How you let go of the pursuit of the final number?

wendy0210

OK, so we all hear that the scale shouldn't matter, but I can't help it - it does to me. i was so close to my final goal weight (ok, around my fifth goal) as it kept moving down as I finally shed the weight (it took a LONG time). Now my body is holding onto 4-6 pounds (jumps around) and will not give it up.

I suppose I should have the mindset of being happy (some days I eat a LOT - not opening my diary) that I can maintain a comfortable range while not suffering. But I want to see that low number. Truthfully, I don't know why I want that number; it's lower than I remember weighing - perhaps I want a good cushion for maintenance or just want to know I can get there.

It also depresses me because everything seems to be based on scale numbers - doctor's visits (which are always higher than my scale due to clothing, eating/drinking, etc.), insurance information, etc.

I admire all of you who don't focus on the number. I'm working out more, probably retaining some fluid and maybe a tiny bit of muscle, and I'm scared of the number going up. I cannot mentally handle that as I'm so afraid of gaining weight back in excess. For the record, most of my weight gain was due to health issues/medications, etc. I worked so hard to get the weight off and get healthy again and I CANNOT go back.

So what do I do from here? Keep pursuing another 6-10 pound loss (for a cushion below my goal) or "fail" and realize this is where my body may want to be, which I'm not happy with at all.

Also, will I have to gain scale weight if I keep improving fitness-wise? That's stressful to me too...perhaps it's just that for nearly 5 years, the focus has been on losing, losing, losing, getting off meds, getting healthy. Now that I'm close, how do I switch the focus? It's terrifying.

For the record, I'm loving how exercising is making me feel. I love how healthy I'm becoming and it's reminding me of how I used to be. I used to be able to maintain easily without worrying too much about diet. I ate a healthy balance, worked out a lot, and loved it. Why am I so afraid of becoming overweight again? I don't want to give up exercise or eat super low calorie just to lose, so despite the rest of my post, I do believe I need to now focus on fitness gains. I've also started taking measurements to monitor progress. If I gain inches due to muscle, awesome! Due to fat? Not so much.

Has anyone else struggled with this?

meridianova

Once upon a time, many many many many (ad nauseum) moons ago, I got myself down to a far healthier weight and bf%. My goal was to hit the same weight I'd been in high school, yet my body stopped 15lbs short of that and wouldn't go any lower. I had to come to the realization that just because there's a number we want to see on the scale, that's not necessarily even close to the number our bodies are willing to get to without drastic measures.

So what do I do from here? Keep pursuing another 6-10 pound loss (for a cushion below my goal) or "fail" and realize this is where my body may want to be, which I'm not happy with at all.

Fail? Who said you failed? You've gone through and passed 5 goals! That's not failure, that's more success than some of us will EVER see! If you want a new focus point, focus on keeping yourself where you've gotten rather than pursuing the next thing down the road. Focus on staying healthy. You said you might be hanging onto water weight from exercise, then that may just be the answer.

Don't think you've failed just because your body won't conform to the number you want to see on the scale. I'd say you've more than succeeded by pegging your goal so closely to where your body agreed it needed to go.

StaciMarie1974

Wendy I understand to a certain extent where you're coming from. I've been on (and off then on again, repeat) this road for nearly 12 years and the end is finally in sight. What I'm trying to concentrate on: this is not the end, but a new beginning.

I don't know what my perfect, ideal, final weight should be. So as I hope to figure that out in the next few months - I need to focus on other things. Getting stronger, toning, and accepting the fact that I will need to pay attention to my food intake for life. Maybe not intensively logging everything everyday, but for me - I need to eat purposely. Not out of boredom, not mindlessly eating while putting 99% of my attention elsewhere. And I'm ok with that - even expect to continue logging for quite a while.

Meerataila

I have a goal number I'm obsessed with, but I wouldn't be if I liked what the mirror showed me. I think, second to how you feel as far as health and energy, goes, that the mirror should be your deciding factor, not the scale.

VeryKatie

For the record, I'm loving how exercising is making me feel. I love how healthy I'm becoming and it's reminding me of how I used to be. I used to be able to maintain easily without worrying too much about diet. I ate a healthy balance, worked out a lot, and loved it.

