Moms and the Guilt of Exercise

shannishan05

Hello Ladies,

This post is for all my mamas!! I am a working, single mother to a beautiful 8 year old girl. I'm the type of person that needs to be in a gym. Its where I workout best; where I am most productive. Workouts at home are a NO! Workouts in the park are okay for a bit, but they get old real quick. I lose motivation. However, often I am torn between my precious gym time and my family. Turthfully, I feel guilty that my daughter is always at the gym (in her words). She hates the gym!!! She's told me numerous times!! She despises the Stay and play area with a passion!! "Mommy, it for babies," she says. Or, "Its soooooo broing!" I've tried to make it fun for her by letting her take fun classes with me (like Zumba, kickboxing). I've let her walk on the treadmill/elliptical and watch TV, etc. I've gone a hour early and let her swim and then workout. I've even paid her! (Desperate times!!! lol) Despite my efforts, she still cringes when I say "Its Gym Time!" What she really wants, isn't even alot. In fact, its quite normal. She just wants to come home from afterschool, do her homework and then go outside and play with her friends. That's it! Sometimes, I find myself skipping the gym just so she can go outside and play...you know...Be a kid!

Then I think, "Damn, I never get to do anything for myself! This is the one thing I want/need to do for me and I can't even enjoy it. I need the mental release the gym gives me. Sometimes it feels that I'm always sacrificing and no ones sacrificing for me.

I finally think I have a schedule that will work for the upcoming school year. She will be cheering and dancing three days a week for two hours... my plan is to workout while she's at practice. I'll squeeze in one extra day somewhere, she'll have to tough it out!!! We'll see how things work out. Fingers crossed...

Said all that to say, do you ever feel guilty for going to the gym?

wizzybeth

Is there a friend she could hang out with, and you could swap "playdate" time with that friend's mom and watch him/her while that mom has some MomTime? How many times a week do you go? Maybe if you take her with you sometimes, then leave her with a friend others it won't be so annoying for either of you.

SezxyStef

when I was a single mom I didn't feel guilty ever...for going to the gym...

it's what an hour each time...sorry but adults esp parents are allowed "me time"...

mind you my son didn't go with me ever...I made other arrangments as it wasn't me time if he was there.

The only person who actually tried to make me feel guilty was my ex fiance...note the ex...wasn't my fault he didn't have a car and had to sit in mine for 30-45 mins while I was at the gym...and he got dropped off after work...

BellaDaniella928

I don't feel guilty ever either. You are doing this to better yourself and be as healthy as possible so that you will be around a lot longer for her. She may not like it, but oh well, you are entitled to an hour for yourself. I would try to maybe find a playmate situation or ask her what she would like in order to make it a more enjoyable experience for her. She may have some ideas of her own.

Unknown

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amethyst7986

When don't I feel guilty for wanting or doing something for myself? I have been a single mom for almost 13 years now and everyday I feel guilty for the simplest things.....going to work all day, enjoying take out, wanting a girls night out, going on a date, going to the gym, going for a run alone outside, etc....its just part of life. I don't go out often--maybe 1 time a month, if even and when I do go out I have to continually keep telling myself its ok, she wont be mad at you.

Its going to the gym, not doing drugs or shopping or just leaving her to leave her-- you are doing something that means a lot to you and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Honestly, if you DIDNT feel guilty I would be worried. And as for the sacrificing--when she does go with you she is sacrificing just like you do when you choose not to head to the gym so she can be a child.

I hope it all works out for you in the coming months! You sound like a wonderful mom too!

edited for spelling

msf74

She may not think it's fun now, but you're teaching her an invaluable lesson. You are demonstrating to your daughter that fitness matters and it takes work. She may not love being there, but you're teaching by example.

I know this quote is for father's, but I think it applies to all parents.

"My father did not tell me how to live. He lived, and let me watch him do it."

This.

Right here.

schmanciepants

Ahhhh....the guilt of single motherhood :frown:

Completely agree with the other posters that you are teaching her a great lesson. I am lucky enough that I either workout at home, or am able to get to the gym before I pick them up from daycare (and feel guilty sometimes for picking them up later). But they know where I was and see that I exercise most days of the week and that it is important to me.

Sometimes they even join in for a bit when I work out at home.

Being someone who grew up with overweight parents who didn't know/teach me anything about the importance of exercise or nutrition, she is lucky that she has you to teach her about good health. I remind myself of that everytime I start to feel guilty for going to the gym and leaving them later at daycare.

oregonzoo

I feel guilty for NOT going to the gym.


Start taking her regularly and eventually she will find friends there and learn to enjoy it.
As a mother you are always doing for others. I find it highly important to make this time for yourself.

Your family will actually be better for a happy healthy you.

dandelyon

I think your solution for the school year is great. Get your gym time during her other commitments.

I am not a single mom but I am working full time with three kids, one of whom is far too little to be away from me 40 hours a week I can't stand to be away from him for even one extra minute.

Galatea_Stone

You have an 8 year old. They're all whiny about things they don't want to do. Don't feel guilty. The more you do that, the more she's going to want to control you. It's the gym now, but give her time and it will be everything else as well. Never sacrifice your health to prevent the boredom of an entitled child.

