small hurt-feeling snuffle post

Snip8241

Teenage boys are idiots. More important than a stranger's opinion of you is the opinion of dog-beast. I guarantee that dog-beast loves you, and loves you most of all when you are out walking with him.

This. Sorry they got to you. They have no brains and when they get in a group it is idiots on parade.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

rowlandsw

They're teenagers, they're opinion isn't worth spit. They got way too much freedom these days to do crap like this.

AglaeaC

I'll just put my favourite Eleanor Roosevelt quote here:
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Nobody can make us feel anything, we allow ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling. Some people act in ridiculous ways with the intent to hurt us, but it doesn't stop there; the responsibility of feeling hurt also lies in us if we let it get to us.

No matter who it is and where in life, it is always secondary to the primary issue at hand; we haven't taken care of ourselves properly, but let someone on the outside be in charge in a way.

It's so cute to talk about how nasty someone else can be, but how about not treating ourselves in a nasty way? How about claiming responsibility for what happens in the mind? If it isn't a bunch of teenage boys, with 100% certainty it is someone else we complain about next week. Because it never ends until we change our strategy.

And how about turning the table to the compliments? For every nasty comment there are many more compliments, but those are conveniently forgotten about. How is it fair to those people to ignore all the nice things they said and did, to give such unproportionate amount of attention to the one negative episode?

So here we are, getting worked up about treating the symptom, instead of preventing the disease. Just putting things in perspective here.

Myhaloslipped

What on Earth is wrong with people? They are mooing at innocent victims now? Smh. Sorry that happened to you.

SamLD88

I get catcalls of all sorts whenever I'm walking on the main road near my house. Not in the neighborhoods on either side of the road, but up the main road. If it concerns you a lot, I've found that carrying a visible deterrent, like pepper spray, deters them. Mine has a clip and I strap it right onto my sports bra.

kaz321123

People are so vicious and critical out there. Why do I bother going out in public and risk people saying this to me?

It really is as bad as I thought it was in public based on what I hear on this exact thread. It wasn't in my head or imaginary.

Yep-depressing. I have so many negative thoughts right now that I can't speak. I don't think I should've read this post to be honest.


When people become adults I'm thinking they have those same exact critical thoughts, they just won't tell you them. They keep them hidden, but I can still feel them. At least teenages are out with it, and I don't have to guess about how critical they are.



Would you enjoy being in public where every person that you encountered said you were a loser? Even if you liked yourself 100%, it would be hard to hear this. Would you like to go out each day and hear this?

Or worse yet, suppose they didn't call you a loser, and merely ignored you completely, like you didn't exist.

donnat238

Don't let it bother you! I was walking on the beach and a bunch of teen age boys began mentioning "whale sighting"...I just smiled and told them to have a nice day, kept walking and didn't hear a peep out of them when I walked back.

cincysweetheart

I work with teenagers in a residential treatment setting. Have been for about 12 years. I have been called every flippin' name in the book… including comments about my weight. I wish I got paid per insult rather than per hour… I'd be a millionaire! I had to decide a long time ago that I was not going to let some dumb@$$ kid who can't control his temper or his hormones determine how I feel about myself.

I know that's easier said than done sometimes… but some rude drive-by comment (by anyone) says more about them than it does about you. Keep going. You're better than that!

shutch2112

Aww, man, I just hate beign called at from cars when I'm walking. Most of the time I can't even understand what they say, but to me it doesn't matter. The fact that they feel the need to yell at me at all as they drive by upsets me. Can't I just walk in peace? I feel instantly dirty after that, when before I was feeling great and proud of myself.

I'm really sorry those boys took the wind out of your sails for even a second, OP. I hope you feel better knowing you are awesome and people sympathize/care.

MinMin97

I can't see even one reason why that moo was relevant to you. I think it's random. It doesn't apply, sorry it happened! Hopefully you'll be able to shake it off. Frankly it was a reflection of them, not you at all!

laurie04427

Aww I could totally see that happening to me. Sorry You need to demand some hugs from the hubby. Maybe let him know you're too sad to cook and do dishes tonight too (hey there's got to be some benefit to this type of thing, right?).

bennettinfinity

I detest generalisations.

Me too.... generally.

AglaeaC

Would you enjoy being in public where every person that you encountered said you were a loser? Even if you liked yourself 100%, it would be hard to hear this. Would you like to go out each day and hear this?

Or worse yet, suppose they didn't call you a loser, and merely ignored you completely, like you didn't exist.

This reply is to nobody in particular:
You're a loser only if you believe it.

Humans are animals. We respond to body language and if you're uncomfortable in your own skin, you can be sure you're sending out signals of weakness. If you walk with your head held high, oozing of confidence, I guarantee you very few will give you crap.

