No Support From Home

cghiggins518

Does anyone deal with not getting support from your significant other? Anytime I bring up anything that has to do with weight loss, exersise or anything dealing with fitness I basically get the look that they dont want to hear about it. I dont get any compliments on my success. I have lost 50 lbs. so far and the one comment I get is that I dont look right. Like I am sick. I have tried to get them involved in my fitness/nutritien and my response back is that i am giving them crap about thier weight when all i wanted was something that we can do together. We have a very hectic life and this is just a small part of it but one that has an affect on our relationship. Any advice? Do I let it go?

laughingdani

Hey I have something to say about this. I was in a similar situation and still am in a few ways. I dont have time to write everything right now I am about to meet someone for lunch but when I get back I will reply! : )
You know you always have support here and sometimes that has to be enough to get you through.

Dani

bkmuush

I love my husband dearly - he is a wonderful father, provider, loving giving man - he has supported me through everything and always been there for me.. EXCEPT to lose weight. He is more of an obstacle then a support by far. I use to think he just didn't get it but at this point I think he should have figured out that a bag of chips isn't a great evening snack for anyone let alone a diabetic trying to lose weight. So...I've talked seriously with him, written him long letters, made hints, joked, yelled, screamed, threatened and cried. In the end I accepted it - he will not be supportive. I don't know why I've analyzed it to death. Fear he may have to change his own habits? Jealousy? Whatever it is I've decided is just not my problem anymore. I love the man to pieces and I'd do almost anything for him - but I won't kill myself for him and letting my weight balloon out of control is suicide. So, I turn to my friends here and not him. I do in in spite of him, not because of him.

MissAnjy

If you're not getting support at home, it can be very difficult. That's why we are here
Not everyone understands our journey, and not everyone is excited about it as we are (especially those who know they need to lose the weight, but aren't wanting to change). I have someone in my life like this as well. It's difficult to be successful when nobody around you seems to notice/care, but make sure that doesn't discourage you from continuing. Some people don't want to join the journey, some people are not motivated enough, haven't reached that point in their lives, etc. It's hard not to give advice and try to encourage them to diet and exercise as well when we're so excited and overcome by our new lifestyle, but just remember that not everyone is as accepting of advice as we are here

Make sure when you feel down about something to turn to MFP, or if you want to brag about your accomplishments, brag to us!! We're always here to listen, help, guide, advise, support, congratulate, encourage etc. Everyone here is on the same (or a similar) journey. Let us give you the encouragement you need!! : )

netter43

I can tell you this...I just started this journey for the umpteenth time and very wholeheartedly. My boyfriend of 9 years whom I live with demanded to know why I was trying to lose weight "all of a sudden and exercising". Well, prior to that I was feeling very proud of myself for getting my butt off the couch and/or computer chair and actually attempting to workout to my video. When I finished my video routine I told him that I am doing this for ME and that if he can't be happy that I want to be happier and healthier and an all around better person, that was just tough and he was not in any way, shape or form going to make me feel bad about making changes in my life.....bottom line...Do not let loved ones bring you down because you want to be better... Some how, some way, try to talk to them and make them understand why you want to be a better person in the end. If they cannot support you, keep coming here and get all the support you need...I hope it turns around that they choose to be your biggest fans!! - God Bless!!

Bellydance

I've only lost 11 pounds or so but it shows and I get no support either. No compliments, no looks, nothing. So what I'm doing is relying on this site and waiting for people I don't know very well to notice. Sometimes they don't even say anything either but I know so sometimes that's all I can count on. I have asked if he's noticed, he said yes. When I asked why haven't you said anything he made some dumb comment about how I would just turn it around on him and be negative or something. I don't even remember what he said cuz it was so dumb.

I think if we just continue and get excited about our success with other, hopefully the ones we left behind want to be excited with us eventually. It could be they have no motivation themselves and are envious of yours. Creating an environment that they know they are welcome to come into but without actually inviting them in is all I think I can do. We just gotta hang in with eachother.

