weight by eating and drinking that stuff. But you're creating a new you, and she doesn't yet know that you seriously want to change. Just say "No really, I'm serious about this, I want to make a success of it - help me out here". If she's a good friend, she will get it.

For those of us who are serious about changing, it becomes a very important part of our lives, but our friends need time to spot the difference occurring, and I think we should be patient with them while they do. If in six months time, she is still trying to talk you into doing what you clearly don't want to do, THEN think about getting new friends. But for now, give the people you love time to adjust.

Good luck!

PeachyKeen614

Thanks for the advice! This really helps :flowerforyou:

Zara11

keep saying no and it will get a lot easier. bringing your own stuff is a great move and will help you make better choices. your friends will come around* & you can always involve them - ask them straight out to support you, invite them to join you, etc. clarify how much happier you are since starting the journey if pressured to make a bad choice, share NSVs with them if they ask how it's going, etc.


*or if they don't, then you'll learn something new about them.

galprincess

My friends are great its my boyfriend that tries this he will say come on eat crisps with me and i say right ive said no if you ask me once more im going to bed alone!!!! you have to be firm because once they realise no means no they shut up and done ask im sorry but unless they tied you up and force fed you its you that has the problem i understand its tough to be different but if they love you they will respect your decision

thecrushinator

They usually don't realize what their doing makes you unhappy. Try "No means No" , or tell them you developed a food allergy. I had people leaving cupcakes on my desk at work, I put my food coach / trainer on speaker phone (he's NUTS) that ended the food pushing. Seriously though get assertive, aggressive even, people don't walk around telling others what to do, why would they tell you what to eat?

ReaganP13

I might sound like a horrible person for saying this, but honestly, your friend might be jealous of your weight loss. I went on a "weight loss journey" with a good friend, and she was bigger than me to begin with, but smaller than me as she progressed and I stayed the same. I am a skinny-fat body type, and she was a fat-fat body, so when she started approaching my size, I got jealous. I dont think I realized this consciously at the time, but in hind-site, I certainly do. And I wanted her to eat more out of jealousy. Your friend might be doing the same thing.

PS. Now, I dont sabotage my friends diets, but I do realize jealousy is a real thing.

AsaThorsWoman

If it's part of your tradition to hit the concession, why not buy a diet soda instead?

That will help you stay out of her slurpee, too!

My boyfriend and I NEVER and I mean NEVER stop at the concession.

Even if I'm having a diet soda craving.

But that's because we're misers.

honey_tequila

I found it gets easier and easier to say no (without even feeling like I have to justify myself). Plus friends do get the message eventually

PeachyKeen614

Thanks for all of the support

PeachyKeen614

This actually makes a lot of sense...this friend and I used to be about the same size, but now I am losing weight and she hasn't lost any (I don't know if she is trying to lose weight or not...?). She may very well be jealous.

corebound

You'll have to just stand your ground when saying No to their advances. After enough times they should start to get the hint and if not you'll need to explain to them simply you appreciate the offers but you're serious about the change in lifestyle.

Friends and even family can have strange reactions when you take weight loss/fitness seriously. It requires a lifestyle change which they will think is temporary, silly or even extreme. It can sometimes shift from this sort of pushiness to jealousy or disdain for your choices. You have to be disciplined and stick to your guns even when they question the changes you're making in your life.

Be as gentle but firm as you can manage as you do this. My wife even thought I was out of my mind and going to, in her humble opinion, extreme lengths to get in shape. She's super critical and i let that help me in my research and it helped me to educate her on what I'm doing. Eventually she's seen the changes in my body and well-being and glad for what I've done and even started taking interest herself.

Good luck. Good friends will eventually understand and become supportive, some may even join you. Others though may need to be left at arms length if they continue to be abrasive and reject the new you.

leggup

People also feel bad about you eating well/denying sweets while they are still going for the sweets. When you change your lifestyle for the better, some people feel bad or guilty by comparison (even though there is no reason to compare themselves to others, they do!).

The great thing about guilt is that it can work both ways. If your friend is all, "You know you want it! You'll have mine anyway!" You can be all, "No thanks, I don't want to wear that popcorn on my hips all week."