People just don't get it

toots99

I was talking to a friend tonight and I was saying "I'd love to go out to eat and have someone wait on ME for once" (we're waitresses :laugh: ) and she suggested we go out to eat somewhere. It stresses me out to go out to eat. I get too crazy in the head and think that I'm undoing all the hard work I've done. And she said we can go somewhere and eat healthy. I said that that's no fun. :laugh: That's problem #1. Then she said "Well let's go all out and get Mexican. It's just ONE meal, you need to enjoy yourself once in a while." But one meal is almost never just ONE MEAL. That's problem #2. It leads to a whole bad day and (usually) then some. That's like someone saying "Oh, just have one cookie." No. I don't want one, I want them all. If I can't have them all then I don't want any. I told her maybe one day I'll be the type of person who can have "just one". I think so, because I never used to be the way I am now (strict, health conscious). Not that I'll never go out to eat again or enjoy myself, but it's a slippery slope.

It really makes things really difficult, espeically when people don't have these issues and don't know what goes on in my head.

Anyone else feel like this? Have you overcome feeling like this?

nmpresto

I definitely understand where you are coming from. I will do really well for a few days or a week but then I mess up once, even if it is just at one meal and then I have a bad 2, 3 sometimes 4 days before I get back on track. I work with emotionally disturbed kids and I tell them every day if you have one bad behavior, you need to work on just stopping at the ONE behavior not letting it lead into behavior after behavior. And thats exactly what we need to do when it comes to eating healthy or exercising. Just because you had one bad meal or not even a bad meal one bad portion of the meal, that is where it needs to stop it doesn't need to turn into a bad day, or bad weekend, or back week.

sarahsmom1

Life is to short not to enjoy yourself once in a while you can go and split a meal. It may only be me but you can't live your life wanting and never having. You can have your cake and eat it to just make it fit in to your day Good luck please enjoy your life you only get 1. You can try a vegetarian meal check out the menu and nutrition facts online before you go that way you can plan your day. Enjoy

thecrimsonking1319

Wow! I am the exact same way! My husband wants to go to restaraunts, buffets etc. and gets mad when I tell him I can't. In the begining I think we need to be strict, but I think as time goes on it will be easier to have just one cookie or one bad meal. My problem is, is how often is every once in a while? How often are we allowed to indulge? Once a week? Once every few months? This whole healthy living is confusing to me. I can look at a cookie and gain weight, but my friends are 100 pounds soaking wet and they eat junk and drink soda like there is no tomorrow! All I can say is thanks Mom and Dad for the great genes! LOL

robynrae_1

I think it will help if you plan a "cheat" meal, thats what I do. My husband and I go out once every two weeks on a friday and have a meal. Its not all the time and I have learned that I feel better if i make better food choices, I also work out harder the next day. This helps me from craving "dinner" food all the time.

I can't keep cookies in my house, I am like you, all of them or none.

marniehodges

Well you've lost 59 lbs., so first, CONGRATULATIONS on that! You have obviously worked very hard and should feel very proud. I have found that if I plan ahead on going out to eat I just adjust the rest of my day accordingly and exercise really hard that day-gives me some extra leeway on that great dinner out. Also, when I'm going out to eat I always make sure I drink lots and lots of water because it seems like all out food has so much sodium. Please allow yourself a treat now and then so you don't make the mistake so many people make and gain everything back because you feel so cheated in life. You seem like a very strong person to have come so far. Great job!!! :flowerforyou:

lordofultima

Stay on the straight and narrow, that's my advice. Whenever I have anything tempting in my face, I eat it all, I can't control it. If I buy wheat thins at the store for "snacking", I eat the entire box. So I just don't buy food that I'm going to be tempted by.

FireRox21

I was just going to post about the same thing!!! My family just doesn't get it!! I was talking to my mom about how fast the weekend went and how I never seem to get everything done, when she pops off "well all you do is go to the gym and take forever in the kitchen weighing this and measuring that". My jaw dropped. Both of my parents are morbidly obese. My mom had gastric bypass, yet only managed to lose less than 100lbs (she was almost 400lbs at surgery time). They both eat tons of chips, candy, etc. and have gym memberships that have been used twice in 4 years.

