I feel like I'm falling apart. Help?

ObsessedMonster

All I can think about almost 24/7 is food and the number that'll show up on the scale the next day. I go through periods of binging and fasting twice a week which is bad, but I can't seem to stop it. I always end up hating myself and crying after a binge especially after the thought of gaining weight the following day enters my brain. I compare myself to soo many girls and I end up feeling inadequate and ugly, so I compensate by trying to be skinny and having atleast that going for me. But even this seems almost impossible. When I don't count calories and just eat based on "hunger", I end up eating 3000 calories a day, so I'm either fat, or I must settle with counting until I'm dead. My life revolves around how much I eat. And my binge/fast cycles leave me feeling absolutely horrible and depressed until the next day comes along. I'm sick and tired of being obsessed (hence my username), but I don't know how I'm going to stop. I'm scared of getting fat and one day of overeating is enough to make me not want to be seen in public. I'm stuck in this unhealthy cycle and it's really affecting my life and mental well being. Any advice before I explode?

RomanticStarling

I recently read a book called "Lighter than my shadow" by Katie Green. It's a beautiful graphic book about the author who has struggled with eating disorders in her teenage years and early twenties. What you have described here sounds exactly like what she describes in the book- bingeing uncontrollably and then barely eating anything after to compensate and try to manage the overwhelming guilt of the binge. It's sometimes helpful to hear that other people have been through a situation like yours and felt the same way, and to see how they dealt with it or controlled it, so personally I would recommend giving the book a read, even if you don't think you are in an ED category

It might be a good idea to see a Doctor or other professional about this too, as well as talking about it to a few close friends or family. Even if they don't understand fully, it can do the world of good to say how you feel out loud, or if you are uncomfortable about that, write yourself a letter to explain how you feel after a binge, and also when you feel good about yourself so you can use them as motivation to keep on track.

Sorry for the essay (!), but last of all, you look to have a beautiful figure from your picture, so even if you do slip up some days, remember it isn't the end of the world, and a figure like yours will not be lost overnight

Eoghann

Your issues seem to be more emotional/self-esteem related than anything else.

You need to speak to a professional. Forums will not be able to solve this one for you.

oedipa_maas

This broke my heart to read. I could have written it myself years ago. I had a decades long eating disorder, and if you don't get professional help now, you will end up even more in food's grip. Trust me, you do not to waste as much life, happiness and love as I did, battling a monster that required more and more while it held me in its teeth.

I got free group therapy through anad.org, and also found my eating disorder specialist there. Prioritize this, okay? Best to you.