Binge eating.. The never ending cycle of self sabotage

FitnessBellaBarbie

Hi Everyone...

I am currently dealing with an eating disorder of self sabatoge and fee ashamed and humiliated to write this but i feel like i need to reach out to people who feel the same way. I seem to keep repeating the same cycle. I will eat so well and be doing so well and i am so proud of myself and then i fall right back into failure. I end up over eating and self contemplating for it by over exercising, purging or doing laxatives.

I know whats right and i know how to eat properly. But sometimes if i feel empty or get this overwhelming craving and i loose all self control and feel so guilty and ashamed of myself. I start to have a distorted body image and put so much pressure on myself to loose weight.. (even though i am not over weight).. But i still dont have the lean stomach and mesurements i would like to have.. I am so confused and i dont know how to end this vicous cycle of self sabatoge. I feel like i need a distraction or a new vice. I think about it to much and i am obviously doing something wrong or missing something that makes me act in this strange way...

Does anyone else feel this way?
Does anyone know what to do?
Am i eating the wrong amount of calories?
I am beyond confused and i need some help. I know its a bit ridiculous but its something i am dealing with everyday.. and any help or advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you so much.

SezxyStef

you have asked this question before and gotten answers...I don't think they will change...but here it goes

Get some help from a professional....this isn't about food it's about your mental and physical health.

FitnessBellaBarbie

Maybe you are right.. I took everyones advice.. maybe i am just having a set back?
I wish i was stronger then this.. I keep falling back in the same pattern. I just want it to end. :./

aprilslusher

I highly recommend the book "How to Have Your Cake and Your Skinny Jeans Too by Josie Spinardi"

SezxyStef

Maybe you are right.. I took everyones advice.. maybe i am just having a set back?
I wish i was stronger then this.. I keep falling back in the same pattern. I just want it to end. :./

Yes a setback means you just need to take a look at the why and deal with that but again without professional help that can be hard for a lot of people to do.

59gi

Your self image is intertwined with how you look. You need to separate your self image from what you look like. You have intrinsic value, no matter what your weight is for the day or week. Go to a quiet place every day and meditate on this. Quiet your mind and find a way to love how you look today. Eating to sustain your body, and when you overeat just do not weigh yourself right away. Refrain from purging and just get right on eating right. I recommend that you read the word to help yourself.

condoleezachiapet

Hi! I'm glad you posted this. You're not alone. I've been in this cycle on and off for the past year. It's a psychological problem that builds gradually and attacks unexpectedly. I think the problem originates in your sense of self-worth. Ask yourself: do I value myself beyond the image in the mirror? Does my existence have purpose beyond my physical beauty? We all have the agency to generate happiness, self-confidence and satisfaction beyond our bodily "imperfections." The mirror often feels like it's its own universe, the place where we find our purpose to live. Ultimately, the reality it reflects is only a ghost — fleeting, impermanent. It's a risky investment that's not worth your anxiety.

My best tip for you is to find interests beyond beauty and fitness. A new "vice," as you mentioned. What may start off as a distraction can snowball into life experiences that are really meaningful. Sports, travel, arts, volunteering, etc. Good luck girl! We're in this together.

FitnessBellaBarbie

Hi! I'm glad you posted this. You're not alone. I've been in this cycle on and off for the past year. It's a psychological problem that builds gradually and attacks unexpectedly. I think the problem originates in your sense of self-worth. Ask yourself: do I value myself beyond the image in the mirror? Does my existence have purpose beyond my physical beauty? We all have the agency to generate happiness, self-confidence and satisfaction beyond our bodily "imperfections." The mirror often feels like it's its own universe, the place where we find our purpose to live. Ultimately, the reality it reflects is only a ghost — fleeting, impermanent. It's a risky investment that's not worth your anxiety.

My best tip for you is to find interests beyond beauty and fitness. A new "vice," as you mentioned. What may start off as a distraction can snowball into life experiences that are really meaningful. Sports, travel, arts, volunteering, etc. Good luck girl! We're in this together.

Yes. Were you able to overcome this? It is repetitive thinking i think. And when you are in the business of self image it makes it that much worse. I think i may need to take a break from all of it until i figure myself out - great advice. Thank You

FitnessBellaBarbie

I had two donuts this morning. I officially hate myself.