I get up at 1:30am to get my fiance off to work and then I'm up for at least two hours, because I can't seem to go back to sleep. I gave a complete run down of my day to my mom and her answer was "well, still, all you think about is the gym and calories". Why is it so hard for my family to understand that this is my life and my body and I care about it!!! I have been on MFP for almost a year and have gained and lost the same 8lbs. I totally recommited myself to this and I am getting beat down for it!!!

Sorry to hijack your thread, but I totally understand what you are saying. On one hand, I do agree with others in that you should allow yourself a treat every now and then, but on the other hand (speaking from experience here), if you allow yourself that treat it will turn into two, three, four, etc....treats. I agree, if I can't have them all then I don't want them at all.

Only you know what is best for you. And I completely understand!!!!

indianajonex

I totally get it. My single girlfriends tell me to go out with them, but they don't realize girl's night out=5 beers at least. That's 600 calories, stomach swelling, water retention, hangover and no exercise next day... Catastrophic!

And they tell me I have to have fun. I WILL HAVE FUN WHEN I REACH MY GOAL WEIGHT then it's just keeping it.
ITS NOT BEEN FUN FOR 10 YEARS, why would one night be more important than FINALLY LIVING??

Don't let that get you, anxiety is around us, waiting for us to slip! Be faster!! LOL.

catcrazy

Ok, this is the way I see it.............

If you can't have one night without falling off the wagon then I think perhaps you should be working on that NOW as well as working on losing weight.

How are you suddenly going to exercise moderation when you reach goal? Its not going to happen, moderation doesnt just kick in at a certain weight. And once you're at goal there is less incentive to use moderation because youre skinny, you can afford it, right?

If you exercise moderation while getting to goal you have a better chance of learning how to use moderation as you KNOW you have to get back on the wagon in order able to get to goal.

How about you go out with your friends and take one very trusted friend with you and give her instructions/permission to do whatever it takes to stop you totally blowing your diet. Save your calories for the night out then you can enjoy it guilt free...means that you can get back on the wagon easier as you havent got that guilt gnawing at you...guilt gnawing leads to food gnawing which is what leads to failure in diets.

You dont have to do it weekly, or even monthly but please give yourself permission to do it occasionally so you are practising "normality" for when you are at goal

Cat

thektturner

This is an awesome article my dad sent me a couple years ago. Basically it talks about why 'one cookie' turns into 'all the cookies'. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad: this just made alot of sense when I read it and it helped me resist the next time.

My husband and I used to go out ALL the time. We went out twice this weekend because a friend was in from out of town. Once I ordered a Boca burger and the second time I ate before we left home and just drank iced tea. It doesn't have to be awkward and you don't have to be a shut-in: just keep your long-term goal in mind. And maybe pass this article along to your friend and she won't try to push you into anything next time



"One Meal to Good (or Bad) Health
Everyone knows a good diet is important for long-term well-being. But a new study shows that it's also crucial for good health today
By LAURA BLUE


Posted Tuesday, Jan. 15, 2008 Want to know how many cheeseburgers you'd have to eat before they start doing damage to your body? The answer, according to a review of new dietary research, is just one. Just one high-fat, high-sugar meal can trigger a biochemical cascade, causing inflammation of blood vessels and immediate, detrimental changes to the nervous system, according to the paper, published this week in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology. And just one healthy meal helps return your body to its optimal state. "Your health and vigor, at a very basic level, are as good as your last meal," says lead author James O'Keefe, head of preventive cardiology at the Mid America Heart Institute in Kansas City, Mo.

