wow a bit of encouragment wont kill you :(

godblessourhome

I have to agree with some others on here & say Maybe your being to hard on him.He is letting you know he loves you . you cant really fault him for that.Give him a break.
Good luck to you!

Ok heres the thing Im not at all saying he does'nt love me, my point is ok yes he says Im beautiful the way I am and I thank him for that and we are always telling each other how much we love one another but then he turns around and tells me to stop exercising and to just sit down with him and stuff my face with junk.....Im not going to do that, he is not accepting the fact I want to get healthy for the sake of my asthma and arthritis it is hard lugging all this weight around huffing and puffing to go up 3 flights of stairs in our house just to go to the bathroom I dont want to live like that any more.
He has got in his head that if I lose weight other men will want me, then he turns it around on me by trying to make me feel guilty with sayings like well when you lose weight your not going to want a fat husband like me and we end up arguing, thats not what I want, so stop giving me the oh give the poor guy a break speel because I have tried to understand his point of view but I will be buggered if I give up being healthy all because he is becoming insecure, I have asked him to join me but he doesnt want to give up his lazy lifestyle and I cant make him he needs to want to do it for himself, and I have told him I will help him when he is ready

At this point I'm not sure what you want from us? Many have shared tips and others have called him unsupportive in support of you while others have suggested he was being supportive in his own way.

Perhaps it's now time for you to simply DO IT, take the reins and change your LIFE! Stop whining about what hubby is or is not doing and simply do this for you!! You are definitely not the first person on MFP that has had to deal with someone unsupportive in their life, there are threads nearly daily bringing this up. There are also threads sharing how unsupportive their mate once was but is now on board because of their example.:drinker:

I'm not trying to be rude but it sounds more like you want us all to hate on him so you can have an excuse, you will find tough love on the boards as well as marshmallow love, tough love is sometimes needed to move forward for some that don't see the excuses they are making are only hindering their journey.:flowerforyou: We need to put ourselves first and that and only that will get us to our goals, not worrying so much about what the other person is doing.

Time to simply plan your meals and eat healthy, fit in the exercises and get on with life, if he's not on board, do what many on here have chosen to do...DO IT ANYHOW! For you!!

Because in the end we are what's most important, we're not able to love another fully until we can first love ourselves, we can't teach by example unless we first begin the changes ourselves. We can't expect to change anyone else because that's simply not possible. Changing by our example is possible though allowing someone to see it and allowing them to make their own decisions is by far the best route to take.

I wish you well but I do hope you begin to simply take back your power, let the excuses go and make this far more about you and less about him. :frown: :flowerforyou:

i agree. it sounds like for you, support = him doing it with you.

if you are truly doing this for you and your health, then you really need to do this only for you and let your husband be. this is not about him and his lack of exercising with you or eating junk or asking you to join him on the couch or whatever. it is about you and only you.

you will find plenty of encouragement and support on the boards without you having to change your hubby. good luck as you become more healthy!
dawn

skylersnanna

I have to agree with some others on here & say Maybe your being to hard on him.He is letting you know he loves you . you cant really fault him for that.Give him a break.
Good luck to you!

Ok heres the thing Im not at all saying he does'nt love me, my point is ok yes he says Im beautiful the way I am and I thank him for that and we are always telling each other how much we love one another but then he turns around and tells me to stop exercising and to just sit down with him and stuff my face with junk.....Im not going to do that, he is not accepting the fact I want to get healthy for the sake of my asthma and arthritis it is hard lugging all this weight around huffing and puffing to go up 3 flights of stairs in our house just to go to the bathroom I dont want to live like that any more.
He has got in his head that if I lose weight other men will want me, then he turns it around on me by trying to make me feel guilty with sayings like well when you lose weight your not going to want a fat husband like me and we end up arguing, thats not what I want, so stop giving me the oh give the poor guy a break speel because I have tried to understand his point of view but I will be buggered if I give up being healthy all because he is becoming insecure, I have asked him to join me but he doesnt want to give up his lazy lifestyle and I cant make him he needs to want to do it for himself, and I have told him I will help him when he is ready

At this point I'm not sure what you want from us? Many have shared tips and others have called him unsupportive in support of you while others have suggested he was being supportive in his own way.

