Reality check.

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13

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  • tpt1950
    tpt1950 Posts: 292 Member
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    If you are questioning whether or not to stay with someone because they became fat - you are making someone's looks more important than your "love" for them....
    shallow1_zps13325d48.jpg
  • giggitygoo
    giggitygoo Posts: 1,978 Member
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    Honestly? I'm a physically demanding person. Always on the move, and my favorite extra curriculars are all athletic in nature. I hike, kayak, walk and explore with my camera, chase my dogs around at the beach, cycle.

    I wouldn't care so much about the weight gain, but if my partner couldn't keep up with me or disliked my lifestyle I would seriously consider leaving. Weight gain doesn't inherently make someone sedentary, but if it did I would be really disheartened that I couldn't share the things I love to do with the person I love.

    This is of course excluding in special case medical reasons.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    How does one 'all of a sudden' gain 100 lbs??
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    Spouse = Stay

    BF/GF = GTFO

    And yeah... "all of a sudden gain 100 lbs"? That sounds odd.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

    I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

    Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days. Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

    Oh. It's you again. :yawn:
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,949 Member
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    Depends if you actually love him or not. There's nothing my bf could change about his body that would make me leave him.
    what if he pulled a Van Gogh and cut off his own ear as a birthday present to you

    now THAT would be true love

    What if he cut his own knob off??

    :noway:
    He likes it too much...
  • Dgydad
    Dgydad Posts: 104 Member
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    If you're willing to base such a momentous decision on one issue or event, I think you should stay. It suggests you belong together. He's arrogant, you're clueless, and the rest of us are safer if you're together! Get real; this isn't the sort of decision you make based on the commentary of strangers who know neither you or your S.O.

    Seek the counsel of people close enough to you to offer meaningful advice. Consider counselling, for you and/or both of you. Good luck...................
  • itsbasschick
    itsbasschick Posts: 1,584 Member
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    luckily for me, my husband liked a lot more about me than my shape and my strength. when we met, i was a very fit and muscular 135 - the day we got married years later, i weighed 242. and partly due to his unwavering love and support, today (8 years after we got married) i'm back down to 168 and getting both healthier and stronger again. i'm a very lucky person, and luckily for me, he feels that he is, too.
  • s_pekz
    s_pekz Posts: 340 Member
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    You said "depression' is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days."

    Mental illness is just what it is, mental illness, no matter what stigmas you personally attach to it.

    Do you stay or go? Why would you come online to ask this question? If you love a person, you love THEM not their weight, looks...I just am shocked at the amount of insensitivity. Honestly, your partner would probably be better off without you.

    Ummm..ok. I would fully expect my partner to ditch my *kitten* if I was a stubborn Beyotch who refused to even try to be healthy and look attractive for him. Also, in the scenario I described, the person pretty much lied about who they were from the get go...kind of a deal breaker don't you think? What about addiction? Abuse? Adultury? Do you stay through that too?

    1) How did they lie to you about who they are??? they gained weight. not changed character.
    2) abuse and gaining weight are two VERY VERY VERY different issues. I cannot believe you but those two on teh same level.
    3) if gaining weight was the single greatest deal breaker on earth no one on this site would have partners.
    4) why are you purposely spouting inflamatory comments. this is getting ridiculous.
  • s_pekz
    s_pekz Posts: 340 Member
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    If you're willing to base such a momentous decision on one issue or event, I think you should stay. It suggests you belong together. He's arrogant, you're clueless, and the rest of us are safer if you're together! Get real; this isn't the sort of decision you make based on the commentary of strangers who know neither you or your S.O.

    Seek the counsel of people close enough to you to offer meaningful advice. Consider counselling, for you and/or both of you. Good luck...................

    To be clear, this is NOT "my" scenario. Both my partner and I are fit and healthy and active, and always have been. It's part of why we get along so well. This is the scenario a co worker is going through. When she met her husband he was fit and active..she knew he'd lost a lot of weight just before he met her...and was excited he shared a similar outlook as herself in regards to fitness and health. They had a whirlwind romance, got married 2 years after they met. On their one year anniversary he tipped the scales at 300 pounds. He now sit and watches the sports channel all the time and drinks beer. She's asked him to go to counselling, to go do fun active things with her like she used to, but he refuses, and said "this is who I was before you met me, this is who I am..deal with it". she feels lied to and cheated. She married a man to be her partner and lover, and now she has a bit fat whiney baby who parks his *kitten* on the sofa all day. She loves him..but the man sitting on her sofa is NOT the man she married.

    SO this situation has little to do with him gaining weight as it does that they have boht change and its not working. Why the heck did this conversation start about weight gain??? Obviously there is more going on here then him gaining weight. what a strange thread.
  • s_pekz
    s_pekz Posts: 340 Member
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    There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

    I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

    Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days. Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

    I'm sorry. YOu clearly know nothing about depression or mental illness. Thats why the last topic got rage quit. Please. Pick up a damn textbook on the issue.

    I think YOU need to pick up a textbook. How about a recent one? How about articles in current medical magazines? Im a nurse. I know a LOT about this subject. did you know there is no actual quantatative test for depression? did you know that most depression resolves with healthy eating and exercise? Depression most often is a combination of poor coping skills and self esteem issues. Requires counselling and self care. Depression can be paralyzing...but everyone going on prozac (or other SSRI) isn't solving the issue. And for the record, many many medical professionals do believe that although clincial depression is categorized as a mental illness...it's grossly over diagnosed, often incorrectly.


    Ok well first of all I am a social worker so I am also up to speed on the recent reserach regarding depression.

    I also happen to suffer from chronic depression. I have for over 10 years. No amount of coping skills, counselling and healthy eating could cure my depression. If you think people dont try this then you are serious misguided.
    I get really upset when people thing that depression is somethng you can "talk" your way out of. Maybe mild depression. But your talking to someone who almost took their own life. That **** isnt something you can talk out. Or even excersize out.

    FOr the record I only started gaining weight when my depression was being controled by medication. I gained weight because I was finally happy and balanced and oculd enjoy food again.


    Clearly you have strong opinions abotu depression but please understand that they are offensive to people like me. People say snap out of depression. You wouldnt tell someone with diabetes to snap out of it would you? so then shut up about this unless you ahve experience with it.
  • s_pekz
    s_pekz Posts: 340 Member
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    So your friend is having marital problems and you came to mfp to find people who agree with you about her divorcing him. Ok well have at it. I'm out
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    I think everyone is different in this regard. I, personally - would not leave. I couldn't...UNLESS if my boyfriend got to the point where he was bed-bound and unable to do regular things. I would leave, out of love. (Please note, this is assuming it is weight-related, not any other medical conditions that caused it (car accident, paralysis, etc.))

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