Help - did I kill my metabolism??

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Hi everyone, I just registered for the sake of posting here so I don't have a diary or anything yet; I hope I can still get some insight or advice. Please be kind I know some may think I'm being silly here but I'm really concerned, so I would appreciate no mockery or insults. Sorry for the super-long ramblings )

So I guess my story begins back at around puberty, where I suddenly gained some weight after always having been a skinny kid. Not much - I was about 120-125 lbs at 5'4 from about 16 to 23 - but I'm very small-boned (my wrists are ridiculously tiny) and I've never been very athletic so on me, it looked chubby. During those years I tried all the usual stuff to lose weight - different eating plans, calorie counting, gym, I never did anything crazy restrictive but I was typically eating around 1000-1200 calories, working out several times a week (cardio and machines as was the norm for women back then), and the weight wouldn't budge. By about 24, I've gotten down to 118, which I could maintain without a very strict diet, and I sort of accepted that that was my body's set weight below which I wouldn't be able to get, and I was more or less okay with it even though I still would've liked to lose 3-5 more lbs.

Well, lo and behold - something happened around the time I was 25. I still don't know what - I might've been eating slightly less than before, but it couldn't have been that much, I didn't change much at all - but in less than a year, I lost 10 lbs without even realizing it. Literally - I went to the doctor and was shocked when I stepped on the scale and it showed 108! (I didn't own a scale back then). Only then did I notice that I did actually look so much better and thinner. I LOVED myself at that weight. I thought I looked fantastic, for the first time in years. The biggest change was my face - I never realized before how much of those 10-15 lbs were in my face and how much prettier I looked once they were gone!

I stayed around 110 lbs for the last six years. I got pregnant and gave birth, going back to 115 right after and back to 110 once I stopped nursing. I did some cardio all this time but didn't really watch what I ate - I just didn't eat much. When I did count my calories out of curiosity for a bit, i would average between 800-1100, maybe going up to 1400-1500 on special occasions. I wasn't starving myself - my stomach must've shrunk and I was almost never hungry and didn't want to eat more, when I did I'd feel uncomfortably full for hours. I also stopped watching WHAT I ate - once I realized I could eat whatever I want as long as I don't eat much, and I wouldn't gain weight, it was just sooo incredibly liberating after years of 'dieting'! Gradually, I started replacing healthy foods with foods I felt like eating; I didn't feel like eating meat or veggies, so I didn't. I was fooling myself - saying I was 'listening to my body', 'eating when I'm hungry', 'eating whatever I want in moderation', 'eating all natural foods' (that was semi true, I at least stayed away from artificial junk like fast food, soda, chips, etc), 'eating like the French do'...in reality, what that was translating to is I could go the whole day eating nothing but coffee, baguette, yogurt, and chocolate, and feeling like I was being sophisticated and refined. Looking back, what I was really doing is abusing my body but I was staying skinny so that's all that mattered.

Now, I've had a problem with low energy and excessive fatigue pretty much all my life; so had my mom and grandma so I didn't think much of it. I've gone to doctors and had all bloodwork done several times and nothing was ever found to be wrong. In the last year or so, though, I felt it's gotten worse. I was exhausted all the time, couldn't keep up with my son, was cranky and irritable, and wanted to spend every minute in bed. I thought it might be related to my poor diet and tried eating better but never had the willpower to keep with it and would quickly go to my old ways of fueling with caffeine and simple carbs. I also started to get other hormonal symptoms, like less regular cycles and terrible PMS. Finally I decided to see an endocrinologist. I had my bloodwork done yet again - and it showed my TSH at 4.37 - up from the 2.4 it had always been before. The endo wasn't concerned though - she basically told me it's not high enough to be responsible for my symptoms, and gave me a prescription for Synthroid but told me it was up to me if I wanted to try it, but to not be surprised if my symptoms don't improve.

