Funny how being overweight for awhile makes you confident

augustremulous

for me personally i definitely agree with this partly.

with the weight gain, i noticed that I had to do less proving myself intellectually and less having people discount my ideas, opinions and experiences; people actually listen to what I have to say now! i also noticed that men approached me way more respectfully on average and they were definitely less likely to pull me by the arm or the hand.

although now i'm at the stage where part of me is ready to lose the weight, a part of me is still wondering if i'll have the same experiences now as i did then.

omg, I agree with this so much! Beautiful women get objectified so much more, and have to spend so much time and effort enforcing boundaries. In the professional world, you very rarely see beautiful women rise to positions of leadership. I see attractive people get those positions, of course. But all my peers who are beautiful - they have to deal with all sorts of bull**** from their male coworkers that I never have to deal with - and it's a time consuming part of your day if you're also trying to get promoted. I also found that when I got heavier, it was much easier to "take charge" of situations at work and exert authority, when I especially had trouble doing that before with people older than me.

Then again, correlation doesn't mean causation - as I was gaining I was also getting older and getting experience, so that may be a big part of it.

I am so, so deeply sorry that you had to go through what you went through in Paris. I'm glad you came out safe.

Saramelie

I've yoyo-ed between 230 and 120, sitting at a size 16 right now, and let me tell you that I feel much more confident and happy about myself when I am smaller! For me, big does not equal self-confidence at all and I am very surprised about all of your comments! And, in the past, I have not found that people were commenting on my weight at any point ( size 20 or size 5). I do not hate myself at all, but I hate being fat!

curlygirl513

The fattest people I know have the most opinions on what you "should" and "should not" eat. I don't understand how they can be so opinionated and be so fat.

If a person wants to be fat - yay for them - but why on earth would you give advice on losing weight?

These overweight people have been using shame and control big time and have been on every diet trying to get everything just right. Their advice to others about the "right way" is about their baggage and I can have compassion on them. Theirs isn't a problem I have, but I have my own and I'm working through them as best I can.

Like starting this program and getting help for my incredibly huge overeating.

The good thing about advice is we can check in with ourselves and see if it will work for us, and then take it or leave it as need be. Strict control and perfectionism will not work for me. Being honest with myself and others and working to be reasonable and balanced works for me.

IIIIISerenityNowIIIII

I'm WAY more confident and happy now after losing!!

tegantheaverage

I was definitely more confident before losing weight; I think this is because, while I cared about how I looked, I wasn't completely obsessed before losing but I became hyperaware of every little flaw as I lost, and definitely felt worse at goal than overweight.

charlieandcarol

I have had weight issues since I was 17. At my heaviest I knew I was overweight, but I think I didn't really know so I was a little under confident ie wouldn't wear a swimsuit but it didn't stop me doing most hings I wanted.

Then I lost 25 kgs. Still not thin but around 'normal' size and I felt great. And I looked at my old photos and thought Wow I was really big and I really hated what I could see in the photos. People thought they were being nice by telling me how great I looked and how much better I looked than before and how much weight I had lost which was fine at the time.

Then I put back on all the weight I had lost plus a little more. Nobody said a thing about the weight gain but I remembered all the comments that were to the effect of how terrible I looked at that weight. And my confidence plummeted and my anxiety grew and I really have had a rough time in the last 2 years, I stopped exercising and riding my horse because I knew what people were thinking even if they weren't saying it (because they had said it when I had lost weight!).

Fortunately I have managed to get started again and have lost 12kgs and am starting to feel better and exercise more but I still feel less confident than I ever have before in my life. Rationally I know my self worth should not be attached to my weight but emotionally its a whole other ball game.

pleasurelittletreasure

I've been underweight and overweight. Each has its monsters. Each has things that are easier. I think the thing that matters most is how we take this knowledge and apply it to our interactions with others going through the same struggles.

anewstart1011

I have to say I hope my confidence improves as I lose weight. . . .I don't have much confidence and that helped me hit rock bottom. I am only on day 17 but I'd always given up by day 5 before I am just taking one day at a time.

