Positive Thinking...

thatsrontoyou

So since getting support, whether virtual or not, is my goal here, I figure I will kind of use this forum as a bloggish type sitch. I do have my own blog that I do, but I hate to add fitness and weight loss to that...I already write enough embarrassing stuff about myself

To start, I am going to tell you a bit about me, so that way you can kind of understand how my brain works, and where my thoughts and feelings tend to cycle to during this "get healthy" crap.

First of all, you may have noticed I am a bit sarcastic..... I know, I know, its a defense mechanism. I get it. I have a degree in psychology. But, I like sarcasm--mine and everyone else's.. I am not big on taking too much seriously....even when it should be taken seriously--like getting healthier. I am learning boundaries with it...kind of. Trying. Sort of.

Also, two things about me: I am very blunt--the chance that I will offend you at some point is very high. I don't have a good filter--even in virtual land. I write like I talk. And I am extremely honest--I tell it how it is. (see the sentence about being blunt). I have learned that sugar-coating things gets you nowhere but miserable. I would rather have the ugly truth, than a pretty lie.
HOWEVER, I am old enough not to be rude. I think. So if it comes across that way--I am officially apologizing in advance. I absolutely do not like hurting people's feelings on purpose. I am a huge believer in karma...........and that is just bad karma there.

I am learning tact. I promise.

I also swear like a drunken sailor. Bad. My mouth is so bad. My daughter swears I say the f-bomb at least twice in every sentence--but I don't believe her. She says I don't even realize how often I swear--that's how much I do it. I totally ****ing disagree.

I do manage to keep the swearing to a minimum in my writing though...so lucky you guys! But pardon the French if I slip. And feel free to swear up a storm in your replies. I love it! Also, I don't believe you can truly convey strong feelings with using a **** or two here and there............that's all I am saying.

I am one of those people who don't have a ton of self-esteem issues--rather, I am probably a bit on the narcissistic side. I have a tendency to be rather selfish sometimes, and I can justify pretty much anything. I also can (and probably will) give you a billion excuses as to why I couldn't do (insert healthy behavior here).

I have recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and have been working my way through all that for the last couple months...which has been harder than anything I have ever done. The biggest part of having any mental disorder is keeping it at the forefront of your mind so you can consciously see what triggers you, what motivates you, what justifications you use to not do a certain behavior, etc, etc. The point is to be aware--at all times.

One of the things that I am learning is that when I do manage to do some physical activity, my pride in myself swells and I want to do more, just to get that feeling again. When I justify why I didn't do something, I always tend to feel bad, which leads to negative self-talk and puts me in a bad place in my head.

I have a very addictive personality, and for the first time in my life, I am actually going to try to use that addictiveness for good, instead of evil. Ok, I've never really used it for evil...but I have been addicted to things I am not proud of....drugs/alcohol/cigarettes/ect.

Right now, my biggest vices--and barriers--to losing weight are this: soda and laziness.

I am SO not ready to give up the soda. Baby steps people, baby steps.

I am pretty sure that I am ready to curb the lazy though. And not just for me. My dogs need me to be active for them, my daughter really needs me to be active for her--she is struggling with her weight and self-esteem right now (she is 19).

I hate being a hypocrite and telling her to go do this or that---as I am sitting perched on my couch, feet up, with a freakin soda in my hand. D'oh.

So even if I cannot get myself motivated FOR myself, I am convinced I can get myself motivated for my daughter.......... Well, at least I am gonna give it a really good shot.

So tell me about you guys and your struggles.....It always helps to know you are not alone.

Thank you guys for current and future support! I hope we can all motivate, kick each other in the *kitten*, talk ****, and even just listen to each other. Everyone has something to contribute....regardless of how others feel about it.

Peace out for now!

Ron