If you don't have it, fake it until you do - this is based on testosterone research:
http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are

There will always be sad human beings out there who get strength through belittling others. The question is what will you do about it? Will you live a life in the shadows because someone pathetic thinks that's where you belong or will you be the leading star of your own life? We all have a choice. I used to play a supporting role, until I got sick of it. The limelight rocks.

yo_andi

Next time, sic your beastie on 'em and have the last laugh.

neandermagnon

Can we stop with the generalisation already? There are many decent teenage boys out there. These happened to behave really appallingly, but not even that means they are totally rotten through and through. I detest generalisations.

^^^^ this

these boys are not representative of all teenage boys. There are plenty of really nice, polite, pleasant teenagers out there. In fact the vast majority of teenagers are polite and pleasant, but a few, when they get in groups, can get like this and it's 100% about them trying to look big and tough and 0% about the person they're shouting at (see my previous post in this thread).... really most teenagers I've worked with are not like that at all... but when you're out and about, you don't see the polite ones who are at home doing their homework or out doing something productive with their time. You see the immature, hellbent on rebellion ones who are out shouting random stuff at strangers. And like I said in the other post, most of them will grow out of it and sorely regret what they did in that phase. The few that don't grow out of that phase will likely end up in prison sooner or later because of their immature, obnoxious, selfish and antisocial ways.

yo_andi

People are so vicious and critical out there. Why do I bother going out in public and risk people saying this to me?

It really is as bad as I thought it was in public based on what I hear on this exact thread. It wasn't in my head or imaginary.

Yep-depressing. I have so many negative thoughts right now that I can't speak. I don't think I should've read this post to be honest.


When people become adults I'm thinking they have those same exact critical thoughts, they just won't tell you them. They keep them hidden, but I can still feel them. At least teenages are out with it, and I don't have to guess about how critical they are.



Would you enjoy being in public where every person that you encountered said you were a loser? Even if you liked yourself 100%, it would be hard to hear this. Would you like to go out each day and hear this?

Or worse yet, suppose they didn't call you a loser, and merely ignored you completely, like you didn't exist.

You should probably go talk to a professional about these feelings. Good luck to you!

AglaeaC

Don't let it bother you! I was walking on the beach and a bunch of teen age boys began mentioning "whale sighting"...I just smiled and told them to have a nice day, kept walking and didn't hear a peep out of them when I walked back.

This I like. There's something to work with here. There is a problem/conundrum, options are pondered, a solution is decided and acted upon.

Wallowing in misery on the other hand doesn't fix anything. I get that we can't realistically fix exactly every situation, but for the love of god fix at least what can be fixed. If one strategy continuously makes us feel sad, why not analyse what we're doing wrong, then get to work to create a new strategy?

It's nice that people are compassionate, but in this case everyone who is a sensitive soul is more benefitted from looking in the mirror and seeing whether there's room for improvement, the same way we analyse to death (the good way! don't get me wrong) the sizes of muscles.

Analogy: small muscles, we want big muscles, we draft a strategy, act upon it, fix the situation with small muscles. Nobody says "Awww, I haz a sad for your small muscles! People said your muscles are small!? I can't believe how rude they were!"

bennettinfinity

People are so vicious and critical out there. Why do I bother going out in public and risk people saying this to me?

It really is as bad as I thought it was in public based on what I hear on this exact thread. It wasn't in my head or imaginary.

Yep-depressing. I have so many negative thoughts right now that I can't speak. I don't think I should've read this post to be honest.


When people become adults I'm thinking they have those same exact critical thoughts, they just won't tell you them. They keep them hidden, but I can still feel them. At least teenages are out with it, and I don't have to guess about how critical they are.



Would you enjoy being in public where every person that you encountered said you were a loser? Even if you liked yourself 100%, it would be hard to hear this. Would you like to go out each day and hear this?

Or worse yet, suppose they didn't call you a loser, and merely ignored you completely, like you didn't exist.

People are the best... *and* the worst.

If you let other people - *especially random other people* affect what you do, how you do it, where you do it, etc., you have GIVEN them power over you. Don't do it!

When people become adults I'm thinking they have those same exact critical thoughts, they just won't tell you them. They keep them hidden, but I can still feel them.

Unless you are psychic, you have no idea what *anybody* is thinking - this is a classic case of projection. Please work on your feelings towards yourself - speaking as one that suffered similar feelings, I guarantee you that life is so much better once you start to acknowledge your own worth.

sassyjae21

All the touchy freely is nice, but in reality, it still hurts when people say stupid stuff to you and there's nothing at all wrong with admitting that, even as an adult. What they did was stupid. It hurt you and pissed you off. And that's ok. As long as you move past it, that's perfectly normal. Now go kick *kitten* in the rest of your day.