Perhaps it's now time for you to simply DO IT, take the reins and change your LIFE! Stop whining about what hubby is or is not doing and simply do this for you!! You are definitely not the first person on MFP that has had to deal with someone unsupportive in their life, there are threads nearly daily bringing this up. There are also threads sharing how unsupportive their mate once was but is now on board because of their example.:drinker:

I'm not trying to be rude but it sounds more like you want us all to hate on him so you can have an excuse, you will find tough love on the boards as well as marshmallow love, tough love is sometimes needed to move forward for some that don't see the excuses they are making are only hindering their journey.:flowerforyou: We need to put ourselves first and that and only that will get us to our goals, not worrying so much about what the other person is doing.

Time to simply plan your meals and eat healthy, fit in the exercises and get on with life, if he's not on board, do what many on here have chosen to do...DO IT ANYHOW! For you!!

Because in the end we are what's most important, we're not able to love another fully until we can first love ourselves, we can't teach by example unless we first begin the changes ourselves. We can't expect to change anyone else because that's simply not possible. Changing by our example is possible though allowing someone to see it and allowing them to make their own decisions is by far the best route to take.

I wish you well but I do hope you begin to simply take back your power, let the excuses go and make this far more about you and less about him. :frown: :flowerforyou:

i agree. it sounds like for you, support = him doing it with you.

if you are truly doing this for you and your health, then you really need to do this only for you and let your husband be. this is not about him and his lack of exercising with you or eating junk or asking you to join him on the couch or whatever. it is about you and only you.

you will find plenty of encouragement and support on the boards without you having to change your hubby. good luck as you become more healthy!
dawn

thank you for all the replies and input, I am not trying to change my husband at all and I have never pushed for him to lose the weight himself I have told him that if he ever wanted to join me just to let me know and we will do it together.

But he is the one trying to stop me from losing weight because he does not want me too because I will then be attractive towards other men,

I have health issues I am trying to sort through and by losing weight will help me I am in a country that I have no health cover as I am waiting for permanent residency, and we cannot afford private cover, another reason I would like to lose the weight is I have 3 children and a grand daughter back home in Australia that I would love to go and visit in the near future but at my size I cannot fit on a plane.

And by no means am I trying to make people dislike my husband or think that he is a jerk, and I am certainly not whining, those comments hurt so keep them to yourself, all I was asking for were peoples similar experiences and how they coped

HealthyChanges2010

I have to agree with some others on here & say Maybe your being to hard on him.He is letting you know he loves you . you cant really fault him for that.Give him a break.
Good luck to you!

Ok heres the thing Im not at all saying he does'nt love me, my point is ok yes he says Im beautiful the way I am and I thank him for that and we are always telling each other how much we love one another but then he turns around and tells me to stop exercising and to just sit down with him and stuff my face with junk.....Im not going to do that, he is not accepting the fact I want to get healthy for the sake of my asthma and arthritis it is hard lugging all this weight around huffing and puffing to go up 3 flights of stairs in our house just to go to the bathroom I dont want to live like that any more.
He has got in his head that if I lose weight other men will want me, then he turns it around on me by trying to make me feel guilty with sayings like well when you lose weight your not going to want a fat husband like me and we end up arguing, thats not what I want, so stop giving me the oh give the poor guy a break speel because I have tried to understand his point of view but I will be buggered if I give up being healthy all because he is becoming insecure, I have asked him to join me but he doesnt want to give up his lazy lifestyle and I cant make him he needs to want to do it for himself, and I have told him I will help him when he is ready

At this point I'm not sure what you want from us? Many have shared tips and others have called him unsupportive in support of you while others have suggested he was being supportive in his own way.

Perhaps it's now time for you to simply DO IT, take the reins and change your LIFE! Stop whining about what hubby is or is not doing and simply do this for you!! You are definitely not the first person on MFP that has had to deal with someone unsupportive in their life, there are threads nearly daily bringing this up. There are also threads sharing how unsupportive their mate once was but is now on board because of their example.:drinker:

I'm not trying to be rude but it sounds more like you want us all to hate on him so you can have an excuse, you will find tough love on the boards as well as marshmallow love, tough love is sometimes needed to move forward for some that don't see the excuses they are making are only hindering their journey.:flowerforyou: We need to put ourselves first and that and only that will get us to our goals, not worrying so much about what the other person is doing.

Time to simply plan your meals and eat healthy, fit in the exercises and get on with life, if he's not on board, do what many on here have chosen to do...DO IT ANYHOW! For you!!

Because in the end we are what's most important, we're not able to love another fully until we can first love ourselves, we can't teach by example unless we first begin the changes ourselves. We can't expect to change anyone else because that's simply not possible. Changing by our example is possible though allowing someone to see it and allowing them to make their own decisions is by far the best route to take.

