When people in your life aren't on board

sadiebrawl

I find it really hard when all 8 of my siblings and significant others and all 11 nieces and nephews are out of shape and over weight and I'm the only one trying. I studied Psychology in college and I believe human behavior is really affected by environment. So. I have been trying to be the "environment" for these kids. No support from their parents or my spouse. I'm losing my mind, and crying. It's so hard.


I don't know what to do. I keep giving in to ice cream and awful habits.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Worry about yourself. When you have a firm handle on your own habits, than it might make sense better to concern yourself with what everyone else is doing, but not before. Even then it is not your job to raise and lifestyle-educate other people's children. That would piss me off supremely if I caught anyone trying to horn in on my parenting, whether intentions were pure, or not. You just don't do that.

JoRocka

You are you're own boat. they aren't on board with you.

you all may paddle down the creek together as a caravan- but you are you're OWN boat.

Worry about you- be responsible for you. plain and simple.

MrsSchimmy

I always rely on the saying

"The weak cannot help the weak. Only the strong can help the weak."

Or something like that...

Basically, focus on YOU. Make yourself the best you can and THEN you can help others without feeling overwhelmed.

spa407

I can appreciate your frustration. I don't always get support when it comes to being healthy. Do your best to tune them out and stay true to yourself and your goals. Feel free to add me as a friend and we can help each other through.

weightliftingdiva

I feel like many of us have felt this way at one point. Like others said, you have to do this for you. The individuals in your family will either be inspired/motivated or they will not.

If you (or anyone else) is looking for support, feel free to add me, I'm looking for more MFP friends.

TMattP

You can't save everyone. A really good friend told me once "You don't have a cape or wear your undies over your pants"

Now I just temper my own frustrations by offering advice and support once. I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do.

They need to decide.

If they do then I am with them 100%

lessismoreohio

I'm in a similar situation. I'm often around friends and family who are not always supportive and can sometimes be demotivating. I learned a long time ago that I need to be the captain of my own ship. Some people will be inspired by what you do and will see you as a role model and begin to tackle their own health issues. Some people will feel threatened and make unflattering comments.

The best advice anyone has ever given me on this is:

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi

steve0820

Besides counting calories, I think that's a big reason why a lot of us are on here, for interactions with like minded people.

zcb94

I feel you! Sometimes friends would bring and share junk, but have slowed down on that. Every day, I hope and pray that I can set them straight and show them how good change is, without having to rudely correct/unfriend them.

Valrotha

Lean on folks here in this communty, at least the ones who're worth spending time with. Most of us fall off the wagon from time to time. Keep trying and you'll be glad you did.

And feel free to add me if you need more friends. Good luck in your journey!

Amairee

Be the change you want to see in the world. That's far easier said than done but you are the crusader for your family and more likely than not when they see you getting results and looking and feeling great they're going to be more motivated to work with you. Some may be jealous and try to sabotage your but for every moment you turn away from temptation that's where you're gaining your inner, long-term strength. You're overcoming years of conditioning here, cherish all victories big and small and try (as hard as it can be) to use those victories as your guiding star instead of the people around you!

FrankiesSaysRelax

You are you're own boat. they aren't on board with you.

you all may paddle down the creek together as a caravan- but you are you're OWN boat.

Worry about you- be responsible for you. plain and simple.

Yep. You can't force people to eat the way you do or exercise. Worry about your own weight and hopefully they will want to follow some day.

mochapygmy

I understand your frustration! I also would like my parents, brother and sister-in-law to be more active and healthy role models for my niece and nephew.

In order to motivate everyone I made up a contest and a long term goal. The contest "ran" for 3 months. For every 30 minutes of activity (any activity at all) the person got a point. The person with the most points won our extremely small pot of dough and bragging rights. Each person tracked their own points and it was on the honor system. At the beginning I would send a friendly txt saying stuff like "Week 1 Can everyone get a point this week?" "Week 4 First person to 5 points gets a gold star!" Also reminding people that walking, gardening and other activities counted towards points. I kept it fun and light. It became pretty clear who did and didn't want to participate. I couldn't and can't change anyone's mind or habits and it's not my place to do so. I consider the fact that my Mom now goes to the gym semi-regularly and feels better and urges my Dad to join her a victory.

Our long term goal was that the whole family complete a 5k run/walk. We picked one at the zoo so the kids would be excited about it. It's coming up and it looks like my niece and I will be the only ones doing it. My parents both need their knees replaced, my sister in law is gigantically preggers and my brother tore his ACL. Even if I'm the only one doing the 5k I'll do it. I'm walking the talk.

You can't make them want to change if they don't want to. Focus on you and invite them along for the ride. Anyone that jumps on the fitness path is a victory and if they don't it's not a failure.

Edited to add: I forgot that I tried to plan a once monthly fun family activity like a leisurely nature walk or game of Frisbee, mini golf etc etc. That idea totally tanked as it was near impossible to get anything scheduled/ get the family to agree on an activity. I tried but it wasn't meant to be.

arguablysamson

I find it really hard when all 8 of my siblings and significant others and all 11 nieces and nephews are out of shape and over weight and I'm the only one trying. I studied Psychology in college and I believe human behavior is really affected by environment. So. I have been trying to be the "environment" for these kids. No support from their parents or my spouse. I'm losing my mind, and crying. It's so hard.


I don't know what to do. I keep giving in to ice cream and awful habits.

So amazing how people make their problems other peoples' problems. It requires discipline, maturity, and an acknowledged need to come to terms with non-support, but you shouldn't need support. Do it for you. You will when you are ready. You do what you have to do. Be mature about it and just do it. A lot of us have and saw success by sitting right down when our friends all ate out while we had nothing but a Diet Coke or water. It can totally be done...when a person is ready to stop playing games.

jenilla1

...sometimes you have to sail without them.

Bon Voyage! :drinker:

stephe1987

Lead by example rather than trying to tell/encourage them on what to do. They will notice your weight loss and will want it for themselves. Eventually they'll either get motivated to exercise or someone will get a health scare and need to lose some weight. Let's hope they get motivated by your example and don't have to wait for a tragedy.

dakotababy

You cant save the world.

iMikky

Don't worry about them, that could make you forget about your own needs. The doctor told my mom to lose weight and to stop eating certain foods. Fats in particular. You probably already know how the story goes. She's a first time dieter so she cut out some of the fats and overcompensated with sugar. We tried to tell her she couldn't do that so now she sneaks it. So one day I tried to lead by telling my mom that most of the time I eat 1700 calories a day. Naturally she looked shocked and said how even she doesn't eat that much, when she haves about 500-1000 alone in juices. So all that time I was focused on helping my mom I ended up gaining the weight it took me a whole 2 months to lose and I started over 2 weeks ago. I know you see the sad little 5 down there. I hate to say that I won't help my own mother lose weight especially since I lost about 50 pounds before MFP, but I can't focus on the both of us at the same time. Trust me, you don't want to end up there. At least they know to go to you for advice.

RodaRose

Spend more time away from those people. Pick up new interests and new people who share your goals.Instead of feeling like you are teaching others, let the knew people be your teachers.

joanna_82

I went for lunch with my mum yesterday, to a place approx 1 mile away from our respective homes.I walked in the sunshine. She drove. She couldn't understand why I wanted to walk home and was trying to make me take a lift home from her. She thought I was crazy for choosing to walk home!

Its difficult but I try to inspire my family but don't expend too much energy trying to force them to do things they don't want to do.