I turn 40 on Thursday and my hope to get through each day is that I will feel better each day as I lose weight. Shoot today I danced in my room to get in my steps. I find the exact opposite!

hearthwood

I think most people who are overweight or obese typically have self esteem issues resulting from being obese, therefore submarineing their confidence level. As they start to lose weight they gain motivation which instills confidence.

As far as the model theory, who cares about Twiggy anymore? If you expect to look like a Victoria Secret model at goal weight then you are going to be disappointed.

Obesity in this country today is now our number HEALTH concern. Type 2 diabetes is sky rocketing. It's a horrible disease, and it's got to be stopped. No one has a perfect body, nor will they when they get to their goal weight, but they will most certainly be healthier, happier, and more confident of themselves by taking on this challenge and beating it.

mspoopoo

I never felt confident being fat ever.

It does matter what country you are in too.

When I would go to the US, I would almost feel slim at 211. Nobody commented on my weight because fat is pretty normal there. There are so many really obese people, nobody really notices anymore.

When I go to an Asian country, well women will tell me right to be my face I am fat lol. I felt huge and out of place there.

In Australia, I was usually the fattest person at work and people will comment on what you are eating and you are discriminated against during interviews. I think people think you are lazy, dumb, and slow if you are fat in Australia.

shaynepoole

I was always pretty confident - but my confidence came from other factors than my personal appearance.

Now that I am literally less than half the size I was, I do have more confidence (something that most people probably didn't think was possible) and that is related to my physical appearance

Now I can actually wear all those clothes that at 340 I wouldn't have touched with a 10 foot poll... tight and form fitting? oh heck yes - sign me up for that ... I actually cringe when I put something on and it is big and baggy because that is not who I am anymore

countscalories

I have always been a confident person, thanks to the way my parents raised me. Being fat never changed that. I didn't let inconsiderate morons make me hide in the shadows or make me doubt myself. But as I lose weight and become less "odd looking" to the general public, I do find that I don't get the rude looks anymore.

Someone made a very interesting comment about how sometimes very heavy folks* criticize those who are "less heavy". Perhaps this happens because the heavier people resent themselves. Maybe they're not doing anything about their weight, and they have the need to put someone else down in order to feel better. After all, you can't dump on yourself, can you? It's a catty thing, but I can see how it happens.

*NOTE: Please do not shoot me! I am not making a blanket statement about ALL very heavy people! I was one not too long ago, and will always think of myself as a "very heavy person", even when I get down to my size 6 where I belong. My comment is regarding a (hopefully) few bitter and begrudging individuals.

seltzermint555

If you expect to look like a Victoria Secret model at goal weight then you are going to be disappointed.

Honestly, I think this is the biggest problem I see with a huge percentage of women who lose weight. I am not trying to say that I totally rise above all of that, myself...yes, I am still critical and not a fan of my arm flab for example. But I know so many women who, like me, have been obese for years or decades, but seem to believe that getting to goal weight will give them the body of a 22 yr old who has lived off sunlight and beach volleyball since birth. Why would they think that!? I guess the media. I dunno. I had the full expectation of always being a plus size even if I lost a lot of weight, and having flab all over. So I'm pleased with getting into size 10 skinnies and looking average...it exceeds my (perhaps too low) expectations. I'll take it though.

Tilim

If you expect to look like a Victoria Secret model at goal weight then you are going to be disappointed.

Honestly, I think this is the biggest problem I see with a huge percentage of women who lose weight. I am not trying to say that I totally rise above all of that, myself...yes, I am still critical and not a fan of my arm flab for example. But I know so many women who, like me, have been obese for years or decades, but seem to believe that getting to goal weight will give them the body of a 22 yr old who has lived off sunlight and beach volleyball since birth. Why would they think that!? I guess the media. I dunno. I had the full expectation of always being a plus size even if I lost a lot of weight, and having flab all over. So I'm pleased with getting into size 10 skinnies and looking average...it exceeds my (perhaps too low) expectations. I'll take it though.

people just hold themselves to really high standards

seltzermint555

If you expect to look like a Victoria Secret model at goal weight then you are going to be disappointed.

Honestly, I think this is the biggest problem I see with a huge percentage of women who lose weight. I am not trying to say that I totally rise above all of that, myself...yes, I am still critical and not a fan of my arm flab for example. But I know so many women who, like me, have been obese for years or decades, but seem to believe that getting to goal weight will give them the body of a 22 yr old who has lived off sunlight and beach volleyball since birth. Why would they think that!? I guess the media. I dunno. I had the full expectation of always being a plus size even if I lost a lot of weight, and having flab all over. So I'm pleased with getting into size 10 skinnies and looking average...it exceeds my (perhaps too low) expectations. I'll take it though.

people just hold themselves to really high standards

I suppose so, but I think it's unfortunate when a lot of the women I describe above are truly in dangerous situations with their health - - and become so discouraged by not meeting the size 2, zero flab standard, that they give up and just stay obese and deal with associated health problems and misery.

shaynepoole

I didn't really have high expectations - I thought the best I could hope for was an XL - I definitely didn't think I would end up looking like a VS model - that's just not realistic

And I knew that I would end up with the extra skin on the arms/thighs/stomach - that always seems to be one of the main concerns for some of the younger women... which to me is kind of funny as they will have more elasticity than my 43 yo body... but even with the problem areas, I am still overjoyed with how everything worked out.

sabified

I don't know if I would say that being overweight makes you confident... but I do agree that people feel more comfortable making comments to people who are only 10-20lbs overweight, compared to others who have much more.

I also think that maybe that confidence comes because (at least for myself, and it seems quite a few other people who've posted here) we don't need to consider our appearance when assessing ourselves. Either we actually have low self-esteem with regards to our looks, or we just don't care that much, so we don't consider it when we make our assessments of "who we are"... which allows us to assess ourselves on other factors. Are we funny? Good people-persons? Kind? Smart? And that brings confidence.

As others have mentioned, our perceptions of ourselves are often the most distorted. So maybe for those people who are either at an ideal weight, or just a small bit over... they just don't know how much worse it could be. They think those 10lbs extra are just such a huge amount and it's all that anyone else sees of them. Which I'm sure, having people tell them that they could stand to lose that doesn't help either.

I know as I lose weight, my confidence is growing. Thinking back to my opinions on myself the last time I was at this point just makes me cringe because I'm so happy here now. But now I know how far I've come.

SezxyStef

IMO confidence shouldn't come from external things such as weight.

I am as confident now as I ever was when I was bigger but that's because I know what I am capable of and have always been capable of those things.

IE raising a child on my own, getting a great job, being on my own, standing on my own two feet, buying a house on my own etc...

I was in the military in a male dominated trade...I am a good mom, good wife, good daughter and sister...those things make me confident not my weight or lack there of and that is hte issue....

kenyainez

This is a very interesting topic.....

I suffered with my confidence and thought weight loss would be the answer. I quickly realized it wasn't once I lost it. I still saw flaws, issues, where I could "tweak" things. My mind was still in the valley eventhough I made it to the mountain top. So my body quickly went back down to the place my mind never left. I'm slowly bouncin' back and beginning to see myself the way God sees me; fearfully and wonderfully made instead of those who rejected me, saw fault in me or didn't like me. I have alot to offer and I have alot to be proud of. So weightloss or nah, I know I'm fly regardless. So I've changed the way I view myself and am more confident about who I am now (even at being heavy) than ever. Once I've lost this weight; it would be expanded and building on my already foundational onfidence because I've achieved a goal and accomplished something I set out to do.

The_Godwin_72

I was confident heavy and I held on to it! I am lucky because I have fabulous support, always have. Easy to be confident when you feel like people will back you!

You'll do great- you seem very strong.