Weight loss jealousy

rand486

When I first started training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I lost quite a bit of weight just from exercise. Then I started MFP and kicked it up a notch - I lost 35 lbs total, and am now a fairly small/lean male. Even though I was clearly eating in front of people, and everyone knew I had started training 10-15 hours/week, sure enough, rumours popped up that I was bulimic, etc.

What struck me was that the rumours all came from women. Men couldn't care less.

If anything, I think it's just a sad sign of how much pressure we put on women, and what we've done to their self-image. "Jealousy" may not be the right word, but we've certainly succeeded at creating a society of insecurity around female aesthetics...

PikaKnight

Why do people assume so often that everything is motivated by jealousy?

While their comments are weird and out of line, they don't seem jealous to me at all. They might be, of course, but nothing in your OP indicates that. Is it just the fact that they are female? If a male said it, would you assume he was jealous?

How else are we supposed to feel important?

fivethreeone

Why do people assume so often that everything is motivated by jealousy?

While their comments are weird and out of line, they don't seem jealous to me at all. They might be, of course, but nothing in your OP indicates that. Is it just the fact that they are female? If a male said it, would you assume he was jealous?

No, then it would be because men only like curvy women.

:laugh:

Pardon me, my mistake.

Seriously, OP, I think people think "normal" is whatever they are. If you are reasonably smaller than they, guess what? You become the abnormal one, because surely it is not them who is the oddity.

My uncle asked me very confidentially over the holidays if I was sick because I had lost weight. I just laughed and said, "No, it was on purpose." I was right in the middle of a normal BMI with an athletic 20% body fat. Nothing about that says sick. Except to someone who sees that as abnormal because it's not what looks out from their own mirror every day. This isn't to say that they like what they look like, necessarily, only that it is what they are accustomed to.

levitateme

Why do people assume so often that everything is motivated by jealousy?

While their comments are weird and out of line, they don't seem jealous to me at all. They might be, of course, but nothing in your OP indicates that. Is it just the fact that they are female? If a male said it, would you assume he was jealous?

I never understood this either.

Most of the time, people are just used to what you used to look like, probably didn't think you were "that big" and are just trying to tell you that you "didn't need to lose so much weight."

It's an unwanted opinion, sure, and they are probably wrong. A lot of people's views on what's considered an average or "normal" weight are skewed because so many people are overweight (statistically). To assume it's coming from a jealous place is kind of egotistical.

Holly_Roman_Empire

Just tell them you're having a hard time understanding what they're saying because their jowls are affecting their speech.

They won't ever bother you again.

Yikes.

BigDebSteves

Lol I may be the youngest person here but I have. usually school friends.

PikaKnight

Lol I may be the youngest person here but I have. usually school friends. (Don't mind my loss calculator, I've lost upwards of 15 pounds since September but I only joined MFP 32 days ago)
So once I got around 10 lbs lost, all my skinny friends were suddenly mad, it's like they needed me to be the fat one in order to feel better about themselves. The healthier I get the more it seems to piss them off. They would tell me that I didn't need to lose weight, that I looked good a little round on the edges, that it fit my personality,,, what the heck? How can being unhealthy 'fit' a person's personality, unless it's an insult, but they don't realize what they're saying. Everyone has insecurities, and it become increasingly more difficult to fake as time goes on, it'll find a way to disguise itself through bitterness, rudeness, anger.

Then maybe you should find friends who are actual friends? Unless this is just you taking things the wrong way.

I don't understand why people complain about "friends" who aren't "supportive", seem abusive or seem to constantly ridicule you, take advantage, etc but yet call them friends.

beachbodyproject

Congrats!!! I have gained 25 pounds in the last years and now I’m on a mission to lose it and get back my athletic body that I felt comfortable in. I'm 5'7, at 150lbs and I want to be at 125lbs. People keep on telling me “but you are tall, at 125lbs you would look anorexic". On my profile pic I was at 125 and I think I looked great!!! It's not like I’m 6'3 and want to be 125.

