Wish I had his weight problem
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No, I'm not jealous. Being underweight can be just as much of a problem as being overweight. Is it so hard for some people to understand a solid relationship in which partners can joke with each other? We are secure in our relationship and happen to understand each other's sense of humor. We tease each other good naturedly, not out of spite. Maybe a lot of you have had bad situations with mean and spiteful people, and for that, I'm sorry for you. You don't have to bother defending my husband from BIG, bad, me, because he doesn't have a problem with me. He DOES have a problem with gaining weight. If you have any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions, he would really appreciate it.
How were we supposed to know that's the kind of relationship y'all had if you don't explicitly say that in your post?
Constructive suggestion: Forget about weight. Get him to quit smoking.0 -
At 6'2" and 143 lbs, he's just barely in the underweight category according to the BMI chart (he's at 18.4 and underweight is anything below 18.5).
If there's no underlying medical condition, he just has to eat more than he burns. Either get him to eat more of what he likes, or find a way to increase the calorie count of what he's already eating. It might look to you like he just sits around, eats and never gains, but it's probably just the case that he eats less than he burns. Eating more in order to gain weight is really difficult for a lot of people, and you're going to have a really hard time dragging him through that if he doesn't want to.
Also, not to jump on the bandwagon, but there's a similar stigma surrounding skinny men as there is around fat women. If you wouldn't make jokes about a woman being too fat, you shouldn't make jokes about a man being too skinny.
EDIT: Has he been checked for diabetes?
He doesn't have diabetes. He's depressed because of his situation, and he has always had a high metabolism. He will be the first to tell you that he's tired of sitting around, doing not much of anything. His back hurts him on a daily basis, and will go out on him over the darndest things. The other day, he mixed up a 2 gal. bucket with chemicals and tossed it in the pool. The simple motion caused his back to go out, and he ended up at the doctor's office. He has been denied twice for disability benefits. I forgot to mention that he has an EXTREME phobia when it comes to surgery of any kind, so I doubt he'd allow surgery even if he did quit smoking.0 -
Also, not to jump on the bandwagon, but there's a similar stigma surrounding skinny men as there is around fat women. If you wouldn't make jokes about a woman being too fat, you shouldn't make jokes about a man being too skinny.
THIS! My husband and I are the same height and I outweigh him by about forty pounds (curves + just had a baby). He used to be around 140 at 6 feet tall and is now 180-ish due to lots of time at the gym building muscle. Anyway, throughout high school he told me he was constantly made fun of for being so skinny and his parents were even accused of not feeding him quite a few times when he was a child. He was lanky, and it sucked for him bigtime.0 -
No, I'm not jealous. Being underweight can be just as much of a problem as being overweight. Is it so hard for some people to understand a solid relationship in which partners can joke with each other? We are secure in our relationship and happen to understand each other's sense of humor. We tease each other good naturedly, not out of spite. Maybe a lot of you have had bad situations with mean and spiteful people, and for that, I'm sorry for you. You don't have to bother defending my husband from BIG, bad, me, because he doesn't have a problem with me. He DOES have a problem with gaining weight. If you have any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions, he would really appreciate it.
How were we supposed to know that's the kind of relationship y'all had if you don't explicitly say that in your post?
Constructive suggestion: Forget about weight. Get him to quit smoking.
I'm really sorry about not being more specific. We're just so used to goofing around that I didn't stop to think how others might take it...especially, when it's on a weight loss board. My sincerest apologies! As to the smoking, I've begged him to quit for years. He has tried the Chantix, but it kept him awake at night and gave him strange dreams. When I ask if he wants to quit, he gives me funny looks and comes up with excuses. I don't think he really wants to. He has COPD, and the beginnings of emphysema, too. He went to a hypnotist once, but chuckled to himself the whole time he was there. It's up to him to want it bad enough, I guess.0 -
Ouch.. with the body shaming.
Regardless, I recommend foods high in omega-g's
Will he eat avocado on his hamburgers?
He has never tried eating an avocado. He'll say he doesn't like something without even trying it. I'm telling you, he's a difficult one when it comes to food. I you put him in front of a dessert buffet, he could eat through most of it, though.0 -
Gaining weight is just as frustrating as losing weight sometimes. Eating beyond the point of being full can be nauseating and painful.
If he likes pork chops, I would try some fattier cuts like pork shoulder. Pulled pork made with "country ribs" or "pork butt" or "pork shoulder" are all pretty calorie dense, and super delicious.
I would also sneak cream into the potatoes, and try and find a protein powder he finds palatable.
It's all about calorie dense foods, so that you can consume more without feeling uncomfortably stuffed.
