Grieving loss of a parent...can't stop eating

Smokey19

Saturday I lost my dad to cancer. I have been his primary caregiver since he came home from the nursing home on Hospice. I went to my parents' house 3-4 times a day to care for him. He had a CNA for 3 hrs. every morning, but he was too big for one person to take care of by themselves. On multiple occasions I had to care for him myself and ended up with tendonitis in my right wrist. It didn't matter, I did what had to be done to care for him. Since his passing, I have been eating junk food nonstop. I either eat of sleep all the time. His visitation is Friday and his funeral is Saturday. I don't think I can handle this much loss in my life, but now I have to care for my mom a couple times a day. I also help her with her paralyzed weenie dog. That dog totally adores me and will do anything that I have to do for him. My mom has to walk with a walker or crutches because she needs 2 total knee replacements, but she is too big for the surgery. My parents are both 75 yrs. old Next month they would have been married 55 yrs. I am soooooooo sad and depressed. I am going to see a counselor Wednesday for help.

YamaMaya1

I can't really offer much advice, but I will say try to take care of yourself. Also try and get some help caring for your mum. I've seen what putting yourself last when caring for a loved one can do to a person, and its a whole lot worse than gaining weight. Grief is just one of those awful things in life we have to deal with. Take care

KLangleydoula

I just want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a year ago to complications from his Diabetes. My heart hurts for you. Congrats on the weight you have lost so far! If you would like, I would be happy to encourage you in your journey. Feel free to add me.

Zomoniac

A period of comfort eating is nothing you can't undo later. If it goes on for years then maybe you can look to address it, but if a few weeks or months of eating everything in sight is what you need to stay sane through this period then just do it and don't worry about it. Your mental health and your family are more important than getting to your goal weight quickly.

radario

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss and the difficult situation you're in. I lost my mum to cancer, it was sudden, no one imagined it would be so aggressive, grieving is a long, lonely and turbulent process and I admit I did a lot of comfort eating and bingeing, most of my extra kilos stem from two pregnancies and this loss all in the space of 3 years. Now I'm trying to undo that damage. I'm very glad to hear you are seeking help so quickly both here and from a counsellor. I bottled it all up for too long. You can't and don't need to do this alone. You'll just end up eating yourself into bigger problems. You've come so far already. And you need as much positivity as you can get in your life now, try to focus on a healthy diet and exercise regime as a way to bring success and all the positive that creates into your life. You've given and are still giving so much to other people, that shows what a caring person you are. But don't neglect yourself in the process - you end up paying the price somewhere down the road. Don't torture yourself over this period of bingeing - this is a very extreme time and an understandable reaction, you do what you need to do right now. Just forgive yourself and move on from it - try to take strength in good people around you, happy memories and focus on the good things ahead for you when you reward yourself for all your hard work with a dew more pounds off, I wish you lots of luck and hope you find comfort and help from good people instead of food. I'm talking from my own misguided experience here!
Again, my condolences. Sometimes life throws us more than we think we can bare. But you will find resources to cope and I'm sure you'll feel stronger soon, take care.

faugsu

Sorry. Hang in there. Your parents had a wonderful marriage & I know they are proud of their family - you!!
I lost both parents. It is a life changer. Don't deny it, acknowledge it & life goes on. All the good memories live forever!

cjaharmon

I completely understand where you are at. I just lost my mom in December after a lengthy health battle that ended much quicker then anyone expected, The first thing is to realize that right now you don't have to "Eat right" I know a lot of people will disagree with this and I'm not saying just throw away all caution but let yourself grieve and eat what you want at least until after the viewing/funeral...but realize that you have to grieve much longer and some of that may be comfort eating. That was the best advice a friend gave me, I was stressing during the week leading up to my mom's passing and the week after because I didn't eat well and I didn't think I could change it because I was living out of a suitcase and sleeping on floors for almost two weeks. But my best friend told me that it was more important to take care of my emotional wellness during those days then worrying about a number on a scale or a number on a computer screen. I still tracked somewhat for those two weeks then gave myself a restart date, now for me its taken me a lot longer then the two weeks i had hoped to restart but the loss of a parent is a world changing experience. Getting to a therapist is a great start and talking to your doctor about antidepressants is another step. I'm not sure what your hospice told you but ours sat with us while we called our doctors to help explain the need for the medications if needed and helped us just to cope during those final days and the first days. Ours contacts us once every 2 months to check in still just to see how we are doing. Give yourself permission to grieve don't rush yourself. Feel free to message me or add me I completely understand where you are at right now it's a tough journey

janatarnhem

So sorry for your loss....I lost my mum in March this year. I also looked after her. We converted an area of my house as she had restricted mobility. My husband and I were her main caregivers. We also cared for my Dad eight years ago. He had terminal skin cancer. I know how hard it has been for you to be a carer, and now keep on going caring for your mum. This will get easier, in some respects.....getting used to the pain that your loved one isn't there. But for now, everything is hard. Don't be hard on yourself....you can only try to eat healthier at the moment...getting counselling, I hope will help.
I found the funeral helped, with her friends and family able to say goodbye, but I still find it hard at times. I miss her every day. I console myself, that she was a lovely person and it is befitting that I do miss her
Hope things do get a little easier, you grief does change as time passes

Wishing you all the best xxxxx

cincysweetheart

My heart aches for you. And my thoughts are with you during this rough time. Give yourself a break for right now… weight loss is really not what you need to be worried about. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to stay sane and get through this. A few weeks of comfort eating is not a disaster… but I think you've got the right idea reaching out to a counselor. You've got a lot on your shoulders right now… DON'T be afraid to ask for help. Whether for yourself or in getting help to care for your mother.

gmom316

I found with my mother's illness/home hospice/passing in March I did most of the comfort eating up until her funeral. Started T25 a week after the funeral to make myself get up and move every day. I also started a structured eating plan and got the junk food out of the house.

I made the biggest progress in the grieving process by actually getting away for a couple of weeks. Taking myself out of the place where everything "went down" REALLY helped me see things in a better perspective.

It does take time and, as you know, eating is not going to help that process along.

Best wishes! xo - Gloria

tonileigh820

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 28 years old and have lost both my parents to cancer so I know EXACTLY what you're going through! I was 15 when my mom got sick and passed and that's when my weight gain really started. Then 8 years to the day that my mom was diagnosed, so was my dad. I was his only caregiver for the last 4 months of his life. It takes a huge toll on you. I think you are already doing the best thing you can for yourself by seeking professional help. Just talking through things can make it a lil easier.
I wish I would have gone to a therapist a lot sooner than I did!

Please feel free to add me, message me whatever, if you need someone to talk to!