.. Its not like that at all.

doubleduofa

You are not alone. You are also not a failure - binges are not failures and they never take you back all the way to square one. I worked on this issue for years. For me, it was about emotions. I read tons of books on emotional eating and learned how to figure out what I was feeling so that I could learn to deal with the problem without just having, "I feel sad, must eat cookie dough," be how I dealt with everything. It was interesting to me that I was such an emotional person, but I couldn't pinpoint a feeling enough to deal with it without the ice cream.

My local library had so many great books...some of which I ended up purchasing. I recommend starting there. Hournaling is recommended in all of them. I am not a journaler by nature, but I did use it as a tool and it helped. I also read some books on brain chemistry and how to balance it through diet. I felt like I had unnatural responses to things like donuts and cake (i.e. trigger foods) and that if I balanced my dopamine or serotonin, I'd have a better chance of changing my life. A book I liked was called "You! on a Diet." - It's yellow and red. Bad title, great book. I suggest it.

FitnessBellaBarbie

You are not alone. You are also not a failure - binges are not failures and they never take you back all the way to square one. I worked on this issue for years. For me, it was about emotions. I read tons of books on emotional eating and learned how to figure out what I was feeling so that I could learn to deal with the problem without just having, "I feel sad, must eat cookie dough," be how I dealt with everything. It was interesting to me that I was such an emotional person, but I couldn't pinpoint a feeling enough to deal with it without the ice cream.

My local library had so many great books...some of which I ended up purchasing. I recommend starting there. Hournaling is recommended in all of them. I am not a journaler by nature, but I did use it as a tool and it helped. I also read some books on brain chemistry and how to balance it through diet. I felt like I had unnatural responses to things like donuts and cake (i.e. trigger foods) and that if I balanced my dopamine or serotonin, I'd have a better chance of changing my life. A book I liked was called "You! on a Diet." - It's yellow and red. Bad title, great book. I suggest it.

Great! Thank you!
Exactly- something i want to pinpoint here - Do i have low serotonin/ dopamine levels? Is that why i am doing this? To feel those emotions. I feel like i could be depleted in them and that may be what causes these episodes.. How can i balance them out - I am avery happy person though! Could there be something wrong with my brain chemestry though? Could i possibly be out of balance - if so how can i fix this?

Springfield1970

For me, I only ever binged after under eating, or cutting out food groups.

I also have body image problems,health anxiety and other issues.

They trigger the under eating, and then it's the physical sheer lack of food that triggers the overeating.

I hope you find a balance. Sounds to me like you would benefit from getting into weight training. Then you can eat lots for a really great reason. Muscle growth. Guys don't like skinny girls anyway I've found. They like strong curvy ones. Wish I'd known that when I was your age.!

Keep searching for answers angel!

doubleduofa

You are not alone. You are also not a failure - binges are not failures and they never take you back all the way to square one. I worked on this issue for years. For me, it was about emotions. I read tons of books on emotional eating and learned how to figure out what I was feeling so that I could learn to deal with the problem without just having, "I feel sad, must eat cookie dough," be how I dealt with everything. It was interesting to me that I was such an emotional person, but I couldn't pinpoint a feeling enough to deal with it without the ice cream.

My local library had so many great books...some of which I ended up purchasing. I recommend starting there. Hournaling is recommended in all of them. I am not a journaler by nature, but I did use it as a tool and it helped. I also read some books on brain chemistry and how to balance it through diet. I felt like I had unnatural responses to things like donuts and cake (i.e. trigger foods) and that if I balanced my dopamine or serotonin, I'd have a better chance of changing my life. A book I liked was called "You! on a Diet." - It's yellow and red. Bad title, great book. I suggest it.

Great! Thank you!
Exactly- something i want to pinpoint here - Do i have low serotonin/ dopamine levels? Is that why i am doing this? To feel those emotions. I feel like i could be depleted in them and that may be what causes these episodes.. How can i balance them out - I am avery happy person though! Could there be something wrong with my brain chemestry though? Could i possibly be out of balance - if so how can i fix this?

