Weight restoration confusion...HELP!

daniellekunkel1

Hello, everyone!

I am seeking some answers and some advice, but first, I'll present you all with a little background info about me.
I am a long distance athlete. I have been running competitively since my freshman year of high school, so for eight years now. I am currently running cross country and track & field for a university, and this upcoming school year will be my last year.

Two years ago, I wanted to be the best female long distance runner in the conference as well as both regionally and even nationally. I ran 400 minutes or more each week and restricted myself to a mere 2000 calories per day. I thought this would help me be faster and more fit.
Slowly, but surely, I began to dig myself into a hole, and eventually I found I dug myself in so deep, that this place, my body image, became my safe haven. This was what I had become accustomed to. Nothing else really mattered. My body, my ED (eating disorder), became my life.
Eventually, after practically barely surviving, still eating 1700 calories a day, but obviously not enough because I was barely maintaining my weight of 94ish pounds at 5'6", and no longer running competively because I didn't have the energy for it, I seeked treatment for my ED at an inpatient unit.
They helped me regain some body weight, along with a little bit of confidence. Now, I am mostly on my own, trying as much as possible to commit to the meal plan I left with from the inpatient unit to continue gaining weight, all with a little help from a nutritionist and a therapist. Unfortunately, following my meal plan can become somewhat difficult with my work schedule. Almost everyday I work, so I have to pack both my breakfast and dinner. Doing so doesn't present me with too many meal options. Nonetheless, I'm still eating both meals, packed with calories!

Anyways, after work last night, I had a snack right before going to bed (around 9:30/10pm), yet I woke up in the middle of the night at 1am, ravenous! I didn't want to get up, but eventually, I gave into my hunger and went downstairs to grab a snack, a nutrigrain bar. Soon enough, I returned to my bed, and tried to fall back asleep, but I still felt unsatisfied. I laid there for a little while longer, contemplating on whether or not I should eat something else. I surely didn't want to have to venture all the way back downstairs to simply find something else to eat though.

So, in the meantime, I pondered, WHY AM I STILL HUNGRY? WHY AM I NOT SATISFIED? IS THIS NORMAL? WHAT SHOULD I DO? I CAN'T SLEEP!

I knew there were a bag of poptarts in my desk drawer nearby, but I tried to convince myself that that was too much, poptarts are much too unhealthy, and I shouldn't really need anything else.
After lying in my bed for a little while longer, I finally decided, '*kitten* it! I'm going to eat those damn poptarts!'
I ripped the bag open and devoured those scrumptious, little pastries in a flash, feeling somewhat guilty in the process. My ED was telling me that these were extremely unhealthy and that I was disgusting for succumbing to their temptation. (I honestly haven't allowed myself poptarts as a SNACK in a loooooooonnnng time.)
At the moment, my mind, my ED, hated me, but my body, on the other hand, thanked me. My appetite, or hunger, or whichever it truly was, was finally satisfied, and I quickly drifted back into a deep slumber after making myself comfortable in my bed again...

So, my question is, is what I did truly unhealthy? Was I truly hungry, or was my mind playing tricks on me, simply craving food rather than my body actually needing it?
Is this a normal situation within a weight restoration process?
If such a circumstance arises again, what are better midnight snacking options?

Graelwyn75

It is normal to experience this sort of hunger during weight restoration.
I think you will find this site and it's many articles of help and interest to you.

http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/5/22/extreme-hunger-what-is-it.html

itsbasschick

are you still running? if so, you expend a lot of calories and that will make you hungry if you don't eat enough. but even so, when you first start eating normally again, chances are you'll start feeling hungry again. do you like the taste and feel of eating your nutrition bars? being satisfied is partly about eating foods you really enjoy. snacking is a normal part of a normal life, and eating 2 pop tarts isn't going to make you gain masses of weight. the thing is balance and knowing how many calories per day you burn vs how many you eat.

do you log all your food/calories?

Chrisparadise579

That guilt is totally normal. Alot of people experience that when they eat something that isnt entirely healthy. I went through the same thing for awhile after my weight loss. But dont sweat it! i firmly believe that this site is here not to just diet but to help live a healthy but practical life. To make live practical it is ok to enjoy a few not so healthy food options as long as you track it! Dont be afraid to enjoy some pizza or icecream every once in awhile if it fits in your calories. I know it is scary to think this way and very stressful and it took me a few months to learn this myself but its nothing to worry about. Also DO NOT be afraid to up your calories a tiny bit if you find yourself frequently hungry. that is your body telling you it needs more food and can actually help you lower your body fat. If you need anything at any time feel free to message me I would love to help you!

wkwebby

You don't sound like you are at risk at all for diabetes, however, as a person who is (my entire family has it), I researched what hunger pangs are all about. If it is to the point of waking you up, this isn't good at all. Hunger pangs come from the drop in blood sugar that your body needs and wants. People on Atkins diets don't feel this because protein doesn't spike your blood sugars as high and therefore doesn't drop them as low either. Your mind sends the hunger signals with the excessive drops in blood sugar (for a non-diabetic person). To avoid excessive hunger pangs try keeping your blood sugar drops to a minimum throughout the day.

