People's negative comments on weight loss goal

weightliftinggirl
weightliftinggirl Posts: 45 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I want to start by saying I am taking my time losing weight, not in that I'm not trying, but I was to lose it gradually because I want it to stay off for good. I lost ten pounds over the last month and a half and I cannot tell a difference. I feel that I look exactly the same. A couple people have told me I look like I lost weight, but even close friends of mine say I look the same. When everyone asks what my goal is I tell them it is to lose 30 more pounds and their response is always the same, "that's so much weight, that's too much weight, you don't need to lose that much, you'll look sick if you lose that much."

Do people ever say that to you? Do you think it's genuine concern or are they trying to be nice saying I'm not too overweight or something? I have no idea how to take it.

I am 5'5 155 right now. I would like to get down to 125. I was to do this gradually because I want it to last so my goal is to take the next six months to lose 30 pounds.

Opinions?
«1

Replies

  • Behxo
    Behxo Posts: 1,190 Member
    What does your BMI say? Go to apps and click BMI to calculate it. I'm 5'3" and my main goal is to get down to 130-135, I may continue to lose more though depending on what my body looks like at that point. :smile:
  • superfox12082
    superfox12082 Posts: 512 Member
    I'm the same height and I'd like to be about that weight. I don't think you'll look sick, but I would try and build some muscle as well. I used to be around that weight, and I haven't seen one picture of me where I thought I looked sick. I was hot! :flowerforyou: :bigsmile:
  • kk_140
    kk_140 Posts: 518 Member
    I think many people have skewed visions of what a healthy weight looks like. You're gonna look great and healthy at 125 lbs
  • MFPMol
    MFPMol Posts: 151 Member
    People that see you frequently might not notice the 10 lbs. I would start measuring inches and taking pictures of your progress. It doesn't matter that anyone else notices as long as you are doing it for you.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    i get it all the time. they're probably saying it out of the good of their heart but i always disregard the comments, its my body, i will do with it what i please.

    that being said there comes a point when certain weight loss is too much, but its usually pretty apparent when that point is reached
  • lqichick
    lqichick Posts: 162 Member
    I think it all depends on your body make-up. Heck I'm 5'8"(was 5'9" shrinking with age) and my DR wants me down to 145. What ... :noway:
  • chezzabelle82
    chezzabelle82 Posts: 302 Member
    I get that off everyone, I am 5ft 4in and I weigh 9st 3lbs and everyone says oh you don't need to lose anymore but I don't listen to them anymore and just carry on with I am doing, maybe if they ask how much you wanna lose just say a bit more rather than your personal target
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    125 is not an unhealthy goal for a woman 5'5". Whether you look unhealthy at that weight will likely have more to do with the quality of your diet and how much muscle you retain as you lose.
  • weightliftinggirl
    weightliftinggirl Posts: 45 Member
    Currently my BMI is 25.8, I am overweight.

    At 125lbs my BMI will be 20.8, a healthy weight.

    There is just such a huge range of weight that is considered "healthy." My best friend who keeps telling me I will look sick if I am that small is 5'6 118. She just keeps telling me, "I look fine, but YOU will look too small."

    I don't want to look sick but I also want to feel like the best me.
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
    It depends on your frame and whatnot, but I don't think 5'5" and 125 is anywhere near inherently too much weight lost.

    Without knowing the people, it could mean anything from "you already look good" to "that really is too much" to "I'll be really jealous if you lose that much."

