Rockabilly Mom

alyssasphone

Hello to everyone

I'm totally new here. As am I post this, I don't have any friends added. Didn't even realize that I could until last week. Been using MFP for about 18 days now and I've had great results. If you want to add me, please do! Maybe something in my introduction might be similar to what you are experiencing and we can share thoughts etc.

WHO I AM:
I'm a 42 year old mom of 2 girls (one is 21 the other 19). I got married young and my husband and I just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. I hit the lowest point I've ever been this year. In the 24 years my husband and I have been together he has always been an alcoholic. I was codependent to him and I have an addiction to taking care of others so it was an easy cycle to fall into. He provided me a reason to take care of him with his alcohol abuse which fed my addiction and he was able to drink every day because I always took care of him, in turn feeding his own addiction. It was toxic. I was always in so much emotional and physical pain due to the extreme amount of stress his alcoholism created, I never took care of myself. On May 15th things took a drastic change as he assaulted me in front of the girls. It was the last straw. I demanded that he leave under the condition that he have 3 months to get sober or I was filing for divorce. We had never been apart more than 9 days in 24 years. Adjusting to him being gone was horrible. It took a month to finally break my codependency. At that point, I started to look at myself, REALLY look at myself and realized that I had been neglecting myself for years. I started to understand just how overweight I was and feel the toll that stress had taken on me health wise. I felt like I had just took a first look at myself through the mirror of reality. What I saw just depressed me and I don't want to be like this.

WHAT BROUGHT ME TO MFP
My husband got enrolled in a recovery program for his alcohol abuse. In this program there are many tools and topics that go over addictions of all sorts, even food etc. As I go to meetings and therapy for myself, I started to understand a pattern in my eating behaviors and how I was using food to comfort and reward myself during all the stress I was going through over the years. Just as he was self medicating with alcohol, I self medicated with food. He has a structured plan and monitoring for his recovery and I decided I needed one for myself too. It's time for me to focus on myself and truly take care of my needs first. MFP attracted me because of its structure and how easy it was to use. I love how I can sync it with my FitBit and my cellphone. So far it's been great!

GOALS AND CHALLENGES
When I first logged onto MFP I was 256 pounds and a BMI of 48. I'm 5'5, so that is not healthy at all. Right now, all I want is to be under 200 pounds, even if its 199! Just to be under 200 pounds would be huge for me. I haven't been under 200 in over 14 years. Once I make that goal, the next one would be to get to 140, my wedding weight. I'm determined and I won't let anything keep me from it. I can't, especially since my husband has moved back home. He is doing so wonderful right now, staying sober and getting healthy, its an encouragement to me and I want to have the same effect on him by getting myself healthy too. A huge challenge is I have to stop giving away myself to take care of everyone else and set time aside every day to take care of MYSELF. I owe it to myself and all my dear family.

So there you have it. My introduction. I posted a couple of pics of me just before I had started MFP. (I tried to add them to this post but it didn't work. They are in my profile! Sorry!) I'll post more as I progress. If you want to friend me, please do! I wish you all luck and much happiness on your journey to a healthier you


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trinatrina1984

FR sent