Men....what's the deal???

txchic_73

Do any of you have a spouse that drives you crazy? I certainly do. I love him with all my heart & soul, but he is so childish sometimes that I just cannot take it. When we have an arguement, he is always right and it is always my fault, even when it isn't. He is 35 yrs old and I just wish we could have disagreements like adults. It hurts me when we call names and have nasty fights. I can be nasty myself, I am not saying I can't, but he acts like this for at least one whole day and sometimes more. I just do not understand. It makes for a bad day for all of us when this stuff happens and I just do not like it! Sorry just needed to vent. Thanks for listening!

hamiltonba

I used to have a husband like that, but I changed. That's right - I changed. If you change how you respond, his response will change. It is extremely hard, but try not to react and instead listen to what he is saying and instead of reacting, just say, "I'll give it some thought". Or what ever a "nice" response might be. You will have to continue to do this, but it works. Just don't sound condisending or it will only get him angrier. Good luck!

tracybarnhill

Mine refuses to fight with me, so after so long, I just don't even try anymore... We now have discussions.

superhippiechik

Name calling is never OK.

txchic_73

I appreciate the advice. I have changed alot myself in how I react to him, at least I feel like I have. But even when I apologize, he just won't respond. I have tried texting him today, but get nothing in return. If I call, he will send it to voicemail, so I do not even bother with that. Oh well, I guess I will see how things are when I get home tonight and go from there. I hate all the tension in the air though.

txchic_73

Mine refuses to fight with me, so after so long, I just don't even try anymore... We now have discussions.

Discussions are good. I wish we would have more of those. In my house it is mostly his way or no way. I just wish I could deal with it better.

TennVolsGal

Do any of you have a spouse that drives you crazy? I certainly do. I love him with all my heart & soul, but he is so childish sometimes that I just cannot take it. When we have an arguement, he is always right and it is always my fault, even when it isn't. He is 35 yrs old and I just wish we could have disagreements like adults. It hurts me when we call names and have nasty fights. I can be nasty myself, I am not saying I can't, but he acts like this for at least one whole day and sometimes more. I just do not understand. It makes for a bad day for all of us when this stuff happens and I just do not like it! Sorry just needed to vent. Thanks for listening!

Mine is just frustrating because he is such a pig, :grumble: and wont clean up after himself:grumble: . He's great otherwise how about I train yours you train mine....:laugh: sounds fair eh! LOL

hamiltonba

If he is not responding, maybe his feelings are hurt and he wants to avoid you right now or he'll say hurtful things back to you. Words can be very hurtful, even if you didn't mean to say them. Just because your apologizing doesn't automatically make things better. Have you thought about counseling? I know when I'm hurt by someone, I need time to calm down and I want to be left alone. Maybe he needs some cool down time.....

emmyvera

My hubby and I can really be childish, mostly because we are both only children! Ha!

The most important thing we've done and are still working on is just "Letting Go".

Sometimes the aftermath and rehashing of the argument is worse than the real root of it. Also, we've both worked on ourselves and how we see ourselves, that's made a huge difference.

It's a learning experience and it's a challenge, but the payout is priceless

For myself, I've also had to learn to just stop, just be quiet and not keep talking. That's my downfall and only makes it worse. If I can just tell myself to not say another word, most times that can make the biggest difference.

And he always adds a smile and laughter, which is his way of smoothing over and moving on.

txchic_73

Do any of you have a spouse that drives you crazy? I certainly do. I love him with all my heart & soul, but he is so childish sometimes that I just cannot take it. When we have an arguement, he is always right and it is always my fault, even when it isn't. He is 35 yrs old and I just wish we could have disagreements like adults. It hurts me when we call names and have nasty fights. I can be nasty myself, I am not saying I can't, but he acts like this for at least one whole day and sometimes more. I just do not understand. It makes for a bad day for all of us when this stuff happens and I just do not like it! Sorry just needed to vent. Thanks for listening!

Mine is just frustrating because he is such a pig, :grumble: and wont clean up after himself:grumble: . He's great otherwise how about I train yours you train mine....:laugh: sounds fair eh! LOL

I would volunteer to do that for you, but mine doesn't clean up after himself much either. He will straighten the house, but do any major cleaning, throw laundry in the hamper, etc...NOT! I am not raising our son to be this way with his future wife!

lesley12345

If you are unhappy with the way he's speaking to you then you need to let him know how you are feeling. Tell him "I feel hurt when you call me names, I love you and when you call me names I feel like you aren't respecting me as a person and as your wife". If he can't handle that reaction, then calmy tell him "I am not going to allow you to address me in this manner, when you are calm an ready to talk like two adults, then I'm here, I always will be, but I will not be yelled at and called names". But the key part of saying this is, you have to take your own advice and speak and talk to him with respect too. Try to not say things like "You are mean to me, or You are immature" Try using "I messages". "I feel hurt when you call me....." It's harder to argue and get upset over a statement like that because you are validated and justified to have those feelings.

mrmarius

lets stop the male bashing please lol.

tracybarnhill

It took me a long time to change my behavior.....I came from a relationship that my ex would fight with me, and when I met Greg and we went serious, he told me that he would not fight with me. I tried and he wouldn't engage, so I finally gave up.. Now when I say I need to talk to you, he knows that I have a problem with something that he has done or NOT doing and we discuss a way for him to change his behavior... God its like I have a child and don't have one.

