It seemingly came out of nowhere.

darkrider42

A real sucker punch. A full body blow to my psyche.

The day had gotten off to such a positive start with my weekly weigh-in. I had posted a loss ... no small achievement considering the circumstances leading up to it. I was walking with a little bounce in my step. I was even, dare I say, feeling thinner.

I didn't see it coming. Here I was, right where I was supposed to be and doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing! I felt a little betrayed.

I was at one of the two Lifetime Fitnesses that I usually go to, but in an area of the locker room that I don't usually go to. I was getting changed into my workout clothes ... when **WHAM!** I turned to my left and saw stars. I had the little cartoon birdies tweeting and circling around my head.

It was a mirror. Not just any mirror. This was a cruel and hateful, full-length circus mirror. Not the kind that makes a person look tall and skinny either. It was the *other* kind. Concave. It was almost as if whoever installed it thought it would be funny to build the wall just a hair off of straight so that when the mirror was attached, it would bend ever so slightly.

The view I got of my profile sure didn't match the image I had been carrying around in my head all day. Not even close. I was devastated. Sure, OK, I knew I wasn't *actually* skinny yet ... I do still weigh closer to 300 lbs than 200 ... and I'm fairly certain that the retailer 'International Male' hasn't been trying to contact me about becoming an underwear model for their next catalog ... but I thought I had come further along than what I saw. At least I felt like I had.

What's a person to do after a reality check smackdown like that? Seems I had two choices at that point. The first one, which I'm happy to say that I never considered was to say "Screw it" and just give up and put my street clothes right back on and go home. Or the other one ... to pick my self-esteem and ego up off the floor, dust them off and carry on with the plan to go work up a mad, crazy sweat.

I'm glad I've come to the point in this journey where I was strong enough to power through this "challenge". The more my heart rate sped up and the more I began to sweat, the more my mood improved -- only serving to prove to myself that I had made the right choice. It was great to feel how far I had come in the last few months and how strong I was becoming again. It's still going to take some more time, but eventually, I know the rest of my extra weight will vanish and I'll reach my goal. I really do just have to trust the process and continue to work my plan. One day and one workout at a time.

Sorry International Male, you're just going to have to wait for me a little while longer. :bigsmile:

randyv99

Awesome story. I love a well written story. Same thing happened to me! I was walking around with my emotional head held high, glad that a couple people were noticing a change when I bent over in front of my mirror and was disgusted by what I saw. I was so ready to choose option 1 but I didn't. Well maybe I did have a little too much that day but I got back on the horse and I'm staying on this ride till it's over.

Scorpiomom222

*Applauds* Bravo! Very real and honest. Said everything that I feel when I criticize my own body. But then, I look closer, and I see the new stretch marks from me SHRINKING, and get happy again. Everytime I feel an itch on my side or my legs, I know that it's a result of my burning fat. I like how this was written. Good job, and never put the gym clothes away. Put those "other clothes" away. You know which ones I'm talking about.

Scorpiomom222

Awesome story. I love a well written story. Same thing happened to me! I was walking around with my emotional head held high, glad that a couple people were noticing a change when I bent over in front of my mirror and was disgusted by what I saw. I was so ready to choose option 1 but I didn't. Well maybe I did have a little too much that day but I got back on the horse and I'm staying on this ride till it's over.

It's never over, my friend. You get to a crossroads when you reach your goals of what you want to look like, but then you take the learning curve of maintenence and excellence in what you already know.

watkinsc

Oh yes, I can relate to that feeling! The best part of that story, is you never even considered giving up. It only motivated you to work harder. That is the real reason to hold your head a little higher these days!

CisorHeads

I had one of those the other day...II went to work feeling amazing about my 1 pound weight loss...well, I am a hairdresser, so we have mirrors everywhere...it is hard to swallow when you know that you are working so hard and it feels like it's not changing anything...I'm kind of going through this whole emotional thing about it right now, but I know I can pull through it and be stronger coming out. Thanks so much for sharing because it's so nice to know that someone else is having the same things going on as I am. Good luck and keep your head up high!!

darkrider42

Thanks everyone! It was easier knowing I had so many people here that had my back and were cheering me on. Know that I will always absolutely return the favor.

darkrider42

It's never over, my friend.

Got that right! I was thinking that exact same thing on the way home afterward! I mean really ... everytime a person gives in and gives up, they're eventually going to hit that low point or rock bottom that makes them start over *again* and then they'll just have that much bigger of a hole to climb out of than had they just kept going in the first place! I know after only starting over a couple times in my life, I'm damn sure tired of it ... it hurts physically and emotionally. It just plain sucks. Being healthy might take more effort, but it sure feels better than being sick and out of shape!

Sharont213

I totally get this story. Often, when I am working out, I am certain I look like those little tiny perfect folks - able to jump the jacks, lunge to the floor and dance like they were born with natural rhythm. Then I catch a glance of myself and what I really look emulating the people in the workout and it isn't nearly the image I had in my head. I just keep plugging away and tell myself that it doesn't matter what they look like.. it's what I am doing that counts. And then I picture them tripping.. :laugh:

darkrider42

I totally get this story. Often, when I am working out, I am certain I look like those little tiny perfect folks - able to jump the jacks, lunge to the floor and dance like they were born with natural rhythm. Then I catch a glance of myself and what I really look emulating the people in the workout and it isn't nearly the image I had in my head. I just keep plugging away and tell myself that it doesn't matter what they look like.. it's what I am doing that counts. And then I picture them tripping.. :laugh:

TOO FUNNY! :-) You have exactly the right attitude. Years* ago I used to worry about what I looked like when I worked out. No longer. I don't care if I look funny or what.ev.er... Besides, if an overweight person can't look like they belong in a gym, then where can they? A donut shop? Then I'd certainly* be a target for ridicule and snide remarks. Not in a gym. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Deal with it, amiright?!?

MommyGrace

Sometimes we all need the "fun house" mirror to remind us that this is a journey and we have a long road to travel.
About 12 years ago, newly married... We bought our first home with an inground pool. I had put on weight and new that I was getting out of my comfort zone but was still only 165 pounds. Every day I would head out to the pool and lounge before work. And every day my husbands buddies would come over after they got off work to swim. They would always just jump the wall and straight into the pool.... I would always get out, wrap up in a towel and head back inside. One day I had decided at the last minute to get in the pool - I left my towel in the house and put on an old bathing suit that was wayyyyyy to small. Not expecting the guys to be by this day I headed out the door. Within 20 minutes here came the guys with a couple extra friends.... Girls friends.... 120 pound girlfriends in bikinis ! I almost drown trying to get out of the pool... No towel to hide behind and as I cross the patio to head into the house, I see an image staring at me in the glass door. Who is this girl- surely to God that's not me???? I'm not that big!! A distorted reflection of myself... But a wake up call to lose the weight!! 30 pounds in 3 months! I kept it off until the birth of my first child --- and here am again. Yet again I'm 160 +\- 5 .... and that is after 35 pounds lost. I need that fun house mirror to remind me that this a constant journey and my destination is still a good distance ahead of me!