Here's how it works. When you eat, your body breaks down the food into a stream of nutrients, including glucose (sugar), lipids (fats), and amino acids (the building blocks of protein). If your meal happens to be junk food — say, a processed bun with a cheap beef patty, French fries and a Coke — the rush of sugar causes something called "post-prandial hyperglycemia": a big spike in blood-sugar levels. Poor diet in the long-term leads to hypertension and buildup of gunk in blood vessels that increases heart-attack risk. But there are short-term effects too. "People don't understand this, even most physicians," says O'Keefe. Tissue becomes inflamed, just as it does when infected. Blood vessels constrict. Free radicals, unstable molecules that cause cell damage and are thought to contribute to chronic disease and aging, are generated. The body's stress response has a bigger effect on blood pressure, raising it higher than normal. People may notice they feel crummy a few hours after eating junk food. And the sudden surge and drop in insulin — the hormone that spurs your body to store energy — also leaves them feeling hungry again soon after eating, despite having had plenty of calories.

The good news is that these blood-sugar spikes and crashes are easy to regulate. Blood sugar will rise and fall quickly if, for example, a person eats an easily digested meal of only white bread. Eat some vinegar with the bread, however, and the impact is dampened: The vinegar slows digestion, helping to keep blood-sugar levels more even. The same thing happens if a person takes his bread with nuts or with a glass of wine. (The dampening effect of alcohol reverses after more than a couple units, which may help to explain why moderate drinking, but not heavy drinking, is associated with long life.) The common denominator of all these slow-release foods, says O'Keefe, is a generally high nutritive value with low calories. The healthy foods are exactly the ones you would expect, all that stuff your mom (and your doctor) told you to eat: lots of fresh vegetables and fruits, lean proteins like fish and legumes, and high-fiber whole grains. All of them blunt the post-prandial spike. "To some degree it kind of highlights why some dietary components are healthy for you," says O'Keefe.

Regardless of its benefits, healthy food can leave you feeling unsatisfied if you're used to eating junk. Junk food distorts a person's hormonal profile, says O'Keefe. Note, for example, the previously mentioned drop in insulin that leaves a person hungry not long after eating a heavy meal. Studies suggest that fatty, sugary foods promote excretion of the stress hormone cortisol, which seems to further stimulate appetite for calorie-dense foods. And the big post-meal spikes in blood sugar are more likely in people who don't exercise or those who carry weight around their abdomen. All of it makes it tough for people to stop eating junk food once they're in the habit. "The more you eat it the more you crave it. It becomes a vicious cycle," says O'Keefe. The solution? "I tell people they should get a home glucose monitor," he says. Then you can see immediately what your meals are doing to your body. It may help you stick to your plan to eat well, too. "You can improve your health, basically, from hour to hour," he says. "

thektturner

I was just going to post about the same thing!!! My family just doesn't get it!! I was talking to my mom about how fast the weekend went and how I never seem to get everything done, when she pops off "well all you do is go to the gym and take forever in the kitchen weighing this and measuring that". My jaw dropped. Both of my parents are morbidly obese. My mom had gastric bypass, yet only managed to lose less than 100lbs (she was almost 400lbs at surgery time). They both eat tons of chips, candy, etc. and have gym memberships that have been used twice in 4 years.

It honestly sounds like she's jealous of your dedication. I ragged on my brother for buying diet soda and not splurging with me before I started on this go round. He had lost 120 pounds and he was skinny for the first time in his life. He's 8-9" taller than me and we weighed about the same. I was jealous, plain and simple. I wanted him to eat crap food with me so I didn't feel like a fatty eating it in front of him.

makeitallsue

bump

rml_16

It sounds like you need to find a balance and learn to listen to your body's hunger signals better. I had Mexican on Saturday: Two cheese enchiladas, chips and salsa and guacamole salad. It was fantastic.

I had worked out that morning and burned 1,000 calories and I just was NOT hungry at all the rest of the day. While I didn't meet all my nutrient needs that one day (and it was only ONE day, ONE meal), I'm OK with that because I meet them 99% of the time.

