Lifting Weights With My Fiancé

Gabi2591

Hi everyone,

So I've been going to the gym and doing cardio for the last few weeks to lose weight. I'm now interested in lifting and my fiancé agreed to help me since he knows that lifting weights can aid me in my weight loss. Here's the problem: i have anxiety so going to the weights section alone made me quite uncomfortable. I pushed through it and he started me off with the barbell incline bench press. Now I have little upper body strength but I was fine with the bar. It was a doable challenge. The thing is my fiancé adds weights to the bar after each set. He only added 2.5 pounds to each side and I was struggling, and when I say struggling I mean my arms are giving out and shaking and he has to do most of the work to help lift up the bar because my arms are weak. For example, he added the 2.5s and I did about 10 reps on the first set. Then he proceeded to add another 10 pounds total making it 15 and I couldn't even do 5, it was hard. It's really frustrating for him and for me. He gets frustrated because he thinks I'm giving up. He says there are times where he is lifting heavy and his arms are struggling and he still does it. And I get that, that's awesome. But I'm not giving up like he says. I focus on my breathing and my form (which I lose once I start struggling). I'm not giving up on purpose, and I most certainly am not risking injury to myself just for the hell of it. Can someone please give me their opinion or advice? Should I still lift the way he wants me to? Should I just lift with only the bar/2.5 pounders added? Any tips are greatly appreciated as I don't want to let this discourage me from lifting..

justcat206

Yes definitely better to perfect form before moving up in weight. If form is suffering you're risking injury and shouldn't be pushing it. I know my husband is often really unimpressed with how much I lift because "that's how much he lifted in 9th grade" - but I'm the size he was in 9th grade and he himself admitted to taking years to build up the weight. So yes, you're correct, if you feel like your form is suffering and it's not just "hard" then stick to your guns and keep the weight lowish. (if it helps, I've been doing bench for months and I'm still at max 60 lbs including bar with a spotter - it's just my most difficult lift so you're doing great).

drbxgold

1. Make sure you're doing sufficient warm up. You should do 2-4 sets to warm up doing the exact same exercise you're starting with for double the reps, i.e.:
2 sets of 20 reps *warmup*
2 sets of 15 reps *warmup*
4 sets of 10 reps *working weight*

2. Decrease the rep amount as you increase weight:
set 1 - 10 reps at 10 lbs
set 2 - 8 reps at 12 lbs
set 3 - 6 reps at 14 lbs

3. He should be spotting you - when you start to give out he should be lightly supporting the bar taking some of the weight off - not only will that help you to finish the set but it'll have a psychological boost as you'll have experience with heavier weights.

4. There is no need to add weight every set or workout. Unless you're doing a specific workout that requires it i.e. 3x3 or Mehdi's 5x5, there is no need to increase the weight every set.

5. Don't go to failure on your sets - end the set when you feel you can still manage 2 or so reps, that way you won't tire yourself out before your next set.

6. Change your reps - you don't need to do 10 reps every set. If you can get 10 reps for 3-4 sets, then it is time you upped your weight, and decreased your reps. Try doing 3-4 sets of 6 reps, or doing 8-10 reps per set instead of a mandated 10.

AbbeyDove

Pick up a good program for women, like the New Rules of Lifting for Women, and follow that. Women don't typically lift in the same increments as men do, so an increase in load for you will likely be much smaller than an increase in load for him. Form is very important--and how you protect yourself from injury--so if you're losing your form, your weight is likely too high. And, no need for anyone to get frustrated. Progress is different for different people, and different between men and women. For example: I just got a pull-up bar, and I'm working through Scooby's pull-up program. My husband hadn't done a pull-up since gym class 20 years ago when he was in high school. But he hopped on the bar and did 4 chin-ups and 4 pull-ups. And me? I'm just trying to lengthen the amount of time it takes me to lower myself down right now. I'm nowhere near pulling myself up, yet! But I'll get there, and so will you!

SezxyStef

I agree with finding a well used program.

Stronglifts 5x5, starting strength or New Rules.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/560459-stronglifts-5x5-summary

Here is the summary for SL...I personally do it and like it...10 months in and I am lifting some pretty heavy weights.

If your fiance is getting frustrated then he needs to take a step back to be honest...you are a woman and we are not known to have lots of upper body strength...not that we can't but we have to work at it. Remember as well that 15 was plus the bar weight and if you were using an oly bar that's actually 60lbs which is a lot of weight for a woman to start with.

