My dad just passed away. Lost my motivation

DebraYvonne

I lost my mom last year and my dad in 2005 and I know the grieving you are going through. My advice is just take a few days off and heal - don't worry about logging. You may want to go to a professional counselor or minister and talk things through. Grieve your loss and you will heal. It just takes time. I will say a prayer for you today. Hugs

sassyjae21

Honestly, i wouldn't worry about it right now. Take care of your mental health right now. Come back to it when you are ready. Take the time to grieve. This isn't a priority. I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through.

annehdavis

I was doing great until my father passed away after a heart surgery two years ago. I lost my motivation and ate my sorrows away. Give yourself time to heal. I am so sorry you lost your father. It will get better each day. Look back on good memories.

AbbeyDove

I lost both my parents within the past 10 years. I'm so sorry you have to go through this in your twenties. I was in my late thirties and early 40s. I think it's one of the hardest things we go through in this human life. In the first few weeks it's hard to do anything other than put one foot in front of the other.

I found it helpful to distract myself from grieving at times. I watched a lot of movies. I actually liked going to work because my work is so busy that there's no time to think about anything else, although I did lose it occasionally at work too.

Exercise can help with the sadness. It helped me a lot when I could get myself to go. Making a pact with a caring friend to go to a class can help. People will understand and even appreciate it if you can say to them, "I need you" during this time. Everyone tends to feel somewhat helpless in the face of a loss like this, so having a concrete way to help gives them an opportunity. I cried while I was exercising sometimes, but I figured that the tears just looked like sweat, and no one was paying attention anyway.

Be gentle with yourself right now. For me, almost everything other than taking care of my husband and son seemed trivial and pointless for a while. However, I also knew that my parents loved me, and that they would want me to be healthy and well in the long run. You are part of your dad's legacy on this earth.

I wish you peace, and a strong memory of your father's love to sustain you.

Carla

NdilekaManana

Hi My dear, loosing parents is the most traumatic experience, if this helps you, I would love to share my story, in 2011, I lost both my parents. My dad on the 25 Dec (Xmas day) and my mom the following weekend on 1 jan (New Years day). For the 1st week I actually thought it was the end of the world, I am actually the opposite from you,when I have pain I eat my sorrows with lots of comforting food like big carbs. So I somehow know how it feels. My advice is focus on the good memories you had with your dad and pretend as if he is still around the only thing is He is not physical. Pray to God that you get healed quickly because if you focus all you energies on Him, you get better quicker, I am sure in the process, you will find your appetite back. Am very sorry to hear about your dad, you will be okay it takes time but I promise you it get better everyday.

brenn24179

I am sure your Dad would want you to take care of yourself and would want good things for you. My neighbor/best friend died this year and it was not expected, I was so shocked. It was so painful. DO some good stuff for yourself helps. We just took a trip and actually had some fun which I thought would never happen. It was healing.

thatgirlkellib

( Big Hugs ) sorry to hear about your father. take it day by day...and sometimes a quick walk or long walk does good for the mind body and soul : )

Phanntom

Michelle...I'm sorry for your loss and having never lost a close family member unexpectedly I can't know how you feel...I DO know how your father felt though having had my own "event" about 18 months ago....in my case when I arrested I was in the ER and they were able after a minute and a half to bring me back. I can tell you....this much. The loss your father suffered is the same loss you feel...just as you miss him...he knew he wasn't going to see you anytime soon either. I know that because my son was standing right next to me when it happened to me....when it occurs...you are unable to respond "outside" your body in any way...you can think and feel but cannot act.

I suspect in your schooling you've been taught that the sudden death of someone close is not something you're over in a few days...it's going to take time and it's going to be a process...there's no need to rush it.

If it were me...my first goal would be, based on the fact my dad probably would feel the same way for me, would be to not undo all the progress I've made to this point. I haven't tried to look at your diaries to know if you have exercise as part of your program....if you don't...you might want to begin with a 15 or 30 minute brisk walk. Find some very light music to play into your headphones lightly in the background and during your timed walk...think about all the good times you had with your father.

Recalling these times are not only honoring your fathers memory, but also has him playing a role in your new health regimen. A 30 minute walk will burn about 100 calories and the whole thing will be a way to heal both mind and body.

socajam

Hey, my name is Michelle and I am 21 years old. My dad passed away 2 weeks ago on fathers day from a massive heart attack. These past two weeks have been miserable and i haven't been eating, or when i do eat, it isn't healthy at all. I know that i need to get back to this but i need a lot of help..I would love some motivation and support from people who understand what i'm going through or who won't judge me.

