My husband wins supporter of the year award! NOT!

cardbucfan

So, I've been doing my lifestyle change since 8/22 and doing really well. Lost 16 lbs., clothes look ridiculous and feeling great. My husband not only is not supportive, he is now actively trying to sabotage me. Ready?

-wake up this morning psyched to go workout. Get up, get dressed, come downstairs and make coffee for both of us and eat my toast. He comes down and whines that I haven't made breakfast for him. Uh, no, I'm gonna go workout and you are an adult.

-asks me if I will go get him McDonald's since I didn't make him breakfast. Uh, no.

-asks me if I want anything from McDonald's. Well, yes, of course I DO but knowing what the calorie and fat count is I DON"T want it and again, I'M GONNA GO WORKOUT!

-I take the dog for a walk (use it as my warm-up) and when I get back, he and our kids are snarfing McDonald's. Then, he takes a forkful of cinnamon roll and STICKS IT UNDER MY NOSE AND ASKS ME IF I WANT ANY!!!!! (see above for my response).

-I leave for an hour long 5 mile walk/run. Come home feeling great and say I'm gonna do some abs then eat something. While I'm on the floor in the family room doing an exercise on demand ab routine, he comes in with the dog (a lab-not a little lap dog) and tries to get the dog to sit on me or lick my face!!!

Thanks, honey, I appreciate all your support.

Anybody else want to nominate somebody as supporter of the year-NOT?!?!?

khk2010

Wow. That really sucks!

legend1973

WOW... I would join a gym and do all the workouts there, that way your surrounded by people with the same goals. I find it hard working out at home, people always dropping in and such. Much better when you can do it all somewhere else.

soze

Take him with you. My best guess is he thinks he's trying to make you happy. Then again he may be insecure. That happens and appears to be normal. Pull him along if at all possible.

All the best. Stay strong and loving.

goron59

Sounds like he needs a kick in the nuts!

Zuznana

That's awful. I wish I could nominate my husband as I thought he was bad with constantly asking if I want something, all way past 10pm, but I have to say, compare to yours, he is a saint.

Well done for staying strong.

rtrautmann

My boyfriend is supportive, but gives in when I'm having a weak day. He also has horrible eating habits, so it doesn't help when I ask what's for dinner and his only responses are fast foods.

azlady7

Sounds like he needs a kick in the nuts!

lol that made me chuckle!. Ok seriously...he may feel your moving onto a new you without him. I would try and incorporate him as much as possible. Try cooking a romantic healthy meal (no kids allowed) with some 'cardio' exercises aftwards. Sometimes if the spouse feels included, they are more inclined to support you. I know my husband is ALWAYS trying to get me to 'burn some extra calories' with him. (if u get my meaning lol)

6Janelle13

if this is a regular thing i'd put him in his place. if not it could be that he thinks you are working out too hard, look unhappy exercising (who doesn't smile when a massive dog slobbers on them j/k) and need to allow yourself a cheat day. My hubby went through a phase like that and eventually i realized it my new lifestyle that my family was struggling to adjust to. so i slowed down my weight loss but started to have a cheat day a week so folks could relax around me and with me. together we started creating healthy versions of our favorite meals (pita pizza=yummy). Also I learned single bites of things make both of us happy such as when we go to football pot lucks. I'd take a bite and give him the rest. that way my diet helped both of us and didn't isolate me from friends and family. I'd just ask him what was up and see if it may be a scheduling thing for him. My husband considers Sundays our breakfast and church day and when i started eating super healthy and not making our traditional morning feast he struggled for awhile. It happened right about the 2 months mark when he realized how much his life was changing because mine was and it freaked him out for a bit. talk about it and see what you and he are doing and what can change to help support both of you along this journey.

renae5

You are NOT alone... all I'm gonna say! Stay Strong... You Are Worth It!!

monoxidechick

Thats rough!! My husband is pretty good, but doesnt see the point of going and "working out". So I keep this in my routine but also incorporate fun active activities that we can do together. We go for bike rides, play frisbee, folf, hike, go bowling, snowboard, and anything else that can include both of us without it appearing that we are "working out". After that he is much more willing to cook and eat healthy with me.

Just a thought, keep up the good work, stay srong, and show him that you are doing it for yourself but also to be a healthier, happier mother and wife!!

Good luck!!

Pandemonium

I'm sorry that you are not receiving the right support at home. Perhaps you should have a heart-to-heart talk and let him know how it makes you feel when he does things like that.

When he tries to offer you foods that you are not interested in eating, perhaps tell him in a polite way that eating it will really push your fitness goals back.

He can eat whatever he wants but he should really respect that you don't want to eat it.

