My Emotional Fridge

IowaPrincess

I posted this over a year ago when I thought I was ready for MFP....so I decided to revisit it.....


The one thing in my life that has the quickest effect on my diet is dating.
Whether its a positive or negative experience I still manage to translate it into 1000 calories
If its a good experience involving a lot of positive energy and compliments... i tend to celebrate with carbs and sweets. :drinker:
If its a negative experience that leaves me with doubt or feeling like maybe my ex is the best I will ever do... I just throw on a pizza band aid to sooth the hurt. :sad:
Even now that I have a wonderful bf who met me at my heaviest and think Im gorgeous.... I still want to celebrate with a cookie!

Why is it that my emotions are tied directly to the fridge????
I remember when we were kids... very chubby kids mind you. My mother would reward us with food. Obviously this is not the best idea. I love my mom, but part of me (the chubby part) sort of resents her for this.:grumble:

To this day whenever I experience any strong emotions of success or failure my first thought is food.

I have developed a lot of coping mechanism to help me stop myself and analyze what I am doing and also help me identify what triggers me, but sometimes I just dont catch it in time. :ohwell:
Its like I see a cookie after a rough day, especially from work, and I black out only to awaken with shame and icing on my breath. :yawn:

One day I would love if I celebrate or sooth with a run instead of cupcake ointment.
Hopefully one day I will just toss negativity out the window instead of eating it.
Or celebrate my happiness by buying myself a cute new outfit like I used to.

I love this quote... I always feel like it was wrote for me....
"Do not reward yourself with food...you are not a dog."

Anyway, just my thought for the day.



Crystal

KnitOrMiss

For me, it is almost always stress related. I live in a perpetual state of stress, between income (lack thereof - $5 until payday - ten days away)...sharing a car with my guy, a job I don't like but don't hate but can't afford to leave, no time for anything, never enough sleep...and I could go on. But with the ongoing stress, any spike has to be lopped off at the head before it can grow, etc.

But yes, if I celebrate, my first thoughts are usually about food. I grew up in a home where the adults got special treats they hid from us kids or wouldn't let us eat because 4 children wipe out a small, indulgent box of treats in all of two bites, maybe. So they would buy stuff and we weren't allowed to have it. Of course, because of this we were always devising ways to sneak this or that.

To complicate that matter, my mother was not born here in the US, and she was raised by parents who survived WWII. So putting herself first, no matter what the situation, was something that just did not happen. She always put herself after us kids (until she married my stepdad, which caused the treats/hoarding/hiding/punishment scenario above), and that was our training, so to speak.

So, when I became involved in relationships of any kind, I always put myself last. When I got married, I lost myself in my (now EX) husband's interests and friends, giving up any semblance of my own. Things escalated even more when we had a daughter. Our entire world revolved around her (we were making up for the neglect by our own parents by overcompensating with our child), and after a short time, my ex stopped putting any energy into the marriage, followed not too long after by me doing the same.

I let what little health I did have go, and my schedule was working, and anything else was my daughter's schedule. Fast forward a decade or so, and my ex and I had escalating issues in the marriage. He woke up one day and didn't want to be married, or at best, not to me. That situation dragged out for 4 years because I couldn't afford the divorce, and legal aid wouldn't help because he didn't beat me or my kid. He could afford it, he just didn't want to pay.

Finally one day, I got beyond fed up, took out a loan I couldn't afford, and just paid for everything myself. In order to get him to sign the damn papers, I agreed to less than half of what I was owed. I just wanted it all done. Huge mistake. But, by this time, my marriage was over (thank the Gods!), but my relationship with my daughter was disintegrating as well, for these reasons and more...mostly because everyone around me decided they didn't like the new me that wasn't a doormat anymore.

Luckily, I've now found a man who appreciates me for who I am. It is still nigh on impossible for me to put myself first without any guilt, but I'm a work in progress. Once I firmly put myself first, I will find all I need to complete the healthy tasks that lay in from of me, and with any luck, without the emotional binging along the way.

Good luck to all of us struggling on this path!

cdstaufenbiel

Your quote about food rewards being better suited for dogs is hilarious! I struggle with snacking out of boredom or evening snacking while watching tv. I found a tactic that seems to work for me- I keep carrot slices in the fridge for when I'm snacky but not truly hungry. I know it's not a long term fix to curb overeating, but it helps for right now.

Cheers to working towards enjoying treats without over-indulging!

anewdesign

im with you on this, for sure.
its still something i struggle with!

"oh you lost weight this week? good job! go get a doughnut!"
"so youre stressing over work? it will be okay - after that bag of doritos."

and so on..
i am also in a very loving relationship with a man whom i met when i was heavy, and continued to get heavier during our first year together. i reached my highest weight of 244 while dating him, and never once has he said anything negative about my body. he loves me, and i know that.

i do love that quote about dogs and food rewards - theres a few others i have found along the way that i find helpful too:

"youll get more compliments for working out than for sleeping in"
"its not just the weight you lose, but the life you gain"

and my favourite.. although im terrified to try it... "need motivation? eat in front of a mirror. naked."

eek!!

Fit_Fox88

It's a struggle and takes a lot of will power but you will get there. It sounds like you have the desire and motivation to do it. I just recently got to the point where I want to run to de-stress and it's an awesome feeling. My workouts are so much better when I'm working out anger or stress. I had a fight with myself the other night b/c I wanted to have a few drinks instead of working out. But then I got to thinking about how my dinner plans would suffer b/c I would end up eating junk and then afterward I knew I would feel terrible b/c I had the opportunity to workout and didn't. After weighing that in my mind for about an hour I got up, put on my workout clothes and hit the gym. I felt so much better afterwards.