That was about three months ago. Since then, I've tried making some changes in my diet, cutting out the empty calories and replacing with meat, eggs, fruit and veggies. I've also started doing squats, lunges, and deadlifts to tighten up my skinny-fat pear shape. In those two-three months, without eating more calories (and I'm certain of it, even without tracking, I've been eating less if anything), I've gained two pounds - went up from 110 to 111 last month and 112 this month. I know. it's only two pounds. It's not much. But after I've been maintaining 109-110 lbs for five! years without watching what I ate - and that includes vacations, holidays, restaurants, months of no working out, eating a lot more junk food, sugar, bread, etc, it's now really freaking me out because I'm afraid it's related to the thyroid. I got the Synthroid but I haven't started taking it and I don't know if I should. I've been doing tons of research since, and read so many horror stories of women gaining crazy amounts of weight on synthroid in spite of eating very little, it's terrifying me. The idea of uncontrollable weight gain is seriously one of the scariest things for me.

I was also reading a lot about the effects of long-term calorie restriction, and though I've read on these boards that starvation mode is a myth, I've also read other accounts of people who experienced 'metabolic injury' as a result of long-term undereating and/or overexercising. I also found a study that demonstrated a temporary reduction in thyroid function as a result of protein malnutrition - and I definitely hadn't been good about getting my protein. Yet I've also read that actual hypothyroid causes a lower RMR hence you need to eat less to avoid gaining..

So now I'm stuck. I'm frozen in fear of gaining more weight one way or another. I have no idea if my thyroid slowed down on its own, hence I'm gaining weight and I need to eat less...or whether I might've actually CAUSED the thyroid slowdown due to years of not eating properly, and therefore maybe eating MORE, of good-quality foods and more protein, might help to actually reverse it? Or maybe the two pounds is just water from starting weights (I'm seeing a slight difference in the way my legs look but no fat has been lost off them) and I'm freaking out for no reason? Could water weight be responsible for a pound of month of weight gain? I'm lost, I really don't know. I should mention even though my weight was low all these years, I've still always had fat on my legs, hips, and love handles while my upper body is extremely skinny, and my bf has been measured around 20%, though not sure how accurate that was (electrodes at gym). So ideally I'd like to lose some fat and build muscle...but I'm also afraid to eat more, because what if I DO have actual thyroid issues and will only gain more weight?? I have a small frame like I said, so every pound is very noticeable on me. I'm also afraid of starting synthroid as I've read so much about weight gain with it...but I'm also afraid of thyroid going even more hypo if I don't...I just don't know, and the endo hasn't been helpful at all. I'm so scared of putting the weight back on, I look at my old pictures and I can't go back to that (( Maybe anyone has had any experience with this - help????

RodaRose

Go to a different endo to get some questions answered about your thyroid and the medications

VelveteenArabian

Definitely get some more tests and do more diagnosing.

I'm a little jealous though because it took 3 years and gaining 85 (Yes, EIGHTY FIVE) pounds before I was able to convince my doctors that something was in fact wrong, no I wasn't overeating and yes it's probably thyroid.

Though, if you're eating 1200 calories and exercising, you probably weren't eating enough which likely contributed to your lack of results. You need to eat back your exercise calories on MFP.

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ahoy_m8

Buy a food scale ($14 on amazon) and weigh & track everything that passes your lips, beverages included. It will help you (and you doctor) see a more complete picture. Accurate logging will also help when you decide on an eating plan for weight maintenance. The caloric deficit to spare muscle for thin people is pretty slim, and it requires precision. It's great that you lost without trying in the past, but it sounds like something changed and you need new tools now.

ETA: advice to small boned women is to gain as much bone mass as you can in your 20's by weight lifting. It's not too late in your 30's, but effort:results diminishes appreciably.

nettiklive

Definitely get some more tests and do more diagnosing.

I'm a little jealous though because it took 3 years and gaining 85 (Yes, EIGHTY FIVE) pounds before I was able to convince my doctors that something was in fact wrong, no I wasn't overeating and yes it's probably thyroid.

Though, if you're eating 1200 calories and exercising, you probably weren't eating enough which likely contributed to your lack of results. You need to eat back your exercise calories on MFP.

