I failed so hard but am back. Help me! (Video included)

Losingthedamnweight

I've struggled this past year. Oh boy have i struggled. My fitness pal could have been the thing that helped me turn it all around but it turned into just another excuse i would use daily to keep going on the way i was going. I've had my issues. From work, home, family, anxiety and past issues, i tried simply counting calories instead of fixing ALL of me and i failed. This whole year has been wasted. Well...except for you sexy people i've gotten to talk to and read about. You people are amazing. And i need your help once again.

I'm doing something i have never done before: putting myself out there. I'm so used to living life consumed by my anxiety and running away from people that it's made me into a person i don't want to be. A fat weak person who has no control over his life and dreams of doing things instead of actually doing them. I'm sick of this! I don't want to let my life pass me by and wake up 20 years from now with the same problems as before wishing i would've done something. Now is the time dammit! I have to fight for my life and to be a better me and a better father.

So, i talked to my camera. And some of it might not even make any sense and i wasn't even going to put it out there or have it be known to anybody, but i decided after shooting the video that i'm not hiding anymore. So i need people to kick my butt along the way and help me with this! I need people to help me relate who are going through the same struggle and who can help me with ideas of things to talk about in my videos. Who knows where this will lead? Maybe my pain will help someone else. These videos will be therapeutic as hell

Who has gained it back and gotten back on that wagon? How did you finally do it? What helped you along the way? I need you guys

Nothing fancy. Just talking to a camera
http://youtu.be/4EOoaWl4GjI
youtube: Losingthedamnweight

charlieandcarol

You are a far braver person than me!v I watched your video and it was quite moving, you are very tough on yourself.

But I can relate to your experience a lot. I am in the process of losing 30 kg again...for the third time. Each time I have regained it has had a bigger emotional toll on me than the time before and I think that all the self negativity just makes it so much worse. I too don't handle stress well, I tend to eat and eat some more. I don't have any answers, I don't know why I eat until I am back in the awful headspace of what I feel is a failure. But you know if I had a friend who was having these problems I know I wouldn't say to them all the mean things I say to myself!

This time I feel like I am improving my emotional/psychological issues with food/stress/emotion etc. I have got in the swing of things and started losing some weight. I am also stopping myself from getting on the slippery slide of "I've ruined it now with that one food item/meal etc, might as well go the whole hog for the day/week/month/year. If I have something that messes with my cals I enjoy it for what it is and try very hard not to beat myself up about it and go on a binge. I have mostly been successful. That kind of thinking is what caused me to regain all my weight both times.

As for your camera tests. The sound is better on the first two cameras than your iphone, purely from a listeners point of view!

I hope someone who has conquered the same struggles replies, I would be very interested in what they have to say,

I am a work in progress so probably not much help.

Losingthedamnweight

You are a far braver person than me!v I watched your video and it was quite moving, you are very tough on yourself.

lol well thanks! I don't feel very brave. I didn't even want to put a video out there like that. I just told myself i needed to finally do it and that somehow it'll be good for me. I'll either become super awesome and inspire someone or die of embarrassment.

But I can relate to your experience a lot. I am in the process of losing 30 kg again...for the third time. Each time I have regained it has had a bigger emotional toll on me than the time before and I think that all the self negativity just makes it so much worse. I too don't handle stress well, I tend to eat and eat some more. I don't have any answers, I don't know why I eat until I am back in the awful headspace of what I feel is a failure. But you know if I had a friend who was having these problems I know I wouldn't say to them all the mean things I say to myself!

When i first started fitness pal last year i never even thought of the struggle. I just thought "welp. I know how to lose weight now. So it's only a matter of time!". I should be at my goal weight RIGHT now. It's so simple, but not easy. The thought of finally losing the weight scares me. Because what if i finally get in the right mode and lose it all only to gain it right back? That might feel even worse than just staying fat :-( I can totally relate to that last part. The horrible things i say to myself, i would never say to anyone else. So why am i saying it to me? Am i not worth all the good things? Of coarse i am! There’s an old-past mentality i have that’s stuck in me from the way i’ve lived my life. Growing up so disadvantaged…then living with such bad social anxiety. It really shapes who you are. I look at how i’ve lived and think “no wonder i feel like this. Going through all that would do that to anybody!” I have to try to remake myself and it’s difficult. But i’m getting there. This post was my first step. You doing what you’re doing is huge progress. We both need to shake this “win/lose” idea and understand that there will be moments where we’re not perfect. That’s ok! We never will be. But we’ll be better if we keep trying

This time I feel like I am improving my emotional/psychological issues with food/stress/emotion etc. I have got in the swing of things and started losing some weight. I am also stopping myself from getting on the slippery slide of "I've ruined it now with that one food item/meal etc, might as well go the whole hog for the day/week/month/year. If I have something that messes with my cals I enjoy it for what it is and try very hard not to beat myself up about it and go on a binge. I have mostly been successful. That kind of thinking is what caused me to regain all my weight both times.

Its amazing how we only think in the moment isn’t it? When we screw up on our cals, we don’t think about how if we give up on our diet for a day, how far it’ll set us back. I screwed up eating 100 extra cals one time and ate 10,000. How much sense does that make? I wasn’t thinking about it at the time. All i thought was that i failed and i needed something to make me feel better. Which so happens to be tons and tons of food.

As for your camera tests. The sound is better on the first two cameras than your iphone, purely from a listeners point of view!

I agree! If i am going to make anymore videos, viewers deserve good quality. I mean shoot. I don’t wanna be responsible for anybody getting eye problems from looking at the bad quality of my videos ya know?

I hope someone who has conquered the same struggles replies, I would be very interested in what they have to say,

I am a work in progress so probably not much help.

You are amazing. You still kept trying after messing up 3 times! Some people just completely give up and live the rest of their lives a way they don’t want to because it’s too hard. But you’re trying and i can’t tell you how much i respect you for that. Even if nobody else replies and my video never gets watched, i’m glad you replied. Good luck on your journey