I wish you well but I do hope you begin to simply take back your power, let the excuses go and make this far more about you and less about him. :frown: :flowerforyou:

i agree. it sounds like for you, support = him doing it with you.

if you are truly doing this for you and your health, then you really need to do this only for you and let your husband be. this is not about him and his lack of exercising with you or eating junk or asking you to join him on the couch or whatever. it is about you and only you.

you will find plenty of encouragement and support on the boards without you having to change your hubby. good luck as you become more healthy!
dawn

thank you for all the replies and input, I am not trying to change my husband at all and I have never pushed for him to lose the weight himself I have told him that if he ever wanted to join me just to let me know and we will do it together.

But he is the one trying to stop me from losing weight because he does not want me too because I will then be attractive towards other men,

I have health issues I am trying to sort through and by losing weight will help me I am in a country that I have no health cover as I am waiting for permanent residency, and we cannot afford private cover, another reason I would like to lose the weight is I have 3 children and a grand daughter back home in Australia that I would love to go and visit in the near future but at my size I cannot fit on a plane.

And by no means am I trying to make people dislike my husband or think that he is a jerk, and I am certainly not whining, those comments hurt so keep them to yourself, all I was asking for were peoples similar experiences and how they coped

Being this is an open message board you will get all sorts of comments, just as you are able to share freely, others are as well.:flowerforyou: I haven't seen anyone be rude or unkind. Honest? Yes, perhaps that's what has bothered you, the truth?

No one can MAKE you eat chips, no one can STOP you from getting healthy...that is the point some of us have made, this is really not about your husband anymore it's about you taking charge of your own life. Unless one is tied down they have freedom of will, chips in the house or not, we all need to make our own decisions and stop blaming others.

It's up to each of us if we truly want to change our lives...we can all find excuses but if we really want to makes changes we simply DO and stop blaming others in our lives. Plain and simple:flowerforyou: We've all come across stumbling blocks... I think you might be getting some of the posts you're getting because it's now become a bit frustrating hearing how your 'husband' is stopping you from making changes. I simply don't understand how he has the power to even do that. Sure emotionally but not physically... if you stand up for yourself and take charge you will feel strong and in control again:flowerforyou:

whew, I think I need a nap now... this is one exhausting thread:frown: :smokin:

foxfirekenzie

Perhaps he feels threatened by your new found motivation?? Maybe he feels that you'll have a different set of friends or activities that he may not be included in.
Does he want to lose weight or get more fit too? Maybe it makes him feel bad that you have the drive to actually go for it while he isn't there yet.
Maybe you could invite him along on this journey with you. Trust me, it is so much easier when you are working together on fitness goals-that way he doesn't come home with that amazing pizza you have been craving, but rather comes home with a new pair of work out shorts and some fruit!

Keep it up. For yourself most of all.

KendalBeee

is there any update? are things getting easier for you? has hubby gotten on board with your weightloss?

Caperfae

I totally hear you and understand.
My husband stocks the fridge with pop, makes cookies and eats crappy. When I make a meal he refuses to eat anything organic and hates veggies. Makes meal planning difficult at best.
He tells me he likes my curves and that I don't have to lose more weight.
It's frustrating!
I'm glad for this site because I can log in and find all the support I need to keep me going.

Hang in there!

Uptopargolf

Since I'm a guy I feel like I need to weigh in..


Of course he is going to be a bit 'turned off' on your goals to lose weight. It is normal. Not just for guys but for everyone. It is a hard decision to make to want to lose weight, and another one all together to actually to do it. Perhaps deep down inside he wants to lose weight with you, but feels that if he doesn't succeed you'll see him as a failure.

Naturally he will be worried because you will attract attention from other men by losing weight. These are just his insecurities taking over. Deep down at our core, we are all insecure about something or another. For most of us on here it is our weight. We all know how this can make us feel. For you're husband it might losing you to a better looking man, one that is skinner.


EDIT:: Agreed with the earlier poster;

It comes down to how badly you want to do this. I still live at home, and my parents buy crap all the time. My girlfriend loves to go out to eat all the time, etc etc. But of course I have the power to just say no. Because I want to be in shape very badly. It comes down to how back do you want it? You need to sit and ask yourself, how bad do I want it? Am I willing do to what it takes? Even if that means opening the fridge to find cake, or the pantry to find cookies? Can I look at them and not eat them? Can I wake up early to exercise? Can I bailout on desert because it will put me over my calories for the day? Although it doesn't sound like a lot of fun.. These are all questions you will face when trying to lose weight.

P.S most people go through this experience with close friends, you know the ones who can eat anything and not gain a pound?