What other tests do I need done?
I had a whole bunch of tests done, including a full thyroid panel. Everything else, T4 and T3 came back normal. And the TSH was still technically 'in range' - she told me they don't typically medicate until it goes over 5, and even then, between 5 and 10 tsh is considered subclinical and that there hasn't been enough proof done to show that treatment at these levels is beneficial. This has been confirmed by what I've read online too - although personal accounts I've read have been saying very differently.
But again, I haven't read much good about synthroid either, and many reporting weight gain on it, when they didn't have it before. So I'm scared to start it...

nettiklive

OP,
It's 2 lbs. You've gone from borderline underweight to still borderline underweight.

Have you ever been spoken to about your weight?

I know, but like I said - it's not the 2 lbs that bother me as much as the fact that they seem to be suddenly creeping on when I've eaten more for 5 years and had stayed at the same weight...that together with the TSH increase is scaring me about the trend for my metabolism and what the future may hold..
and like I said, even though I may have been 'borderline underweight', I've never looked really skinny, and with my bone structure I just looked average at this weight and chubby at a normal weight.
I'm just afraid that if this continues, I don't want to be gaining a pound every month...

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ahoy_m8

But again, I haven't read much good about synthroid either, and many reporting weight gain on it, when they didn't have it before. So I'm scared to start it...

Medieval physician & rabbinic authority Maimonides: "it is unethical to treat any ailment that can be treated with diet any other way." The more conservative approach would be to get a lot more specific insight on your diet before medicating.

nettiklive

Have you ever been spoken to about your weight?
Have you ever suffered from ED or spoken to a medical professional about it?

No, no one ever 'spoke to me' about my weight, including my OB who monitored my pregnancy. Like I said, I don't *look* like I weigh nearly as little as I do. I've seen a lot of women my age who look even thinner while weighing more.
I've never suffered from ED.... I've just fallen into a bad pattern where I started letting myself just eat whatever I wanted, and NOT eat what I didn't want as long as my weight wasn't changing, without thinking I was harming my health...
I never starved myself or gone hungry...I pretty much ate whenever I was hungry, but I'd get full on tiny portions. I have IBS issues too so that contributed to digestion trouble, bloating and fullness, and didn't help with being able to eat more. Because of it I also found the refined carbs the easiest to digest so I stuck to them, whereas 'heavier' things like meat would end up sitting in my stomach like a rock...before you say doctor, I've been to many over the years with the IBS complaints and have had zero help

Meerataila

A lot of this reminds me of the lightweights on Supersize vs Superskinny (lots of episodes on Youtube if you're interested). People who live for years on sugar and caffeine and child size portions, then end up tired and listless all the time because of it.

Two pounds sounds like it could be pure water weight. The other problem is, you want to gain muscle, and that's extremely hard to do that while eating at maintenance to not gain some weight. You'd have to trade fat for muscle exactly. Maybe some of the body builders on this forum can help with that, but perhaps you should concentrate on finding your maintenance calories while eating healthy foods first. Which means weighing your food and eating back exercise calories, too. It can be a juggling act, especially since burn estimates aren't always accurate, but at least you'll be in a good range. Just don't panic over tiny two or three pound fluctuations.

QuiznatoddBidness

I tried to read the original post...honest I did.

logg1e

Did you manage to get as far as her requesting no mocking or abuse? Or just decide you didn't care if it meant you could post your hilarious image?

be_AL

My advice?

Don't ask the general public about such a detailed medical history. Work closely with a professional. Nutritionist maybe, but someone who works with those who are active and want to gain muscle. Do you research when choosing a practitioner, and don't be afraid to get 2nd, 3rd, or 4th opinions. It only expands your learning.

And stop freaking out. If you're this anxious frequently, your stress levels are probably deteriorating any gains you could hope to have.

