But, what if I am NOT miserable?

UpEarly

I didn't have a problem with the way I looked or felt when I was heavier. I was confident and happy with myself. I did have a problem with my rising blood sugar, high cholesterol and elevated blood pressure. I got tired of my my knees aching every day. I got tired of my thighs chafing whenever I wore shorts.

Being healthy and feeling great as I approached my 40's were my primary motivators. I lost weight pretty much exclusively for my personal wellness rather than vanity.

Knowing your extra weight might make you sick, lessen the quality of your life or cause you die prematurely can be a pretty big motivator. At least, it was for me!

ETA - OP... I noticed that you're 30 now. Being heavy never caused me any health problems until my late 30's. Suddenly around 38, the consequences of the extra pounds caught up with me. I wish I had lost the weight earlier!

RHachicho

Well honestly for me I always thought I hated myself because I was overweight. But it wasn't till I started dieting and exercising that I discovered the real source of my self hatred.

I hated myself because I was weak.

I felt dependent and inferior. It was nothing to do with fat or thin. I mean yeah I still want to lose weight. But it's mostly happening as an afterthought now. My focus is on fitness training and weight lifting. In fact increasingly the diet has become an annoyance. Because I wanna go for a nice clean bulk and put on some mass. As I've stopped getting much stronger at my current musculature.

I didn't want to be thin I wanted to be strong, dependable and self reliant. Sure the fat wasn't helping in that regard. But it wasn't the prime source of my distress.

I am pretty sure it's the same for a lot of couch potatoes. They think it's cos they are fat because society tells us we gotta be "at a healthy weight" But what we really hate is being weak.

anewstart1011

I didn't hate my self to start this journey. I have bad arthritis in my knee, psoriasis and just turned 40! Yikes I put pain and 40 in the same boat. I just know I didn't want to be in the same pain I was/am in because of my knees. That is what motivates me --- to run around with my son -- walk with my students and not fake that I am not in pain when I do these things.


Stephanie

SunofaBeach14

I don't see how self-hatred is motivating. I love myself and work out hard because I enjoy working out, I enjoy what it does for my looks, and I especially love how it makes me feel. It's also a great way to get rid of stress.

zodan1976

*SOME* people talk about how they were "miserable" being overweight, and that these negative feelings provided them with the strong motivation they needed to get started losing, and to keep losing.

My challenge is, I am NOT miserable at my weight, but I still want to lose weight. But I am not like, "i MUST lose weight". So, since I am half-motivated, I put forth half-effort.

Now, don't get me wrong...I am not saying I wish I WERE MISERABLE...the truth is that I love myself, and have always had great self-esteem and confidence...whether 220 pounds, or 155 pounds, I have no problem dancing, singing, doing nude art modeling, etc etc. I have always known that those who HATE themselves fat, don't magically LOVE themselves thin. Confidence is an inside job.

Maybe my lack of motivation has to do with the fact that I have already lost about HALF my excess weight...slowly over the course of the last couple years...and I have been maintaining it. So I still get compliments when old friends see me now. I carry my weight well, and can shop off the rack in any store, even though I am about a size 14 on bottom.

***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?

I really wanna lose the rest and get active...but I think the fact that i am "content", if not "thrilled", with where I am has led to a sort of inertia....

(Edited to add the word *SOME*....because there are people on MFP who always assume u are "making generalizations about everyone", who love to give snarky answers to honest questions, and who snoop your profile for personal info, and then use it to insult you. Yay, forums!)

I think there are a lot of different motivators out there. For me its basically that if you are happy with yourself and your life is going in a good direction and you are willing to let go of all the negative things that got you to the overweight point then loosing the excess weight should be pretty easy.

RHachicho

I don't see how self-hatred is motivating. I love myself and work out hard because I enjoy working out, I enjoy what it does for my looks, and I especially love how it makes me feel. It's also a great way to get rid of stress.

Well it isn't in and of itself. But it's usually a hatred of how oneself is that get's one started and out the door about these things. You don't change your life when you are happy with it. That makes no sense. It's true that now I exercise and eat right for the love of it and for the benefits. But it was my desire to change what i was and what my life was like that got me and I would wager most people started on changing their lives.