It has taken me 10months to be able to bench 130lbs...

rogerOb1

I've lifted with girls who were afraid to challenge themselves - in terms of being intimidated by seeing the big weights and bigger numbers than they were used to. They'd pick a weight that they could literally press all day instead. I'd encourage them to find their right range of weight for 3x10 sets. However if it gets to a point where the weight is too heavy to complete your sets...it is what it is - time to go back down to a manageable weight. Dude needs to back off and let you build up to the heavier weight.

Also, maybe add a "strain face" so he can tell you're working hard, lol.

Gabi2591

Thanks everyone for your responses. I appreciate it!

AbbeyDove

I've lifted with girls who were afraid to challenge themselves - in terms of being intimidated by seeing the big weights and bigger numbers than they were used to. They'd pick a weight that they could literally press all day instead. I'd encourage them to find their right range of weight for 3x10 sets. However if it gets to a point where the weight is too heavy to complete your sets...it is what it is - time to go back down to a manageable weight. Dude needs to back off and let you build up to the heavier weight.

Also, maybe add a "strain face" so he can tell you're working hard, lol.

The "dude needs to back off advice" seems solid, and the "strain face" advice is priceless!

Azdak

1. Make sure you're doing sufficient warm up. You should do 2-4 sets to warm up doing the exact same exercise you're starting with for double the reps, i.e.:
2 sets of 20 reps *warmup*
2 sets of 15 reps *warmup*
4 sets of 10 reps *working weight*

2. Decrease the rep amount as you increase weight:
set 1 - 10 reps at 10 lbs
set 2 - 8 reps at 12 lbs
set 3 - 6 reps at 14 lbs

3. He should be spotting you - when you start to give out he should be lightly supporting the bar taking some of the weight off - not only will that help you to finish the set but it'll have a psychological boost as you'll have experience with heavier weights.

4. There is no need to add weight every set or workout. Unless you're doing a specific workout that requires it i.e. 3x3 or Mehdi's 5x5, there is no need to increase the weight every set.

5. Don't go to failure on your sets - end the set when you feel you can still manage 2 or so reps, that way you won't tire yourself out before your next set.

6. Change your reps - you don't need to do 10 reps every set. If you can get 10 reps for 3-4 sets, then it is time you upped your weight, and decreased your reps. Try doing 3-4 sets of 6 reps, or doing 8-10 reps per set instead of a mandated 10.

Not sure this will work. She only has about 8 hours a day to spend lifting.

JoRocka

Hi everyone,

So I've been going to the gym and doing cardio for the last few weeks to lose weight. I'm now interested in lifting and my fiancé agreed to help me since he knows that lifting weights can aid me in my weight loss. Here's the problem: i have anxiety so going to the weights section alone made me quite uncomfortable. I pushed through it and he started me off with the barbell incline bench press. Now I have little upper body strength but I was fine with the bar. It was a doable challenge. The thing is my fiancé adds weights to the bar after each set. He only added 2.5 pounds to each side and I was struggling, and when I say struggling I mean my arms are giving out and shaking and he has to do most of the work to help lift up the bar because my arms are weak. For example, he added the 2.5s and I did about 10 reps on the first set. Then he proceeded to add another 10 pounds total making it 15 and I couldn't even do 5, it was hard. It's really frustrating for him and for me. He gets frustrated because he thinks I'm giving up. He says there are times where he is lifting heavy and his arms are struggling and he still does it. And I get that, that's awesome. But I'm not giving up like he says. I focus on my breathing and my form (which I lose once I start struggling). I'm not giving up on purpose, and I most certainly am not risking injury to myself just for the hell of it. Can someone please give me their opinion or advice? Should I still lift the way he wants me to? Should I just lift with only the bar/2.5 pounders added? Any tips are greatly appreciated as I don't want to let this discourage me from lifting..

Lifting- YAY

The thing is my fiancé adds weights to the bar after each set.

no need.

Can someone please give me their opinion or advice?

it's a forum... we are FULL of advice :flowerforyou:

Should I still lift the way he wants me to?

that kind of depends. HOW you lift is based quiet a bit on what your goals are. There is a vast population of men much like women (and I don't mean this as an insult) who lift programs out of magazines and have no idea what they are doign other than they want to look like that person in teh magainze and they don't understand WHY or HOW to get there- and magainzes are so full of BS it's hard to figure that out.
If you want to get stronger- then NO. do not lift like that.

Should I just lift with only the bar/2.5 pounders added?

I think you should start Starting Strenght, New Rules of Lifting or Strong Lifts. On your own. And add weight at a rate the program suggest you do so.

Any tips are greatly appreciated as I don't want to let this discourage me from lifting..

lifting is awesome- don't get discouraged because you are lifting with someone above you- I know- it can be hard and freustrating.

