Help! I binged.....again....

I've had such an awful few days. You can see my food diary, my goal is 1200 and I never make it. Especially this week. On Wednesday night I ate 3100 calories, next day ate 1800, Friday was ok (1500) then today I ate 3100 again. I feel so ashamed. Why do I do this??? Just a little while ago I was in pain from eating like 5 peaches (when I'm in binge mode im kind of unstoppable....) then just now I ate 2 big pieces of chocolate??? What the heck?? I'm not HUNGRY AT ALL!!! And I tell myself but yet I can't stop!

I know tomorrow i will be horribly depressed, I look in the mirror and I know I've gained and I feel all fat and puffy and guilty and then spend the day crying, which just makes me want to binge again. I had lost weight previously so if I go back to my last "good" day of eating then I have an excess of about 2300 calories. Which is nearly a pound. Should I just fast or something? Or is that not a good thing to do?

I'm just in a bad place and I'd really really appreciate some help. Also if anyone could advise me on how to not hate myself the next day that'd be great! I love MFP, really, I don't know what I'd do without the support you can get here. Thanks everyone!!

tl;dr: I binged and I feel like poop, send help

Replies

tomatosoup3

I really understand what you're going through and just wanted to say that it's really strong of you to accurately log everything you eat, even (especially) if you eat 3500. I can't bring myself to record my calories when they're really over. It's a huge step to recovery, in my opinion.

misskarne

Every time you grab food, you are allowing yourself to not lose weight, you are accepting that you are a loser.

Well, this sounds like someone with a pretty big eating disorder....

*eating while posting, spag bol night, YUM!*

willywonka_71

I'm not trying to be the jerk here. I am telling you what works. We choose to be losers. I was the same way. I stopped myself and I said NO MORE.

If you want to lose weight you have to fight for it or you won't make it. Everyone is different and everyone can lose weight differently but you cannot cheat the game of calories in and calories out. So my point is, STOP and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Every time you grab food, you are allowing yourself to not lose weight, you are accepting that you are a loser.

You have some very disordered views on food and weight loss.

Your previous post seems to have been deleted, but you mentioned that starving yourself does not lead to a binge.

That is completely false. Starving yourself is the MAIN reason why people do end up binge eating. It is your body's way of trying to make up for the lack of calories/energy you have been giving it, and your mind's way of trying to feel satisfied. (Eating does not only have a physiological response, it also has psychological responses as well)

Often, anorexic persons will switch disorders from starving themselves, to binge eating. Some keep switching back and forth (like I used to do during the worse phase of my eating disorder), thus becoming a very dangerous cycle. Starving and binge eating go hand in hand.

OP- In your case, I am going to guess that 1200 calories is just not enough for you to be eating to have your body and mind stay sane. And, what works for me as someone who has struggled with binge eating is to not avoid or take out foods that I crave/love. I incorporate them every day.

An example for me is peanut butter. I love that stuff. If I did not care about health or weight or anything, I would and could eat a jar a day. But that is not healthy at all.

So instead, I include peanut butter every day into my calorie allowance. I weigh out the right amount I allow myself, eat it and feel good about having peanut butter. And the fact that I know that I can eat more tomorrow, and the next day and the next (etc) makes me not have an urge to binge because I get to have it whenever I want.

Binge eating is an emotional roller coaster. Something can trigger it (like a bad day), but even after you feel better about the bad day, it is hard to break the cycle of the binge as it is a strong reaction. Sometimes it has taken me weeks to get back on track.

My advice is to recognize when you are binge eating, and stop and ask yourself why you are doing it. And then ask yourself if you are going to feel better about yourself if you stop it right there and try to keep doing better, or if you will feel better about yourself to continue the binge. I think most people would feel better about themselves by stopping a binge.

Remember, you can always fix the damage a binge has done (in your case your binges are not extreme and have not been weeks on end so I don’t think you did any harm to your weight loss) so don’t get down about it. What happened is done, just pick yourself up, dust that dirt off your shoulder, smile, love yourself and remember that you are NOT your binge – it does not define you. You are you, and you can kick and fight back and get back on track with your goals. It was just a speed bump is all!

Best of luck!