Mangopickle

Yeah, I know I joke that I didn't have time to ever be depressed because I pre medicated with fabulous rich and tasty food. I thought about food the way one thinks of a lover. No matter how crap the day there was always a Super Bowl of pho, fresh wraps and Thai tea to look forward to. I exercised 3 mornings a wk at the Y at 5 am. I had walked 4 half marathons, I can't even count the 5ks I've done. But I wasn't overwt, I was obese. Food was Waaaay too important to me. I was choosing food over my health and my responsibilities to protect my health for the sake of our family. I wasn't miserable and I didn't hate my body, I just didn't love my body. I love my body now and strive to take care of her. I was given this amazing gift of a body and I spent most of my life not taking care of her properly. I quit medicating with food 2 yrs ago. I live a fuller richer life now. I love my body with all her saggy skin and deflated boobs. I was much like you. But my happiness/contentment with being too overwt disappeared when my perfect blood pressure and blood sugar disappeared and I developed sleep apnea and a bad hip. I had to admit I had chosen pleasurable food over indulgence instead of prudent eating for health and I would live with those consequences.

SunofaBeach14

I don't see how self-hatred is motivating. I love myself and work out hard because I enjoy working out, I enjoy what it does for my looks, and I especially love how it makes me feel. It's also a great way to get rid of stress.

Well it isn't in and of itself. But it's usually a hatred of how oneself is that get's one started and out the door about these things. You don't change your life when you are happy with it. That makes no sense. It's true that now I exercise and eat right for the love of it and for the benefits. But it was my desire to change what i was and what my life was like that got me and I would wager most people started on changing their lives.

I don't equate a desire to improve oneself with self-hatred. Self-hatred is a mental problem that needs to be addressed separately because losing weight won't necessarily make it go away. I think it's perfectly possible to be displeased with your strength or looks and at the same time love yourself. That's just a desire for improvement which can, and often is, healthy. At the same time, I recognize people often overuse the term "hate" when referring to themselves when what they really mean is "displeasure" or "disappointment," and perhaps that's what the OP is seeing and reacting against.

GuyIncognito123

If you were miserable over weight, you'll be miserable no matter what. People direct their 'miserableness' at whatever is closest to them, mostly themselves. If it's not the weight it's something else. Once they're skinny they won't like their feet... or their hair... or their muscles... or their.... etc, etc, etc......

caitconquersweight

I go through periods where I'm disgusted with myself and where I'm like "Damn I'm hot." I don't think you have to hate yourself 100% of the time to be miserable. When I'm having a good day, and I think "Well I like myself at this weight", I remember that I have a long way to go, and I need to do it for my health, not just my figure. I can now work longer and go harder than I could 70 pounds ago. But I'm not done, not yet.

Unknown

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cwolfman13

***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?

for me, it was the very real potential of being quite sick within a decade or less...that was best case scenario....most likely an early death would follow. all of my blood work was pointing in that direction and I was already having issues at the ripe old age of 38 and I wasn't even that fat...just on the line between overweight and obese.

In September I will be two years into this little safari towards health and wellness....everything except for my hypertension has been corrected. I still take blood pressure meds but my dosage is lower. I"m at a healthy weight and BF%...I am strong...I am fit...I am having fun and can do things that I forgot that I knew how to do and used to just chalk up my inabilities as "getting old." Bull ****...I frackin' rock.

LAT1963

For me its a combination of health issues and things I like to do that are in some way made less wonderful by fat.

Kayaking? Need a wider boat for my butt, so it's less efficient and slower than other boats.

Aikido? More weight means more momentum when I take a fall, which means a greater risk for injury or exacerbation of old injuries.

Bikiing? The less I weigh the less my butt will hurt on the seat (road bike).

Health? I'm lucky my blood chemistries are within spec (though unlucky my thyroid burnt out), but I'm out of shape and have limited endurance for things like hiking or skiing. I also have old orthopedic injuries that limit how much I can do at my current weight because they become painful with overuse at this weight. Losing weight won't stop old injuries from becoming painful, but should give me longer range before my joints squeal.

Clothing? I can buy 16's off the rack in most stores, though some stores top out at 12, but the clothes don't look as good on me as they would if I were a size 10 (I'm 5'7" so smaller than 8 would be too thin).

