How to stop the obsession with my weight

catm728
catm728 Posts: 9
in Health and Weight Loss
I have put myself through the ringer over the last couple of years. At a healthy 5'4 and 150lbs two years ago I was convinced I needed to lose 20lbs (looking back, this was insane). I tried counting calories, counting points, drastically changing my habits to eating more meals every few hours, bouts of focusing on clean foods and depriving myself of indulgences. My energy and motivation has yo-yo'd and even though I've worked out more then ever in my life I've seen a 30lb weight gain throughout this time of obsession. As a result of trying to fix what wasn't broken, I believe I have screwed with my metabolism and am really having trouble finding balance in diet , energy, and motivation.

I'm guilty of being inconsistent, or rewarding myself with food, of adjusting my food toward convenience, of being resentful of the programs that I didn't succeed in so I rebelled and decided if I didn't think about it the weight would go down. At the heaviest in my life at 180lbs I am at a complete loss and exhausted by the daily obsession and the constant disappointment in myself. Since starting tracking on this site my awareness is just matches with a daily disgrace of myself when I complete my log each night and feel that I'll never be where I want to be. Also, I've lost steam in working out along with my loss of hope.

My dream would be to not be letting this take over my every thought in the negative way it's grabbed hold of me. Any help, advice, words of wisdom, or hearing from people who can relate would be helpful.

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