Iwishyouwell

For people who have lost friends due to their weight loss or change in eating, can you share exactly HOW that happens? Like does the person(s) actually voluntarily left your life after a blow up? Just a continental drift? You purposefully cut them out?

YamaMaya1

I've found in life that if you're more attractive, more healthy, and more happy with yourself than people around you, they tend to try and convince you to come back down to their level. Misery loves company, and if you won't join them, they'll just try to make you miserable anyways by making hurtful comments.

126siany

For people who have lost friends due to their weight loss or change in eating, can you share exactly HOW that happens? Like does the person(s) actually voluntarily left your life after a blow up? Just a continental drift? You purposefully cut them out?

I lost a few the first time I lost all the weight. I was a lot younger then (around 20) so everyone's maturity level probably had something to do with it. In my case it was mainly just drifting apart as our interests changed. With one woman it was ugly. She just became too abusive to bother staying in touch any longer, so that was me cutting her off. The final straw was a trip to the mall where she got a Cinnabon. I said nothing, and she began shrieking at the top of her lungs that there was nothing wrong with Cinnabons. Done and done there.

stupidwilliams

Congrats! What a huge accomplishment!!
Sadly, I hear this all the time. I heard a guy at work say "You look like you need to eat a cheeseburger." Well thanks dude, but Im still not "healthy" for my height. I have tried very hard to lost all my extra weight and its very disheartening to hear anything negative.

One day we ordered from a place down the street I got a burger to which they replied "bet you wont eat it all." Well just because I DONT eat everything on my plate doesnt mean I CANT. I just choose to be healthier than that. ( I ate that whole burger and it was tasty. lol )

Anyway, as hard as it is, just ignore the comments. Keep going until YOU are happy, because that is all that matters. Great job!!

stupidwilliams

"I lost a few the first time I lost all the weight. I was a lot younger then (around 20) so everyone's maturity level probably had something to do with it. wink In my case it was mainly just drifting apart as our interests changed. With one woman it was ugly. She just became too abusive to bother staying in touch any longer, so that was me cutting her off. The final straw was a trip to the mall where she got a Cinnabon. I said nothing, and she began shrieking at the top of her lungs that there was nothing wrong with Cinnabons. Done and done there. "

Oh....holy. sometimes people just need to be responsible for their own stuff! jeeeeeezzzzz. lol Glad you walked away. no one needs that!

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I've found in life that if you're more attractive, more healthy, and more happy with yourself than people around you, they tend to try and convince you to come back down to their level. Misery loves company, and if you won't join them, they'll just try to make you miserable anyways by making hurtful comments.

I really haven't found that to be the case, thankfully. I think a few people (like my folks) were genuinely concerned. Most people have been truly supportive and encouraging. I haven't gotten the impression that anyone was trying to make me miserable, although some comments were unintentionally hurtful.

If there are a lot of people just trying to make you miserable, then maybe you need some new people in your life.

enterdanger

These are good things to know. Sadly, I'm still too fat for anyone to have weight loss jealousy. Someday, I hope some one tells me to eat a sandwich. lol.

scb515

Wow, thanks for all the comments, I felt quite low when I wrote the OP! It's nice to know I'm not alone.

I assume it's jealousy because I know they both need to lose weight for medical reasons (I'm not being rude, they've both told me this) and haven't made any kind of effort, just asked me how I've done it and said that's too hard. (I eat less and move more - that's it, that's my big magical secret.)

One of them keeps wandering around the office telling people I don't eat anything, which makes me sound like I have an ED. I truly don't, I just don't eat like a pig anymore.

I get a lot of nice comments from other people - I don't know why they can't either say similar or just nothing at all. I'm not even the the middle of the healthy weight BMI, I'm at the very top.

Ahh, I don't know. People are weird. You're all right, I'm doing this lifestyle change for myself and I know I'm healthier. I run up stairs all the time now - never used to have the stamina.