AglaeaC

All the touchy freely is nice, but in reality, it still hurts when people say stupid stuff to you and there's nothing at all wrong with admitting that, even as an adult. What they did was stupid. It hurt you and pissed you off. And that's ok. As long as you move past it, that's perfectly normal. Now go kick *kitten* in the rest of your day.

It is a waste of energy and resources to feel sad about it. Why not make yourself like teflon so that it rolls off in the future? That is what I'm trying to get through with.

Everyone can change and improve if they want to. I don't accept feeling hurt anymore and so I work on not letting people get to me anymore; that is self-preservation, respect and love for oneself if you ask me.

ZaCkOX

Jerks of course... if it was me, I would be out there training harder. Negativity doesn't have to affect you in a negative way. In a positive way you could show them up. But they will probably always be jerks anyway even if you were in the best shape possible.

Just try to have a happy life where yours is better. Then maybe one day you can laugh at how stupid they are.

krennie8

I'm actually angry at myself for allowing this to bother me, but it does:
As I was out walking my dog-beast (5 miles, 4 mph), a car of teen boys passed me and the guys "moo"ed at me. Twice.

I had been feeling pretty good, but that really made me uncomfortable.

And I'm miffed that I'm letting that be one more thing that makes me think about whether and when I can be outside in my community.

Gah!

The last time I was moo'ed at was when I was in junior high.... and I'm getting all of the angsty wobbles back. And I'm a grown-@ss woman!

I've worked at a high school for 20 years: I get called names often. I just wasn't able to let this bit go.

teens are jackhats. Okay, not all of them.

I once had a full mcdonalds coke thrown at me from a moving car (45 miles/hr) while I was on my bike. I felt horrible about it for a long time. I've realized though that if they're good people, the guilt will eat away at them later. And if not, well then they will probably end up with other, bigger problems.

PetulantOne

Let it be known that if I ever catch my kid pulling *kitten* like this, he will be very. very. very. sorry.

Every bit of this.

Hearts_2015

As someone who works with teenagers - they, especially when out in groups, have *no idea* how their actions affect others. The message they were trying to get across to you would have been something like "Look at me! I'm so badass, independent and grown up and stuff, I'm shouting offensive stuff at random strangers, that's how badass I am Look at ME!!".. and that's it. So don't take this kind of teenage macho postulating personally. It wasn't intended personally, you're just a random stranger to them, and they would have shouted at any random stranger. And don't react. Pretend like you didn't hear them and go cheerfully on your way - they want attention, someone to notice how "badass" they are - don't give it to them.

You don't look fat at all from your profile pic. So no idea why they chose to moo at you. Probably because that's all they could think of in that present moment in time.

Another thing, nearly all these teenagers grow up a little bit and then cringe and feel really bad about doing stuff like this. Yep maybe one or two never reach that stage, but most do and go on to become normal, polite adults who are not anti-social. Of course not all teenagers are like this at all but you get quite a few that go through this very rebellious, irresponsible, trying to prove their independence to the world by being a complete arsehole phase. But it's just a phase, and anything they shout has absolutely *no* reflection on you as a person. Only on them and their total lack of manners and maturity (which hopefully they'll grow out of and feel really bad and ashamed of what they did during this phase).

Nicely written... thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree OP, when I read your post it did make me think of it being random. The thing is though it still hurts and brings up things from the past... I get it.:flowerforyou:

I glanced at your photo... I too have no clue why they would choose to 'moo'. The above postet shared a lot of wisdom, that likely that's the first thing that came out of their mouth. One teen alone wouldn't do this but get a few together and they have to show one another how 'cool' and 'tough' they are.

Warm Hugs!
Hearts

likitisplit

Jerks of course... if it was me, I would be out there training harder. Negativity doesn't have to affect you in a negative way. In a positive way you could show them up. But they will probably always be jerks anyway even if you were in the best shape possible.

Just try to have a happy life where yours is better. Then maybe one day you can laugh at how stupid they are.

I get what you are saying but that seems to be an awful lot of investment in a random prank. I mean what would you do if they called up and asked if your refrigerator was running?

SomeNights246

As someone who works with teenagers - they, especially when out in groups, have *no idea* how their actions affect others. The message they were trying to get across to you would have been something like "Look at me! I'm so badass, independent and grown up and stuff, I'm shouting offensive stuff at random strangers, that's how badass I am Look at ME!!".. and that's it. So don't take this kind of teenage macho postulating personally. It wasn't intended personally, you're just a random stranger to them, and they would have shouted at any random stranger. And don't react. Pretend like you didn't hear them and go cheerfully on your way - they want attention, someone to notice how "badass" they are - don't give it to them.

You don't look fat at all from your profile pic. So no idea why they chose to moo at you. Probably because that's all they could think of in that present moment in time.