    My opinion is that you have plenty of time between now and 125 and if at any point in between you are satisfied with your loss you can stop and if you aren't you can keep going. It seems like a reasonable goal.
  • brightonbetty
    brightonbetty Posts: 4 Member
    I have had people say that to me too, I think it may be a misguided way of trying to be nice - "no you can't possibly be that heavy, you don't look heavy etc etc". I just used to shrug and say "Well I know how heavy I am and what I need to lose to get back into a healthy weight range..." And that was usually the end of it :)
  • keshabbaker
    keshabbaker Posts: 152 Member
    I think people don't know they are being rude so take it with a grain of salt. I think they think you already look okay or they don't want you to look better than them lol j/k. If that's your goal then stick with it but I would go off a clothing size instead of weight tell people you want to be a size 2 or something maybe this will help.
  • MFPMol
    MFPMol Posts: 151 Member
    Well the good thing (and bad thing, sometimes) about weight loss--it's gradual. Lose another 10 pounds. Are you happy with what you see? Good, then try to maintain. Do you want to lose more? Lose more! Don't go by the number on the scale. Work until you are confident and content with your body.
  • jmnicholas
    jmnicholas Posts: 58 Member
    I'm 5'3", and currently at 140lbs (BMI is just under 25). I'm actually okay as I am, and happy with my current shape, althoug I'd love to have a BMI of 22-23, which takes me down another 10lbs to 130, just to rid myself of a little more of the belly!

    A healthy BMI is considered to be between 18 and 25, so at 155, your BMI is 25.8. At 125, your BMI will be 20.8, so still within the 'healthy' bounds. I think you will need to assess what looks right on your frame as you progress down to it.

    I actually lost about 20lbs before other people started noticing a difference.
  • liekewheeless
    liekewheeless Posts: 416 Member
    Wouldn't go lower than that but 125 should be OK on your height.

    I don't think most people have a good view of what is healthy when it comes to weight. 30lb sounds like a lot. But when it come down to it, most of us are heavier than just 30lb overweight.

    One of the ladies at my work commented that my goal may make me look to thin. She wasn't being mean. She was just concerned. My parents think my goal is perfect. They are used to being a healthy weight. It's all about perspective.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    Some people have but I am going to do what I want regardless.
  • andibenoit
    andibenoit Posts: 71 Member
    It all depends on your own body composition... Some people think my goal of 165 is too low (that's 30 more lbs for me) and some are surprised that it's so high (because girls should always weigh below 150, in some people's minds). So I tell them all that I chose a healthy goal for MY body based on MY body's composition. If they don't like it, that's their own issue.
  • Nightcometh
    Nightcometh Posts: 67 Member
    I get that response ALL THE TIME. "You wanna lose ten lbs? From where??" Like people are just happy being average and not at their best. I am not overweight. But I'm also not where I want to be for MY body. You have to just take ownership of your own goals and let the negativity brush right off. I promise, you WILL be able to tell a difference soon, and so will they. And when they see you at 30 lbs lost, they won't be saying "that's too much". They'll say nothing, or compliment you. Don't let anyone else undermine your goals, since they are good and healthy. Remember, they aren't doing the hard daily work. YOU are.
  • laurie04427
    laurie04427 Posts: 421 Member
    I'm 5'8" and weigh 174 but people don't tend to think I need to lose weight either. I guess I hide it well the way I wear my clothes?

    So yeah I just don't mention to anyone how much I aim to lose. I just say I'm on a "health kick" and they usually leave me alone lol.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    1. People are trying to give you a compliment (unless they give you a horrified face).
    and/or
    2. People have a skewed image of what a healthy weight looks like on different heights.
  • lavendy17
    lavendy17 Posts: 309 Member
    Oh yeah, all the time. I have no idea why they do it. But people like us who are not obese and barely overweight look pretty normal to most people, and if you look around you, a lot of people may carry extra weight but you'd never think they have to lose it because they look fine. So maybe when you tell people you want to lose that much (20% of your current weight), it just seems like - well where is it gonna come from?

    But the general consensus here on MFP is - just ignore those comments and trust your intuition.
  • itsmeheatherp
    itsmeheatherp Posts: 15 Member
    I think they just need to say something and that when they say "Oh that is too much" they are trying to be nice.
    What I keep hearing is"Oh, you can see a difference! How are you doing it?" and when I respond Whole30 or Paleo they say "Oh, that's not sustainable. You are never going to eat bread again? Be realistic!"
    I tell them I am realistic. That this is a lifestyle change. Just like quitting smoking can seem unrealistic if you smoke. So, I guess if you eat bread thenwhat I am doing is crazy to you. I am doing this for me, not so you can say something to me. I am doing this so that I can camp with my kids and squat down to hammer in the stakes and not have to crawl on the ground to a tree!

    Tell them to mind their own business. Do what is best for you. In the end, you are the one that is always with you, so don't listen to the "Ney sayers!"
  • thatjosiegirl
    thatjosiegirl Posts: 362 Member
    My boyfriend did the same thing to me, I told him I wanted to lose at least 40 pounds and he flipped out telling me "you can't lose that much you will look too skinny and not healthy"

    Now here I am a few pounds away from my goal and he can't stop telling me how good I look!

    You know your body best!
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
    IT Could depend on your body frame, is it large, medium, small? I am 5'4.5 and when I was 169 I told people I wanted to lose 50 pounds to make it to 120 people thought I was crazy because they thought I was already 120lbs.. Now that I am down to my 150s I realize that 120 may be too much for my large frame, so I have struck a balance between 130-135 as a goal. My sister thinks I am crazy and says that if I make it to that weight then I would be in eating disorder territory but I ignore her because she thinks a healthy goal weight is 180lbs.
  • funfang
    funfang Posts: 200 Member
    I have been loosing weight and my husband just told me lately that I have been too skinny for his liking.... well, sorry honey, I am doing this for me.... but he support what ever I think is the best for me, he just personally like his woman with more meat ;-P

    I think you are doing it right, take it slow and you will see when you need to stop :-)
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Currently my BMI is 25.8, I am overweight.

    At 125lbs my BMI will be 20.8, a healthy weight.

    There is just such a huge range of weight that is considered "healthy." My best friend who keeps telling me I will look sick if I am that small is 5'6 118. She just keeps telling me, "I look fine, but YOU will look too small."

    I don't want to look sick but I also want to feel like the best me.

    If you get to a point where you think you look sick, then simply switch to maintenance. Just because you set your goal at 125 doesn't mean you MUST get to that weight. Leave your goal as is for now, and adjust later, if YOU want.
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
    YOU can do it without looking "sick" IF you add a strength training program to your 6 month schedule... in fact you may not have to diet at all IF you just get active in the gym. as for that "sick" look... it's an adjustment for other people to make.. NOT you... be confident and resolute in your commitment to yourself. YOURS is the only opinion that really counts. Keep us updated on your progress
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
    This is about you losing weight and achieving good health. This is the reason you should surround yourself with like-minded people with common goals. Otherwise, avoid the topic of your weight loss journey. Even though people mean well, some could be irritating if they don't know what they are talking about since it is very hard to just look at some people and decide if they are at an appropriate weight. Your weight should be determined by you and your doctor, no one else.
  • weightliftinggirl
    weightliftinggirl Posts: 45 Member
    Thank you for all the replies and suggestions!

    I am going to start telling people my goal is to be fit and healthy rather than telling them a weight.

    I feel that I have an average sized frame so I think I can be 125 and look good. I used to be this weight before college so I am hoping to get back to this weight.

    I want to be fit and healthy and be a role model because I am a nurse (2 years away from being a nurse practitioner) and I find it hard to tell my patients to lose weight or eat healthy if I don't do the same thing. It's not just about the way we look but about being healthy - so many diseases are partially caused by obesity or being overweight. I want to walk the walk not just talk the talk.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I have had only one close friend remark on my ultimate goal. I didn't even mention the total number of pounds, I just said I'm aiming for the weight I was in college (around 165 lbs, I'm 5'10"). She said, "That's too low for your age. At your age the weight doesn't come off. I'd be more realistic." I'm in my 40's.

    I really love this friend, but oy. Not helpful. To be honest, I don't think she was at all trying to undermine me, but she is quite overweight and I think she might feel threatened by my attempts to lose. I'm doing it slowly, like you, and so far, pretty successfully. I feel very good about that, but I never even talk about my weight or the changes I've made with her. I know it's a sensitive topic. But when she asked me what my goal was, I answered.

    It happens. On MFP I see people in their 40s and over have great success. I read all the time about weight loss and goals (here and elsewhere) and I trust myself to be realistic, but also to never give up my ultimate goals. Some friends and family are great to talk to about all this, many more are not. I just try to take it lightly, saying to myself, "That's your opinion, but I'm going to keep on keeping on; I'm my biggest cheerleader."

    You keep on keeping on! You are doing great.

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