That book I mentioned covered those issues. It had little tests so you could pinpoint what brain checmicals you needed to focus on and then diet plans (more like, foods to include in your diet) for each. I found it really helpful. I'm much more even now since changing my diet to include less carbs and mroe good fats and getting off the birth control pills. I had to make some pretty large stirdes in my diet, but elimintating trigger foods was key.

missiontofitness

You are not alone. You are also not a failure - binges are not failures and they never take you back all the way to square one. I worked on this issue for years. For me, it was about emotions. I read tons of books on emotional eating and learned how to figure out what I was feeling so that I could learn to deal with the problem without just having, "I feel sad, must eat cookie dough," be how I dealt with everything. It was interesting to me that I was such an emotional person, but I couldn't pinpoint a feeling enough to deal with it without the ice cream.

My local library had so many great books...some of which I ended up purchasing. I recommend starting there. Hournaling is recommended in all of them. I am not a journaler by nature, but I did use it as a tool and it helped. I also read some books on brain chemistry and how to balance it through diet. I felt like I had unnatural responses to things like donuts and cake (i.e. trigger foods) and that if I balanced my dopamine or serotonin, I'd have a better chance of changing my life. A book I liked was called "You! on a Diet." - It's yellow and red. Bad title, great book. I suggest it.

Great! Thank you!
Exactly- something i want to pinpoint here - Do i have low serotonin/ dopamine levels? Is that why i am doing this? To feel those emotions. I feel like i could be depleted in them and that may be what causes these episodes.. How can i balance them out - I am avery happy person though! Could there be something wrong with my brain chemestry though? Could i possibly be out of balance - if so how can i fix this?

That book I mentioned covered those issues. It had little tests so you could pinpoint what brain checmicals you needed to focus on and then diet plans (more like, foods to include in your diet) for each. I found it really helpful. I'm much more even now since changing my diet to include less carbs and mroe good fats and getting off the birth control pills. I had to make some pretty large stirdes in my diet, but elimintating trigger foods was key.

She should be working with a professional, not trying to tackle this on her own.
Her needs are far different than yours.

BoxerBrawler

I don't want to make this post about me because clearly you are in need of some sound advice, thoughts and opinions. But I got into that same cycle a little while ago, it lasted for a few months and I was finally able to break through.

I was always the "fat" girl growing up and I always wanted to be skinny. At some point I made the decision to really change and in one day I changed my entire routine e.g., exercise, clean eating, juicing, tons of veggies, fruit, protein, no carbs, etc. The weight fell off of me and I progressed quickly. I felt awesome. I never had any disorders and I always had plenty of confidence but I was absolutely soaring... loving my progression, getting stronger and healthier, loving my new body, buying new "cute" clothes and all that. I never stopped...

Once I was at my goal I was happy but not satisfied, I just wanted to be thinner and thinner. I started with various vitamins which turned into various supplements which turned into diet pills and remedies and slim tea and slimquick and up to seven or eight pills, three times a day including some from Asia that really messed me up. I knew that I was in the cycle of binge, diet, exercise, restrict, binge, puke, guilt, exercise, restrict, etc. I also knew it was about body image and the fact that I was freaked out at the thought of gaining weight back.

Then my energy level crashed and I didn't feel good at all, then I really started hating my new body for not allowing me to push it where I wanted it to go. At some point during my journey, although I was successful in losing all of my weight and becoming underweight, I lost track of the difference between skinny and fit/healthy.

I took two weeks off... full recovery... and I thought hard about what it was that I really truly wanted. Do I want to be skinny? yeah sure... but is being healthy and happy more important than skinny? Well... honestly the verdict is still out on that for me. One day after getting sick I took a good look in the mirror and wondered what the hell I was doing to myself. It just wasn't worth it anymore. I looked like ****, I felt like ****, and all the nasty effort was not really changing anything cept for maybe an ounce or two.