Find the things that you can do less well now than you'd like because of weight or fitness issues, and use those as motivators.

ninerbuff

When one applies weightloss/maintenance and exercise INTRINSICALLY, rather than EXTRINSICALLY, motivation is no longer an issue.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

idmalone

I think I know what you mean - feeling half motivated is something I have tripped over in the past. I wouldn't say I have ever felt miserable, but I can tell you that the difference between 220 pounds, which was when I was big but felt fine, and 270 pounds, which is where I started 3 weeks ago, was huge. I am 5 foot 8 and a fairly stocky build but I suddenly noticed, really noticed, the physical side effects - knee pain, foot pain, back pain, generally heaving myself about. So if it is of any help whatsoever, maybe motivate yourself by knowing it will certainly only get worse if you don't at least manage your weight and fitness levels? Personally, I would be happy at 200 pounds, which I know is large by most standards, but would see me once again in a size 14! I hope this is helpful, a sort of Cassandra like motivation, lol. But unless you are maintaining the pounds will creep on in an ever increasing fashion. But I try to focus on the positive benefits and use them as a motivator, I find the negatives to easy to bury with a nice slice of cake...

RachelWithoutAPaddle

As an overweight adult that dealt with a lot of negative feelings and depression as a teen, it is from a place of extreme self love that I am bettering myself! It took a long time and a lot of reflecting to value myself as much as I do now and that's my motivation! I love myself so much that I am continually bettering myself! I'm currently focusing on speeding up my mile-pace while kayaking. Track your calories and focus on a fitness goal rather than just the weight goal. Pick a sport you like and work hard at it. If you're eating right and you're working towards faster laps while swimming or better Volleyball performance, or whatever, the results will come! Don't fixate on the scale, fixate on having fun while being fit and your mind will be begging you to do your favorite sport. That's what Kayaking has done for me.

helenarriaza

I've always hated myself, even when I was skinny.

Bless my happy pills.

cwolfman13

Self-hatred is a mental problem that needs to be addressed separately because losing weight won't necessarily make it go away

QFT...in fact, most people I know in this boat feel worse when they lose weight because the weight loss didn't result in a more positive self image and magically make them feel better...so they spiral deeper into self loathing.

jennlandau

I am one who grew up always at war with the way I felt about my body. Short, naturally muscular, broad hips when I started to mature and eventually broad shoulders and larger bust. Gotta love that German, Irish, Polish, Italian heritage! I always wished I looked different, was taller, not so curvy, etc. Thought I was fat when I was just at what I now know was the high end of the normal BMI range for me. But I also felt like I had style and dressed well, looked good when I went out, etc. It was kind of like having a brutal boxing match in my brain that always ended up in a draw.Needless to say this trend continued throughout my life, during all of my weight ups & downs & ups & ups & ups. And it was not really helpful either for stemming weight gain or supporting weight loss.

The thing that has changed this time for me and keeps me going and trying even if my success is modest is that the boxing match is gone. I am more at peace with my body now. So no more hatred or wishing I was some other shape than I am. And I don't mean fat acceptance because I know that I need to get rid of most of it to stay healthy and have an interesting, long life. I mean shape acceptance. Those hip bones are not shrinking no matter how skinny I get. And they are kind of an asset now that I have taken up Salsa dancing. The legs aren't getting any longer either. And all of that is ok. In fact, I am really excited to see what all those curves are going to look like without being so covered up.

So maybe some of what you can use for motivation is something like I wrote above. Feel like you look pretty good now? Ok, now how much different and cool might you look when you finish the work?

wizzybeth

I don't hate myself - I hate what I have let happen to my body. Does that make sense?

I wasn't always fat, and I will say I have struggled from time to time with occasional issues of low self esteem all my life. Not because of my face or my body - because I did know and believe that I was a relatively attractive young lady. I wasn't a knock out, but I was cute. I have always had issues with my internal stuff - who I am, what kind of person I am, etc. I am weird emotionally. That's got nothing to do with my body, I'm still the same person whether I'm thin or fat.

When I was thin, I was STILL not "healthy." I was NOT physically fit. I didn't like exercising or exerting myself in any way shape or form. My favorite activity was often reading or watching TV or going fishing. I didn't have much of a social life, my parents were odd, I was odd, I didn't have many friends or things to do or places to go. I did go to college for a year and that was cool, then my long-time crush and I decided to get married. (Been married almost 20 years now...)

NOW I want to look in the mirror and like the BODY I see - I hate what I've let happen to myself. I don't hate myself. Does that make sense? I want to be able to go on hikes and see awesome things and ride my bike and enjoy the thrill of making it up a hill and coasting down full speed ahead - stuff I never did as a kid, even though I had bikes. I was just too lazy to enjoy life.

