How to keep a positive mind set?

shannonbrewelch

Hi, my name is Shannon. I have currently been struggling a lot with keeping a positive mind set about myself. I am a college athlete and am out of season, but in being a college swimmer and being used to eating whatever I like, during this off season I gained a few pounds (due to having to be out of the water for 6 months due to injury) I am trying to get back into shape for season, but I have been having such a hard time just being happy with myself.

I know a lot of my weight is muscle, but its hard to look in the mirror every day. I am very hard on myself and I don't know how to keep a positive mind set. I want to be around 145lbs and I am currently losing weight and around 162-163 with measurements of waist- 27in, hips- 39in and thighs- 29in and about a size 6-8. I have lost 7-8 pounds in the last two months, but for some reason I am just having a hard time enjoying how far I have come. All I see is everything that needs to be changed about myself.

I know that I am close, but it is so hard for me. I find myself just broken because I can't be happy with myself, do any of you struggle with that? I just am having such a hard time thinking I'm beautiful and in shape, I'm not looking for pity, just advice on how to have positive mind sets so I don't dislike looking in the mirror everyday.

Thank you for any and all help.

ChefSteveUrso

Hi Shannon- I used to be a perfectionist, I was hard on myself and just as hard on others who didn't live up to my standards. It's exhausting mentally and isn't very good for building relationships, professionally or personally. And if I didn't meet my expectations I would be very angry, unhappy, and depressed. Two years ago I decided to stop beating myself up all the time and not to expect so much from myself and others, especially others. Buddha said, if you have no expectations you will not be disappointed.

Not every girl who wants to dance has the tiny body of a ballerina. And your mental image of what a competitive swimmer should look like may not match your body type, especially now that you're blossoming into full womanhood, which is a beautiful thing. You can't look like a teenage girl forever, and why would you want to. Our stupid culture has brainwashed almost everyone into thinking only one or two specific body types is beautiful, and everything else is substandard. It's not true. You don't need that body to be happy, and healthy, and loved.

Love yourself first, with all of your perceived imperfections. Forgive yourself for losing your first restaurant, or swim meet or anything else you've done in the past. When negative thoughts pop into your mind start thinking about some things you're grateful for, or a happy experience. Remove negative thoughts from your life like they are a big jelly donut, neither one will help you accomplish anything, unless you own a bakery, and then most people want the Boston crème.

Life is to short to waste time and energy being unhappy about anything. You've got everything going for you, and judging by your profile picture you may be suffering from a distorted body image, because what I see is incredible.

shannonbrewelch

Thank you Steve. I really appreciate that point of view. You have helped give me a new perspective of looking at it. I have to kind of take a step back and realize that I am growing up and with that comes a new body type. I will look up things about distorted body image and give myself a new perspective on that, because if that is something I am struggling with, I need to find someone to help my with that.

I truly appreciate your perspective, it has helped a lot. I will make sure to look up your book and blog. Thank you!

May_Rose

That's great advice, Steve.

I'll just add that it's okay to feel how you're feeling sometimes. We're our own worst critics afterall. This may sound corny, but talk to yourself in a positive way. See your beauty (inside and out) and reaffirm it everyday. And, keep things in perspective. Whenever I get down about something, I think of a few ways that my situation could be worse. Then I think of a few steps I can take to improve it and I start taking those steps. It sounds like you're already on the right path. Cut yourself some slack... nobody is perfect.

shannonbrewelch

Thank you May. That is a great way to start thinking more positive.

Mexquisite

Great post, Steve.

It can be hard to "be positive" when you are in the place where it feels impossible to be appreciative of anything about your physical appearance. I don't mean to exaggerate, but I can have those moments. Anyhoo, when you are feeling in a rut, thinking positive may be too big of leap, so at least aim to stop beating the drum of negativity. When you are in the pit, just try distracting yourself, think about something else, *anything* else except how unhappy you are with your body. When you are neutral or in a good mood, that's when you can try to be positive. you can write positive thoughts down to read later. hmmm, I might need to remember to do that too! good luck!!

Liftng4Lis

Awesome post Steve!

angela233Z

Life is to short to waste time and energy being unhappy about anything.

Steve - i like everything you said - but especially that!!

thank you

EmilyPersephone

I agree with everything everyone else said. =]

I think we all know exactly how you feel because we all have those feelings about ourselves sometimes. The stress of college and the life transitions that happen during those years don't help any either, haha. I definitely have had many of those days lately and it isn't any fun but you sort of have to force yourself to focus on the things you like about yourself. And if you truly can't find anything, then channel that frustration and those negative feelings into a workout, or a hobby of yours. Distracting yourself can help, if you can find a good distraction.

Something that helps me, when I feel like this if I can't exercise the frustration away, is to go through my clothes and put together an outfit, or do my hair/nails/makeup. It distracts me and helps me feel better about myself for a bit. =]

As stated by others, life is indeed too short to waste on negativity and unhappiness.

EmilyPersephone

Great post, Steve.

It can be hard to "be positive" when you are in the place where it feels impossible to be appreciative of anything about your physical appearance. I don't mean to exaggerate, but I can have those moments. Anyhoo, when you are feeling in a rut, thinking positive may be too big of leap, so at least aim to stop beating the drum of negativity. When you are in the pit, just try distracting yourself, think about something else, *anything* else except how unhappy you are with your body. When you are neutral or in a good mood, that's when you can try to be positive. you can write positive thoughts down to read later. hmmm, I might need to remember to do that too! good luck!!

I second this! When I feel negative, I distract myself by composing, crafting, or anything else I can find. Then, when I feel positive, I workout and I add to my fitness binder, so that I have positivity to look through when I am feeling low again. It's helped a lot lately.