Dealing with UNSUPPORTIVE family members

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danicaone_101
danicaone_101 Posts: 40 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi beautiful people,

From the beginning of my weight loss journey, I have been dealing with UNSUPPORTIVE FAMILY MEMBERS. They tease and insult my body constantly and pick out all my flaws, ranging from my stomach to my arms. In addition, they always compare me to others. I do not say anything because it is considered disrespectful to "backtalk" to elders. After a while, I keep everything to myself including when and what I do at the gym and my weight loss so far. In addition, when I buy vegetables and fruits to eat, they always complain how there is no room in the refrigerator for my groceries so it's placed at the very back of the fridge where I can't see them or left on the counter. It gets really really frustrating dealing with them and I am starting to emotionally distant myself from them. Sometimes I end up crying after listening to their mean words and they do not care at all.

I want to so bad keep them in the dark about my journey but it is difficult because they are my family. Anyone dealing with the same issue? Anyone got advice in dealing with them? Any advice will be greatly appreciated. :smile:

Replies

  • salvationsdying
    salvationsdying Posts: 205 Member
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    Don't let them get you down. My dad always told me to be fat and happy like the rest of our family. So when I mentioned losing weight he would make stupid comments about it. But after 40 pounds down and the change in my emotions (from tired and cranky every time I visited to happy and willing to go out and play with my sisters and such) he's changing his tune. And even talking about doing it to (I doubt he ever will but none the less). He even insisted I go out with my mom and get me a new outfit his treat. He was sick of my baggy jeans I was always pulling up.


    Bottom line is once u start being happier they will except it. And if they don't, well not your problem. Don't let anyone steal your happiness or health away. Tell them this is your life and unless they have nice supportive comments not to say anything at all! Good luck!
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    You are kind and sweet and making a good life for yourself. I do not have specific advice. Stay patient with yourself.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    You're an adult now. Having an adult conversation with other adults in the household isn't backtalking, it's having a discussion and sticking up for yourself. They treat you that way because you've allowed them to for years. You need to start learning to speak up for yourself - no need to yell and scream (even if you feel like it) - just be calm and say "please don't talk to me that way". And "is there a way we can compromise so I can keep my things in the fridge as well?".

    Any chance you could buy a cheap 2nd hand mini fridge to keep in your room?
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    You can stick up for yourself without being disrespectful. It might be better if you talk to them about it when it's not happening, just sit down and have a discussion with them. You don't have to go into details about your weight loss plans. Let them know that you are no longer going to put up with the comments and negativity.
  • Jastect
    Jastect Posts: 2
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    Hi sweetie,
    I'm so sorry you are dealing with that! How old are you? You need to find yourself a support group. Is there anywhere you can go where there are younger people working out? A park, a gym, a school? If not, talk to people online, like Ms. Doula, who you can report in with daily. I agree that you need to stick up for yourself, even if it is in a very mild way.

    Can you find comments that aren't angry but get the point across, like "I'm working hard to make my self healthier and fit - can you be supportive?", "will hurting me make you feel better? because I don't find that helpful", or "try to only say positive words to me from now on, the negative comments only make me sad". Something like that . . . your own words.

    I agree that people say hurtful things because you make them feel bad since you are trying to make positive change. It is petty and cruel. Sometimes smiling at them, ignoring their words, and saying I love you but you can't talk to me like that anymore, will make you feel stronger and help them to rethink what they are doing. I have found that saying a positive affirmation to myself several times day can make me strong. It can change and morph as you do: write one out and say it every morning and every night and as many times as you need. I used to say something like: "I am a strong and beautiful woman. I can do anything I set my mind to. I am active and eat healthy and love myself. I am worth it."

    Good luck!

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