Frustrated

lisamt83

Ok....because I feel like I can just be open and honest on here I'll explain my earlier post of being frustrated. First of all let me say this post is NOT to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything like that...it's just my story and how I got to where I am today.
As a child, I never had weight problems. After my first year of college I was perfectly fine. Not overweight and not under weight...I felt just right. I was perfectly happy with my body and my size. Well then I met this guy. And I thought I was in love. We wanted to get married BUT he didn't want to marry a "fat" girl. He told me I needed to lose weight to get married. Well...love was blind AND stupid in my case. I was confused because I knew I didn't need to lose weight...I ate fine...and I was just right. Since I loved him and wanted to marry him so bad...I did the only thing I knew to do...starve myself. Well needless to say I lost a ton of weight. I look very unhealthy and sick. Funny thing....it still wasn't good enough for the ex...I still had fat I needed to lose...well...we ended up getting married and needless to say the marriage was HORRIBLE...I took all kinds of abuse and things were really bad. I started eating again and then became and emotional eater...food comforted me. I put back on the weight I lost and then added a lot more. I became depressed and things were really bad for a few years.
After putting up with everything...I had enough and couldn't handle it anymore and we divorced two years ago. It's been a struggle getting my life back and together but I am so determined to do it.
Here is where the frustration kicks in...I get discouraged so easily. I try not to but I do...when I don't see the pounds falling off like I think they should, I sometimes want to give up and I wonder what is the point...I mean...yes I know my ex had issues but I think...when I was the smallest I EVER was in all of my life, I still wasn't good enough for him...then I will never be good enough for anyone...So why worry about "healthy" food...why not just eat the cake and drink the sodas?? What's the point in doing this?? And I know...do it for me! I know I will be happier when I am small but I guess I just get scared...scared that he is going to be right and that I will fail...or that I'm not strong enough...I don't know...I just have fears and emotions that I don't know how to let go of...I try but it's difficult...Does that make sense??
Well....that is what's on my mind today.....just felt like I needed to vent and get it out there....

CynthiaCollin

Hi there !

Can I just say first off, that if a man can't love you for who you are then he isn't the man for you.

You have been through alot and now you have to start worrying about yourself. You need to start by learning to love yourself again the way you are right this minute. You are a beautiful strong woman and you have so much to offer. Do not let any man make you feel less than you are. What he was doing to you was mental abuse. Now you have to learn to get over that and reprogram yourself...seeing a therapist might help to get you back on your emotional track. You need to fix what is broken. You need to get yourself mentally strong again and then the weight loss thing will follow. Always remember who you are. One day you will meet a good man...there are tons out there....you just haven't met him yet....and the person you will meet will love you plump or thin....he will love you for who your are....you are worthy of unconditonal love !

As for food....try slowly to start making better choices....one day at a time:) You can do this ! It is normal to be scared and stressed out. Each day try to make a change...perhaps a diet soda instead of a regular one...up your water intake....make little changes a little at the tie....baby steps....and one day you'll wake up and will be ready to do what you have to do...

If you need to vent....or just chat...add me as a friend !

You are brave....you already did they hardest part....you got ri of the garbage that was in your life:)

kelsully

While body size/image are all tied up with this it seems that this is all about self worth. It might be worth the time to work with someone on reestablishing your sense of self worth. Self worth is about feeling like you are worthy of your own love and the love and respect from others.

If counseling is out of the question for what ever reason then I would start with positive affirmations. Write a list of 5 things that YOU like about yourself. It could start with something like "I got away from a demeaning jerk" to be as simple as I have really nice handwriting etc. Every week see if you can add one more thing...Some will be big and some will be small but hopefully over time you will start to see how worthy you are of your own love...once you see that you deserve to love yourself the rest will fall into place.

Good luck with your journey.

hpsnickers1

Ok....because I feel like I can just be open and honest on here I'll explain my earlier post of being frustrated. First of all let me say this post is NOT to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything like that...it's just my story and how I got to where I am today.
As a child, I never had weight problems. After my first year of college I was perfectly fine. Not overweight and not under weight...I felt just right. I was perfectly happy with my body and my size. Well then I met this guy. And I thought I was in love. We wanted to get married BUT he didn't want to marry a "fat" girl. He told me I needed to lose weight to get married. Well...love was blind AND stupid in my case. I was confused because I knew I didn't need to lose weight...I ate fine...and I was just right. Since I loved him and wanted to marry him so bad...I did the only thing I knew to do...starve myself. Well needless to say I lost a ton of weight. I look very unhealthy and sick. Funny thing....it still wasn't good enough for the ex...I still had fat I needed to lose...well...we ended up getting married and needless to say the marriage was HORRIBLE...I took all kinds of abuse and things were really bad. I started eating again and then became and emotional eater...food comforted me. I put back on the weight I lost and then added a lot more. I became depressed and things were really bad for a few years.
After putting up with everything...I had enough and couldn't handle it anymore and we divorced two years ago. It's been a struggle getting my life back and together but I am so determined to do it.
Here is where the frustration kicks in...I get discouraged so easily. I try not to but I do...when I don't see the pounds falling off like I think they should, I sometimes want to give up and I wonder what is the point...I mean...yes I know my ex had issues but I think...when I was the smallest I EVER was in all of my life, I still wasn't good enough for him...then I will never be good enough for anyone...So why worry about "healthy" food...why not just eat the cake and drink the sodas?? What's the point in doing this?? And I know...do it for me! I know I will be happier when I am small but I guess I just get scared...scared that he is going to be right and that I will fail...or that I'm not strong enough...I don't know...I just have fears and emotions that I don't know how to let go of...I try but it's difficult...Does that make sense??
Well....that is what's on my mind today.....just felt like I needed to vent and get it out there....