Thank you!

I know what you are going through. I very close cousin died on Friday - June 27th. Everyone knew she was very sick, except me. When asked why I was not told, the reply is she wanted to tell me herself.

All I can say is take one day at a time. Some days you will cry nonstop, other days you will be laughing when you think of all the happy times with your Dad.

It's will be a long road to recovery, with many bumps in between. Try and not to keep things bottled up, find someone you can talk to, even its a non-family member - trust me it will help.

MzOnree

Michelle, you have been given a lot of excellent advice here. What matters is what you need to do for yourself to help you cope through this most difficult time. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

I had lost my parents almost seven months apart and some other family members around the same time. I understand you not wanting to eat or eating the wrong things. This really isn't the time to worry about dieting but focusing on healing. Please remember to eat though! Being with family and crying, remembering all the silly or funny things your father did or said and just cherishing all of your memories of him will help you cope. Please know that your father is with you now and will always be by your side. It may be the little tickle that you get on the back of your neck or the penny that is lying on the ground as your heading into the mall that are little signs from your father.

Your doing fantastic on your weight loss journey and your schooling. Give yourself time to regroup before taking on any new adventures or tasks. Time never really makes everything better, you will always miss your father. But somehow we find the strength to go on and remember the happier times of our loved ones. Your father would want you to finish your schooling, continue your new healthy life style and be all that you can be.

Take all the time you need to morn. Sometimes exercising can help with the anger or frustration. Do what feels right to you. But remember, you must get out of bed and do something. Do anything! You must do what you can so your not overcome with depression.

I wish you well and hope you find happiness in the days ahead. That is what your father would want for you. My prayers are with you and your family at this time.

Ksh1055

There are no words, "my condolences" doesn't seem to convey my empathy with you. I believe you're still in shock as there is so much to take care of after that it doesn't give you any time to grieve. I know that everyone who knows you means well, but there really isn't anything but time that can heal your broken heart (and then only so far, there'll always be a void"). I'm was in my mid- 50's when my Dad passed away from lung cancer and I was devastated, but also so relieved he was no longer in excruciating pain. He had a few close calls over the past 10 years, but I knew this time (long before anyone else wanted to acknowledge it)was going to be the last. He was the only parent I had, all grandparents have been deceased for years.

People will tell you to get out, walk, exercise, be with friends, stay active, volunteer, and a hundred other ways to occupy your mind - and they are right. The problem is that for me I knew what I should be doing, but just could not bring myself to do them. Other than keeping in touch through phone and going to the farm once or twice a week to be there for my step-mom, I shut myself off from everything else. She and I did all the thank you cards, and I listened/cried hearing her talk about Dad. She joined a local support group and goes to church and that has worked for her, along with talking about her memories with Dad. It gives her comfort to take out the video of the pictures run during the visitation and the video of the service where my nephews and stepsister gave a wonderful eulogy and memories of Dad and what he meant to them. Even though copies of both were made for all us kids, I can't watch them yet and don't know when I will.

My brothers won't talk about him to anyone (not even wives), and one of them who's best friend was Dad (and very much like him) asked his wife to remove pictures of Dad they had around the house, telling her he thinks of him him everyday and doesn't need pictures to remind him.

If I could have found a support group for adults who have lost a parent I would have tried out a couple of meetings to see if they would work for me, but I'm not sure. Everyone says a loss is a loss, but I disagree. Even those who have the same parent experience a totally different degree and feeling of loss depending on how close you were.

I don't cry everyday like I used to, but I do often. I have kept out the two pictures of Dad that have always been there. Any others along with the videos are stored away. All I can tell you is to go with it and if talking about him helps you I hope your are lucky enough to have someone you can do so with. Every year it hits me from March 31st (his b-day) - Father's Day. The sorrow is still there, but it does slowly and eventually get easier on you. The first year, every holiday or special day is a 1st and that's very hard.

Take Care . . . .and if nothing else just try to get in some protein drinks, bars and yogurt for a while.

Loretmuller

Oh sweetie,so sorry for you and your family loss. Thinking of u

speedracer2007

Hi Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. This loss would be just as devastating if you're 21 or 61. The only thing that will help is time, friends & remembering ls the good memories & experiences you had with him. Try to believe that he would not want you to be devastated by this. My dad told me that his passing is all a natural part of life. Don't beat yourself up for losing your motivation, it's certainly a natural reaction. You will find your way when you're ready. Exercise will help beat down depression because the body releases endorphines which fight pain, both physical & emotional, thus will make you feel better. Good Luck.