TheNewJessieMae

I am VERY greatful for my husband. And he always compliments me and says I'm doing a wonderful job BUT on the other side of that coin-sometimes he says he feels as though I am taking time away from him. I had started scheduling when I was going to work out. He knew that. It was on the fridge. Almost everytime it came time for me to work out, he wanted us to watch a movie or this or that....... If I said-"i need to exercise" he would get upset like I was rejecting him. I can only exercise after my 2 kids go to bed. I work full time so when I get home I want to cook for them and do homework and this and that. But you see where I'm going with this. Maybe she actually feels like she CANT do it. Maybe she feels like a failure in your shadow. She doesn't think she can do it like you so she is dragging you down instead. That's where I think a lot of this issue comes from between man and wife.

Mamasota

There are lots of spouses who are threatened by change. As long as you are overweight, they won't be as worried about losing you. To them it probably means you aren't happy with the way things are (read - happy with them) and so you are changing. You have to convince your spouse that the changes you are making for you will be good for them too.

Also, misery loves company. My husband could lose a few pounds too so he tries to get me to stay fat with him. He buys my favorite foods, brings home treats, and is a persistent food pusher. It takes extra will power and determination to lose weight in spite of him.

One more thing - do this for you and not to get compliments from your spouse. If he/she can't or won't appreciate a heathier, better looking you, then you just go right ahead and compliment yourself. When you reach one of your interim goals, treat yourself.

!

superwmn

For whatever reason, other people often see our success as a personal insult. It shines a spotlight on what is clearly a very sensitive issue for them. Highlights what they see as their own failures.

Agreed that support on the home front is nice (and should be expected), but we can not control others. We can only control ourselves.

I know first hand how much it hurts, but now I just feel sad for the offenders. See their jealousy towards me for what it REALLY is...hatred of themselves.

Charmagne

laughingdani

I have been trying to lose weight for almost 6 years now. Ever since I got married actually.
Everytime I would tell my husband that I was starting a new diet or exercise regime he would roll his eyes.
This time in January was no different. Even when I lost my first 24 lbs in 10 weeks I didnt even get a "I'm proud of you honey". I got a "yeah, you look a little smaller....*shrug*". I think the problem with my husband was that he didn't think that I would follow through because I never did before. So I just used that negative feeling that I got from him and pushed on basically determined to prove him wrong. I put myself first and kept on going. It also didn't help that I had no support from my best friend because she was jealous that I was losing weight and she wasn't.

I finally started getting some compliments from my husband after I lost about 50 lbs. It first started off as our friends telling me that he was bragging about me to them. But he would never say anything to me personally. I am at 64 lbs lost and he will say something to me every once in a while about how I am looking good. BUT he does not want to workout with me. I have invited him to go running with me and he has gone maybe 2x in the past 11 months. It's just not his thing and he is naturally thin so he doesn't need to lose weight at all.

Also, my confidence has gotten a lot better as I have lost weight and it doesn't bother me as much that he doesn't give me the compliments all the time because I know I have done a great job and I have friends on here that tell me all the time.

I still get the eye rolls when I talk about my exercising, or anything about my diet. I think it does bore others or maybe they have absolutely no interest in it...but I don't care. This is a part of my life now. It's not like I am bragging or anything. I am genuinely passionate about this lifestyle and I like to talk about it. So, I would just let it go and I hope things get better as time goes on. Sometimes it takes others longer to adjust to the new versions of us. Especially when our personalities as well as our physical appearance is changing. Hang in there friend. We are here for you!

Dani

vickiele1

I actually also have a couple of people in my life who are either indifferent or are not supportive of me and the journey I have been on. The one person that is not supportive actually is working hard to reduce her weight. She has a significant amount of weight that she needs to shed. She has stated that skinny people just don't get it. She doesn't acknowledge that at 200 lbs, I was 70 lbs over weight. I'm not sure how much I would have had to weigh for her to see that I was obese. It hurts me, because I think she should really understand. I don't, however, let her negative attitude bring me down. I also continue to be as supportive of her efforts and progress as I can be. Just keep doing what you are doing and know that you will live to be a healthier and happier person to share life with.

Vickie