It's amazing what we women let men turn us into (sorry guys!). He had more than issues and no you would never have been good enough for him. Years and years - try 22- ago I fell in puppy love with a guy. His favorite saying to me? "You're so stupid. Do I have to do all of your thinking for you?" Suffice to say the relationship didn't last. To this day - I turn 40 in 2 1/2 weeks - I still fight that feeling of being stupid. Yes I can be a little spacey and flighty but I am an intelligent woman with a strong mind. The only person you have to 'be good enough' for is yourself. Eat healthy for you and no one else. Not too long after the a**hole I found another guy. We had our ups and downs (he wasn't used to having to answer to someone) but here it is almost 19 years later and I now know I found the perfect guy for me.

The best way to lose weight is to do it slowly. Don't rely on the numbers on the scale. Rely on how you feel or how your clothes fit. This site is helping me because I get to see exactly what I'm putting in my body. And being smaller won't make you happier...it will just make you smaller. Every morning when you wake up look in the mirror and tell yourself what a great person you are. I can guarantee you will start to believe it and let go of the stress.

And there is someone out there for everyone. Stop looking and that man will fall right into your lap. Just focus on yourself and your mind right now and the rest will fall into place.

lutzsher

Change that mindset right away!!!!
So many people's emotions are governed by the scale . . . so not only should you put that thing away and only get on it weekly (or less), but you have to change your attitude about food.
You do not want soda's or unhealthy things in your body . . . not for your weight but for your health.

It really does not matter what the scale says, or what weight you are. Make changes to be healthier, put only healthy natural food in your body and only keep these types of things in your kitchen. This way if you have an emotional day and eat too much it will be healthy food that you overindulge in.

Im an emotional eater and had a rough day yesterday . . . so the extra cup of cereal and milk I ate was less that 200 calories so not much of a binge at all.

I had the same Ex as you did many years ago . . . now I totally understand why I allowed myself to get heavy when I was with him. Who would want an *kitten* anywhere near them? Getting fat was my subconscious way of keeping him away from me I think (ha ha).

Be kind to yourself and get up every morning and repeat the following: "I create myself with the choices I make each day". Then promise yourself that you will do everything possible toward a healtheir you today ONLY. Don't look any further than that or it is just too overwhelming.

I eat VERY well, very healthy and almost never anything "unhealthy" . . . and have had weeks where I have not lost anything. It is just the magic of our bodies resisting change, we all go through it which is partly why this is such an emotional journey. Focus on TODAY and give yourself some patience.

You are an amazing and strong person to come out of an abusive relationship, focus on your strengths and every night tell youself one thing that you are proud of.

Good luck!

KendalBeee

sorry about that jerk. I left my cheating husband almost a year ago. I know how tough can be. Hindsight is always 20/20, right? All we can do is learn from our mistakes, dust ourselves off and start over. GOOD LUCK!

bkegurl36

That makes me feel so sad for you!! I know exactly how you feel! I married a personal trainer last year. i went through a lot of abuse as well- Physical, emotional, financial. It was hard! Like you the marriage was horrible!! Before we got married my family warned me against it! It is pretty sad when his step mom tried to sway me from marrying him and I did it anyways!! I guess when you are in the moment you dont see the red flags everyone else sees! Before we got married his and my family called him the food police he was horrible about that. He made me feel bad about eating anything that was not a veggie! I felt like I needed to get married and I thought I knew better than everyone around me. Unfortunately I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Our marriage lasted only 5 months before I separated from him. our divorce took longer to be finalized than our marriage lasted. That year was the most hellish year of my life! I feel what you are going through. Under pressure it seems like we turn even more to food...especially when that person is not around I know I binged a lot when he was at work or away from home. We can make it better! I have to tell you the day I saw him in court the first time I saw him after kicking him out i had lost 40 pounds. I think that was a wakening moment for him. He told me I looked great and realized that I am better to myself when he is not there putting that pressure on me. I still have about 50 pounds I want to lose but I know we can get to that happy point in our lives where we are independant and stand on our own two feet.
Best of luck! Feel free to add me as a friend! I would love to keep tabs on how you are doing!