Keep remembering this!
Also, try setting limits to how often you are allowed to weigh yourself. I've just moved from once a week to once a month (you can do smaller steps).
I'm also struggling with the last 10 pounds... what I'm finding with waiting longer between weighing is that I'm more concerned about building up my high calorie days. When it was every week, I could just think I'd do better next week. What's a few days? Now, I have to "waste" a whole month if I don't follow proper intake recommendations.

Mind you, this is my first month doing this so we'll see how it goes!

Edit for spelling

knitapeace

I hit my initial goal weight and lowered it, but I find I don't even care about it that much now. I'm working with weights and cardio to improve body composition rather than lower the number on the scale. The progress I've seen in this past year with the /look/ of my body inspires me to keep going regardless of what the scale says. I'm still eating at a deficit but only weighing once a month. It's very freeing.

cwolfman13

How did you come up with this particular goal weight? Many, many, many people simply have unrealistic goal weights because they're just looking at BMI or whatever and don't understand that, for example, someone who has a larger frame in general is not going to be able to realistically get to the lower end of BMI...someone with decent muscle isn't going to be able to get down to the lower end of the BMI scale, etc.

Personally, I don't so much pay attention to the number on the scale...my BF% and body composition are far more important. You also have to understand that you're going to have natural body weight fluctuations of about 3-5 Lbs either way...if you're fluctuating up and down 3- 5 Lbs, that's called "Maintenance."

Example, I've been maintaining for over a year...Monday I was 184 Lbs...Tuesday I was 181.3 Lbs....Wednesday I was 182 Lbs...today I was 182.4 Lbs. These are all natural weight fluctuations...when I look at the trend over the past 14 months or so, my average weight is 182 Lbs...that is my maintenance number. I would also add that at my height of 5'10" I am considered "overweight" by BMI standards...but I'm at a perfectly healthy BF% of around 18% or so. If I were to cut down to around 12% BF or so I would be at the very high end of the BMI scale even though I would be pretty damned lean. In order to actually get to the middle or low end of BMI for my height I would actually have to burn muscle which would be stupid.

Lastly, you seem to understand that there's going to be a difference from you weigh in at home vs your weigh in at the doctors office with clothes on and food in your system, etc...so I don't know why you're obsessing or worrying about that. Maybe you just need to get off the scale for awhile.

FindingAmy77

I can relate. For years and three other diet attempts and success I had this number of 118 stuck in my head each time. It was my prepregnancy weight so I just wanted to see that number. I almost made it when I got down to 122 but after I hit the 122 the scale wouldn't budge no matter what. NOt to mention the fact that every single person in my life kept telling me I looked unhealthy. Well I decided this time to not do that to myself. I originally started out at 234, my highest weight ever even bigger than me being 9mths prego with the 3rd kid. I set my goal this time at 134. But now: I am at 160 and am really really liking what I see in the mirror and really liking how I feel and how my hubby goes crazy after me. I am now thinking my goal is 150 or 145 at the smallest. I like my curves and don't want to see ribs and bones. I also have accepted the fact that when I first got pregnant I was very young and wasn't even fully developed into my woman body yet so 118 is so unrealsistic.
Now that is my reasonings. I believe you have to feel good about yourself and feel healthy and happy and sexy in the body you have now. Let me ask you this, do you like the clothing sizes you wear? DO you like the way you feel and look? I think having a five or six lb window to go up and down in is great when it comes to maintaining. It seems to me that you are there. Instead of getting down on yourself for not losing more weight, why not turn your diet around into a maintenance phase so that each time you stay the same weight when you step on that scale, you hit a victory. We get so down on ourselves and call ourselves a failure way too much without also listing all the good things we accomplished. Try this for a few months and see how things turn around for you. I think positivity is the most important thing we can add into our lives. IT is directly related to health, mental AND physical. You may try to watch some positive mental thinking videos on youtube. I like to watch those sometimes to recharge my batteries here and there. I like positive inspirations. THE SCALE WILL NEVER MEASURE HOW MUCH WORK YOU HAVE PUT IN (I have this written on my scale at home) Its so true