Major Life Change

BehindBlueEyes988

I am sorry that happened to you. It is rough thinking you have your life pretty much planned out just to have the rug pulled out from underneath you. You sound like you very much have a good head on your shoulders. I am proud that you know you deserve much better than that. Believe me it is his loss and someone(maybe your friend) gain that is for sure. Good luck on your new life. Make the best of each day.

Much appreciated. I'm not sure where my life will lead, or with who, but I've enjoyed the life so far. A lot less stress wondering if he's cheating while on the road. Or if he did. Now, its whatever. He can do what he pleases. I'm out

mjbowman821

I am so sorry to hear that. I lost my wife in Jan after 14 years of marriage. (Next Thursday would have been 15 years)

I would tell you this.

Its ok to put you first
Take time to heal, even though it ended badly you still have hurt that needs to be resolved.
Learn who you are again. Do the things that YOU enjoy.
Time will heal but it moves so slow.
You have a new normal it will never be the same again

Find a man who understands your value as a woman and treats you as valuable to them and not cheaply.

SheGlows

Well, being a teenage girl who's never experienced a truly significant, long-lasting relationship, I don't really get to talk here. However, I watched my mom go through a similar situation about eight or nine years ago where my dad left her for a woman almost half her age, very suddenly. A few weeks after the divorce they were married. It really tore her up, but looking back now, I can say (in my own opinion) it's the best thing that's ever happened to her.
Granted, she was an absolute mess in the beginning. Who wouldn't be after a traumatic situation like that? But since I was eight, I've watched her journey to recovering from her loss and she is the strongest woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing in my (short) lifetime. She had two options after my dad made his very stupid decision: Let herself go completely, or make herself better than she's ever been before. Granted, she took some time before she felt okay again. She read some divorce books along the way, even tried online dating (oof!), and eventually found the humor and happiness in her journey. She actually had a chance to focus on herself for once, and all the men at our gym seem to check her out more than me now! ;-)
Moral of the story: It hurts like hell now, and you probably will feel like you're falling apart for quite some time. But that's the beauty of time, it goes on. Like my mom tells me, "This, too, shall pass."

the_summer_belle

Well done to you taking the steps to move on in your life, your ex is the one who lost out, if he keeps treating women this way he will be 50 and all alone its called Karma. Your beautiful and you sounds like you have a pure heart rok on, you'll be wiser for this!

kimothy38

I hope you got to keep the dog! They are great company and love you unconditionally - unlike your ex it sounds like. Something I read today: Challenges are a beautiful opportunity in disguise. I think it's quite apt for your situation. It must be really painful right now but something good will come of it, guaranteed. Big hugs to you.

BehindBlueEyes988

I hope you got to keep the dog! They are great company and love you unconditionally - unlike your ex it sounds like. Something I read today: Challenges are a beautiful opportunity in disguise. I think it's quite apt for your situation. It must be really painful right now but something good will come of it, guaranteed. Big hugs to you.

Oh yeah! He's my baby!! I paid for him, I picked him up, he won't leave my side, and he's laying his head on my laptop while I write this. Legally he's mine too. Only my name is on his papers, and he's the love of my life!!

And thanks again for the kind words everyone. It was so hard at first. I spent that whole first day waiting for him to come home, hoping to talk to him and sort it out. A lot of tears, a lot of hysterics (of which the dog brought a toy each time).

The first week was by far the worst. Didn't eat, didn't do much. Took the week off work and just cried a lot. Hardly took care of myself.

It's been rough on my diet, I had to quit crossfit (we went together...he still goes) and can't eat as well as I'd like.

But once I officially move I'm back full paleo mostly, and starting T25 until my finances get in order.

And, although its a temp job, I had a phone interview for a job that starts a week after my last day in Charlotte, and they love me!!! So even if its not as much, I still have an income!

BehindBlueEyes988

Quick update. I went to give him his key back this morning before I left. And after insisting he wouldn't even look at another woman for a while, and telling me "he was just going through ****" which is why he wouldn't answer for days....I walked in to him getting out of the shower with a new girl.