Now that I'm at a point where, dangit, I don't want to miss out on any more adventures, I want to be able to enjoy them without being in pain, out of breath, or without having to say "You go on, I'll wait for you here. Take pictures so I can see."

I want my old body back, or at least as close to it as I can get. I want to be healthy and fit...more than anything...

jeaninehughes

I will admit, I am motivated by how I feel about myself, but another main reason was my heart. I have a defect that makes it weaker, and being overweight is very dangerous. I don't believe you have o be unhappy with yourself to lose weight. Just find a different reason you want to lose c:

phil6707

its amazing the things people will say.

a woman that came back to the gym after 2 years or so saw me and congratulated me on my weight loss and then said

wow you must really have hated looking in the mirror before i bet now you dont.

i sat there for a second stunned and just shrugged my shoulders

was i happy i was fat? i wasnt throwing fat parties for myself but by no means was i depressed about . assumptions like hers always amaze me

some people are just simplistic and think they are so good. Dont pay attention to them. You have to be poor mentally if you only way to feel good is the way you look. Yes it is important, but if it is the only thing that makes you feel good, you don't even deserve I talk to you, that's my view.

A human being is more that what you see. As long as you are healthy, a few pounds too much is totally fine.

CrescentEddy

HONEST ANSWER TO HONEST QUESTION: I am the same way you are. I love the way I look and the things I have accomplished in my life with this body. I have great self-esteem. I love my body and care for it in a million ways! However, I have been feeling sluggish and tired, and unable sometimes. I have felt excluded socially and culturally. I observe myself using food to soothe my anxiety and boredom. My on-your-feet job has made it difficult for me to be competitive at times. I am concerned about diabetes and heart disease.

My motivation comes from that: my self-love and self-esteem says to myself, "I love you, babe. Let's try this. Let's try to address these concerns in a healthy and sustainable way. In a way that honour this beautiful person that I am now and want to be in the future, inside and out." It goes way beyond "weight loss" to a way of living that addresses my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social sides. That's kind of how it works for me…

Hope that helps, I'll friend you. If you accept, we can go along together for the journey… Good luck!

emmawhispers

You sound a lot like me!! I am a really happy person but the weight just built over time, espcially after menopause. So taking it off didn't really seem to be such a big deal to me until I started getting older and had to come face to face with the health issues that will no doubt ensue if I do not trim down. This has been a great motivator; to look around and realize that as I age, I can be a heck of a lot healthier and avoid some of the more common disorders like high BP, diabetes, sweats, etc. by staying trimmer and more active and eating better. I love, love to celebrate life by eating, and grew up in a family of French cooks! We are all happy with ourselves. Man, can we eat. But the ones who are doing the best are the ones who stay active and have toned the eating down as they age. I just finished watching my mom pass away from Alzheimer's and since I did my senior project on it in grad school I can tell you that consumption of sugar is being shown to be a factor in this disease. That tidbit alone is enough to make me want to clean up my act a bit more. I can look to other friends and relatives who are aging super healthfully and see that that is the way to go because they have no problem traveling, sleeping, etc. So now, for me, it's not so much disliking how I look or feel(I feel pretty good!) but it's wanting to go into the last third of life knowing I can continue to be active for not only myself, but for my family and grandchildren. I figure I'll have a lot more fun that way, be able to do more, and keep my faculties longer. So what I am doing is holding out a carrot for myself, rather than a candy bar, for the future. It's a good investment in myself.
Best wishes to you!

besaro

i seem to be the opposite of everyone, i didn't care that much for myself while i was 250, and don't really care for myself at 150. we all have our demons, some are just ornerier that others i guess.

Swiftlet66

Do it for health reasons instead. Do it for fitness and the ability to run longer, bench heavier, or just simply for fun. It's great that you're happy with yourself but there's always room for improvement when it comes to your body's physical health though.