So I slowed things down. I remembered the fact that in the beginning when I started, all of my weight loss and all of my awesome progression happened without starving myself, and without the use of any supplements. So I started again. I went back to the beginning... I re-learned to listen to my body, I eat when I am hungry and I eat all clean foods that I know will nourish my body, I give my body what it needs based upon my activity level, I don't alienate food groups from my diet although I do very well on low, low carbs and limited sugars. I also started incorporating more than just cardio to lose weight, e.g., lifting, boxing, sculpting, running (yeah that's cardio but great for the legs). The few times I fell off the wagon and had a binge instead of feeling guilty and running to the bathroom I told myself that one, it happened because my body needed the extra calories/food and two, I'm in great shape so I'll burn thru it quickly and most likely weigh less the next day as a result and guess what... that rings true for me (calorie cycling).

While I never gained any real weight back I do still have a goal number that is sort of un-realistic, but I'll hit it. Only this time I'll hit is slowly and doing things the right way. And yeah... I am doing 1200 a day which many people feel is too low and/or unrealistic, but I know what works for my body and for my life. And hey, sometimes that number goes up, sometimes it goes down.

I guess my point here is... I know you feel stuck where you are right now but remember, this is a journey not a sprint. Sooner or later, with or without help, you'll realize that you're going down a bad path and it's just not working for you. It's only then that you'll be able to make some positive changes. People can give you advice and ideas all day long but nothing will work unless you decide to make the change.

You are here and you are working at it. Good or bad, it at least shows that you have some motivation and will power. No one can fix you but I have confidence and faith that you'll figure it out and do the right thing. In the meantime, try to remind yourself that the guilt won't change anything. **** happens.

I hope reading this has helped a little. Sometimes just knowing that others understand where you are in your head helps.

healthygreek

For me, I only ever binged after under eating, or cutting out food groups.

I also have body image problems,health anxiety and other issues.

They trigger the under eating, and then it's the physical sheer lack of food that triggers the overeating.

I hope you find a balance. Sounds to me like you would benefit from getting into weight training. Then you can eat lots for a really great reason. Muscle growth. Guys don't like skinny girls anyway I've found. They like strong curvy ones. Wish I'd known that when I was your age.!

Keep searching for answers angel!

Yes! It took me so long to take to I to heart and fully understand that my binges were triggered by undereating (dieting in a restrictive way). Now I eat enough food for me to be satisfied and I haven't binged for quite a while.
My weight had stabilized and I eat whatever I want.

albayin

In my case, it's almost like my body knows what weight I should stay at. Every time I managed to lose a few pounds and slimmed down a bit, it just bounces back...

doubleduofa

You are not alone. You are also not a failure - binges are not failures and they never take you back all the way to square one. I worked on this issue for years. For me, it was about emotions. I read tons of books on emotional eating and learned how to figure out what I was feeling so that I could learn to deal with the problem without just having, "I feel sad, must eat cookie dough," be how I dealt with everything. It was interesting to me that I was such an emotional person, but I couldn't pinpoint a feeling enough to deal with it without the ice cream.

My local library had so many great books...some of which I ended up purchasing. I recommend starting there. Hournaling is recommended in all of them. I am not a journaler by nature, but I did use it as a tool and it helped. I also read some books on brain chemistry and how to balance it through diet. I felt like I had unnatural responses to things like donuts and cake (i.e. trigger foods) and that if I balanced my dopamine or serotonin, I'd have a better chance of changing my life. A book I liked was called "You! on a Diet." - It's yellow and red. Bad title, great book. I suggest it.

Great! Thank you!
Exactly- something i want to pinpoint here - Do i have low serotonin/ dopamine levels? Is that why i am doing this? To feel those emotions. I feel like i could be depleted in them and that may be what causes these episodes.. How can i balance them out - I am avery happy person though! Could there be something wrong with my brain chemestry though? Could i possibly be out of balance - if so how can i fix this?

That book I mentioned covered those issues. It had little tests so you could pinpoint what brain checmicals you needed to focus on and then diet plans (more like, foods to include in your diet) for each. I found it really helpful. I'm much more even now since changing my diet to include less carbs and mroe good fats and getting off the birth control pills. I had to make some pretty large stirdes in my diet, but elimintating trigger foods was key.

She should be working with a professional, not trying to tackle this on her own.
Her needs are far different than yours.

Everybody's needs are different - but I can offer what helped me. (just like everyone else in the thread did... Not sure why you singled out my post?) Perhaps it is a place to start for her...especially if she's not ready to see a professional yet. It is, at least a few steps in the right direction.

