The way others see you vs the way you view yourself

Tillyecl1

Hi, I just wondered if anyone else feels this. My family are super supportive of me but I think they are becoming a little worried that I am 'too slim'. I get this feeling from them bringing me chocolate/biscuits when they visit (they never used to, they would bring flowers or nice tea for us to drink) and them encouraging me to eat more at gatherings. My next door neighbour saw me out running the other day and warned me about doing too much exercise (she's worried I will have a stroke!). I eat really, a very small deficit, would consider myself reasonably fit and I only have about 4Kgs to go until my goal of 55Kgs now. But when I look in the mirror I still see the person I was 5 years ago (~ 95Kg at 5ft 6). In the last few weeks I have been thinking about this and wondering if my brain will ever catch up with what everyone else sees or if I will always see myself as the person I was? A couple of friends I asked said this borders on body dysmorphia, but I think maybe it just takes time to adjust (after all I was large for quite a long time ~10 years so maybe it'll take another 10 to get used to the way I am now). And also does this happen in reverse (i.e do people who've always been slim still see themselves that way when they put a little weight on)?

kk_140

I don't know anything about the reverse, but I do understand how others see me is very different than how I see myself.

Just in the last few pounds people that I trust and know would only tell me the truth have come forward and said that maybe I was losing to much weight. My fiance said it first with "How much more weight do you plan on losing?" I said between 5 and 10 more pounds and she said " you may want to really consider stopping soon. I know you don't see it, but you're looking very thin" then my mom, only a few days later, said something very similar.

To me, I always feel like I should lose more and more, but it is clear now that I do not have a very trustworthy self image.

Tillyecl1

I'm so glad it's not just me, I think maybe I should also take more notice of the opinions of those I trust into account when deciding to lose more weight or to stop.

mactaffy84

I think this is true for a lot of people. However, there are just as many posts about how people still need to lose weight but friends and family say no and it might be because we don't know what "normal" weight looks like anymore because our nation is becoming heavier. It is all so much sometimes! What is a good way to figure out how you look when "normal" BMIs can be as much as a 40 pound range? I know that I can't always go by what I see in the mirror, but what can you go by?

kk_140

I think this is true for a lot of people. However, there are just as many posts about how people still need to lose weight but friends and family say no and it might be because we don't know what "normal" weight looks like anymore because our nation is becoming heavier. It is all so much sometimes! What is a good way to figure out how you look when "normal" BMIs can be as much as a 40 pound range? I know that I can't always go by what I see in the mirror, but what can you go by?

I go by the opinions of those that I trust. My fiance and mother both know what a healthy person looks like, they also didn't say a word to me as I dropped my first 40 pounds, but now that I'm getting into to 120 pound range they have spoken up. They don't know how much weigh on a scale, but they has spoken up, as people who love me and people I trust, and have told me that I'm beginning to look quite thin.

I think it is true that many people are surrounded by those who do not know what a normal weight looks like or those who are trying to sabotage them or those who are jealous, or whatever. I have had plenty of that since day one lol.

But when people you trust and know would not say anything unless they truly meant it come forward, it is time to listen. I'm lucky to have a lot of that in my life.