How do you shake off negative comments/behaviour?

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  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
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    I absolutely cannot stand when people monitor my food intake/choices and comment on them. CANNOT STAND IT!!! Often I don't even tell people that I'm trying to lose weight for that reason. Honestly, I probably wouldn't eat in front of them, and if they're that negative and hurtful, I'd probably limit my time with them altogether. I don't think losing weight should be an excuse to avoid family, but I think this is deeper than a weight loss issue. They sound very toxic.

    That is exactly how my Mom was. Thankfully, I didn't live with her, but I did fly off the handle and told her if she ever commented on my weight again I would not visit her or speak to her. It worked. She's not mentioned it since.

    I think she genuinely didn't understand how much it upset me, even though I told her EVERY time to STFU.
  • shadowjack1965
    shadowjack1965 Posts: 107 Member
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    This may only work for me but I took the advice of Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones:
    “Let me give you some advice, *kitten*: Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”
  • DaveDeLange
    DaveDeLange Posts: 48
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    It's strange how family and friends can be so unhelpful when one is changing eating habits isn't it? Logic would suggest they would be sources of encouragement and support. As many people here will tell you - me included - it's very common.

    I don't know the reasons, I suppose there could be several possibilities. If they are overweight themselves, some people are terrified of seeing someone close transforming themselves. Probably because it makes them feel inadequate.

    I know it can be hard, but don't rise to it. You know your own goals. Don't give anyone the pleasure of derailing you.
  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
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    I don't know the reasons, I suppose there could be several possibilities. If they are overweight themselves, some people are terrified of seeing someone close transforming themselves. Probably because it makes them feel inadequate.

    I look at it thus: You are changing, and this threatens to disrupt the hierarchy as it is now.
  • Spreyton22K
    Spreyton22K Posts: 323 Member
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    Hey there,

    Sorry to hear that you are dealing with such negativity and from people in your life who should treat you with respect at least.

    The advice that has been given is awesome.....I tend to agree more with those that have said things along the lines of following your family's way of being WASP'ish perhaps the simplicity of a stern MYOB would be more appropriate.

    I will add this though, I had a similar family background with the same type of toxic behaviours towards my excess weight that was apparently 'open season' on me and meant that I was discussed and dismembered by my family at every single gathering we had. I tried every way to deal with this. Started out being very cool and controlled and then my resolve and patience dissolved and I ended up 'losing the plot' on more occasions than once. Do you know what happened??? Nothing!!! It didn't help my cause, in fact the more I protested and stood my ground the more ammunition my family had against me...especially when I had lost my temper; I was now branded the "Mad, Fat Woman!!!".

    This is just a cautionary tale, my love, beware when you enter into the fray if you do decide to continue to engage your family. Sometimes in these situations you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Whatever you decide....make the next step and words a positive move for YOU. This is YOUR life afterall, and you deserve the very best of health.....It may well be that you decide to limit your contact with your family for the time being to put a stop to these comments.

    All the very best. :flowerforyou:

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