I'm Motivated by my mother

DAM5412

Unfortunately, not in a good way.

My mom is 66 years old. She is diabetic, she has CVD, hypertension, high cholesterol. She eats like crap, always has. Smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, but is down from two a day (for now) so thinks that's enough. She thinks medicine and doctors should fix everything, but doesn't make any efforts herself to modify her behaviors to improve her health.

Over the past year and a half, I have spent most of my time taking care of my mom, going to doctor's appointments, the emergency room, sitting outside of operating rooms, visiting her in rehab (for surgery, not addiction), taking her to physical therapy, maintaining her home (and mine), doing her shopping, her cleaning, her laundry, writing out bills, cleaning out closets, just anything and everything to keep her going. She was diagnosed with heart disease last April and in June had a triple bypass. She was in rehab for 4 weeks then sent home where a few months later she started having fainting episodes and fell multiple times, twice fracturing bones. Back in rehab, more physical therapy. Can't drive. Can't clean her house. Can't care for her elderly pet. I picked up the slack. While working full time and caring for my own family. We got through last summer, Christmas and winter and I thought she was on the right track. But then last week she was sick of feeling sick, so decided to stop taking her insulin as she is supposed to. Well, she's been in the hospital since Tuesday because her heart is racing and her blood sugar is off the charts. Three days later and they are still struggling to get it under control.

I am sad, scared and very frustrated. With all the good, fun, kind things about my mother, this is what is burning in as a lasting memory, for myself and my children. Her obesity, her lack of exercise and her cigarette smoking is KILLING her. But she won't change. She won't take care of herself. I do know it's hard. She thinks I don't understand because I never smoked, but I know the strength it takes to say no to the immediate gratification of something and to put effort into doing something which won't feel good right now. And I also know the feeling of watching someone you love self destruct and no matter how much you do for them, if they do not modify their behaviors, your efforts are wasted.

So, while I am still here for my mom and still doing all the things that she needs done to live her daily life, I am now working on me again. I'm watching what I eat, working out 4-6 times a week (getting up at the crack of dawn and earlier, if necessary) and thinking of my long term health. I am reasonably healthy, no medications, but as both parents are diabetic, I am scared **** to get on that path. I know I am a role model to my kids, but more than that I never, ever want to be a burden or a worry. It's sad. Because I LOVE my mom and, although I am venting here, I will continue to do whatever is needed for her to be well taken care of and happy. I just wish she took the time over the years that she gave to others, to take care of herself. I wish she had the good habits and strength now when she really needs it.

kgeyser

I'm sorry about your mom. That is very sad and it must be incredibly frustrating for you. But I am glad you are taking time for you in the midst of this and making changes for yourself. Hopefully your mom will change her mind and decide that she's ready to make some changes as well, she may just need to hit bottom to find her motivation. :flowerforyou:

mckat08

WOW, so sorry for you, your family and your mom. Certainly puts my "not so big issues" into perspective. I will keep all of you in my thoughts.