Grammie4VT

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost both of my parents within a year of each other. They were both only 48 years old and I was young like you. It is so hard. I feel your pain. ((hugs)) sweetie. Hang in there. You will get a lot of support here.

Veil5577

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I was the youngest in my family, and over the years I've had to watch the members of my family pass away. None are left now. And I'm only 44.

You have to let yourself grieve. It isn't healthy and does no good not to. Give yourself time to let your dad go and move on. Don't worry about anything else right now. You'll have plenty of time to focus on your weight loss goals when the pain has gone down a little bit. And you will find yourself stronger. :flowerforyou:

RobertaTurnbullRay

I am so sorry. I know how painful it is to lose a father you really loved. I suspect your dad would want you to take extra good care of yourself, and that thought may help to motivate you. As someone who has been there, I can tell you that you will continue to miss your dad even 25 years later, but the intense sense of loss will go away in a few years.

cwolfman13

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My dad passed away recently as well, just before Christmas last year. I had a great deal of difficulty eating...I was just too sad and too depressed to eat. I basically forced fed myself something a few times a day (that wasn't bourbon) because I knew I needed something for nourishment. I did continue to exercise as that was about the only time that I could stop thinking about him.

You have to give yourself some time to grieve to be sure...but ultimately for me, I knew that my dad's complications and ultimately his heart attack (at 61) were a result of living a very unhealthy lifestyle. He's one of the big reasons I got into all of this nutrition and fitness stuff in the first place...I didn't want to go down that same path, and this was before he died. He was incredibly proud of me and what I had accomplished in getting my **** together and choosing a different path than he did...so ultimately I figured it would be a disservice to him if I let my life go to **** with his passing.

I would also strongly suggest grief counseling...I basically shunned the idea for a couple of months before I completely broke down and then started seeing someone weekly. It has helped tremendously to have someone neutral to talk to about things; it's different than talking to family or friends.

Lizzym911

Please take care of yourself , after my Dad passed I can't tell you anything about what happened for about a month, I don't remember a thing it's like a fog in my memory. Well about 4 months after my dad passed I landed up in the hospital with the worst stomach pains in my life and they diagnoised me type 2 diabetic brought on by stress and not eating right. I wish I could go back and do that whole year over because now I have what killed my dad, and I don't want my kids to suffer the way I have by losing a parent. I know my dad would have been angry watching me doing what I did to myself by either not eating or eating and binging on the wrong foods out of grief. So I understand and I know how your feeling but try in your daddy's memory try and stay healthy, he would not want you to make yourself sick. 12 yrs later I still cry and feel like it was yesterday, I don't promise you it will be easy but it will get easier, you'll always miss him but the good memories will make you cry happy tears instead of sad ones and your daddy will live on in your heart and they'll be days you'll know he's still with you, in time you'll Understand what I'm saying. So please take care of you.. Big hugs .

jarikajohnson

Hi Michelle,

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that your heart heals fast from this terrible heart break. I don't know if I have any motivation, but I do know that your dad would want you at your happiest and healthiest. I hope that your journey to health helps you heal from the pain of your loss. Take everything one day at a time, and it will all work out for your good. Blessings and peace!

caracrawford1

I am so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

katematt313

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words when one loses a beloved parent.

I've been there! I lost my mom to cancer, and it was so traumatic. Not only did I not care what food I put in to my body (the cheesier, the chocolaty-er, the better), but we were also inundated with the least healthy food you can imagine, all from friends and family seeking to offer comfort (through comfort food).

Truthfully, eating that crap was the worst thing I could do.

My mother had health problems because of choices she made during her life, coupled with an inherited predisposition towards a certain type of illness. I'm describing her cancer, but heart problems are often the result of that same combination.

I decided that if I wanted to live a long and healthy life, I needed to exert control over what I could control. Her passing was a big motivator for me becoming healthier.

So, you may want to take the bull by the horns. For your own health, and in memory of your dad.

RekindledRose

You are your dads greatest gift he can give to the world. Don't ever forget that..

^^^ This!

I think that your dad would want you to embrace life! Take little steps and don't be too hard on yourself. Grieving takes time.

I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

32sami

Really sorry to hear about your dad.

sentaruu

I am very sorry to hear about your father. it's definitely rough to lose someone so close to you so young in life. keep your chin up and your feet moving forward. it will take time but you will get through this.

SMKean90

i am so sorry for your loss
I can't blame you for losing motivation, if your not eating very well and only being able to eat the odd naughty thing, i dont think it really matters too much so long as you get something in you.

Take a break, come back when your ready, no one will blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself either.