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It's about time I make some changes

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Hi, I'm a 27 yr old female, new to MFP and this is my first post! :)
I'm currently 45 pounds over my healthy weight (per my doctor). My "cycle" has been interrupted due to my recent weight gain. My doctor said I have PCOS but it'll go away once I get to my healthy weight. I've been really self-conscious and sad about my weight but haven't done much about it. I've been feeling helpless and ashamed of my weight problem, avoiding my old friends who haven't seen me since my weight gain. I'm getting so big that my family's worried about me. I can't fit into any of my old clothes. I always wear leggings because my jeans won't fit me... I'm embarrassed to look at my pictures taken by others. I even deactivated my social media accounts because I am afraid of people posting my pictures and tagging me.. And yet when I'm hungry my appetite and desire to eat takes complete control over me and I always end up saying "I'll just eat this one more thing." I can't stop once I start eating... I feel so much guilt that I just stopped thinking about how many calories I ate a day. Today I went shopping with a friend and tried on a few things only to realize none of them fit me. I was too ashamed to look in the mirror at the store. I always focus on looking at my eyes because I don't want to roll my eyes down to witness my big body.. This has got to stop. I need to take control of my life and start living happy. My confidence has hit rock bottom and my health is suffering. I really need to start eating healthy and track how much I'm eating a day... This is so embarrassing and depressing. But if I don't make changes, I'll continue to live in this self-denial.. I want to be confident when I meet new people. Career-wise, I'm doing great. I just want to look and feel healthy and fit again. Not wearing a few pieces of clothes that fit me all the time. Not being afraid of meeting old friends or family members. I don't know why I keep falling off track... What else do I need to motivate myself further? I've got all these reasons to lose weight but my hunger and appetite take complete control over me.. Anyone else felt this sense of helplessness before? I'm going to start tomorrow.. Hoping to lose 40 pounds in a year. (Ideally in 6 months and then maintain for 6 months). God I need strength!!


Height: 5'3
SW: 165
GW: 120

Replies

  • tomee638
    tomee638 Posts: 64
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    Everyone feels like quitting every once in awhile. There's atleast one time every week I feel like sleeping an extra hour and skipping today's workout. You gotta think of the end game, and what you're long term goals are. They can't be something simple like fitting into that bikini or looking great for that upcoming wedding, cause what happens when those pass? You quit the workout and gain the weight back. Better long term goals help ensure lasting weight loss and a changed life. Think about living a longer, happier, active life with your spouse and/or kids. That's a real, lasting goal. Good luck!
  • curlygirl513
    curlygirl513 Posts: 199 Member
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    I'm so happy you are new here. This is my very first weight loss program and I'm new to MFP. Welcome. You will find much support. A journey always start with one step. Easy does it. One day at a time.

    I don't view what I am doing as a punishment. I am loving eating better and changing my diet. I went whole foods vegan and gave up sugar, (I'll eat off program here and there when I want to), and feel so good. You are going to feel so very much better soon.

    I don't have cravings. I don't want to over eat. It is so weird how fast my food cravings changed. I eat fresh fruit, ripe yummy melons, ripe sweet pineapple, etc. If I truly want a sweet and want to stay on my program, I sit with 40 grams of raisin and savor them with a cup of coffee and soymilk.

    No wonder I feel good. Just from writing you I am more aware of the healthy way I have been taking care of myself. I truly feel better than I have for a long time. Four weeks for me next Saturday.
  • BubbleBubble7
    BubbleBubble7 Posts: 13 Member
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    You gotta think of the end game, and what you're long term goals are.

    I guess mine would be to be able to have a healthy baby in the next few years and also to live longer in a healthy state :) Thanks for your supportive words!
  • BubbleBubble7
    BubbleBubble7 Posts: 13 Member
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    I don't have cravings. I don't want to over eat. It is so weird how fast my food cravings changed.

    I have HUGE issues with this :( I always crave for high sodium and carb food and I know they're bad but once my mind's stuck on it, I'm not satisfied until I get it. I even tried working out when I feel the urge to eat to reduce my appetite but that didn't work for long. Eating healthier options to reduce hunger/craving such as almonds and a piece of fruit hasn't worked for me in the long run either. I guess I have to accept the fact that I will always have to be careful with what I eat because my body tends to gain weight very quickly based on what I eat compared to others who can eat more liberally without their gaining weight..
  • Melissa198166
    Melissa198166 Posts: 9 Member
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    Bubbles,

    This is a problem we all struggle with, and sometimes the cravings will never go away... but you can find healthier alternatives. One of favorite snacks are Famous Dave's Spicy Pickles. They are so sweet, it stops my cravings for sugar, and the spicy kick just adds to it. I can eat two (or even three) without too much guilt, as they have 0 fat content, compared to the bowl of ice cream I want. Fresh fruit with a dollop of fat free whipped topping is also good. Jello. Tons of healthy, low calorie/low fat snacks. I dislike being over weight too, but I don't pull away from being social because of it. The friends and social aspect of life you're hiding from is going to mentally do worse to you than better. Don't hide from your friends, and don't get too depressed about clothing being too small. Your friends will be good supports in your weight loss journey, and eventually you'll fit back into your old clothes. It will be okay. You're going to have to win the battle of the wills over your brain, and not do the 'Just one more thing.' It's hard, I know, but once you get over that initial hump, it will get easier, your self-control will be stronger, and you'll be awesome and proud of yourself!
  • CherylMatthews66
    CherylMatthews66 Posts: 44 Member
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    Hey, struggling with your weight and eating is nothing to be ashamed of as it's really hard to control ourselves when we are hungry. Once we start eating, it's hard to stop until you feel really full and then the guilt kicks in. Starting off will be extremely difficult because it's a complete change of lifestyle but honestly, once you've started and made a bit of progress, you start to become more motivated. When you find out you've lost a couple of pounds, it makes you realise that weight loss is possible and it will therefore motivate you to work harder to lose more pounds. I struggled so much with fad diets and exercise routines that I barely kept up with but eventually, I stopped with all the fad diets and I just simply cut down on food and started eating vegetables. At first, the thought of vegetables were daunting because I used to love curry and chips but when I started eating vegetables, I realised that they actually were nice and tasted amazing so I became more than happy to eat them.

    I know it's extremely difficult at first, we have all been there but you can do it. You are such a strong person deep down and I know that you have the potential to lose weight and feel better about yourself but remember, being overweight doesn't define who you are, you still have a wonderful personality whether you're big or small. I wish you all the luck. Feel free to add me if you want to make new friends. :happy:
  • sleepy_mum
    sleepy_mum Posts: 40 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear you sound so down, but you're taking the right steps to lose weight. I also have PCOS which I'm sorry to say doesn't go away with weight loss as you either have it or you don't, but your symptoms will dramatically improve with weight loss which is perhaps what your doctor meant. Years ago I was trying to fall pregnant with my son who will be 9 in October, and for nearly 3 years nothing happened, but then I lost weight and he was naturally conceived as my fertility improved. Sadly since then I've put it all back on plus quite a bit so am at the point of needing to lose loads, but I've lost 20lbs and am still going.

    Just remember you're doing the best thing for yourself by losing weight and getting healthy, so although it's not always easy it is always worth it.

    Good luck, X