A Last Resort... Suffering.

Ready2live04

Just yesterday... I came to the conclusion I'm a Binge Eater.

I am 25 years old, 190lbs (my highest weight ever) and I am addicted to all foods.

I mostly eat whenever I'm bored or stressed. I lost my mom when I was 15 and since then have been
raising a little sister. There's really a lot to my life, but the reality is we all have a story. Everyone has some
hardships or challenges but I need to make a change.

Just yesterday, I worked out for 45 minutes and got so nervous about working out and becoming
healthy, that I finished my workout--lied to my boyfriend and said I was going to the liquor store to buy a cliff bar
and I went and bought a dozen donuts, and ate 5 of the 6 of them.

Things like that happen all the time. I'm miserable, I don't even know how I have
a boyfriend at this time in my life but I do. I want to live again. I don't ever want
to hangout with people because I'm embarrassed by how fat I look.

I'm at a loss for words, and ideas. Every time I start working out something tells me to
stop and that I don't deserve the success that I know I'm capable of.

I'm a teacher as well, and am constantly putting everyone's life before my own. For once I need
to and want to do me.

When my mom passed away, I was so lost an alone and I reached out to an online grief group, and
I'm 100% sure I am who I am today because of those people, so I truly believe in getting through this
With the help of online friends and support.

Any advice or words of encouragement are more then appreciated. Also, if anyone has
any information about Binging please please let me know.

Ready to have my life back,

Michelle ❤

dustsettles

Hey Michelle,

First off, I have to say, you are absolutely stunning! Look at you! I can totally understand and relate to being really hard on yourself. Of course it's easier said than done, but we all deserve to be our own best friends. Let the beating stick go, and look at yourself with love. I think it's amazing that you have helped raise your little sister, it shows what a big heart you have. You deserve some of your own love! Think of how much she probably adores you and looks up to you, and try to see yourself from that perspective. It sounds like you have an amazing life; being a teacher and having a caring boyfriend. Try to focus your attention on being thankful for all the good things you have going on in your life. It's okay to be scared to fail, in fact I think it's normal. Self sabotage is something I have a lot of experience with too. Just be gentle with yourself. "Even though I ate a box of doughnuts, I love and accept myself." And take a huge deep breath, making noise as you exhale. I can also relate to hiding out, even from family and loved ones because you feel so embarrassed about how you look or what's going on in your life. I found one book that helped me change my life; "The Heartmath Solution". It helped me have a lot less stress and anxiety in my life. I am no doctor or dietitian, but I would guess that if you heal the emotional problem, you won't find yourself binge eating. If you are stressing that hard to work out, let it go for a little while. Start going on simple walks, or splash around in a pool. Just be easy on yourself, there is no race, no time limit, no need to start an intense workout routine right away. Do some stretching or dance to your favorite song. Do what makes your soul happy, and be kind to yourself if you're not perfect. I'm here if you need me! I can tell you are an amazing person- don't let yourself forget that!

-Laura

riirii93_

Hi Michelle,

First, I have problems with emotional binge eating, too so I know how bad it can feel to lose the sense of self control. Second, don't let any mistakes set you back. Yes, it can suck, but the more you stay committed to yourself and changing your lifestyle and learning to confront your emotions without food, then you'll see the binges start to stop happening as much and you'll feel more in control. Third, you deserve to be healthy and feel good about yourself

I want to live again.

sounds like you're ready. MFP is a really nice community and I find it really easy to stay accountable if I track everything I eat. Even track your binge days, because it will put them into perspective and help you not to do it the next time you feel like binging.

starsky84

Welcome!
First if all, take each day as it comes, if you eat a box of doughnuts today, don't beat yourself up, accept it and move on. I feel those instances will become less and less frequent not that you have started on your journey. You sound like a very strong person. You have had to deal with a lot very early in your life, but it also sounds like you have a very loving support group also.
Take it one day at a time. As my dad always says, one gym session doesn't make you fit, I tray of doughnuts doesn't make you fat, and one salad doesn't make you thin.

All the best