Give him his space until tonight and see if he will discuss your issues that made you fight int he first place. Above was right, never name call..... Just remember that words are hurtful and can't be taken back after they are said...so choice your words wisely. If you have to think about what you say before you say it, the fight might not happen at all, and also leave the past the past....Nothing ever good comes out of the past....

txchic_73

It took me a long time to change my behavior.....I came from a relationship that my ex would fight with me, and when I met Greg and we went serious, he told me that he would not fight with me. I tried and he wouldn't engage, so I finally gave up.. Now when I say I need to talk to you, he knows that I have a problem with something that he has done or NOT doing and we discuss a way for him to change his behavior... God its like I have a child and don't have one.

Give him his space until tonight and see if he will discuss your issues that made you fight int he first place. Above was right, never name call..... Just remember that words are hurtful and can't be taken back after they are said...so choice your words wisely. If you have to think about what you say before you say it, the fight might not happen at all, and also leave the past the past....Nothing ever good comes out of the past....

I agree with everything you have said and appreciate the advice. What I do not get is how I am the one who has to do all the changing and he can say all sorts of mean and hurtful, even damaging things to me, and I am supposed to just take it. I am almost 40 yrs old and just do not wish to spend the rest of my life having such childish exchanges with him. I love him more than anything in the world, and would never want anything to happen to my marriage, don't get me wrong. It is just very exhausting. He has said some things to me recently that make me doubt things. I am now becoming more defensive because of being worried about his behaviors. I do not give him enough of what he "needs" so he has made some rather harsh comments. I hope he did not mean them, but now I am worried. Maybe this is all too much info, but I have to have someone to talk to sometimes to get these things off my chest. I also have a HUGE self esteem issue right now with trying to lose the weight and so all this compounds into me feeling worthless.

JodiS75

What I do not get is how I am the one who has to do all the changing and he can say all sorts of mean and hurtful, even damaging things to me, and I am supposed to just take it. I am almost 40 yrs old and just do not wish to spend the rest of my life having such childish exchanges with him.

Because change has to start somewhere, right? That doesn't justify the bad behavior. It's controlling what you can control to improve your marriage. Either he'll follow in your footsteps or he won't, but at least you'll know that you did everything you could.

Hollyhocks89

Aawww its horrible to fight isn't it and when they are so childish!!
I'm quite lucky (i suppose lol) that we don't have big arguements more like heated discussions!
But he does laugh at me about stuff like when i told him about this website and that i wanted to loose weight and this website is amazing but he laughed and said 'i think its aload of crap'
Well guess whose guna be wrong!!!!!! hahahaha i love it when he says stuff like that it give me more motivation to prove him wrong!
I hope you manage to sort it out huni :flowerforyou:

pitbulllover

I've only been married a little over a year, so I don't know that I can give the best advice, but...

If he's not willing to discuss the problems with you right now, I think you just need to stop worrying about him and put yourself first. Only you have the power to make yourself happy, so take care of yourself. He will eventually get over whatever his deal is and come to you, and at that point you can attempt to have an adult conversation with him. But until then, don't let him get you down. Guys get cranky just like we do, and if he wants a little bit of space for a day or two to mope around and be cranky, just let him and don't worry about it. He'll eventually come to realize that he can't bring you down by acting like a baby, and maybe it will cause him to grow up a little.

txchic_73

Aawww its horrible to fight isn't it and when they are so childish!!
I'm quite lucky (i suppose lol) that we don't have big arguements more like heated discussions!
But he does laugh at me about stuff like when i told him about this website and that i wanted to loose weight and this website is amazing but he laughed and said 'i think its aload of crap'
Well guess whose guna be wrong!!!!!! hahahaha i love it when he says stuff like that it give me more motivation to prove him wrong!
I hope you manage to sort it out huni :flowerforyou:

Thank you! I am sure we will. I am sure I am over-reacting but it is just so hurtful, the things he says when we fight. It makes me wonder if he really does love me or is just here because of the kids. I hope they aren't the only reason. I do love him more than anything but I guess I do not show it enough.