All it takes is doing it one time and you'll feel so great that you'll want to do it every time. Good luck and keep at it- don't give up!! :flowerforyou:

emmanap91

For me, it's usually stress-related in that when I have a lot on my plate (pun intended), I tend to think, "well, I won't worry about my calories/exercise today, I've got too much else to worry about" and then I eat everything sweet/salty in the vicinity.

pynesol

I love the image of the pizza bandaid. Clever (and insightful)!

ychisholm

It is an emotional fridge. Same with my family. If it is good we eat, bad we eat, bored we eat. Thanks goodness that sweets are not an issue for me. Don't get me wrong, I like them, but can take it or leave it. Now, a plate of pasta, much harder to resist.

tmj4477

For me, it's usually stress-related in that when I have a lot on my plate (pun intended), I tend to think, "well, I won't worry about my calories/exercise today, I've got too much else to worry about" and then I eat everything sweet/salty in the vicinity.

I agree when I am stressed it is VERY difficult for me not to emotionally eat...wine and chocolate are my Achilles heel. However, oddly lately even with all the stress I have going on right now I keep thinking to myself I have worked so hard and I have so many other healthy/athletic goals I want to accomplish screw that bag of Hershey nuggets!! I might do a glass of wine though which is leaps and bounds over the bottle I would normally drink.

UGH endless struggle!

teresamwhite

I come from a big Mexican family of big people. I was always the thin one, the athletic one and so I never really learned to eat very healthily...my activity level and metabolism could handle it. My family centers around the kitchen...prepping food, eating it, planning for the next one...Every victory or hurt, big or small, was celebrated or fixed with food.

Whenever we went out, even just to do grocery shopping meant breakfast before hand, a drink on the way there and lunch or a snack on the way home.

It was hard for me to break those habits and rethink how i celebrate or or work through negative feelings. I am still working on it.

I still go to breakfast before grocery shopping...it's the one quiet time of the week I get to spend with my mother, but i choose from the lighter options (surprisingly, the 400 cal breakfast from Cracker Barrel is now my favorite)...I am choosing to make the healthier choices and skipping those things that in the long run won't fit my new outlook on life.

SupportGeek

Its like I see a cookie after a rough day, especially from work, and I black out only to awaken with shame and icing on my breath. :yawn:

This made me LOL, I pictured myself in the same predicament, only crumbs on my shirt and possibly an empty cookie bag laying next to me, unable to figure out what just happened :laugh:

IowaPrincess

LOL.....Love the posts ladies!!!

GoForLew

I very much understand that. If I was having relationship troubles or dating issues, food was my go-to companion. Because it tasted better than I was feeling. Of course, it is a vicious circle, because I would then blame all my problems on my weight.

When I started dating my current bf, it was like, oh, hey, he is attracted to me the way I am...awesome. Eat, eat, eat. Plus, he can eat whatever he wants and still be minuscule, so I tend to eat what he is eating and that doesn't really work for me.

Of course, I still have these massive insecurities about him not being attracted to me anymore, even though he assures me that it isn't true.

RachelSteeners

I'm there with you ladies... I used to eat my emotions- cheese and crackers, beer and chocolate :blushing:

I've been much better lately... Now I try to think before snacking... I think about how much work I need to do to burn off the snack... Eg My usual serve of cheese and crackers would be 500 calories which would be a long vigorous gym session... Not worth it!

Kaye_Marie

My mother rewards MY daughter with food now. Stuff like chocolate, cookies, treats. And that's exactly what I say. "She is NOT a dog."
I'm trying really hard to not reward myself with dinners and such. I bought myself a shirt that is a tad too small, so when I lose all my weight my reward will be that new shirt!

Meerataila

I don't know what it is about the brain chemicals a new relationship stirs up, but they always give me the munchies. Not that I've been able to use that excuse for awhile. Like, years. :sad:

IowaPrincess

Yep, I feel the same to all of your posts!!!

RekindledRose

I hear you! I usually eat for celebration or sadness. The only time I lost weight over stress was when my life was falling apart, but otherwise.... gimme food!

So many of our holidays are food-centered as well! I like your idea of coping with exercise or something that doesn't go in my mouth. Hmm.. that sounded bad. But you ladies know what I mean! LOL! :flowerforyou:

megtowne

I'm right there too. Something to celebrate? Let's go out to eat! Bad day? Let's get takeout! I find myself craving crunchy things when I'm bored, sweet, chewy things when I'm unhappy, and chocolate and alcohol when I'm stressed. Luckily, I'm often too lazy to make the brownies or cookies I find myself craving. I've started buying a big bag of carrots and chopping them all up once I get them home so that I can take them to work each day when I find myself wanting to munch, but evenings are brutal since I haven't found something that satisfies my craving while still being somewhat healthy. My mom buys "healthy" versions of treats and offers them every time I'm there to visit, but a crappy, fake-tasting, 100 calorie ice cream bar just makes me crave the real thing more.

In my family, if there's something to celebrate, you had a special meal. If people were gathering, there had to be more than enough food for everyone to overeat twice. My husband's family is very similar in that when they get together for a meal, there's enough food to feed everyone for at least 3 days.

IowaPrincess

I also find that "diet" versions of my favorite food just make me want the real thing.
Stress is such a diet killer.

Thanks ladies!