Frustrated and Anxious Yoyo Dieter

kayeanne27

Hi. I'm new to myfitnesspal and I'm really looking to find people who can help push me in the right direction. My weight has been a lifelong battle. I admit, I am a weight-loss addict. I started at the age of 15 with bulimia, then the following years with a series of diet pills, diet fads, and many more. I would lose the weight and get it back, I don't know why I never can stick it in my brain that it's the unhealthy process that makes it pile on faster and bigger than the last. I still run back to the quick fix like an addiction!

This year has been a breakthrough for me in every aspect of my life. I've left the corporate world to go freelance, I'm in a loving relationship, and I have also quit smoking. Since things are going in the right direction, I am pissed that my weight and fitness is not keeping up. I've made a resolution never to purge again, which I've been keeping. It's the diet pills that are really tempting, but I've managed to stay away.

I've decided to give actual food logging and exercise a go, making my own exercise routine but all the information in the Internet has made me obsessive, frustrated, and oddly enough - scared. Am I really doing this right? How do I know it's working? What if this doesn't work? What if I don't look the way that I want to? What if all those years f*cked up my system so bad that I would never see my body's best version?

I don't need to lose too much, but I finally want to take control of this lifelong battle and be for once and for all, not just skinny, but healthy.

Were you also a yo-yo dieter or recovered from a food disorder? Did you feel this way at the start of your fitness journey? What eased your fears?