FitnessBellaBarbie

You are not alone. You are also not a failure - binges are not failures and they never take you back all the way to square one. I worked on this issue for years. For me, it was about emotions. I read tons of books on emotional eating and learned how to figure out what I was feeling so that I could learn to deal with the problem without just having, "I feel sad, must eat cookie dough," be how I dealt with everything. It was interesting to me that I was such an emotional person, but I couldn't pinpoint a feeling enough to deal with it without the ice cream.

My local library had so many great books...some of which I ended up purchasing. I recommend starting there. Hournaling is recommended in all of them. I am not a journaler by nature, but I did use it as a tool and it helped. I also read some books on brain chemistry and how to balance it through diet. I felt like I had unnatural responses to things like donuts and cake (i.e. trigger foods) and that if I balanced my dopamine or serotonin, I'd have a better chance of changing my life. A book I liked was called "You! on a Diet." - It's yellow and red. Bad title, great book. I suggest it.

Great! Thank you!
Exactly- something i want to pinpoint here - Do i have low serotonin/ dopamine levels? Is that why i am doing this? To feel those emotions. I feel like i could be depleted in them and that may be what causes these episodes.. How can i balance them out - I am avery happy person though! Could there be something wrong with my brain chemestry though? Could i possibly be out of balance - if so how can i fix this?

That book I mentioned covered those issues. It had little tests so you could pinpoint what brain checmicals you needed to focus on and then diet plans (more like, foods to include in your diet) for each. I found it really helpful. I'm much more even now since changing my diet to include less carbs and mroe good fats and getting off the birth control pills. I had to make some pretty large stirdes in my diet, but elimintating trigger foods was key.

Ok i will check it out - How do you take these tests you are mentioning? I am very interested in learning about the chemistry and balance of my body and brain. Something is not quite right, I was also on birth control pills and they didnt agree with me and completely screwed up my body - Could that be another trigger that is causeing this imbalance? If so what do i do? I have already talked to my doctor and he is not to sure on what to do as well. ?

doubleduofa

You are not alone. You are also not a failure - binges are not failures and they never take you back all the way to square one. I worked on this issue for years. For me, it was about emotions. I read tons of books on emotional eating and learned how to figure out what I was feeling so that I could learn to deal with the problem without just having, "I feel sad, must eat cookie dough," be how I dealt with everything. It was interesting to me that I was such an emotional person, but I couldn't pinpoint a feeling enough to deal with it without the ice cream.

My local library had so many great books...some of which I ended up purchasing. I recommend starting there. Hournaling is recommended in all of them. I am not a journaler by nature, but I did use it as a tool and it helped. I also read some books on brain chemistry and how to balance it through diet. I felt like I had unnatural responses to things like donuts and cake (i.e. trigger foods) and that if I balanced my dopamine or serotonin, I'd have a better chance of changing my life. A book I liked was called "You! on a Diet." - It's yellow and red. Bad title, great book. I suggest it.

Great! Thank you!
Exactly- something i want to pinpoint here - Do i have low serotonin/ dopamine levels? Is that why i am doing this? To feel those emotions. I feel like i could be depleted in them and that may be what causes these episodes.. How can i balance them out - I am avery happy person though! Could there be something wrong with my brain chemestry though? Could i possibly be out of balance - if so how can i fix this?

That book I mentioned covered those issues. It had little tests so you could pinpoint what brain checmicals you needed to focus on and then diet plans (more like, foods to include in your diet) for each. I found it really helpful. I'm much more even now since changing my diet to include less carbs and mroe good fats and getting off the birth control pills. I had to make some pretty large stirdes in my diet, but elimintating trigger foods was key.

Ok i will check it out - How do you take these tests you are mentioning? I am very interested in learning about the chemistry and balance of my body and brain. Something is not quite right, I was also on birth control pills and they didnt agree with me and completely screwed up my body - Could that be another trigger that is causeing this imbalance? If so what do i do? I have already talked to my doctor and he is not to sure on what to do as well. ?