I like the suggestion of going to a gym, but if that is not an option, tell him that your workout time is important and if you get it done with no distractions you can spend more time with the family.

If all else fails, know that you have support on here from many different walks of life and we can be the support you need.

Good luck.

blueelephant1212

Sounds like he needs a kick in the nuts!

i'm going to agree with this one! i'm lucky to have a very supportive bf (who didn't think i needed to lose weight in the first place) but geez.... is you husband jealous that you're looking so damn good or what?? does he think if you lose weight you'll leave him? sounds like he's sabatoging you for his own benefit. sorry he's being a giant douche today.... you deserve tons of support!

WalkingGirl1985

My boyfriend is supportive, but gives in when I'm having a weak day. He also has horrible eating habits, so it doesn't help when I ask what's for dinner and his only responses are fast foods.

My fiancee can be the same way at times but he tries his best to give his 100% support, so I would elect him to be a supporter. My way of helping me is asking him.."If i ask for pizza or a burger, you are to say NO to me like a parent would with a crying child if they want treats. It seems to work most of the time, unless if I'm having an emotional/stressful day he can see in my eyes I need to splurge ONCE in a while and lets me do so. I try to give myself a break from my food "adjust" and give in to a few slices of pizza/fast food or whatnot. I don't want to totally deprive myself. I'm pretty good about staying on track, and rarely ever gain any back..if I do, it's only a pound, and that's not there for long.

PJilly

The way I look at it is it's not fair to place the responsibility on someone else for how I eat. This was MY decision to be healthier and more fit, and I had to reach it on my own terms and when I was ready. How can I expect everyone around me to reach that same point at precisely the same time I do? They each have their own decisions to make for themselves. If they choose McDonald's, that's a bummer for them, but I refuse to give anyone else the power to make that choice for me. I'd much rather focus on what I can do that's right rather than on what someone else does that's wrong and then let that drag me down with them. I'm on this journey regardless, and if others want to join me, I will embrace that wholeheartedly, but if they don't, I will not use that as an excuse to fail myself. And when I succeed? I get all the credit! :bigsmile:

WalkingGirl1985

Well said, Jill. That was thought exactly.

jdubs1201

I'll jump in as a husband/man. Due to the way we men usually are, my guess is it's either insecurity or (more likely) selfishness. I don't know your husband at all, so I'm not saying this is him... I just read your post and think to myself "I could see myself doing that".

Since you started working out, have those day-to-day things changed? For example, did you used to make him breakfast in the morning, and now you don't because you're working out? Did breakfast used to be a trip to MCD's and now it hasn't been? Men don't like change, especially when it's not their idea and they're not in control of it. So it could be selfishness.

Also, with insecurity/jealousy, I may not like the idea of my wife working out because I don't want her to look good enough that some other man would find her attractive, pursue her, and she would leave me for him. It may sound silly, but I see that fear in a lot of men (and women).

I agree with everyone who suggested trying to get him involved. This involves humility, but you may need to pet his ego just a little... let him know you want to look better for him; you want to be healthier for the whole family. But also let him know this is very important to you, and you want his support. Just asking him for support may be all the involvement he needs. Also, if there are parts of your day-to-day that have been cut out, maybe try adding some new stuff you guys can do together.

Men are difficult creatures... not doubt about that. Especially when you two aren't sharing the same goals. I hope you two can work through this and you'll get the support you need, and he'll get the reassurance he needs.

PS... kicking him in the nuts will only make things worse.

cardbucfan

Thanks everybody for your words of support. I really appreciate it. He truly is not a complete a** all the time!

I do workout at a gym most days but Saturdays we sleep in a little, do our "bedroom cardio" and then move on to our day. Sundays are always the big family breakfast (which are only a little different than what we used to eat and they all get doughnuts and I don't eat any) but Saturdays aren't-we usually have to get kids to sports.

I do think there is a jealousy aspect to it like you said jdubs. 2 years ago he had a big health scare, come to Jesus moment and he lost close to 35 lbs. I've always cooked fairly healthy foods but with 2 teenage boys active in sports takeout is in our lives way more than it should be- (and I started eating like I was my husband's size or a teenage boy-not good!). Over these past 2 years, he has regained all the weight he lost, resumed his unhealthy eating habits and stopped working out. So I know seeing me eat better and need to buy new clothes because my old ones don't fit is a little depressing to him.

I think I'll have to have a little chat with him like you all have suggested. I'll try not to brag about how much I've lost and how my pants don't fit (so you all are going to have to hear it from me!!) and ask him not to rub the junk food in my face. I can't make him eat better (he's an adult and can drive to buy what he wants) except that he can't cook so has to eat what I fix!

Thanks for listening and for those of you with supportive significant others, give 'em a big hug!