The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

Happyoceangirl

It seems (for me at least) that old habits die hard but I KNOW positive change is possible. I've proven it by learning how to care for my body through better nutrition and exercise. So here goes - another goal, and I'm branching out a bit. The book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz holds some interesting concepts that I'm going to try to apply. Just like any change, I think support and accountability will result in more success, so anyone interested in experimenting with more kindness toward self and others, you are invited to join me here.

The agreements are:
1) Be impeccable with your word.
2) Do not take anything personally.
3) Do not make assumptions.
4) Always do your best.

:flowerforyou:

LynnBirchfield

Oh my goodness. My therapist had me read that book (I don't go to her anymore). I'll join you.

But, BTW -- what do you think be impeccable with your word means? She and I had a disagreement as to what it means.

FemininGuns

Funny, I already live with these 4 agreements! YAY for me Must by why I'm so happy and content with myself. LONG LIVE ME!

Happyoceangirl

Oh my goodness. My therapist had me read that book (I don't go to her anymore). I'll join you.

But, BTW -- what do you think be impeccable with your word means? She and I had a disagreement as to what it means.

Interesting question. I guess there are different ways to interpret it, but the author is pretty clear about his intent (page 31 - if you have the book handy). I'm taking his definition literally - to be without sin.... against self or others. I know the idea of "sin" is probably a hot topic. But as he was using it here, to speak without malice, judgement, competition, hurtful intent, etc. This is definitely an idea I can get behind.

What does it mean to you? (And if it's worth getting into here, how did your therapist interpret it?) Curiosity abounds!

Happyoceangirl

Funny, I already live with these 4 agreements! YAY for me Must by why I'm so happy and content with myself. LONG LIVE ME!

This is AWESOME! Feel free to brighten up our thread with your positive energy - it's surely welcome! I'm curious to know, if you don't mind sharing, how you arrived at this place. Did you live these agreements before the book? What have you found helpful (challenging).

I agree..... LONG LIVE YOU!

jamiesgotagun

Love it!!! Thanks for sharing!!:happy: :happy:

Happyoceangirl

Well, end of day 1 (sort of). End of working hours at least. How'd I do?

1) Be impeccable with your word. I did pretty good. Caught myself in the midst of auto-judgements (about myself and others) and realized they're not necessary, so was forgiving and let them go. *Pats self on the back - good job!

2) Not taking anything personally: easier said than done maybe, BUT, again, pretty good.

3) Not making assumptions. Wow. this one takes SUPER awareness. I assume A LOT. But I kept them to a minimum today.

4) Always do your best. Done. Acknowledging that "your best" varies from time to time.... I can realistically admit, I didn't have a lot to give today, but I gave what I had. I feel satisfied.

Happyoceangirl

Thursday morning check-in:

I will.... use my word to help myself and others. To refrain from judgements, criticism, bad attitudes, and finding ways to see us as separate and different from each other. To look for our similarities and be allowing, understanding, compassionate. This includes not only spoken word, but also thought. If I happen to notice unkind or unhelpful thoughts, (that arise from habit) I will be kind to myself and remember, this is a process. Kindly forgive, and move on.

I will... not take anything personally. I hope through the power of repetition that this will get easier and become second nature. Just a reminder: "Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements in their own minds."

I will... not make any assumptions. So I woke up this morning with the realization that I had made a HUGE assumption yesterday that had completely directed my train of thought. And I was absolutely unaware of it until today when I was re-affirming commitment to these agreements. I was speechless (for a moment). Some habits are obviously deeply ingrained. Which makes them that much better to challenge, don't you think?

I will.... always do my best. I LIKE this agreement. It FEELS good. Point to remember: "Regardless of the quality, keep doing your best - no more and no less than your best. If you try too hard to do more than your best, you will spend more of your energy than is needed and in the end your best will not be enough. When you overdo, you deplete your body and go against yourself and it will take you longer to accomplish your goal. But if you do less than your best, you subject yourself to frustration, self-judgement, guilt and regrets".

LynnBirchfield

Sorry I haven't replied back. My interpretation is the same as yours. My therapist's interpretation was in simple terms -- using big words. I'm glad we're on the same page.

Happyoceangirl

Sorry I haven't replied back. My interpretation is the same as yours. My therapist's interpretation was in simple terms -- using big words. I'm glad we're on the same page.

Yes, same page is helpful! I was hoping to get more of a discussion going.... slow start maybe? Or maybe it would be better off to blog it... Hmmmmm. Food for thought.