This is why I would encourage you to jump off and do your own program (like on of the ones I lifted above)- learning from your significant other provides a great deal of challenges and sometimes it's not worth the hassle of dealing with the fall out (trust me- we see this a lot with BF"s/Husbands wnating to teach their GF/Wife to ride a motorcycle- it's not worth it- just pay for the course and move on)

I'm not saying you can't EVER lift with him- but trying to learn will probably get you more frustrated than not. Learn on your own- and if you guys want to run a program together- THEN run a program together. But do your homework- don't let him just tell you because he's the guy and he's been reading magazines.

My BF asked my why I wanted to squat 200- instead of just doing 200 hindu squats- he just has no concept of strength verses endurance training. So he gets no say in my programing- I don't mind talking to him about it- and he is free to ask- but we typically don't talk about it since he doesn't care and I'm not a baby sitter.

it's OKAY for you to not run the same programs.

You can do it. I promise.

Go forth- lift all the things and be fabulous!!

kuroi19

I'm no expert (at all) but this sounds more like a strength or toning routine. If you just want to lose weight, find some alternative to treadmill, why not look up cardio exercises? Kettlebell exercises and squats burn so much more energy than arms ever can.

aledba

I'm no expert (at all) but this sounds more like a strength or toning routine. If you just want to lose weight, find some alternative to treadmill, why not look up cardio exercises? Kettlebell exercises and squats burn so much more energy than arms ever can.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Riiiiiight.

chrisdavey

Hi everyone,

So I've been going to the gym and doing cardio for the last few weeks to lose weight. I'm now interested in lifting and my fiancé agreed to help me since he knows that lifting weights can aid me in my weight loss. Here's the problem: i have anxiety so going to the weights section alone made me quite uncomfortable. I pushed through it and he started me off with the barbell incline bench press. Now I have little upper body strength but I was fine with the bar. It was a doable challenge. The thing is my fiancé adds weights to the bar after each set. He only added 2.5 pounds to each side and I was struggling, and when I say struggling I mean my arms are giving out and shaking and he has to do most of the work to help lift up the bar because my arms are weak. For example, he added the 2.5s and I did about 10 reps on the first set. Then he proceeded to add another 10 pounds total making it 15 and I couldn't even do 5, it was hard. It's really frustrating for him and for me. He gets frustrated because he thinks I'm giving up. He says there are times where he is lifting heavy and his arms are struggling and he still does it. And I get that, that's awesome. But I'm not giving up like he says. I focus on my breathing and my form (which I lose once I start struggling). I'm not giving up on purpose, and I most certainly am not risking injury to myself just for the hell of it. Can someone please give me their opinion or advice? Should I still lift the way he wants me to? Should I just lift with only the bar/2.5 pounders added? Any tips are greatly appreciated as I don't want to let this discourage me from lifting..

Lifting- YAY

The thing is my fiancé adds weights to the bar after each set.

no need.

Can someone please give me their opinion or advice?

it's a forum... we are FULL of advice :flowerforyou:

Should I still lift the way he wants me to?

that kind of depends. HOW you lift is based quiet a bit on what your goals are. There is a vast population of men much like women (and I don't mean this as an insult) who lift programs out of magazines and have no idea what they are doign other than they want to look like that person in teh magainze and they don't understand WHY or HOW to get there- and magainzes are so full of BS it's hard to figure that out.
If you want to get stronger- then NO. do not lift like that.

Should I just lift with only the bar/2.5 pounders added?

I think you should start Starting Strenght, New Rules of Lifting or Strong Lifts. On your own. And add weight at a rate the program suggest you do so.

Any tips are greatly appreciated as I don't want to let this discourage me from lifting..

lifting is awesome- don't get discouraged because you are lifting with someone above you- I know- it can be hard and freustrating.

This is why I would encourage you to jump off and do your own program (like on of the ones I lifted above)- learning from your significant other provides a great deal of challenges and sometimes it's not worth the hassle of dealing with the fall out (trust me- we see this a lot with BF"s/Husbands wnating to teach their GF/Wife to ride a motorcycle- it's not worth it- just pay for the course and move on)

I'm not saying you can't EVER lift with him- but trying to learn will probably get you more frustrated than not. Learn on your own- and if you guys want to run a program together- THEN run a program together. But do your homework- don't let him just tell you because he's the guy and he's been reading magazines.

My BF asked my why I wanted to squat 200- instead of just doing 200 hindu squats- he just has no concept of strength verses endurance training. So he gets no say in my programing- I don't mind talking to him about it- and he is free to ask- but we typically don't talk about it since he doesn't care and I'm not a baby sitter.

it's OKAY for you to not run the same programs.

You can do it. I promise.

Go forth- lift all the things and be fabulous!!

seconded. Great post.