I am striving for my protein/carb/fat mix as well as my caloric number. As a pre-diabetic or a person with a high probability for it in the future, I am losing weight/eating healthier to keep this as far in the future as possible. Just keep in mind, one calorie from a carb is not equal to one calorie of a protein because of its glycemic index (the effect on your blood sugars).

Otherwise, what you did was fine. Just keep the nutrition in mind when you reach for the pop tart (which is mostly zero ). There isn't anything that is tremendously unhealthy except the excessive sugars.

AliceDark

The fact that you're able to differentiate between what your ED is telling you and what your body is telling you is wonderful. Anytime they're in conflict, ALWAYS listen to your body.

When you're trying to figure out what the healthiest option is, you have to look at the context (the person's history, current state and goals). People think there's one definition of healthy, but that's so untrue.

If you're trying to restore your weight, the healthiest thing you can do is get calories in. Everything else is secondary to making sure you feed your body and meet or exceed your calorie goal. So, if a poptart gets you there, it's the healthiest option. It's not a treat, or a cheat, or a "bad" food -- it's the best thing you can eat in that situation. Plus, it made you feel better. You shouldn't feel guilty or bad in the slightest for eating it.

Edited to say -- there's nothing wrong with eating sugar! Sugar isn't bad, carbs aren't bad, fat isn't bad, etc. Your body needs calories right now more than anything else.

forgiven16

IIFYM....

daniellekunkel1

That guilt is totally normal. Alot of people experience that when they eat something that isnt entirely healthy. I went through the same thing for awhile after my weight loss. But dont sweat it! i firmly believe that this site is here not to just diet but to help live a healthy but practical life. To make live practical it is ok to enjoy a few not so healthy food options as long as you track it! Dont be afraid to enjoy some pizza or icecream every once in awhile if it fits in your calories. I know it is scary to think this way and very stressful and it took me a few months to learn this myself but its nothing to worry about. Also DO NOT be afraid to up your calories a tiny bit if you find yourself frequently hungry. that is your body telling you it needs more food and can actually help you lower your body fat. If you need anything at any time feel free to message me I would love to help you!

Thank you very much! I appreciate your input! I'm not afraid to eat most things anymore though, especially ice cream. I can eat that everyday, twice a day, or more.
I just felt so guilty for feeling the need to eat so much in the middle of the night, and especially for choosing poptarts, but it is what it is, I guess. My run felt phenomenal this morning at least!
I surely don't need to lose anymore body fat though. That isn't something I'm trying to gain back actually. Last year, during a body composition exam, my coach discovered, within the men's range of body fat percentages, I was at 2%

daniellekunkel1

Thank you, EVERYONE! This was all so very helpful! I just needed a little reassurance. Plus, I guess I'll do anything to be where I need to be again.

daniellekunkel1

It is normal to experience this sort of hunger during weight restoration.
I think you will find this site and it's many articles of help and interest to you.

http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/5/22/extreme-hunger-what-is-it.html

I actually came across this site sometime last week, but I had only read a few its numerous articles. This particular article you have presented here is extraordinarily helpful. I just read it, and its content made me feel a sense of relief.
At the inpatient program, they never told me how many calories I should be consuming, or how many they were having me consume on average each day, but actually knowing, or having a general idea from reading this article at least, is extremely beneficial to me. I don't feel as apprehensive towards increasing my calorie intake.
So, thank you so very much!

Graelwyn75

It is normal to experience this sort of hunger during weight restoration.
I think you will find this site and it's many articles of help and interest to you.

http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/5/22/extreme-hunger-what-is-it.html

I actually came across this site sometime last week, but I had only read a few its numerous articles. This particular article you have presented here is extraordinarily helpful. I just read it, and its content made me feel a sense of relief.
At the inpatient program, they never told me how many calories I should be consuming, or how many they were having me consume on average each day, but actually knowing, or having a general idea from reading this article at least, is extremely beneficial to me. I don't feel as apprehensive towards increasing my calorie intake.
So, thank you so very much!

You're welcome, I am glad it is helpful.
I had anorexia when I was younger, in a very severe degree, so have been there myself.
Best of luck with recovery and never give up.