Morbidly Obese Mom

shaythep

I hate to sound like a mean person BUT do not enable her! I understand that she is an adult and she wants those things and she has to want to help herself, however, if you really want to help her dont buy her junk food. Cook healthy meals! If you receive public assistance and you receive EBT (link card to purchase food) then you should use those benefits to help you. Buy fruits and vegetables. Dont buy proccessed foods (hot pockets, oven pizzas, etc). Google a few receipes. And if she gets mad tell her you are trying to save her.

CynthiaT60

The thought of her dying and no longer being with me sometimes has me crying myself to sleep at night.

This is heartbreaking. I wish you all the best. Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:

skinny0000

The only person you can change is you. It sounds like you have already done everything you can for your mom.

thirteeninches

Hi. I found your story very familiar, and was moved to respond.

I have been a care giver my entire adult life for family members, some of which were unable/unwilling to the make the changes they needed to in order to improve the quality and quantity of their lives. One of them died. Another just had a very close call and is getting out of the hospital after a three month stay tomorrow. It is hard for me not to feel guilty for their illnesses, for their problems, but after twentyfive years of care giving, I know that I can only do so much, and anything I can do has to be done with the help of health professionals-never ever alone.

The people who told you that it is up to her are telling you the truth. You can do what you can, and she can still ignore you, and you will both suffer for it, but it will not be your fault. I know you will say you know this already, but I said that too. I also told myself I wouldn't enable, but I did. And I told myself I was capable of handling it all-kids, education, eventual job, and sick loved ones... and I ended up bonkers and having a nervous breakdown after years of intense care giving. It creeps up on you, you know?

In airplanes when crashing, you are instructed to put on your own oxygen mask first for a reason. You can't help anyone when you are suffocating. This is the best advice I can possibly give you-put on your own oxygen mask first-before you help your mom or anyone else, or whatever you try to do will come at a terrible cost.

I wish you the best of luck.

GelasiaT

Your story really saddens me. I really respect what you are doing, your such a wonderful daughter and your mom is very lucky to have you in her life. I agree with what some of the others said, your mom has to want to change for herself. Its sounds to me like its not that she doesn't want to change, but that she's possibly scared that to make that change she has to give up so much. I know how she feels, when I embarked on my journey at first I started thinking I have to give up all the foods I love. It wasn't until I really learned the true meaning of what it takes to lose weight that I actually believed I can do this and you know what I learned even more, that I didn't have to deprive myself of the things I love to eat. One of the biggest problems is the amount of food your mother is consuming. She's eating way more calories then she is burning.

With that said, the first thing you could try is not so much as changing what she eats, but reducing the amounts she eats. Gradually once she starts to see that she is losing weight, she will want to keep going, which will hopefully result in making healthier choices. If she's not ready to let go of the processed foods yet, try buying the reduced fat or light versions of what she likes. Once she's ready then try introducing her to the unprocessed foods. Sometimes all it takes in a true knowledge and a mere drop in pounds to make better choices. I wish you and your family all the best of luck. Keep being the supportive and caring daughter you are.:flowerforyou:

joepage612

I am and was in the same boat. I contacted overeaters anonymous (OA) and they gave me some information on dealing with an obese loved one.

Hearts_2015

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inneedofanap

You are an amazing daughter. I'm proud of you for your unselfishness and kindness.

I work at a hospital. Monthly we host community events (for free) that include counseling, fitness, nutritional classes, testing, etc. Call around and see if similar things like that are available in your community. Even if she refuses to go, you and your family can go and learn.

RodaRose

My mom has been morbidly obese for most of my life. She is 42 and weighs over 400 pounds. She is single and disabled and has diabetes, heart problems, only one kidney that doesn't work very well, high blood pressure, and other health problems. She can barely stand for more than 5 minutes and cannot walk for a long period of time. It's a miracle that she is still alive today, because for most of my life I've been warned that she wasn't going to live much longer. Her diet mostly consists of salty buttery popcorn, soda, some water, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, big portions of fast food and sometimes some fruit and vegetables. She often has 4-5 sodas a day and 2 bags of popcorn and she is stubborn and refuses to cut those out. She has made some effort to cut back on stuff a little but often either forgets or just gives up. Me and 2 siblings have to stay on her constantly about eating healthier. She doesn't believe diet alone will make much of a difference and she doesn't think she has it in her to exercise because she can barely walk. Her feet and legs are black, blue, and purple and I don't know if they can be cured. Money has always been hard for my family and we mainly live on public assistance. I recently just got a job so I could help support her but I can’t think of much meal ideas that are not too expensive that she can eat and will eat. I believe that she would be willing to try to lose weight for her kids with enough motivation, but I know there is only so much she would be willing to do.
What kind of diet and exercise would you all recommend I try to encourage my mom to try? I can’t convince her to completely cut out all unhealthy food and it’s hard to find meals that she can eat that are healthy and not too expensive. There is no telling how much longer she has to live the way her health is, so is there any way that she might be able to lose a good amount of weight within maybe months? I just want her to live and not be in so much pain. I thank everyone who is taking the time to read this and appreciate all comments and advice. All responses, no matter how little will mean a lot to me. Thank you.

Ask her doctors to re-evaluate her medications.
Doctors like to keep adding medications but they rarely take some off.
What the doctors do not tell their patients is that the diabetes medications often make patients crave carbs. It because a vicious cycle.

And some of her meds are making her gain weight or crave carbs.

Leave her alone on the popcorn and soda. They are not the biggest problems.
Get her to stop the fast food and have some of you take turns "cooking" at home.
Maybe buy rotisserie chickens and frozen veggies and fresh fruit. Those things are not to hard to put together for supper.

Also buy some tools for the kitchen if you do not already have them -- like a crock pot for beans and soups and whatever will make cooking easier.


If she cannot exercise, you can learn and then teach her yoga breathing (see youtube). It is helpful and both re-energizes and calms the mind and body.


And finally, this is up to her.
You are your siblings are responsible for doing the best you can in your own lives.
Good luck.