It sounds like you have a binge-eating issue and that's something you have to deal with.

thehealthyone

First of all, sounds like your friend just wants to spend some time with you..a great time to celebrate your accomplishments and possibly inspire..There is no doubt your fears and lack of courage from restraining yourself from making poor choices..But instead of setting yourself up with doubting thought..with your waitress experience..you should be able to swing it!!
Design before hand exactly what you will eat..You may spend an entire day online or on the phone finding a restaurant that can cater to your needs..but you need to get out occassionally...Call and ask before hand if they have red wine vinegar (for salad dressing) if not..take your own..(I love the tiny lil tupperware salad dressing 2Tbsp serv. thingy I have.) I tried out a COOL BBQ restaurant recently while OOT with my boyfriend..instead of getting the crepes I had planned for..on we went for BBQ at his request....and TURKEY ROASTED BBQ came w 2 sides..chose w/SLAW and plain salad, UNtea..I did the math...turns out it was 1200 calories..I was full 1/3 of the way so boxed up 2/3 and brought it home for dinner for my son and I.

If u have iphone..try UrbanSpoon..takes a lil time..but you can adjust your search and lock in for vegetarian, seafood, and so on!!! But whatever your tool...you must SEARCH for the INFO.. Good luck!!

Sweet13_Princess

Okay. I really struggle with this. That's why I wonder if I might have a mild case of a binge eating disorder. Prime example: I went to the gym and watched what I ate for FIVE YEARS. Then, I met my fiance, Dan, who suggested that I stop my gym membership and workout with him instead. This never seemed to happen. Dan also likes fattening foods and I wanted to make him happy, so I cooked them. When I stopped the gym, I stopped watching my diet. In one year, I gained back 40 pounds. I just let myself go hog wild. When it comes to dieting and exercising I'm totally an all or nothing girl. I need to learn to see those shades of gray. Now I'm paying the price... I've got 45 more pounds to lose until my wedding. I just hope I can do it and not have any more of those black and white moments where I say "I screwed up. The h*** with everything" moments. Don't give up, don't do what I did!

Shannon

FireRox21

I was just going to post about the same thing!!! My family just doesn't get it!! I was talking to my mom about how fast the weekend went and how I never seem to get everything done, when she pops off "well all you do is go to the gym and take forever in the kitchen weighing this and measuring that". My jaw dropped. Both of my parents are morbidly obese. My mom had gastric bypass, yet only managed to lose less than 100lbs (she was almost 400lbs at surgery time). They both eat tons of chips, candy, etc. and have gym memberships that have been used twice in 4 years.

It honestly sounds like she's jealous of your dedication. I ragged on my brother for buying diet soda and not splurging with me before I started on this go round. He had lost 120 pounds and he was skinny for the first time in his life. He's 8-9" taller than me and we weighed about the same. I was jealous, plain and simple. I wanted him to eat crap food with me so I didn't feel like a fatty eating it in front of him.

It's interesting you say that. When I first started this program a year ago, I honestly thought the same thing. My mom knew I didn't want to eat unhealthy foods, yet she would bring home on a daily basis Del Taco, Burger King, McD's, etc. And, she would get really upset when I told her I didn't want any. Also, she would pressure me to eat half of whatever she brought home. Her saying was/still is "it's only half of the burger, it's not that bad". But half of that burger is 250 calories. That's almost a meal!!! I have tried, tried, tried to motivate my mom to just try some healthy foods or even take a walk with the dog with me, but all I get are excuses.

Last Christmas she begged me to find the original Weight Watchers book from the 1970s so she could start an eating plan. So thanks to Amazon.com, I found it, bought it, and even printed up the entire menu/point system on color-coded Excel spreadsheets so she could easily add points. It was never used......

I just hate being made to feel bad because I care about my body (and her's too). With the severity of my Rheumatoid Arthritis, I was told I would be in a wheelchair by 25yo. I'm 31 and still fighting. Now, I am facing two surgeries this year. I enjoy going to the gym, as it is my way of telling my body, "You will not beat me, I'm in charge". All I want is some support.