Another thing, nearly all these teenagers grow up a little bit and then cringe and feel really bad about doing stuff like this. Yep maybe one or two never reach that stage, but most do and go on to become normal, polite adults who are not anti-social. Of course not all teenagers are like this at all but you get quite a few that go through this very rebellious, irresponsible, trying to prove their independence to the world by being a complete arsehole phase. But it's just a phase, and anything they shout has absolutely *no* reflection on you as a person. Only on them and their total lack of manners and maturity (which hopefully they'll grow out of and feel really bad and ashamed of what they did during this phase).

Oh my god. Yes we do.

I remember being in the mall with friends once, walking behind some really thin girls - who may or may not have had an eating disorder - and making gagging sounds with my friends. I did not do it to be spiteful. I did it because they were doing it. When I was 19, I developed an eating disorder. Karma is funny like that. That haunts me to this day.

Honestly, I get more offended when adults treat me poorly. As adults, when they moo at you or call you names, really are trying to be spiteful most of the times. Whereas teenagers just want the attention. Often, just ignoring them will get them to move on.

SomeNights246

All the touchy freely is nice, but in reality, it still hurts when people say stupid stuff to you and there's nothing at all wrong with admitting that, even as an adult. What they did was stupid. It hurt you and pissed you off. And that's ok. As long as you move past it, that's perfectly normal. Now go kick *kitten* in the rest of your day.

It is a waste of energy and resources to feel sad about it. Why not make yourself like teflon so that it rolls off in the future? That is what I'm trying to get through with.

Everyone can change and improve if they want to. I don't accept feeling hurt anymore and so I work on not letting people get to me anymore; that is self-preservation, respect and love for oneself if you ask me.

It's harder, though for some people.

The idea you bring up is nice, in theory. But for some of us (specifically people with social anxiety or similar social disorders, such as myself) it intensifies the anxiety we already feel. Only therapy can help us learn to deal with it, and even then it's a challenge.

(*although, in those cases, it isn't *always* related to how people feel about you. I really don't care anymore what people think of me, and I don't let it get to me. It still causes me a lot of anxiety when someone notices me specifically - negatively or positively, but especially the former)

pepperpat64

If it happens again, just shout back "SORRY ABOUT YOUR PENIS!" Works like a charm. :-)

AglaeaC

All the touchy freely is nice, but in reality, it still hurts when people say stupid stuff to you and there's nothing at all wrong with admitting that, even as an adult. What they did was stupid. It hurt you and pissed you off. And that's ok. As long as you move past it, that's perfectly normal. Now go kick *kitten* in the rest of your day.

It is a waste of energy and resources to feel sad about it. Why not make yourself like teflon so that it rolls off in the future? That is what I'm trying to get through with.

Everyone can change and improve if they want to. I don't accept feeling hurt anymore and so I work on not letting people get to me anymore; that is self-preservation, respect and love for oneself if you ask me.

It's harder, though for some people.

The idea you bring up is nice, in theory. But for some of us (specifically people with social anxiety or similar social disorders, such as myself) it intensifies the anxiety we already feel. Only therapy can help us learn to deal with it, and even then it's a challenge.

(*although, in those cases, it isn't *always* related to how people feel about you. I really don't care anymore what people think of me, and I don't let it get to me. It still causes me a lot of anxiety when someone notices me specifically - negatively or positively, but especially the former)

I haven't addressed the How at all in my comments in this thread, only What and Why, until now.

How: I'm all for therapy if one is incapable of making change happen by oneself. My life changed because of my therapy sessions and I haven't talked about my own past at all because it is irrelevant; the principles of taking charge of one's life are what matter. All I feel like saying in this context is that during the past decade I have worked immensely on my shortcomings and I still have a temper that sometimes gets the better of me. But I won't stop trying, because both I and my loved ones deserve the best me I can be.

likitisplit

All the touchy freely is nice, but in reality, it still hurts when people say stupid stuff to you and there's nothing at all wrong with admitting that, even as an adult. What they did was stupid. It hurt you and pissed you off. And that's ok. As long as you move past it, that's perfectly normal. Now go kick *kitten* in the rest of your day.

It is a waste of energy and resources to feel sad about it. Why not make yourself like teflon so that it rolls off in the future? That is what I'm trying to get through with.

Everyone can change and improve if they want to. I don't accept feeling hurt anymore and so I work on not letting people get to me anymore; that is self-preservation, respect and love for oneself if you ask me.

It's harder, though for some people.

The idea you bring up is nice, in theory. But for some of us (specifically people with social anxiety or similar social disorders, such as myself) it intensifies the anxiety we already feel. Only therapy can help us learn to deal with it, and even then it's a challenge.

(*although, in those cases, it isn't *always* related to how people feel about you. I really don't care anymore what people think of me, and I don't let it get to me. It still causes me a lot of anxiety when someone notices me specifically - negatively or positively, but especially the former)

Speaking as somebody who deals with social anxiety, learning the difference between your internal well being and other people is critically important.