EDIT: here's how I make my pork shoulder. Carnitas are pretty hard to turn away: http://happygoodtime.com/2011/11/08/mexican-style-tacos-de-carnitas-crispy-pulled-pork-tacos/
I'll have to check that out; thank you! I have had to sneak things into food before. When he says he doesn't like something, I'll say, "You've eaten that...you just don't know what in!" Lol!0 -
No, I'm not jealous. Being underweight can be just as much of a problem as being overweight. Is it so hard for some people to understand a solid relationship in which partners can joke with each other? We are secure in our relationship and happen to understand each other's sense of humor. We tease each other good naturedly, not out of spite. Maybe a lot of you have had bad situations with mean and spiteful people, and for that, I'm sorry for you. You don't have to bother defending my husband from BIG, bad, me, because he doesn't have a problem with me. He DOES have a problem with gaining weight. If you have any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions, he would really appreciate it.He doesn't have diabetes. He's depressed because of his situation, and he has always had a high metabolism. He will be the first to tell you that he's tired of sitting around, doing not much of anything. His back hurts him on a daily basis, and will go out on him over the darndest things. The other day, he mixed up a 2 gal. bucket with chemicals and tossed it in the pool. The simple motion caused his back to go out, and he ended up at the doctor's office. He has been denied twice for disability benefits. I forgot to mention that he has an EXTREME phobia when it comes to surgery of any kind, so I doubt he'd allow surgery even if he did quit smoking.
Mk- well that's good you have an excellent working relationship. I can tell you my BF calls me all sorts of things that would send this place into a tizzy- slore and see you next tuesday are words regularly used between us.
But I started making some jokes about his body image- because he doesn't work out much- and it became very clear to me he wasn't interested- at at some point I realized he was hurt and his reaction was defensive and he shut me out of that part of his life and I can tell you I have great self esteem- I know he loves me- and I know I'm fabulous. But if he were to make fun of my thighs (he never would) but if he did- I would be hurt- I might not say it - but I would be deeply hurt. Honest truth is one thing- but picking fun of someone- even who has a great sense of humor is really not the way to go.
You said he is depressed about the situation- I can promise- making fun of him even in the most earnest of jokes isn't going to help him. You're just making him feel more overwhelmed.
But I'll repeat what I have said- unless you smother everything in butter when you cook for extra calories- you aren't going to do anything for him. He HAS to want to change on his own. So The next time he complains about it, tell him- well if you care enough- then you would change. Otherwise shut up because I can't change it for you.
That's what I would say and do.
The only way to gain weight is to eat more. Milk- cookies- ice cream- more chicken- more rice. more oatmeal. all the things. He has to eat more. Plain and simple. A weight training program would help too-but I would see a therapist first - bones in back and all.0 -
No, I'm not jealous. Being underweight can be just as much of a problem as being overweight. Is it so hard for some people to understand a solid relationship in which partners can joke with each other? We are secure in our relationship and happen to understand each other's sense of humor. We tease each other good naturedly, not out of spite. Maybe a lot of you have had bad situations with mean and spiteful people, and for that, I'm sorry for you. You don't have to bother defending my husband from BIG, bad, me, because he doesn't have a problem with me. He DOES have a problem with gaining weight. If you have any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions, he would really appreciate it.
How were we supposed to know that's the kind of relationship y'all had if you don't explicitly say that in your post?
Constructive suggestion: Forget about weight. Get him to quit smoking.
I'm really sorry about not being more specific. We're just so used to goofing around that I didn't stop to think how others might take it...especially, when it's on a weight loss board. My sincerest apologies! As to the smoking, I've begged him to quit for years. He has tried the Chantix, but it kept him awake at night and gave him strange dreams. When I ask if he wants to quit, he gives me funny looks and comes up with excuses. I don't think he really wants to. He has COPD, and the beginnings of emphysema, too. He went to a hypnotist once, but chuckled to himself the whole time he was there. It's up to him to want it bad enough, I guess.
My husband and I have our own business, and our two employees smoked like crazy. I hated the way that they made the office smell, and their smoke breaks were getting in the way of work that needed to be done. They knew how anti-smoking we are (we both smoked socially in college, but that's it), but it wasn't grounds for termination because (1) we like them, (2) they're good, loyal employees, and (3) heck, they're human and would quit if they could.
One of them got an e-cigarette for Christmas, and we said that was fine to use in the office as long as it wasn't in front of clients. The other has since gotten one. They both like them but have also cut down on how much they "vape."
I know, medically speaking, the jury is still out on the safety of vaping, but would he be approved for surgery if he vaped instead of smoked? It would probably be better for you, too. Secondhand and thirdhand smoke (carcinogens in clothing/fabrics/furnishings) is pretty bad for you.
Also, their ability to taste has supposedly increased significantly since they started vaping. That might help the weight loss issue.
One last thing: I'm terrified of surgery, too, plus I've got anxiety issues, but if it's that vs. becoming paralyzed, I would just have to deal and have surgery.0 -
No, I'm not jealous. Being underweight can be just as much of a problem as being overweight. Is it so hard for some people to understand a solid relationship in which partners can joke with each other? We are secure in our relationship and happen to understand each other's sense of humor. We tease each other good naturedly, not out of spite. Maybe a lot of you have had bad situations with mean and spiteful people, and for that, I'm sorry for you. You don't have to bother defending my husband from BIG, bad, me, because he doesn't have a problem with me. He DOES have a problem with gaining weight. If you have any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions, he would really appreciate it.