sparkyval

hey chica!!! Well... in order for people to change they kind of need their own "crisis" I read your post with a bit of confusion because you are saying you don't feel miserable and you do want to lose weight. You are asking how you get motivated because you don't hate yourself...yes?
See this is the thing that many many people have got upside down and it keeps people stuck. Accepting and loving yourself has nothing to do with what you look like physically... so in that respect, you are ahead of the game. For example, when an overweight friend tells me she has decided to accept herself and is not going to try to lose weight .. now that is living in confusion... because again...accepting yourself has nothing to do with your weight... but confusing accepting yourself with accepting things that are not who you are authentically is well a lie...
Clear as mud? See, if you had a friend who was a heroin addict and she announced she loved herself and did not see a need to change you would see the problems with that right? Because loving yourself and killing yourself... they are not congruent. So for her to identify herself as being a heroin addict because it is difficult to get out of that lifestyle and she is not willing to try anymore or even enjoys it... well it isn't true now is it? she was not destined to be a heroine addict. That is not her true identity... her true identity is something else and her being a heroin addict is a complication... something separate from her true self that actually keeps her from experiencing life to the fullest. If she were your friend you would still love her though... heroin and all.
Being overweight... you might say, is not the same as being a drug addict... I have different thoughts on that....
lets lay it out on the table... eating more than your body needs...kind of socially acceptable... well more so than doing drugs.. everyone knows a fat old lady in the church bless her heart right? Or has a "heavy set" friend... yes ... so lovable and safe... and yet... these people ... we people... are using food in a way it was never intended to be used... to celebrate... to heal sadness... to break boredom... to be a friend when there is no one to talk to... to feel good ... to socialize.... etc. So never mind if you think it gets in the way or doesn't get in the way of your life... the facts.. weighing more than you should kills more people every year than anything else really... it raises insurance premiums for everyone... we won't even get into what happens when you begin to age and the stress of carrying around a chair everyday... but that of course is down the line.

so to end this ramble ramble... perhaps it may be time and I am only suggesting this because you did in fact ask so I am thinking you do want to be motivated ... maybe it is time to reassess your philosophy regarding life... what you want... BUT the best place to be when you are approaching fitness is to be in a place where you love yourself enough to want the best for you... that is precious... if you truly love your true identity... then the motivation ... hmmm... it has to be one of love for yourself... to want better ... like if you were a stray dog you adopted who needed a tumor removed... he may feel fine but you know the tumor will kill him and so you have it removed even though he is not aware of even being in danger or able to understand how much better he will feel when it is gone...
hope something I said made sense because I am in a rambling mood and just trying to help as I struggle with my own feelings of insecurity regarding my opinions... but ... there it is ... wish you the best

oxers

I'm kind of in the same boat. My self-esteem has never been fantastic, but I didn't hate myself at 214, either. I knew I wanted to drop some weight, but it wasn't like this deeply laid commitment or anything.

I found my motivation as I went. I started running in March, and it did not end well. I could barely go a mile and a half, I was wheezing, it was awful. I started going to zumba 2-3x a week, and that was ridiculously difficult, but.. it got easier. I got stronger and faster and better. I tried running again a few months later, and it was LOTS easier. It was encouraging. I got excited about what my body could do. Now I exercise more regularly, track more carefully and really nail my numbers because I'm excited about performance, seeing what I can do. It's not shame motivated, more like "could I actually run a 5k without stopping? is that a thing that could happen??"

I think that's the way to go, to be honest.

TiffieLand

I think most people don't hate themselves for being fat or overweight or even a bit chubby..

From my experience, I'm disappointed in myself for not taking care of my body which is the most important thing ever. Nothing can replace it. It isn't hard at all to be fit and healthy but I'm not putting in effort to do so because I'm too lazy to do so or I'm not determined enough to do so. I can't even do something simple as that, how am I able to accomplish anything else.

wonderwoman234

You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?

Hmmm, I DO have a complicated relationship with food: I am a compulsive overeater, and some foods make me prone to BINGING...once I eat one serving, I do not stop. However, when I avoid those foods completely, I can go months or years without binges, without cravings, and feeling great.

It may not be for everyone...many people like to do a "treat" meal, or fit in small servings of sugar foods daily.
I am not one of those people :ohwell:

Do you think your lack of motivation has to do with the fact that you still want to use food for emotional reasons, deep down? If you have gone to OA and consider yourself having a complicated relationship with food, I would question if you are being totally honest with yourself about your lack of motivation.

One of my motivations (when I started and to this day) is my desire to never again use food for emotional reasons. Food is just food. Not bad, not good. It is nourishment, in the end. It is not love, happiness, security, etc.

I enjoy being stronger, thinner, more limber and energetic. I would like to lose another 20-30 lbs. (but I look great already) and that has to do with wanting to be as healthy as possible and to only eat what my body needs. I am not perfect at it, but I am committed to it.