So, I reamed him. Told him everything I had held back, called him a liar, and told him to never talk to me again.

To keep lying, and find another girl what he said was "only three weeks ago" after he said he definitely didn't. And mind you, he dumped me not even 4 weeks ago.

Sucks knowing he truly never cared. And hasn't for quite a long time. I told him to lose my number, and never ever talk to me again

Oi_Sunshine

After your last update I'd say paying $250 for unused invitations is quite the bargain if it means you aren't tied down with this schmuck.

chrissyrenee1029

Quick update. I went to give him his key back this morning before I left. And after insisting he wouldn't even look at another woman for a while, and telling me "he was just going through ****" which is why he wouldn't answer for days....I walked in to him getting out of the shower with a new girl.

So, I reamed him. Told him everything I had held back, called him a liar, and told him to never talk to me again.

To keep lying, and find another girl what he said was "only three weeks ago" after he said he definitely didn't. And mind you, he dumped me not even 4 weeks ago.

Sucks knowing he truly never cared. And hasn't for quite a long time. I told him to lose my number, and never ever talk to me again

Wow. I know it hurts now, but he truly did you a favor. You absolutely deserve better.

danasings

I haven't read the responses yet.

Oh honey, I wish I could give you a big hug. That is so painful.

Time is the only thing that can help. It sucks, but it's true.

Also, in five years you will look back and say to yourself, "Thank goodness I didn't marry that (insert insult here)."

All the best to you. Onward and upward. :flowerforyou:

BehindBlueEyes988

Thanks girls He got an ear full from me. She heard it all. I didn't care. I didn't yell at her because she may not have known, or whatever. Even so, if she did, that's her problem now.
I've never stood up to him before. It made him cry, and I don't even care. I left, and said goodbye for good

MildredBarhopper

Good for you for standing up for yourself! The situation sucks but it's good that you feel you have enough self worth to tell it like it is. I hope you feel a little better every day.

Ke11er

Hold your head up high. You were a loving, honest, and faithful partner. You were treated shoddy and betrayed by someone you trusted, that's on him. It is not a reflection of you or your worth. Virtual hugs for you.

It's a free fall for a while, and there will be times that you'll be convinced you don't have a parachute. But some day you will feel like your feet are back on the ground and delight in that safe feeling. Give yourself time to grieve. It's a painful loss, and know in advance that over the long haul people around you may not be as good at supporting this sort of loss as they are at supporting a death. You have probably been feeling the loss of the emotional and loving support for a long time, and probably began to grieve the loss of a beloved friend at the time of the first betrayal....so now it's time to grieve all the dreams for the future you have been holding on to. Take time to nurture and heal yourself. There should be all your favorites....bubble baths, long walks, favorite tunes, dancing, poetry, late night movies with your sister etc in your near future.

Along the way remember to give thanks everyday that you didn't marry this boy who is in no way ready or deserving of being your husband nor a father to your children. He is weak, you are strong. This is a grave heartache, but you dodged a bullet that could have (almost certainly would have) shattered lives. You are going to be more than ok, you are going to be much much better than you have ever been in your adult life. Your someday children will be much better off for your courage now, they can thank you later.

In order to be able to hit the ground running when your feet are finally back on terra firma see about getting some counseling. You were but a girl when this began, give yourself time to get to know who the adult you is. Give yourself time to figure out what your dreams are for yourself, you have the new freedom to do whatever it is you want to do....maybe you'll go back to school or travel to Italy or take up the guitar and become part of a garage band or open your own bakery. You're free, you can do anything you want. Give yourself the advantage and best opportunity to make good decisions about going forward Someone unbiased (not a family member, new significant other etc.) to talk to will be helpful with this liberating task. His cheating is just the tip of the iceburg. If he would do that he obviously has no idea how to love someone, at the very least you most certainly have been emotionally neglected for a long time. You're likely beat down to a place where your standards for behavior are very likely not up to par, and from there it's tough to set healthy boundaries with other adults (parents, siblings, friends, bosses, coworkers, and eventually a significant other). Give yourself a chance to figure it all out, or to remember if you once did have it all figured out.