PS
Muscle weighs more than fat. Stop obsessing over the number on the scale. If you want to gain muscle and don't currently have much fat, your weight WILL increase.

nettiklive

Did you manage to get as far as her requesting no mocking or abuse? Or just decide you didn't care if it meant you could post your hilarious image?

Thank you.
Honestly, I realized I rambled on for way too long after I wrote it But I wanted to give as much detail as possible.
I've been lurking on here for a long time, and I finally decided to register and post even though I suspected I may get flamed for some of it...

GrindingSalt

Ultimately, this doesn't seem like a question of weight and rather a question of health.

Do you feel well? Are you happy with the way you feel physically? Does your physical health make logical sense to you?

It sounds like the answer to these questions is a resounding no.

What I think would be the best course of action would be to work with a nutritionist. Find ways to hit all the targets for your macro- and micro-nutrient recommendations, make sure you're eating things that will fuel your body and reduce the exhaustion/crankiness/unhappiness. Feeling well for yourself and not being trapped in a body that feels unhealthy should be your priority.

I also think that you need to realistically reevaluate your ideas about your body. It's not necessarily realistic to expect to maintain the exact same weight for your whole life -- your body changes, your metabolism changes, things are going to change and shift. The same way you initially lost a bunch of weight without trying? You might gain a few pounds without trying, too. It's okay. Bodies do that. A body isn't a machine, it's not going to stay "fixed" in one place forever.

Furthermore, you simply can't lose fat and build muscle at the same time. Losing fat = a calorie deficit, while building muscle = a calorie surplus. If you want that to be the end result, you need to commit to a long term plan and allow your body to go through some different phases as you do. Unless you're eating more than you're burning, you jus won't build muscle.

Finally, you mentioned that you loosely tracked your calories a few years ago. Do that again now for a month and see what your numbers are consistently. 800 calories is absolutely not enough for someone's body to run efficiently and well. The chances of you actually hitting the requirements for various things that are related to your health are slim.

I second the people above who have recommended finding a different doctor.

Good luck to you & I hope you find some useful answers on this thread.

nettiklive

PS
Muscle weighs more than fat. Stop obsessing over the number on the scale. If you want to gain muscle and don't currently have much fat, your weight WILL increase.

I realize that. But you can't gain muscle on a deficit, right? And I know I haven't been eating at any kind of a surplus, so I'm pretty sure I haven't gained two pounds of muscle in two months.

SkimFlatWhite68

If you want to FEEL better and LOOK better, throw away the scales. You are not overweight and you don't need a set of scales to run your life.

2lb in 2 months is nothing to be overly concerned about, it could be any number of things.

If you want to feel better, start eating plenty of fresh vegetables every day, lean protein, healthy fats, reduce your recreational sugar and processed foods. Start lifting weights to get your muscles working for you. Walk every day. Make sure you get enough sleep every night and take care of yourself. FEED your body from a nutritional standpoint.

Start using the MFP diary and find out how much you really are eating. Depending on the results, you can tweak your plan after a week, and then another week but for goodness sake, get rid of the focus on the scale and start focusing on what you see in the mirror, how your clothes fit and how you feel about yourself.

As for you dr - saying she prescribed you those meds even though you may not need them and they probably wouldn't do anything. OMG I would be finding a new doctor.

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As for you dr - saying she prescribed you those meds even though you may not need them and they probably wouldn't do anything. OMG I would be finding a new doctor.

I didn't mention that the main reason she prescribed them is because we do want to have another child soon, and she said that once we do start trying i should start taking it and have my levels checked since a tsh of over 3 is associated with higher risk of miscarriage. She said it's up to me whether I want to start it before and see how I feel and whether my symptoms improve, but that I should have it on hand to start if I do get pregnant.

We've just moved states anyways so I will be finding a new dr anyway btw But from everything I've read, which is what I've told her, is many clinicians now recommend a normal tsh range of up to 3 as opposed to 5 - and at 4.37 mine was at upper end of the range as it is. So she wasn't entirely off in prescribing it. However the benefit of actually treating at these levels seems to very much still be debated in medical literature...

Unknown

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