Are any of you as frustrated about online dating as I am?

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  • SimplyMandee
    SimplyMandee Posts: 6 Member
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    Charlee, i have been single for 7 years, the people i have met online have all turned out to be perverts or jerks. dont feel bad, only old men or creepy ones message me too! and i dont think you look any different than anyone else.
  • Swiftlet66
    Swiftlet66 Posts: 729 Member
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    Dated three guys off of an online dating website and that was three guys too much. Not for me either.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I had great experiences, only a few weirdos, and overall loved it. I met my husband on OK Cupid.

    My tips

    be really picky
    be realistic about who you are & what you want with a very detailed profile
    never pay for it. I took a look at eHarmony and Match via a friend who was paying for both...and the same guys were on the free sites anyway, like OK Cupid and POF
    meet within 7 days of talking to someone online to see if there's an attraction (avoid wasting time)

    I do think it helps if you live in a medium to large city more like say Omaha, St Louis, Raleigh, Phoenix, etc. Rural or small towns could make it pointless or meeting nothing but long distance folks. And I'd imagine it is overwhelming in a huge metropolis like NYC or LA.
  • tedrickp
    tedrickp Posts: 1,229 Member
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    Tinder is great

    Just due to the ease of setting up a profile and the ease of swipe left -> swipe right. I think dating in general is a numbers game and you have just as much chance meeting a weirdo in any setting as you do online IMO.
  • mtyler7718
    mtyler7718 Posts: 24
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    Is is just me or do any of you feel that online dating is more of a pain than meeting people in traditional ways?

    I have to admit that I am not great at the online dating thing.

    Personally, online dating was so much fun--and I met my beloved husband online. (we've been together 14 years and married for 7). My first husband died in 1992, which was devastating for me. I needed to change my life so I decided to went to school--and then I went on to graduate school. From 1992 - 2000, I dated but not seriously. I found it hard to meet men because I no longer wanted to go to bars and hang out (my normal way of meeting people when I was in my twenties).

    So, I put a profile on a popular online dating site and I had a blast meeting new people--some of whom are still friends, even though there was no romantic connection. When I met my husband, it was truly great. Because he was bicoastal at that time (and we both are today), I didn't actually meet him in person for nearly 6 months--we just kept missing each other for that first date because of business travel and I was working on my dissertation). In those 5.5 months, we really got to know each other on every level other than sexual one, and that was perfect. We became friends before we were ever sexual and I think that's key. For me, it worked out great because you can meet those who you KNOW you have commonalities with. When you meet ;people f2f, the sexual chemistry can often mask problems that are bound to happen sooner or later.

    I know everyone is different but particularly for people who are older, busy, and who don't want to hang out in bars--it's a fabulous way to meet compatible people who are also looking to meet people.

    JMO! A couple of suggestions I have to those who do want to online date. 1). Always submit an honest picture of yourself and it should be a body shot, not just a head one. Be HONEST. I think that is the biggest problem in why dates might not work out. People submit the most flattering picture of themselves and then there's more chance of disappointment on one or the other's part. 2). NEVER meet for dinner or lunch for the first time. Meet for coffee so in case there isn't a connection, you won't waste the time and money on a big fancy meal. 3). Create a special email address only for online dating in case you meet a weirdo who starts to be a problem. 4). Never give a person you don't know your address; always meet in a public place for the first date. and 5) have fun with it. Go into it with the attitude that you aren't desperate to find a partner but just want to have fun dating. Then if you meet that perfect person, it's even better. LOL. My sister always says that the key to happiness is lowering your expectations. (Sorry for the book--lol).
  • kristarablue2
    kristarablue2 Posts: 386 Member
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    I have had mixed thoughts about it. I have the guys that only want to talk about sex which is pretty easy to get rid of them when you don't participate or if you don't answer. I think I just don't appreciate it when someone does not want to get to know me and my awesomeness....However I have dated a few people for some length of time. One I dated recently I really really really liked and we had a ton in common, same age, same education, same parenting style and compatible…but then he was not ready or he did not feel it....ya that really sucked. But really how else do you meet someone. The hardest part is when someone says they want something but really don't or are not ready for it. I have had some old men approach me but really my issue is lots and lots of younger men would approach me. Like early 20 - 30 and many early 20s I think they are looking for someone more experienced because they sure would not be interested in a relationship with an older women but then I am a stickler about age range and won’t entertain such things. UGH...I am rambling...yes it is extremely frustrating!!! Lots of first dates but if I don't feel it or they don't, there is no need for a second. Not sure how else to make it happen.
  • I_need_moar_musclez
    I_need_moar_musclez Posts: 499 Member
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    Tried it last year. It completely shattered my confidence and I rarely leave the house now.
  • fatfudgery
    fatfudgery Posts: 449 Member
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    Real talk, OP: If everyone you meet is a weirdo, maybe you're the weirdo...
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    For me, it worked out great because you can meet those who you KNOW you have commonalities with. When you meet ;people f2f, the sexual chemistry can often mask problems that are bound to happen sooner or later.

    I completely agree. So many of my friends and acquaintances, male and female, are in relationships or even marriages with people who DO NOT meet their "dealbreakers" sometimes even on really big things like religion, lifestyle, etc. I think with online dating it is much easier to ensure that potential partners meet those "requirements" ahead of time!

    I know in face to face situations I have been somewhat attracted to men who would be so wrong for me if I entered a relationship with them, and I can see all of the potential problems and fights that would occur. For some people, that's just the norm -- to enter into relationships with people who are FUNDAMENTALLY opposite to them. Maybe they like working with the person, or living near the person, or they have become infatuated with the person's eyes and smile -- and while it may work out some of the time, very often it does not.