They are like little personality tests and they are in the book. Do you have a library card? I suugest going to get one...they are fantastic! I, personally, am very affected by hormones, so it is what was part of my problem. Also,k how the foods I ate affected my hormones. I suggest you try talking to a different Dr. Not all are well schooled in every subject. Do some research for what kind of Dr you need to see and find one with good reviews. For example, in AZ, we have an integrative medical center (University of Arizona) and they focus on health from a whole body perspective.

FitnessBellaBarbie

I don't want to make this post about me because clearly you are in need of some sound advice, thoughts and opinions. But I got into that same cycle a little while ago, it lasted for a few months and I was finally able to break through.

I was always the "fat" girl growing up and I always wanted to be skinny. At some point I made the decision to really change and in one day I changed my entire routine e.g., exercise, clean eating, juicing, tons of veggies, fruit, protein, no carbs, etc. The weight fell off of me and I progressed quickly. I felt awesome. I never had any disorders and I always had plenty of confidence but I was absolutely soaring... loving my progression, getting stronger and healthier, loving my new body, buying new "cute" clothes and all that. I never stopped...

Once I was at my goal I was happy but not satisfied, I just wanted to be thinner and thinner. I started with various vitamins which turned into various supplements which turned into diet pills and remedies and slim tea and slimquick and up to seven or eight pills, three times a day including some from Asia that really messed me up. I knew that I was in the cycle of binge, diet, exercise, restrict, binge, puke, guilt, exercise, restrict, etc. I also knew it was about body image and the fact that I was freaked out at the thought of gaining weight back.

Then my energy level crashed and I didn't feel good at all, then I really started hating my new body for not allowing me to push it where I wanted it to go. At some point during my journey, although I was successful in losing all of my weight and becoming underweight, I lost track of the difference between skinny and fit/healthy.

I took two weeks off... full recovery... and I thought hard about what it was that I really truly wanted. Do I want to be skinny? yeah sure... but is being healthy and happy more important than skinny? Well... honestly the verdict is still out on that for me. One day after getting sick I took a good look in the mirror and wondered what the hell I was doing to myself. It just wasn't worth it anymore. I looked like ****, I felt like ****, and all the nasty effort was not really changing anything cept for maybe an ounce or two.

So I slowed things down. I remembered the fact that in the beginning when I started, all of my weight loss and all of my awesome progression happened without starving myself, and without the use of any supplements. So I started again. I went back to the beginning... I re-learned to listen to my body, I eat when I am hungry and I eat all clean foods that I know will nourish my body, I give my body what it needs based upon my activity level, I don't alienate food groups from my diet although I do very well on low, low carbs and limited sugars. I also started incorporating more than just cardio to lose weight, e.g., lifting, boxing, sculpting, running (yeah that's cardio but great for the legs). The few times I fell off the wagon and had a binge instead of feeling guilty and running to the bathroom I told myself that one, it happened because my body needed the extra calories/food and two, I'm in great shape so I'll burn thru it quickly and most likely weigh less the next day as a result and guess what... that rings true for me (calorie cycling).

While I never gained any real weight back I do still have a goal number that is sort of un-realistic, but I'll hit it. Only this time I'll hit is slowly and doing things the right way. And yeah... I am doing 1200 a day which many people feel is too low and/or unrealistic, but I know what works for my body and for my life. And hey, sometimes that number goes up, sometimes it goes down.

I guess my point here is... I know you feel stuck where you are right now but remember, this is a journey not a sprint. Sooner or later, with or without help, you'll realize that you're going down a bad path and it's just not working for you. It's only then that you'll be able to make some positive changes. People can give you advice and ideas all day long but nothing will work unless you decide to make the change.

You are here and you are working at it. Good or bad, it at least shows that you have some motivation and will power. No one can fix you but I have confidence and faith that you'll figure it out and do the right thing. In the meantime, try to remind yourself that the guilt won't change anything. **** happens.

I hope reading this has helped a little. Sometimes just knowing that others understand where you are in your head helps.

Wow! thank you so much for taking the time to write this - Very interesting story you went through! I do have the modvation and will power but for some reason when ever i slim down i bounce back like my body want to hold on to the unnecessary weight.. You are very strong wiled and are very determined. You succeded only eating 1200 cal a day? That is very low and i feel like that restriction for me is what would make me binge! How do you do it?