apparently you can't teach an old dog new tricks...

jenna_watsonator

i apologize in advance for this post but i really need to just confess to someone, and all you out there in cyberspace are faceless. i have tried time and time again to be a healthy person. i have dealt with disordered eating for a good portion of my life. i go one week on this site, feeling motivated and inspired by all the stories of the great people here who have been able to lose weight through persistence and effort and really truly believe i can do the same.

i'm on here one week, and the night before my weigh in i think the anxiety of my pending weigh in triggers my relapse. i'm at my parents house with my partner-brothers in one room, parents in the next. pizza arrives. i binge and eat nearly 3 times my daily allotment. i panic. i take a plastic bag and go to the car.

...and force myself to vomit.

i'm so nervous and disgusted and pissed off. partially pissed off that i've taken a huge step back, more pissed off that i don't get to finish in fear that someone would come out to the car. i know u all say just to pick urself up and tomorrow is a new day, but ****, why am i having such a hard time?

please don't judge me.

PoshTaush

please get some help .. I know from personal experience this is a HORRIBLE disease. I am here if you need to talk.

vinsanau1

Do you have a counselor? It would be best of you can talk with someone who can help you get the bottom of why you do this, which is not good for your body. I urge you to find someone or possibly a support group of those who share this problem.

Grokette

I agree, you need to reach out and seek some help.

I also know from experience and I struggle from time to time still.

A couple of good books to read is The Mood Cure and The Diet Cure........

http://www.moodcure.com/

http://www.dietcure.com/

dlcam61

No judgment but you really should talk to a medical professional about this. Maybe there is something they can do to help you. If weigh in is this stressful, skip it. You are not ready to face that yet, and it's pushing you over your limit for stress. Binge eating is self sabotage, as I am also a victim of this. I have taken a long time to get over that, and emotional eating. Sounds to me not only do you eat as a response to stress, but you are an emotional eater as well. It's something that is hard to manage, but it can be done. Stick with it. Over time your anxiety will hopefully lessen and you will be ready to face the scale :flowerforyou:

randyv99

Do not worry about being judged. I was recently speaking to one of my friends the other day and she had virtually disappeared from the face of the planet. She said it was more difficult to reconnect with friends than she thought it would be and I told her:

That's the thing about friendship, some don't know how to act, some don't know how to react and some are always there all the time even if they don't know why.

Many people worry about the first and second type, when we're mostly surrounded by the the 3rd type. The 3rd one doesn't have the answers, doesn't know how to act or react but will also always be there for support. Emotional health is vital to success! Binge-purge cycles are incredibly unhealthy (although I have thought about it and even tried a couple times in the past myself) but this is not something that can be cured with Self-Help remedies or by tryinf harder or thinking differently. As everyone else has said, seek out your closest supports, get help getting help, and don't bear this burden alone. All the best.

eillamarie

I've struggled with everything from forcing myself not to eat anything for days, to forcing vomiting, to eating 3,000 in one sitting. If this site is trigging you, you NEED to get help. Whether it's in the form of a support group or a psychologist, do whatever you have to do to get help. I ruined my 10 year elite swimming career with disordered eating-it was one of a few reasons why I crashed and burnt out, and I know that if I had gained control of my disordered eating then it wouldn't have happened.

We love you, I love you, please get help hun!

XOXOX

bree5291

You can conquer this. You and I are in the same boat for the most part. Talk to someone. See a counselor. I know it's hard to admit to and difficult to talk about it, but you've got to help yourself. Here if you need me.

rml_16

No judgment, but you NEED to get into counseling ASAP. Bulimia is a deadly disease and no one who suffers from it actively should be dieting, and certainly not without professional oversight.

This sight simply does not have the tools someone with an eating disorder needs to be healthy.

Sweet13_Princess

No one on this website is here to judge you. We're all here because we've got some sort of issue with food that needs to be addressed. Since this seems to be something that has been going on a while with you and is taking a toll with you, you really should seek counseling. Call your local hospital and I'm sure they can refer you to someone to talk to about this. The main thing is to get control of this situation so that it doesn't happen again! We don't want you to end up hurting your body over time.

Most of all, you had a bad day. We all have those, don't keep kicking yourself, be ready to seek out help; thereby making a change. It's a big step and might be scarey for you, but it's definately worth it!

Let us know how it goes!:-D

Shannon

jenna_watsonator

thank you all for the advice and kind words of encouragement. i have gone through the clinical aspect, but have yet to see someone who can help me on a psychological level. i think i will start by going to support groups...i hate talking about my "issues" to professionals but i guess i need to to finally recover from this demon. on a lighter note, i faced the scale this morning and did NOT have a complete meltdown...i actually lost weight after yesterday's fiasco!

rml_16

Jenna, thankfully, I've never had an eating disorder myself, but I do understand the anxiety of weighing in. I know that in the clinical setting, then patients are weighed, they aren't told the weight.

Maybe it would be best for you to not even weigh yourself. Just eat healthy and track the calories (if you must -- I still think it's a bad idea while you're actively purging) and exercise within reason, but put the scale away. Look at this as a HEALTH plan and not a weight loss plan.