    I see this as a huge advantage of online dating...at least it was for me :-)
  • achaiadust
    achaiadust Posts: 17
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    I've done almost nothing but online dating. It's really hard and there's a lot of trust involved too - But to me it's been easier. Instead of traditional ways where you pray some guy will appreciate your personality before the fat on your legs, online you tend to do just that. More because you're forced to, really, but there you go.

    I could do either, and that's just my preference. If you don't like it, I can completely see why - But I always enjoyed it. For me it's been hard, because it was beaten into me (literally) by my peers that I was this fat ugly lump nobody would ever love. So I naturally, as an adult, feel a lot more comfortable expressing myself to people who can't see me. By now, it's just trauma I'm sure. I'm here now because I want to build that confidence up and be able to have my boyfriend appreciate me more. (He's online too ^_^)

    So hang in there! Like Jake the Dog always said - Sucking at something is the first step of kinda being good at something. :D

    PS - You're awesome. :3 Have a great day!
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
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    Okay, I hunted for Mr. Right for 42 years! Age 12 to age 54. Seriously. 42 years. I tried every method -- through friends, school, churches, work, bars, dating services, singles nights at a supermarket, various activity clubs (including the nudists), and online. All led me to meet and date a wide variety of nice guys, friends, toads and creeps. I found my Bill online. We knew the day we met we had found each other. Doing it online, we were able to cut out a lot of the preliminary mismatches by specifying politics, religion, eduction, etc. I thank my lucky stars every day that we were on the same site at the same time. Kismet. My profile pick is on our wedding day in 2005.
  • serafinelaveaux
    serafinelaveaux Posts: 45 Member
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    I got into online dating because at the time, living in the excruciatingly small town that I did, single guys with stable jobs and no nasty habits might as well have been unicorns. When a married one got a divorce, the single women pulled out all the stops to land them. Gave a whole new meaning to Friday Night Hoe Downs.

    Anyhoo...

    Lot of playas, losers, and married guys pretending to be single, but in the end I found an amazing guy and we've been married for 5 years now. Or maybe 6. I'm awful with dates. Found him on Match.com. He's awesome, totally accepts me exactly like I am, married me at my absolute fattest and is my biggest cheerleader in everything I do. :)
  • wolfie640
    wolfie640 Posts: 49 Member
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    Charlee, i have been single for 7 years, the people i have met online have all turned out to be perverts or jerks. dont feel bad, only old men or creepy ones message me too! and i dont think you look any different than anyone else.

    Thanks for putting us 'old men' in with the creepy guys!

    From a male perspective , I've tried the online dating sites since my divorce 10 yrs ago and in that time I've had a Cpl of 'long term' relationships. They ultimately failed but we still remain good friends so I'm thankful for that at least. But one thing I will say is you need to have thick skin....its so much easier for someone to reject you (and visa versa) from the comfort of your home!

    p.s. both my relationships from online dating were with women older than me ! (just saying)
  • Debbjones
    Debbjones Posts: 278 Member
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    I'm not a big fan of online dating but I met the man of my life on OkCupid in January. :) You might like this TED talk from a girl who was also frustrated with online dating : https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating

    You were so right to suggest this website and video. Seriously, I am the kind of person who seldom takes the time to watch these videos and I instantly closed the page; but, the other positive comments from others in our community sent me back for a second time. The video, which I thought was going to be so long and boring was just the opposite, it was witty, insightful and lasted just long enough to keep me interested!

    Thanks so much for the suggestion, now I am off to take another look at my on-line dating profile!
  • sugarstrawberries
    sugarstrawberries Posts: 140 Member
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    People don't interact with me (resting queenb!tchface maybe, also I am oblivious). I don't know any other way to go about dating and never have. My experiences have been progressively worse as I've gotten older. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    I've had a profile at OkCupid on and off for about six years, and it seems that people don't want to put forth the effort to read a profile or take the time to fill out an actual message or to actually date. When I first started, I met some very nice people and had good conversation through messages, met a long term boyfriend there, but now I can count the actual conversations I've had on one hand. 90% of the messages I get say either, "Hey wuz up" or "Your beutiflu!" and the only really good ones have been from women. Men are gross.
  • Debbjones
    Debbjones Posts: 278 Member
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    I really must say this has been an enlightening read for me. I thought it was just me who attracted losers and guys looking to simply "Hook-up"!

    One thing I have noticed of late the guys in my age bracket... who went through a break-up not so long ago... well they start looking for connections that are outside their preference. In the last year two fellows wanted to meet me for coffee, we arranged to meet and I come to find out later they prefer women of the Asian culture. I am Irish American, there is nothing about me that would fit an Asian mold... why waste my time and theirs if from the get go the physical attraction is not there!

    Moving on... :-)
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    1. Only use the free sites. They work just as well (or as badly) as paid ones.
    2. Have reasonable expectations.
    3. It's going to take awhile. Feel free to deactivate when you need a break.

    I met my husband through Plenty Of Fish, but I had to kiss a heck of a lot of toads before him. Also, dating sites have many more men than women, so if you are a man, it will be even more difficult to get a woman to respond, because she is getting inundated. :laugh:
  • tedrickp
    tedrickp Posts: 1,229 Member
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    so if you are a man, it will be even more difficult to get a woman to respond, because she is getting inundated. :laugh:

    :laugh: So true.

    I told a friend about Tinder and like 15 minutes later she responded "WTF I already have 93 messages". I just sat back with the :grumble: face.
  • Beautiful_disaster40
    Beautiful_disaster40 Posts: 154
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    Not online but dating in general, think I'll be single for a long time and learn how to cook or something :wink:
  • tristan299
    tristan299 Posts: 2,537 Member
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    never done online dating so, no. lol

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