My 8 year old does the exact same thing when I go to the gym. I tell her to suck it up, I go workout, and if she complains when I pick her up, I tell her to suck it up some more. It's all 8 year olds, and not just yours. Trust me. If she wasn't making you feel guilty about the gym, she'd be making you feel guilty about the tv or what's for dinner.

weightliftingdiva

She may not think it's fun now, but you're teaching her an invaluable lesson. You are demonstrating to your daughter that fitness matters and it takes work. She may not love being there, but you're teaching by example.

I know this quote is for father's, but I think it applies to all parents.

"My father did not tell me how to live. He lived, and let me watch him do it."

This.

Right here.

Yes. She's a little kid now, so she might not be able to see the value in this. I think that's probably pretty normal. But as she grows up she'll learn what her Mom values, and that she is taking care of herself . And I am big believer that taking care of yourself IS taking care of/supporting your family, even if it is not directly so.

shannishan05

Thank you all! The guilt is real!! LOL You have really given me so much to think about, as well as, reasons why I shouldn't beat myself up about this. Sometimes, I forget that I'm teaching her, not only in what I say, but what I do. Realizing that I'm exposing her to a healthier lifestyle which includes exercise and how impactful that will be on her future has truly calmed some of the guilt. Thanks again ladies and gents!

shannishan05

You have an 8 year old. They're all whiny about things they don't want to do. Don't feel guilty. The more you do that, the more she's going to want to control you. It's the gym now, but give her time and it will be everything else as well. Never sacrifice your health to prevent the boredom of an entitled child.

My 8 year old does the exact same thing when I go to the gym. I tell her to suck it up, I go workout, and if she complains when I pick her up, I tell her to suck it up some more. It's all 8 year olds, and not just yours. Trust me. If she wasn't making you feel guilty about the gym, she'd be making you feel guilty about the tv or what's for dinner.

I got the biggest kick out of this! I love hearing from parents of children who are the same age...Helps you realize that you are apart of the norm not the minority. It's like, "ok...my kids not crazy,...They all are!" LOL

GibbsGirl13072

^^^^ This! So much this! Mine is 15 and still tries to guilt me over things. Sometimes it really bothers me, but I have to remind myself that I need the "me time" in order to be a good parent.

AMahfouz67

I feel very similar. I have a 3 month old and about 50 lbs of pregnancy weight I need to get rid of, but with what time?
I work 8-5, come home and I want to spend what little time awake with my son, then once he is asleep I usually stay up to do homework (I am full-time in college online). I usually get about 6.5 hours of sleep, so I just can't fathom getting up early or cutting into baby time. Also, I am married and I would like to stay that way, so I gotta squeeze in "daddy" time too.
I really have no clue what to do so I am just trying to count my calories for now and will have to work out once the baby gets older I guess?

(sometimes I work my arms at work with a little weight while I am on the phone, and sometimes I do squats when I go to the bathroom.. But thats all I got) :-P

Cameron_1969

If I don't go to the gym, I will collapse under the weight of the 60lbs constantly throwing itself at me from all directions (I'm his favorite jungle-gym). .

But I get it. . I sometimes feel a little bit bad when I have to bring him to the gym with me, but then I remember that he trashed my house and he didn't feel a bit guilty about it.

Finally, I agree completely with the others that have noted that you are setting an example. I want my son to see that staying in shape takes some sacrifice but that it's totally worth it. Also, when he is older and has a kid of his own, I want him to know it's ok to stay in shape. . He can tell "when-I-was-a-kid-my-dad-took-me-to-the-gym-five-times-a-day " stories when his brats start whining.

Lizzy622

My kids are all over 18 and I still feel the guilt if I neglect doing something for them to take time out to exercise for me. They are working between 45 and 60 hours a week to save for college so I feel guilty if dinner isn't ready when they get home. They will be in college this fall which should give me loads more time for me.

babyphat2012

My daughter hates the gym also and she's two!! Lol. I always have to take her to the sitter when I want to go workout. I find home workouts are best for me. But some days I just want to go to the gym. Now that I have my niece on a few days of the week I take both of them to the gym with me and my daughter doesn't cry now when I leave her. I agree with some of the women that says how about you find a friend for her to go with you guys to the gym. Like a play date. That will really help. I hope this helps you. Good luck. I know how you feel

shannishan05

Thank you for all you comments and feedback!

My best friend is my gym budddy, but she's not very consistent (sorry to say) and she usually goes to the gym when here kids are at their dads. However, I can say when her boys do come, my daughter is perfectly fine! Sometimes she doesnt even want to leave. That girl...smh!!!!

LisaBear1986

I feel guilty, too! For the summer, my 5 and 7 year old go to daycare. I drop them off at 9am, go to work, get off at 6pm, and when I do push myself to go to the gym, they end up staying until 7 or a little after, and I feel bad because they are at daycare for 10 hours, and once we get home, it's not very long before bedtime. The kids never complain about me going to exercise, but they complain that they want to go exercise, which this gym doesn't have a kids area, and I've never seen small kids in there exercising.

Once school starts, my own option to exercise will be to get up even earlier than I already do, and go in the early mornings. I'm not really fond of that idea the least bit, but will have to figure out something that works out for everyone..

meghan_lovely

I have felt this way since I had my son (almost 4 years ago!) and it has really stopped me from keeping my health and sanity in check. We recently joined a gym that has a wonderful children's area that he loves so that has made it so much easier to go. I still feel guilty after work and when I feel like I don't have that much time with him but I remind myself that this is something I need to do more than practically anything else! I tell him "mommy needs to exercise so I dint become scary mommy" ha!