My Sister thinks my wedding is hers

kaiyacali

Hi all, just venting. It's 24 days before my wedding and now my sister is demanding that my mom walk me down the aisle vs. his dad. Now she had my mom call me and leave me a guilty message. She's in the wedding, but it's like pulling teeth to get her to do anything.

In fact, 80% of all the stress has been because of HER! :explode:

Why does she get to guilt trip me, when she has not done any of the planning and hasn't even called any of the other bridesmaids.

I feel like this has put a serious rift between me and her.:brokenheart:

Please help.

kaiyacali

Hi all, just venting. It's 24 days before my wedding and now my sister is demanding that my mom walk me down the aisle vs. his dad. Now she had my mom call me and leave me a guilty message. She's in the wedding, but it's like pulling teeth to get her to do anything.

In fact, 80% of all the stress has been because of HER! :explode:

Why does she get to guilt trip me, when she has not done any of the planning and hasn't even called any of the other bridesmaids.

I feel like this has put a serious rift between me and her.:brokenheart:

Please help.

heatther

It is YOUR wedding. You can't make everyone happy so make yourself happy. If she doesn't like it to bad. She will have her own wedding! I still have a ways so I don't have to much drama except with my mother in law to be. As of right now she isn't even on the invite list. Just take a deep breath and do what makes you happy! You can't change other people.

Good luck and it will all work out!

sgtinvincible

I generally don't advocate this usually, but in this case I find the following scientific study strangley appropriate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BRw_ihZRJI










:bigsmile:

LokiFae

What I would do is sit everyone down and remind everyone that this is YOUR wedding. You are going to do it YOUR way, and you're not going to compromise your idea to please anyone else. Tell your sister that when she gets married (if she isn't already), that you'll do everything she would like you to do because you want her day to be special for her, and ask that she return the favor.

It's no one else's wedding but yours, and it will be beautiful just the way YOU planned it.

jlauren6

That's horrible, but I swear everything returns back to normal as soon as the wedding is over!! 24 days!!!! :bigsmile:

KrisKabob

I actually don't know what's it's like to have a sister (only child) but I can imagine that it's tough... my friends can be difficult to deal with at times! :happy:

It sounds like she's jealous or something... are you younger? is she married already? :huh:

I come from a very "up front" kind of family and I would constructively let her know that this is not her wedding and that she is adding a whole crap-load of un-needed stress onto you. Something that already comes natural for a bride-to-be.

If she's not already married then she won't understand this... so if she's mad about it then I would just brush it off your shoulder b/c one day she'll understand and appreciate that you didn't do the same thing to her. Maybe you could even just ignore her for a couple days to take a breather.

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

She can plan her wedding and do it her way when it's her turn....AND if she's already had one....she can butt out.

My family tried to take over my wedding, which would be another perk to having to elope next weekend!
Yay!

All in all, I say tell her you don't like her interference, this is your day not hers. You do it how you like cause you don't want to be feeling resentful the day it happens knowing you could change it.

KrisKabob

I generally don't advocate this usually, but in this case I find the following scientific study strangley appropriate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BRw_ihZRJI










:bigsmile:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

KrisKabob

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Vqiw-Kqtlr0

This one makes me laugh! Check it out! Maybe it will lighten up your day! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

AlbertSchwartz

I generally don't advocate this usually, but in this case I find the following scientific study strangley appropriate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BRw_ihZRJI

:bigsmile:

lmao

the nose going across the face is the best lmao

HannahRoo

I went through this with my wedding...and with my ENTIRE family.

No one in my family had had a wedding for over a decade and they all had visions of tulle and roses (not what I had in mind). Some things I went behind their backs on, surprising them with my own (already created) ideas at the last minute, and some things I gave in on. You should pick your battles carefully. I had to keep reminding myself that the wedding would only last 4 hours and then be over, but my marriage and family would be around much much longer.

But I was a pretty laid back bride. I know not everyone has the same emotions about their wedding. I worked in a bridal gown store for over 2 years and I saw some pretty strange wedding behavior. One mother even went behind her daughters back and put sleeves on her strapless gown. The bride had the sleeves removed right before the wedding and came down the aisle in her original strapless gown. The mother couldn't argue with her about it then.

kaiyacali

This is my younger sister and she is not and has not yet to be married. She lives 4 hours north, next to my Mom. I really want things to be my way, but I my have to settle with walking down the isle with both. What the hell. :grumble:

spaul82478

The only suggestion i can say is... WHAT in the end will YOU be happy with. I went through this with my now ex mother in law .. SHe wanted me to apeize her and i virtually lost it. If you tell them how you feel, hopefully nicer than i did, ouch. they will be fine with it. Everyone wants a part of it becasue its a great day to say hey i did that.. but in the end.. DO WHAT WILL make you HAPPY.. if you don't you will regreat it later.. trust me.... COGRATS on the wedding and Have fun and keep your head up.. its supposed to be a fun day and it will get worse before the day but it will become easier at the end...