Sounds like you're on track....the righteous anger you unleashed is a good start to a new way of thinking about what you deserve. You've created an environment for a fresh start, take time to thoughtfully savor these first steps. The best revenge is a life well lived.

MysteriousMerlin

Aw honey, so sorry :frown:

Unknown

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BehindBlueEyes988

Hold your head up high. You were a loving, honest, and faithful partner. You were treated shoddy and betrayed by someone you trusted, that's on him. It is not a reflection of you or your worth. Virtual hugs for you.

It's a free fall for a while, and there will be times that you'll be convinced you don't have a parachute. But some day you will feel like your feet are back on the ground and delight in that safe feeling. Give yourself time to grieve. It's a painful loss, and know in advance that over the long haul people around you may not be as good at supporting this sort of loss as they are at supporting a death. You have probably been feeling the loss of the emotional and loving support for a long time, and probably began to grieve the loss of a beloved friend at the time of the first betrayal....so now it's time to grieve all the dreams for the future you have been holding on to. Take time to nurture and heal yourself. There should be all your favorites....bubble baths, long walks, favorite tunes, dancing, poetry, late night movies with your sister etc in your near future.

Along the way remember to give thanks everyday that you didn't marry this boy who is in no way ready or deserving of being your husband nor a father to your children. He is weak, you are strong. This is a grave heartache, but you dodged a bullet that could have (almost certainly would have) shattered lives. You are going to be more than ok, you are going to be much much better than you have ever been in your adult life. Your someday children will be much better off for your courage now, they can thank you later.

In order to be able to hit the ground running when your feet are finally back on terra firma see about getting some counseling. You were but a girl when this began, give yourself time to get to know who the adult you is. Give yourself time to figure out what your dreams are for yourself, you have the new freedom to do whatever it is you want to do....maybe you'll go back to school or travel to Italy or take up the guitar and become part of a garage band or open your own bakery. You're free, you can do anything you want. Give yourself the advantage and best opportunity to make good decisions about going forward Someone unbiased (not a family member, new significant other etc.) to talk to will be helpful with this liberating task. His cheating is just the tip of the iceburg. If he would do that he obviously has no idea how to love someone, at the very least you most certainly have been emotionally neglected for a long time. You're likely beat down to a place where your standards for behavior are very likely not up to par, and from there it's tough to set healthy boundaries with other adults (parents, siblings, friends, bosses, coworkers, and eventually a significant other). Give yourself a chance to figure it all out, or to remember if you once did have it all figured out.

Sounds like you're on track....the righteous anger you unleashed is a good start to a new way of thinking about what you deserve. You've created an environment for a fresh start, take time to thoughtfully savor these first steps. The best revenge is a life well lived.

I can not say thank you enough to every one of you. This post made me cry so hard my dog kept bringing me toys to make me happy again. But they are good tears.

Tears of letting go. Tears of knowing I am worth more than a man who has never been honest to me, and still can't be honest to me. He tried to lie when I caught him. He said there was nothing going on. I yelled "OH!? And you have a purse now?!" He shut up.

I will not be his puppet. I won't be used. I won't be there when he's feeling lonely.

That *kitten* broke my heart. And I will treat him just how he is. A lying, cheating *kitten*.

Forget him. I'm moving to Charleston, SC next weekend and its a great city to live up as a single, twenty something woman. He can keep all the easy girls he wants. I will never be that.

Ke11er

I can not say thank you enough to every one of you. This post made me cry so hard my dog kept bringing me toys to make me happy again. But they are good tears.

Tears of letting go. Tears of knowing I am worth more than a man who has never been honest to me, and still can't be honest to me. He tried to lie when I caught him. He said there was nothing going on. I yelled "OH!? And you have a purse now?!" He shut up.

I will not be his puppet. I won't be used. I won't be there when he's feeling lonely.

That *kitten* broke my heart. And I will treat him just how he is. A lying, cheating *kitten*.

Forget him. I'm moving to Charleston, SC next weekend and its a great city to live up as a single, twenty something woman. He can keep all the easy girls he wants. I will never be that.

You are absolutely going to rock this new life you are creating!!