I KEEP BINGING

uglyclub

[BG INFO: 20. FEMALE. RECOVERING FROM EATING DISORDER. BMI 20]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME

I just had a 3000 calorie binge (+ my meals, we're looking at nearly 4000-4500 calories). I thought I was getting better. I had a two day binge last week that totaled up to 10,000 calories, but I didn't gain any weight from it, touch wood.

But I can't keep binging like this... I know I'm going to end up gaining weight eventually and I'm terrified. I'm supposed to gain three more kilos according to my dietitian but I want to do it in a controlled way, I don't want to gain weight through binging. And I'm still not ready to gain the weight, since I'm already at BMI 20...

I don't know why I keep binging. I NEVER knew what binging even was before my anorexia. Damn it.

SnuggleSmacks

I'm sorry you're going through that, but it's good that you're seeking help.

I would suggest that you speak to your dietitian about the binging. Perhaps the calorie goal you've been assigned is too low, and hunger is triggering the binge? Or perhaps there are psychological factors at work? Or perhaps your body is simply craving more calories as a means to repair itself from the damage? Regardless, your dietitian should be able to help you resolve it and make any adjustments in your diet that you might need.

Also, while in recovery, keep in mind that your own perception of how your body looks does not reflect reality. You really have to rely on others, your dietitian and doctor and family and friends, to keep you in check and tell you how you really look. 20% bodyfat is fairly low for a female who is not a professional-level athlete. Your bodyfat is probably pretty low on the list of things you should be concerned about right now. Developing a healthy relationship with food should be your top concern, and for that, the conversation with your dietitian about the binges is going to be more helpful than anything else right now.

uglyclub

I'm sorry you're going through that, but it's good that you're seeking help.

I would suggest that you speak to your dietitian about the binging. Perhaps the calorie goal you've been assigned is too low, and hunger is triggering the binge? Or perhaps there are psychological factors at work? Or perhaps your body is simply craving more calories as a means to repair itself from the damage? Regardless, your dietitian should be able to help you resolve it and make any adjustments in your diet that you might need.

Also, while in recovery, keep in mind that your own perception of how your body looks does not reflect reality. You really have to rely on others, your dietitian and doctor and family and friends, to keep you in check and tell you how you really look. 20% bodyfat is fairly low for a female who is not a professional-level athlete. Your bodyfat is probably pretty low on the list of things you should be concerned about right now. Developing a healthy relationship with food should be your top concern, and for that, the conversation with your dietitian about the binges is going to be more helpful than anything else right now.

Thank you so much. My dietitian has me on a 2300 calorie meal plan, but I admit, I haven't been following it and have been sticking to 1400 calories a day on weekdays and only following my meal plan on weekends. Could that be triggering the binges?

I thought my binges could be due to psychological factors as well, but from what I can see, it looks more and more like it was my under-eating that caused me to start binging. Because I never binged prior to my anorexia, and ever since I upped my calories to 1400+, I've been binging a lot less. I'm just so scared to go above a BMI of 20 because I've been maintaining this weight for so long, I've gotten so comfortable where I am. Sigh. I hope you don't mind me venting a bit.

neandermagnon

yes that probably is what's triggering the binges. It's a normal survival response to eating too little. If you're battling an eating disorder, you're making everything a lot more difficult for yourself by not eating the amount your dietitian tells you to. Not only are you battling the eating disorder itself, you're also battling your body's own instinctive survival responses.

Please eat all the food your dietitian tells you to eat. If that's too difficult for you then you need to speak to your therapist.

Also, change your username. I'm sure you're not ugly. Even if you feel like you are because of your disorder, a) it's not the truth and not how other people see you and b) calling yourself ugly's only going to make it worse as it's reinforcing the distorted view you have of yourself in your mind.

uglyclub

You guys are so nice. :-)

I think I'll have to speak to my therapist about dealing with weight gain, because I am still not ready to go above my current BMI. I feel so safe now, at my current weight, which is making it a lot more difficult to accept weight gain.

Logically, how much weight can someone gain from a nearly 5000 calorie binge? Minus water/food weight?

EDIT: I did 30 minutes on the stationary bike today. I am not allowed to exercise more than that.

neandermagnon

if your TDEE is 2300 calories (i.e. , then eating 5000 calories in a day will be a surplus of 2700 calories. That's not enough calories to even put on a single pound of fat. If you see a jump in scale weight from a binge like that, then it's water weight or the volume of the extra food or from sodium (which causes a water weight gain).

If 2300 calories/day is to gain weight then the surplus might be a bit bigger than I said.... but it still won't be enough to put on a pound of fat.

Also, if you've previously been suffering from anorexia, you probably have some degree of muscle memory gains (it depends on how underweight you were) which means some of what you ate may go towards rebuilding muscle and increasing your bone density....... this is another reason why it's so important to eat the amount of food your dietitian is telling you to eat.... it's not to gain fat, it's to rebuild your bones and muscles. The weight gain from your 2300 calories a day may include some fat (which is almost certainly fat that you need to gain as too little fat on your body is not healthy) but it's going to also be rebuilding your bones and muscles... so you do need to eat what's recommended. The binge eating happens when you're not eating enough to sustain your body, and it's a survival response. Eating more will help with that and it will help to rebuild your body.

Also, eating a small surplus on a daily basis is going to make the extra calories more likely be used to rebuild your bones and muscles... but eating a huge surplus as a binge, then it's more likely some of it's going to be stored as fat, so that's another reason why you want to be eating the amount your dietitian says on a daily basis. And yes do speak to your therapist about your fears of weight gain.