sr2000

Family will always butt in weddings, it's stressful and it sucks. I was ready to call the whole thing off (the "event", not the marriage), just so that my husband and I could go do our own thing, on our own. I understand that while we love we don't always like them, family....:grumble:
If you strongly believe that you want to have his father walk you, then do what you feel is right.
However, might I ask if you have a reason that you don't want your mom to walk you down the aisle? (you don't have to say the reason, but if so, then that's ok, go with your original plan.) But perhaps you DO have a decent relationship with your mom, and because your father can't walk you, then your mom really wants to be that one to "give you away" (assuming she raised you) It's a sentimental thing with parents I suppose.
My dad did not come to my wedding so I had my mom walk me down the aisle, even though we have a rough relationship. (mostly just to please my Grandmother) My sister chose to walk down the aisle alone for her wedding. And that was a decision that didn't bother me one way or the other. Yet there were other things my family wanted to take charge of that I felt more strongly about, and I had to do those things my way. It depends how strongly you feel about it.
I guess my been there done that advice is to do what YOU feel is best. If you are very firm in your belief to walk with his dad, then go ahead and do that. If maybe you really don't mind one way or the other then go ahead and let your mom have her moment with you. (but don't be pushed into it by your sister)

kaiyacali

My mom was kinda crappy growing up. Now it seems like my sister is non-existant and avoiding the wedding. Like not making it to the bachlorette party and not getting her dress altered.

I'm trying to be great to my mom.... like sending her flowers all the time (cause you only get one mom) but I want this for myself.

KrisKabob

Well, good luck! I hope everything goes well! :flowerforyou:

beep

Who is paying for the wedding?

kaiyacali

His parents are paying for the wedding- at least the majority

travelbug

Ok I'm very sensitive when it comes to weddings! I'm a wedding planner so here are my professional and personal thoughts. I have had to deal with a lot of family issues on varying levels. The first thing my clients did was hire me! This gives the bride and groom someone to provide suggestions and take actions on matters that are important to you. If you have to ask family for their support they will also give your their wants as well. When it comes to your sister , if she isn't paying for anything, she doesn't get a say. And for the parents out there that do contribute your ideas are welcome but the final choice is the couple getting married.
You are going to have to set some ground rules for those providing more than a passing comment. You may want to give her a project that does not conflict with your vision. Maybe your mother could play another role during the ceremony. Are you doing a unity candle lighting? maybe she can read a poem, pass her a rose once you reach her spot at the top of the alter, there are more ways to include her and even your sister.
You should not have any regrets or 'if only' when thinking back on your wedding. There are two people entering into this marriage, you and your fiance.
One thing that has always worked well for me is smiling and being sweet as pie. People will have no reason to argue with you. "Sister, that is such a great idea, thank you so much! Actually fiance and I already planned to do this... maybe you could help me with..." It has gotten rave reviews from many mother-in-laws, priests, brides, hotel managers, ...
This is your celebration and unfortunately family will always try to make their voices heard. Be sure your voice is loudest, not necessarily in volume but in results. Know what your end result is. To commit your relationship with your fiance in marriage. Your family has gotten you to this point in your life, now look towards your future and who will be walking with you.

Nich0le

Luckily I am an only child and planned my wedding in 24 days and then flew off to live in Hawaii for a year, but those were a stressful 24 days and when it was all over I wouldn't have changed anything.
It is your wedding and you need to tell your sister it is not her wedding it is yours and this is how you want it and if you regret it you only have yourself to blame. EAsier said than done Im sure!

Congratulations and don't let anyone bully you into changing your day into theirs!!!

sr2000

My mom was kinda crappy growing up. Now it seems like my sister is non-existant and avoiding the wedding. Like not making it to the bachlorette party and not getting her dress altered.

I'm trying to be great to my mom.... like sending her flowers all the time (cause you only get one mom) but I want this for myself.

:grumble: Grr, this makes me upset to hear that while you have tried to be kind they have not returned the same courtesy. I don't want to criticize your family, but I must say it sure would be nice if your sister would be more like a good sister. (I would have been very angry and sad if my sis didn't come to my b-ette!!) Now that I have a better understanding of why you have made that decision, I think you should go ahead with what you want. Continue your kindness to them, (being a bigger person), but when it comes to your wedding, don't go out of your way to accommodate them.
Please don't let your families, or anyone's grumblings take away from your and your fiances day, don't regret not doing or doing something just because someone else wanted you to do it. (Advice from a "regretee") I wish I would have let go of hard feelings and enjoyed our day more, there will be things that don't go exaclty as planned and you can say wish I would have, could have should have, but that will only lead to more upset. Just go with your true feelings and let it go at that.

kaiyacali

Bethanie- thank you for the suggestion, I am going to ask her tonight if she wants to read the poem. The flower idea was great too!


Thank you to everyone!


Kisses and smooches from a much happier bride :drinker: