Accepting yourself as fat and losing weight?

Gel_W91

Hi, just wondered if anyone has any advice / experiences.

I want to be healthier, and I want to lose weight for the good of my health, but I find it hard to stay on track these days when I'm ok with who I am as a person. I don't mind being fat, my weight just doesn't bother me like it does for some people. I'm aware people may judge me for being bigger, but I see that as their issue and not mine.

I love food, good and bad, I eat my 5 a day and get all of my food groups in, I just have a problem with binges on the whole part. I enjoy food though not always how it makes me feel.

I lost weight a couple years back because I hated being fat, and slowly when I left work it's crept back on, and now I feel like I have too lose it, and it's not even that I don't want too. I just don't mind if I don't?

I don't see how I'm ever gonna get anywhere if I don't focus my mind, but I'm not sure how to focus on the bigger picture and not the here and now.

I've basically just hover over losing the same stone and gaining it back every few months.

Is this a classic case of, you need to want to do it? Or is there something I just need to tell myself to get over it and just do it.

DR2501

You need to want to do it as you said. If you don't see the need to change, you won't be motivated to do it.

blueboxgeek

If you are truly happy with your body as it is then you won't lose weight.

I find that sometimes I become accepting of my size and shape when I start getting fed up of hard work exercise and constantly counting calories. In reality I know that I am not really happy with my body, just fed up of the work needed to get where I want to be. But I am not healthy and happy at this size.

If you feel healthy and happy then maybe just work on maintaining where you are and seeing how you feel in 6 month? :flowerforyou:

gypsy_spirit

I think maybe you should try the opposite: Stop looking at the big picture (for most of us that can be overwhelming) and just start focusing on today.

Get up and make the healthiest choices you can make today. Just today. No pressure for tomorrow. After a while, you will have built some pretty awesome habits - and you will be stronger in making the choices.

Try to get some exercise in each day (good choice) and make it something you like to do. Then make good choices with your food 80% of today. Small steps lead to bigger things. You have the key - all you have to do is use it.

Good luck.

christullos

True you have to want it. Motivation is always the key. You say you don't mind being fat but that is usually what someone tells themselves when they are tired of dieting. I had almost resolved myself that I was done dieting. I have lost a lot of weight over the past 35 years but I slowly and sometimes not so slowly put it back on plus a few pounds extras.

What dieting doesn't teach you is how to keep the weight off. After loosing weight I always went back to my old eating habits. This time I am not on any fad diet. I am going old school, basic counting calories, and doing most of the cooking for myself. Not just eating pre-made diet meals. I am hoping that after a year of doing my own cooking and loosing the weight, I will continue to cook healthy for myself and maintain my weight.

And I am having to do it with no exercise. Strictly dieting. I am not able to work out. Doctors orders (health problems)

CrusaderSam

Well sometimes its not about you. Do you care about making your loved ones worried?

David_AUS

It is great that you seem in a good mind set, accepting yourself and having a self confidence are a great foundation - you need to be your own best friend this is the person (who you are now) that is going to take actions to grow into the person you aspire to become. I did notice you said ..."I enjoy food though not always how it makes me feel.".... You will lose weight and choose foods that support your current values in life. The clearer you can understand what your true values are and what lifestyle habits you are following the more success you will have.

Once you understand what motivates you then you will make choices that move you towards your goals and support your goals and values in life.

MFP is good for retrospective reflection on what you have chosen to eat on a given day. Where you find foods that make you feel unwell you can see these and it helps motivate you away from those in the future.

You know you can lose the weight - how bad do you want to prove this (demonstrate) this to yourself?

Booda101

You have to want to it because you're going to be the one to have to put in the work. I was in a similar mindset a couple of years ago although I would say I was more apathetic. But I was already setting myself up for some health issues, namely high blood pressure. When I went to a doctor for some various medical testing, it was quite the eye opener to see obesity as an actual diagnosis though I never considered myself as such.

Sure there are plenty of times when it gets tiring calorie counting and having to go to the gym. But it has been so worth it in so many ways. My health has vastly improved. And quite frankly I like the little ego boost whenever someone compliments me on my weight loss. And when the frustration of the scale not moving sets in, I just look at the big bag of dog food in the kitchen and visualize me wearing a few of those.

Best of luck to you!

janatarnhem

I have just looked at your profile......you have ready made reasons there to try to get to a healthy BMI and you are young!
I think the comments above mine, have given some great advice...focusing on the smaller picture, thinking about the future! You already have great self confidence and acceptance . I'm sure you'll work this out. You have lost before and that then can be hard to refocus on re losing weight... Good luck!

cincysweetheart

I have a different perspective. I think accepting yourself exactly the way you are, fat and all, is key to being able to finally make the change for a healthier lifestyle (including weight). So many people have such mixed up ideas about food, about themselves, about their own worth that losing weight becomes a huge emotional thing for them. I think once you can finally accept who you are and understand the role food plays for you... You can finally start making those changes for the right reasons and have it not be a huge emotional trauma for you. I think that makes it easier to stick with it in the long run.

Yes, you still have to make the decision to make those changes... And until you do... You'll still stay in that same cycle of losing the same weight over and over. But having a positive view of yourself is a good thing... Not something that stands in your way. Personally, I think you are just fine... Great in fact. When the time is right for you, the light bulb will turn on and you will be able to make the choice and stick with it. But never stop accepting you for who you are.... Flaws, fat, and all!

Tora32

Honestly, I only just started actually wanting to lose my weight after joining up here. Initially I just wanted to keep accountable for my exercise since I had some fitness goals, went ahead and started logging my meals to help control the binging, and next thing I knew I suddenly cared about losing. Obviously that's not how it works for everyone, but I'm still pretty happy I learned to be accepting of myself before starting this journey since it helps me appreciate all the little victories more, plus I love my body enough now to actually want to take care of it. And yeah, I feel like for me at least, it makes it easier to stick through the weeks where the scale didn't go anywhere since I know I have goals that go well beyond mere weight loss.

For now, you're probably best off setting up some non-weight-related fitness goals for yourself. Strive to run a 25k, become stronger at yoga, lift heavier weights, or whatever goals might interest you right now, and focus on those for now.

If you really want to desire to lose weight though, perhaps write up a list of how it might benefit you, since becoming aware of all the side benefits of weighing less has been another thing that really helped me and might help you a bit, too. Things like less "chub rub," help with seemingly chronic knee pain, less bodyweight to carry around (seriously, when rehabilitating my knee from injury a couple years back, I was painfully aware that it wasn't helping that it was having to learn to hold a good 100 pounds or so more than if I was where I'm supposed to be), being able to actually wear all those cute outfits you can only get in the straight sizes, not have to worry about possibly needing a second seat on the plane... eventually it all just added up enough that I suddenly felt motivated to lose the weight already.

So yep, keep being happy with where you are now as well as all the stops along the way, but also try to find goals you do care about to help you on your way.

RHachicho

Sounds to me like you just need to figure out what you want. Cos asking here most people will say amgaaas ur fat ur gonna dieee! ur so unhealthee. But the fact of the matter is it's your decision. If you don't want want to lose weight and get in shape enough to justify the dieting and exercise required to do it then you don't simple as that really. This isn't something I or anyone here can answer for you. Because believe it or not being fat isn't cancer or anything. You might not have the same life expectancy of say a health nut. But listening to some of the replies here you would believe that at 235lbs you're ready to keel over any second.

Fact is if you live a healthy active life and have a healthy diet being a bit fat won't make soo much difference. It will make A difference to be sure but it's not life wrecking or anything. So decide what you want to do And if you don't want it enough don't beat yourself up and don't let your weight stop you from being active and eating healthy.

aedreana

There is nothing wrong with deciding that you enjoy food more than thinness.If you would enjoy a better quality of life by being able to eat what you want and stay at your current weight, than to look in the mirror and see a thin person but feel hungry and deprived every day, you are making the correct decision not to diet. I think you have a great attitude about it! It seems like you know yourself well and that you have considered your options, and that you acknowledge to yourself that you CHOSE this option-- not by default nor by any lack of self-control. Many people who choose to remain overweight don't even realize that it was of their own choosing. and consequently feel like failures, unhappy with their weight-- without realizing they would be even more miserable if they had to starve every day to stay slender! You appear to be a very well-adjusted, insightful person who would succeed whichever path you chose.

Gel_W91

Wow, thank you for all the replies. I appreciate you taking the time.

I think a couple things have a struck a cord here, mainly being 'sick of dieting'. That is so correct, I didn't even think about that. I think the lack of motivation comes from being so back and forth about the whole situation. I never really diet, as I do eat pretty good most of the time, just smaller portions and less cream cake & lattes (my downfall). But the whole calorie counting can get pretty tedious and a bit boring. But I think I'll make time with my morning coffee to maybe plan my day out ahead, to give me some idea of what I'm doing and where I may go wrong.

I will try taking today as today and going from there. Thank you!



In regards to this comment ..

Well sometimes its not about you. Do you care about making your loved ones worried?

I think my health my weight my body and my food choices is absolutely about me actually yeah. I might be overweight but as you can see I've made this thread to try get some advice, not to be criticized on how my family may view me. If anyone in my family was worried they only have to speak to me. I'm approachable and my weight has never been an issue that people can't comment on it. So thanks for that.

RHachicho

@ Aedreana Exactly!

Gel_W91

Oh thank you. I just had some fabulous replies as I was writing my last message.

It's nice to see nice messages and lovely how people take the time to reply!

I thought I'd have a few nut cases on me to be honest, and I've only received one inbox message too.

I honestly really do appreciate that, thank you

CMarieVirginia

I've always believed that people persist at only the kind of exercises they enjoy, and I believe you have to want to lose weight to actually lose it. So how does one want to? One way is to know the consequences of being overweight your whole life--all of which I now know and wish I'd known sooner. Things to consider if you wait till later in life to lose:

Skin loses its elasticity, so if you lose later in life your skin does not snap back--it just lays there, even on your face, which is rather unattractive.

Carrying extra weight for an extended time puts pressure on your internal organs which harms your health and shortens your life.

Being overweight will eventually ruin your knees, and you may need surgery. Your anatomical structure can only carry so much weight for only so long. The same is true for your back--you are setting yourself up for chronic back pain and a slumped over posture in an attempt to alleviate your pain when standing up straight.

When you have pain in old age, you can't exercise, or at least suffer when you try, so you tend not to.

These are my thoughts for you, but then I'm just an old person, so you may not want to take any notice, which is by the way something else you'll have to deal with.

Best of luck to you. Make better decisions than I did.

Michelle_Padgett13

I had this same problem. I didn't care about dieting for YEARS because so what if I'm fat? Does it affect my worth as a person? No! Dieting for health reasons seemed so nebulous and ethereal. Dieting for vanity seemed dumb (I already thought I was pretty hot--haha!). So what's left? The tedium of counting calories? BORING.

What clicked it for me was fitness goals. I found me some more active hobbies than eating (yes, eating had turned into a hobby, had to change that mindset too). I got back to riding horses and started loving running. These things were hard to do at 250 pounds, so I realized I needed to get lighter.

The good news is that at my height and activity level, I get to eat a lot of food. Like 2300 calories per day, which is not even a diet. It's a normal amount of food for a human. So I used MFP to track my food to make sure I was eating that amount. I got used to tracking everything. After doing this a year, it's definitely become kind of second nature to weigh and measure everything I eat.

So maybe sign up for a 5k? Or take dance classes? Or join a bike club? Something like that. If you're like me, one kind of workout will lead to another...

Have fun and enjoy the process!

RHachicho

I've always believed that people persist at only the kind of exercises they enjoy, and I believe you have to want to lose weight to actually lose it. So how does one want to? One way is to know the consequences of being overweight your whole life--all of which I now know and wish I'd known sooner. Things to consider if you wait till later in life to lose:

Skin loses its elasticity, so if you lose later in life your skin does not snap back--it just lays there, even on your face, which is rather unattractive.

Carrying extra weight for an extended time puts pressure on your internal organs which harms your health and shortens your life.

Being overweight will eventually ruin your knees, and you may need surgery. Your anatomical structure can only carry so much weight for only so long. The same is true for your back--you are setting yourself up for chronic back pain and a slumped over posture in an attempt to alleviate your pain when standing up straight.

When you have pain in old age, you can't exercise, or at least suffer when you try, so you tend not to.

These are my thoughts for you, but then I'm just an old person, so you may not want to take any notice, which is by the way something else you'll have to deal with.

Best of luck to you. Make better decisions than I did.

Well I can't speak for the knees and back and all being only 33 but lady for 66 years old your face hardly looks like a train wreck to me. Also I'm not sure that joint problems are always directly linked to being overweight. I know a couple of people myself one with chronic back pain and one with pelvic issues the one with back pain is about average and the one with pelvic issues is skinny!

Well tbh I am not an advocate of simply letting oneself go. But a reasonable amount of extra fat isn't going to do much I think. Except perhaps slightly aggravate things that where already going to happen.

whalebeast

OP, I get exactly the same thing. I'm becoming increasingly jiggly and getting too big for my jeans. I don't particularly love how I look right now and that isn't a nice feeling. HOWEVER, as soon as I hear a cork popped, or smell a cooked pizza, or stray into the chocolate biscuit aisle, I'm like "Well, I'm not THAT bad, it'll be fine..." and so the cycle begins again.

Unfortunately I don't have an answer. But you're not on your own Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

MinnieInMaine

(snip)
In regards to this comment ..

"Well sometimes its not about you. Do you care about making your loved ones worried?"

I think my health my weight my body and my food choices is absolutely about me actually yeah. I might be overweight but as you can see I've made this thread to try get some advice, not to be criticized on how my family may view me. If anyone in my family was worried they only have to speak to me. I'm approachable and my weight has never been an issue that people can't comment on it. So thanks for that.

I'm sorry but I have to agree with the poster who said that. It's not criticism, it's tough love. And it's not about your appearance or what people think of how you look OP, it's about your health. As someone else pointed out, one only has to read your profile to see why you want to get healthy. You only make a slight mention of appearance (old clothes) and the rest of it is about being around for your child and your signifigant other and being able to do things with them. This is a very good thing!

Look, I get where you're coming from. Hell, I'm not in any hurry to get to goal partly because I'm pretty ok with where I'm at and my husband would care if I was still 50 pounds heavier. But it's not just about how I look. I have a family history of heart disease and now that I'm ligher and more fit, I know it's much easier for me to get around and do things at this weight.

You're young so it doesn't seem like being heavy is affecting your health, but trust me, in 10 years, it will start to catch up to you and you will start feeling the difference. That's what it took for me - getting to my highest weight of 260 pounds at age 35 and feeling like utter crap most of the time.

Keep reading what you wrote on your profile page. You can do this!!

DeguelloTex

People accept themselves as smokers and alcoholics and drug addicts and see no reason, or insufficient reason, to change, despite knowing the ramifications. If it's not worth the effort to change, it's not worth the effort to change. If your decisions are solely based on you and if you don't want to lose weight, then you should just go with that, IMO.

dopeysmelly

I never minded about being fat either. Honestly, it didn't bother me. I was able to do what I wanted to do physically because I was very active, I've never been into my appearance in a big way and I felt OK, plus DH really has always loved me whatever I looked like (and vice versa). The only thing that annoyed me was my family nagging me that I was going to die, which was not only irritating, but also incorrect and affected my relationship with them.

I'm losing weight ONLY for my health, both longer term (the studies are not favorable for obese people and high quality of life) and short term (I have an injured knee that would just benefit from carrying less weight, and it might help my back, although that remains to be seen), and because it's such a non-emotional motivator, it's actually been much easier than I expected. I set my weight loss milestone based on health studies, set my macros based on studies for successful weight loss (while retaining muscle mass) and just executed. I've also tracked not only weight, but also measurements and how long I exercise every day. It's all data, not emotion.

I also love food in a huge way. I love buying, cooking and eating food, but I've found it unexpectedly quite an exciting period of learning to still prepare wonderful food, but make it healthier. It's like adding an extra challenge to meals to make it healthy as well as appetizing with the texture, flavor and color variations I normally aim for.

I never really accepted myself as any specific size. When I was fat, I was still me, and now I've lost weight, I'm still the same person. It's other people that seem to be struggling a bit since I look different.