No... everyone has to constantly be offended. It's the new national past time.
I told my boyfriend I ate a donut today.
He said "As long as I don't get blamed for it."
(He's surpassed me in our fitness challenges against each other.)
Perhaps a challenge?
You try to lose 10 and he gain 10 and see who wins first.
That's what we do, but we're geeks, OH NO! Did I geek shame!?!?0 -
Quitting smoking should be number one; back surgery number two, after recovery, a weigh training program and lots and lots of calories from the foods he already likes.0
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This is going to sound harsh, but... <shrug>
5 years ago I used Chantix to quit smoking. It was horrible. I had vivid dreams and terrible nausea, but I kept at it for the required 3 months. 5 years later I am still smoke-free and I feel better than I have in two decades.
My mother tried Chantix at the same time. She stopped using it after the first week or so because she couldn't handle the nausea. She never quit smoking.
You want to guess how nauseated she was before she died last summer?
Sometimes we have to suck it up a bit now or suffer more later. Please encourage him to try again. It is so worth it.0 -
Nope. Not even touching this one.0
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No, I'm not jealous. Being underweight can be just as much of a problem as being overweight. Is it so hard for some people to understand a solid relationship in which partners can joke with each other? We are secure in our relationship and happen to understand each other's sense of humor. We tease each other good naturedly, not out of spite. Maybe a lot of you have had bad situations with mean and spiteful people, and for that, I'm sorry for you. You don't have to bother defending my husband from BIG, bad, me, because he doesn't have a problem with me. He DOES have a problem with gaining weight. If you have any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions, he would really appreciate it.
No... everyone has to constantly be offended. It's the new national past time.
I told my boyfriend I ate a donut today.
He said "As long as I don't get blamed for it."
(He's surpassed me in our fitness challenges against each other.)
Perhaps a challenge?
You try to lose 10 and he gain 10 and see who wins first.
That's what we do, but we're geeks, OH NO! Did I geek shame!?!?
That depends. Do you floss your teeth with geeks?0 -
My husband is 51 years old. He's 6'2" and 143 lbs. He has ADHD, and an injured spine. The man can eat sweets like there's no tomorrow and not gain an ounce. He's been pretty sedentary for the last 2 years because of his injuries, yet still doesn't gain weight. I'm really worried about him. He's a very picky eater, too. Pizza, chicken, burgers, pork chops, potatoes, peas, corn, salad, and sweets are his main diet. What on earth can I find to fatten him up? I occasionally tell him that I could floss my teeth with his legs. He also has a floating bone shard in his back, that if dislodged, could cause permanent paralysis. The doctors wouldn't touch him for surgery until he quits smoking, so that's out. I've told him that one catastrophic illness would wipe him out In no time because he has absolutely no fat reserve whatsoever. Any helpful ideas would greatly be appreciated.
Did you actually ask for any sort of advice for a specific issue or just come on here to talk about your husbands issues on a public forum?0 -
Why is quitting smoking a prerequisite to the removal of a bone shard?
Sounds like it's time to see a different set of doctors.
Smoking isn't contraindicated to most surgery, and usually a 24 hr pause is sufficient. Unless your husband is also suffering from cardio/pulmonary issues, this sounds like they are taking advantage to force the situation.
I'm not pro-smoking but priorities seem confused here.0 -
Nope. Not even touching this one.
I have to...
More calories.0 -
Quitting smoking should be number one; back surgery number two, after recovery, a weigh training program and lots and lots of calories from the foods he already likes.
I didn't know Phil Heath had an MFP account.0 -
This isn't a healthy suggestion, but maybe if he eats desserts a lot to make him some high calorie ones? Like the others suggested with the full fat foods, I agree with that. Time to get an electronic cigarette for him or something!0
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. He also has a floating bone shard in his back, that if dislodged, could cause permanent paralysis. The doctors wouldn't touch him for surgery until he quits smoking, so that's out.
Wait, what? He has a walking time bomb in his body and all he has to do is quit smoking to get it corrected... but, phsiht, that's not an option. *slams head on desk* The pills, the patches, the gums... I mean, hello!?!?!?!?....
[/quote
He tried the gum and it made him sick.... he has had a stomach ulcer. The patches caused strange dreams and insomnia. The guy is a doctor's dream come true with all his ailments.]0 -
Why is quitting smoking a prerequisite to the removal of a bone shard?
Sounds like it's time to see a different set of doctors.
Smoking isn't contraindicated to most surgery, and usually a 24 hr pause is sufficient. Unless your husband is also suffering from cardio/pulmonary issues, this sounds like they are taking advantage to force the situation.
I'm not pro-smoking but priorities seem confused here.
I don't think it's a prerequisite for the shard, but it is for the spinal surgery he needs. The problem is, he's phobic in every sense of the word when it comes to surgery. He had one fairly simple surgery scheduled on another body part and cancelled one hour before the surgery. Since we can't address the more serious of his problems, I was at least hoping he could gain a little weight to sustain him. Thank goodness, he rarely gets the flu!0
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