Depressed with Binge Eating.

missesha12

Hi. I don't know if I should rant, scream or cry, I am trying my level best to hold it all together but it's slipping out my hands. I am so angry with myself that I let myself go, I barely leave my flat unless I nip to the corner shop to buy more junk food, the usual crisps, chocolates and those double chocolate cakes. I binge all this in one sitting then I starve myself for 12-15 hours the following day. I have been dealing with depression for a year or so, I've gone from sertraline 100mg, to mirtazapine 30mg as I stay up till 4am in the morning feeling utterly ****ty. I know the mirtazapine (also called remeron) has weight gaining side effects. So I've gone from 10st 6lbs to 13st in one year. I am trying to get myself up in the morning to just go for a walk or light gym session but no avail. My Fiance tries his level best but is not always there due to work commitments. When I was training I was so much bubbly, happier and felt like I could achieve anything, I am considering coming of my medication and to focus on self help and getting out my flat (the mirtazapine keeps me knocked out and very whoozy). As for binge eating I know the whole nutritional side of things as this was the reason I studied sport science at university. I know this sounds silly but I have no actual friends infact in all honesty I have no one talk to, I am confined to my apartment, my social life stems as far as instagram and my other half. I am scared that I am getting back into this dark hole, last year I took an overdose of 36 Paracetamol and ended up in hospital, I just want my life back. My family is all over the place and I lost my mum to Cancer in 2012 so it hasnt been easy with my only support network. I really don't know what it is. My weight is distressing me, I feel ashamed to go out and about, NONE of my clothes fit me either so I just say in my OH's tshirts and joggers. I am contacting my counselling monday so I can vent my woes but I really need help just to get up and get some physical activity... Staring at four walls all day is not how I wish to spend my youth. They say life is precious, why does mine feel pointless. Sorry for the rant.


Love Esha x

jenbjones89

I can't say that I can relate- I can only guess how difficult it must be. I have a few friends who are in the same boat as you though, who were at the high point in their life, then suddenly the loss of someone close kind of was a kick to their face, and staying fit and healthy was put on the back burner.

With that being said, I'm not even sure if you are looking for advice, comfort, or motivation. So I'll just do all three!

You probably know better then anyone that the toughest part of doing anything ambitious (Being it cleaning a room, or running a marathon) is the simple aspect of getting up and actually doing it. During is tough but exciting. After is exhausting and rewarding. Whenever I finish a run, sure, I look gross; I'm sweating and panting and probably drooling. My legs are hating me. But my mind has never been happier.

No matter whats going on in general everyday life, your work-out isn't about that. It's basically an escape from everything. Your focused on reaching your goal, your burning legs, your worked lungs, but it's still a happy escape.

Binge-eating is difficult. It's stressful on your mind and on your body. Most of us are notorious for binge-eating when were emotional, you're not alone when it comes to that. I know personally whenever I have a huge meal I want to do nothing more then sleep the rest of the day.

It becomes habit, right? Bad habits are a pain to break. But instead of focusing on breaking hem, just replace them.

The hardest step like I said is getting up and doing something. But look at it this way- a habit takes about 1 month to catch. You don't have to force yourself to do less binge eating and more workouts for the rest of your life. Basically, for most people, it just takes that 30 days. After that it becomes 2nd nature, and you don't even have to think about it.

You have the ability to change and make yourself happier. You deserve it.

Hope this helps a bit! If you need any more silly rants from me, want to chat, or...go on a long distance workout date, look me up!